I M Perfect lady

In the past 6 months, I have been in contact with former members of the FALC, and at first glance, it seemed that we would all be on the same page, but that is not so.  

The common ground ends at the exit.

Some have left under their own power, while others were forced out or voted out.  Some have left in search of a new religion, to hear a new voice of God or in rebellion.  I am not sure many left like me.

I left due to the fact that I discovered abuse was sanctioned by the church…in subtle and not so subtle ways.  I left with the discovery of abuse…and not in search of a new God or religion.  My main exit point was abuse. 

I somehow misjudged the ex-members, believing that they, like me, sought the truth.  That they were reaching for a deeper meaning in their life, in search of walking with integrity or healing from abuse.

But that is not always the case.

It isn't as clear cut as splitting or dividing it into the ex-members and the members…it is much more involved than that.

Just because you exit the church, doesn't mean you are 'better' as in healed.  Your journey then has just begun.  I assumed many had awakened to their own inner truth, but come to find out there are many more reasons for leaving.

I failed to recognize the walking wounded and assumed many things about them and their journey and granted them a higher level of understanding then they actually had.

On the surface the scene appeared to be much more healthy than it actually appeared. Their storyline convincing…and I guess I was eager to greet other ex-members, especially those who too had been sexually abused…to learn, share and find a friendship.

It seemed to be a perfect match. They knew where I was coming from and how it felt, yet I was too quick in trusting and misunderstood our common ground for equal healing.

Our similar childhoods made the 'getting to know you' stage much shorter, for we all knew the players.  I dropped my guard and level of discernment and calculations of truth, simply because they came from the church…I assumed many things.

And I of all people should have known better.  I should have recognized the work it takes to undo the years of being brainwashed and what it does to the human Spirit.

But I didn't.  I somehow elevated them to my level, without the proof or feedback from them.  

Perhaps this is all part of the journey, learning how to read people and knowing when to walk away.

Some have come close to me and backed away and I have done the same.  I have supported blogs, to then no longer support them. I have friended folks on facebook and then unfriended them and have had the same done to me.

I get it.  It isn't as simple as we all belong together outside of the church…we don't, for we are out here for different reasons.

There is a huge difference depending upon whether you were forced out or you simply couldn't stay there a minute longer.  

Some left because their families were not treated well, they leave with resentment and anger.  

I left knowing the breakdown of the system or that it didn't work on big sins.  I left with a complete inner conviction that the FALC was a key player in keeping abuse in my home.  I felt the failings of the church, personally.  I wasn't kicked out, I ran out.

It is good to know that I can walk down the friendship path and know when to get off.  That I am free to get to know you and when you show me bits and pieces of yourself that don't ring true, I can back away.

Just because you walk away from a cult or a dysfunctional family doesn't mean you are automatically healed. You then have to learn how to walk functionally.  The exit is that start of healing, but the healing is a long ways down the road.

As this blog has evolved, as I have evolved, I have openly supported other blogs…and yet I didn't openly unsupport them.  I believe they are on their journey, just not to the point of which I can fully support. There just seems to be more dysfunction than function.

I can't knowingly support folks who are unknowingly still abusing…still lost even unto themselves.  

I would like to warn other newly exiting members to be careful as you make contact with other past members. We all have been subjected to years of brainwashing and not all are striving to gain inner control and are left in a very confused state.

There really is no difference between being lost in the FALC or lost outside of its doors. Each will have to find their way back to their own inner truth and integrity…and some will remain lose cannons without a connection deep within themselves. 

I am betting the percentage that make it out, completely out and free of the entanglements of mind control etc are few…most will be lost souls, damaged but free…especially those who were also sexually abused as well as religiously abused, a double twist.

It is not an easy road to untangle those ties that bound us within the church, and just because we shared similar childhoods are we a good match.

For some the matching time is not right. We are at different places on our own personal journeys…our level of healing is off.  It is not our time to connect.

Photograph by Hannah Jukuri