I M Perfect lady

Each new beginning comes with growing pains and a new perspective, as well as knowing what to focus on and what to let go.

The first meeting of the WIND was beautiful, and yet when it was over, we tossed around who the focus would be on and how they would be defined. 

A victim group? 

A survivor group?

What was the direction of the WIND?

I am quite certain this isn't an issue in most groups that are formed, for they are formed around a mutual interest…and it is pretty narrow, EVEN if the individuals in it are varied.  The focus is the action, NOT the make up of the women involved.

The WIND on the other hand, seems to be flipped around, due to the fact that I, a victim of abuse, a survivor of abuse…who wants to give back by starting this group… The focus is on who will attend, NOT what we will do.

The twist is, if you advertise as a victim's group or one for survivors it will kill the group before it starts.

What hit me like a tidal wave tonight, was that the very thing people are pushed back and away from are the labels I was given as a child.  Victim of abuse.

It feels like I am wrong, due to a wrong that was done to me…when we have to hide those words.  For shame…that they are not attractive.

Once again, I am on the outside trying to make it pretty….when in actuality it isn't me.  I can't make incest, rape and sexual assault pretty and inviting.  I can't.

And nor do I want to.  

I want it to be uncomfortable. BUT, I don't want me to be uncomfortable.

I want victims to feel that the words don't make them bad, that by speaking out and using them in the correct context, you can get out behind them and stand tall proud of who you are…even if you happened to have experienced abuse.

The fight that I feel pushed up against is to USE the words and to change the perspective.  

For up until now, victim and survivors of abuse are seen as less than. No one one wants to OPENLY associate with them.

In the past 7 years I have had many people contact me in secret, and some who will silently endorse me.  

But, now I guess, I am asking to openly support and stand with women who are victims of abuse.  Come and join me, a victim and a survivor and help others become proud of who they are and that they are not the experience. They are not the rape…and incest etc.  Let us mentor them back to feeling who they are beyond the shame of abuse.

It took me a while to understand that by not using the words victims and survivors, I was disowning a huge part of my truth.

I, who exemplify a victim, can't speak it?  I will not use the V word?  Really?

It can't be.

I want there to be a movement that will right this wrong.

Victims are not the ones who are wrong.

They have had a wrong done to them.

I want victims to be able to live loud.

To say the unsayable…that abuse is wrong, not them.

I truly do not believe that we can fool anyone that the WIND is 'just a women's' group.

And why should we.

Victims have spent centuries being seen as the villans.  While the abusers live large, we hide behind what was done to us.

If I can't be the example of being a women who had the experience of abuse and how it affected me and then what I did to get out from beneath it…who will?

There are no victim groups out there now that are being headed by a victim.  One who has walked 7 years of gaining back my sense of self…who can help steer them along the way.

But, I can't do this if I can't say what my group is about.

It is my belief, that we are all victims of something.  We all have barriers and walls that hold us back.  

WIND is there to help you reach beyond…to push and encourage you to be authentic, and truthful in accepting all of you.

How can I do that IF I hide the victim parts of me?

I want my victim parts to be the stepping stone that has brought me to who I am today.  And it has.

I would not be the person I am today, had I not walked the past 7 years out of dysfunction.

I can't take the victim out of me, but I can no longer let myself be defined by what happend to me.

There is no part of me that I am ashamed of.

I will stand in WIND as me!

All of me.

No parts will not be welcomed there!