I M Perfect lady

I listened to Andrew Vachss and Oprah sharing each others thoughts about children who have been abused and what is helpful or not helpful to the child…as well as the abusers.  He is a lawyer who defends children for free. He funds this by writing novels.  I ordered his book, "Another Chance to get it Right."

Today what I learned was that children will turn one of three ways after abuse; Inward against themselves…outward against society…or turn insane.  None of the three is a path of pure potential.  What our challenge then is is to turn back to being empowered with self pride and self worth. Instead of beating ourselves or others or just going out of our minds.

He also stated that there are sick people who have thoughts about abusing children and then there are evil people who not only have thoughts about hurting children, but actually act upon it.  That part of the sexual gratification is to hurt someone.  It isn't a by product, but part of the main act.  It is required to have someone in fear and pain.

He and I agree on the way most handle forgiveness of these evil folks…is when you forgive them, you are releasing them to hurt again.  This is not helpful.  It is not caring if they hurt another, just that you are safe.

Evil folks know what they are doing.  If they say they are not aware, it is an outright lie.  The trade secrets of a abusers is to ask for US to forgive them…while they promise nothing.  No sorry, no "I will change and seek treatment" but rather they make us to do the work to restore their reputations….and we do.  

He showed Oprah how she was part of the camouflage that protected her uncle, by not wanting to disrupt the family, and instead act normal. This is the exact behavior they depend upon to hide behind. You need to act normal so they can continue to prey upon the children. 

What I have told so many members of the FALC, that while you look upon these pedophiles as normal, you are sending messages to the kids, that 'there is nothing wrong' with that man.  You are the camouflage he hides behind. You are shielding him!

Andrew spoke of breaking the cycle of abuse by breaking apart the family. I agree.

What he also brought to my attention is that people who have been abused will show outrage when hearing about another incident, but rarely show rage towards their own abusers.  He says, that until you are enraged at your abuser, you can't move on.

You carry the weight of the rage within you.  I agree.

I look forward to reading his book….

He speaks from the viewpoint of the child.  Which I believe is the only way we will change the cycle of abuse.  No longer will it be politically correct to take the side of the parent!