I M Perfect lady

Art from the Inside Out.

As I finished writing the last blog and it came to "Hating that my mother lied to me.." I realized later on today, that I hated me for believing it.  I hated me for being okay living as a mask too, for weasalling out of the truth more times than, I too, care to count.  And, I am wise enough to know that what  blame on the outside truly belongs to me.

I hated me.

I hated me and my lies I lived.

I hated and held resentment towards myself for caring more about my own mask, and I lied.

I lied when I felt resentment towards my mother and never explored it.

I lied when I felt cold towards my father and I acted as warm as I could get.

I lied to be liked, to be kind, to be accepted, to not 'push a button' and to avoid the anger.  

I really have to be extremely grateful when my parents truth (and mine) were exposed, when our masks tilted and fell…for truthfulness lay bare.

And, it was too huge to cover up. There were not enough lies to make it work again, my mask was shattered AND the scariest part that behind the mask was a blank face.

I had no me.

What also came to me today, are the Ladies in my quilts. They have no faces.  

Here is my latest one.  I love her.  She is my Second WIND Lady….


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 She too has great energy and I love the WIND moving her around her.  I am not sure if I will add anything more. There is lots of my hand-dyed fabric in the borders. I did however, wonder how a mask would be laying in the dirt.  I may try that.

Here is another view.


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I wonder if a face will ever appear.  Very interesting to not know how your Art will move.  Like Life it seems to move by feelings; art from the inside out.

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bjukuri

Responses

  1. Vanessa (PurpleSong) Avatar
    Vanessa (PurpleSong)

    Beth, first of all I am sorry to hear how you grew up hating yourself for the “act” you were forced to put on. And, like you I love how art moves and reveals itself to us as its created.
    I think its so interesting that you pointed out that the wind ladies have no faces. Would that mean you’d have to give them expressions if they did, and then they’d be telling an even deeper story.
    I like their colors and movement! Even without faces,the one above still seems to have a lot of personality! Vanessa

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  2. Beth Jukuri Avatar
    Beth Jukuri

    Vanessa, I hear you and I understand. As a child I had no choice, and soon it was a way of life. It was ‘normal’ to do what you didn’t want to do and to be viewed as a ‘good’ girl for going along. A people pleaser. But, what I felt I had to acknowledge is that my mother wasn’t the only liar in my life. I was too. It also gives me my power back, where If I just were to blame her, she seems to carry the power and I am the victim, if that makes sense.
    I didn’t put faces on the Lady, ever. I am not sure why and they never seemed necessary. I agree, they show lots of expression without a face. Perhaps there is a deeper story with faces or it could be deeper without, for there is nothing to read on the surface, you have to look for other signs.
    Thanks for reading and your comments. I appreciate them.
    Beth

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  3. Ann Sandberg Avatar
    Ann Sandberg

    She’s a great lady, Beth. Another winner!

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