Ties that bind us.

It is National Child Abuse Prevention Month, and we tend to focus on what the child needs to do; to speak, to tell, to know good touch/bad touch…when we as adults fail to do the same.

What are your boundaries and how often do you speak up?

When someone crosses your line, how do you respond?

How are our children going to learn abuse prevention, when most of us live allowing abuse.

So often we hear what is abuse and how the child needs to have the courage to tell and to keep telling until someone listens.

Do you realize how deaf most of us would be?  How we would defend and stand for what we believe is the character of the people the children are speaking against?

What I know, as an adult child who has spoken, who is telling, is the direct blowback from people who knew my father and had relationships with him.  It wasn't eagerly and nicely accepted.  My word wasn't seen as courageous, but rather insane.

Again, 90% of abuse happens with someone we know….and 50% with family.  So instead, we as the listening adults, have to create a landscape inclusive to listening and not defending.

I know the sentiment of the religious culture is to forgive and forget and to let God judge, meanwhile continue in the relationship….be loving.  A child who is raised in this environment, has no one to hear and stand with them AGAINST abuse, but rather boat loads who stand with.

In my experience, my speaking as the voice of the victim, has not be popular or liked.  AND, if I an semi-articulate adult is treated this way, how will a small child traverse these waters?

Child abuse will not end until we as a culture refine our belief systems.  We will have to be willing to cut off relationships and put up boundaries towards people who hurt children.

The line drawn has to be by us, not by the child.

The child will then have a person who they know will stand against abuse and not allow it.

Preventing child abuse will only come when good people put up boundaries and not before.  Without boundaries WHO will keep the children safe?  

It doesn't matter at all HOW much we tell the children to tell and speak up, there has to be someone they know who will keep them safe and not have dinner with their abusers, go to church, smile and say hi, to spend holidays with them….what a confusing message we are sending.

I see child abuse prevention starting with you.  What are your boundaries that will ward off evil?  What is your line in the sand and how secure is it?  Do you ever say no?  Are you held in place by 'family' ties?

To me, if 50% of abuse happens within families, than 50% of the people will have to break family ties in order to stand against.  AND, 90% will have to break the ties of friendship.

The thing that stands in the way of child abuse prevention is our lack of breaking the ties that bind us.