Un-wounded.

The climate that is needed for an abused child to be heard is a place where all things go.  There can be no narrow road…but it has to be wide expanse of openness.

The narrow road most will not see…even as they present it.

When you live a life that is totally regimented, you leave little room for new information.

I wonder what upsets you the most, that the new information will wreck your idealized life or the person delivering it.  What do you not want to change?  Your life or the image you hold of someone?

I find this all intriguing and frustrating.

Our concepts of each other and what our world 'should' look like closes the door for reality.

Why is reality such a frightful place to be…when it is only your mind who will not let you see it, for your body lives here.

The greatest clues we have is how our bodies feel.  

I believe that some feel, I could have remained in the family and recovered.  That I could have continued my life UNCHANGED and made changes. That it was an extreme life surgery to give up family relationships.

And yet IT is their responses to the truth that had me make the family changes.

If they would have been open to wholly accept the totality of my truth, I would not have had to leave.

They act, like I acted alone.  I did not.

Even as the episode airs it is causing friction…NOT from its content, but from the indifference from my family.  

What they will argue about isn't the truth, but the messenger. They will deflect the truth by tearing apart the person speaking it.

I caught a small snippet about Solitary Confinement, and how it was started by the Quackers.  It was believed that if you gave a person the silent treatment, they would eventually see the error of their ways.

I see their indifference the same way. It is somehow believed that if they don't respond, I will eventually 'see the wrongness of my ways' and return to the fold.

The fold is waiting.  

Waiting for me to concede my truths and accept the 'loving' family.

They are waiting for me to return to the fold, sheepishly admitting, my bad.

What they fail to see is how they are an unwelcomed clan for any truth and pain about abuse.

They don't want to hear about the mental diseases that have plagued our family.

The ancestors whose lives were displays of the affects of abuse.

All signs of our longevity with denying abuse.

Suicides, alcoholics, depression, bi-polar, addictions, sexual abusers, to those whose lives are without intimacy…to name a few. Not to mention the physical body and its ailments.  My family tree hangs heavy with the side affects of abuse and yet…there are many who don't want to look at this part.

They want to remain focused on the good, like it will wipe away the rotting fruit.

Rejecting what you all call 'rotten' or not loving and kind, is to shut off those of us who are abused.

My silent and indifferent family would like me to believe that we are the same, and yet I hear not one word from them. All I hear, even second hand, is that perceptions of our family are many.

Oh and that they are. 

But, in the end there is only one truth, no matter how many perceptions there are.

I looked up the word perception.

"the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses."

One of my mother's last sentences she spoke to me was "You and I have two different perceptions of the same man."  

Yes, we do.

There are two different perceptions of our family. But their inability to see or hear the wounded doesn't make us un-wounded.