I M Perfect lady

Brene Brown goes on to say, in her new book "Braving The Wilderness" – about dehumanizing.

"Challenging ourselves to live by higher standards requires constant diligence and awareness. We're so saturated by these words and images, we're close to normalizing moral exceptions. In addition to diligence and awareness, we need courage. Dehumanizing works because people who speak out against what are often sophisticated enemy image campaigns – or people who fight to make sure that all of us are morally included and extend basic human rights – often face harsh consequences."

"An important example is the debate around Black Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, and All Lives Matter. Can you believe that black lives matter and also care deeply about the well- being of police officers? Of course.  Can you care about the well- being of police officers and at the same time be concerned about abuse of power and systemic racism in law enforcement and the criminal justice system?  Yes.  I  have relatives who are police officers – I can't tell you how deeply I care about their safety and well-being. I do almost all of my pro bono work with the military and public servants like the police – I care.  And when we care, we should all want the systems to reflect the honor and dignity of the people who serve in those systems."

"But then, if it's the case that we can care about the citizens and the police, shouldn't the rally cry just be All Lives Matter?  No.  Because the humanity wasn't stripped from all lives the way it was stripped from the lives of black citizens.  In order for slavery to work, in order for us to buy and sell, beat and trade people, like animals, Americans had to completely dehumanize slaves. And whether we directly participated in that or were simply a member of the culture that at one time normalized that behavior, it shaped us. We can't undo that level of dehumanizing in one or two generations. I believe that Black Lives Matter is a movement to rehumanize black citizens. All lives matter, but not all lives need to be pulled back into the moral inclusion.  Not all people were subjected to the psychological process of dehumanizing and being made less than human so we could justify the inhumane practice of slavery."

"Is there tension and vulnerability in supporting both the police and the activists? Hell, yes. It's the wilderness.  But most of the criticism comes from people who are intent on forcing these false either/or dichotomies and shaming us for not hating the right people. It's definitely messier taking a nuanced stance, but it's also critically important to true belonging."

"Another example of straddling the tension of supporting a system we love and holding accountable comes from one of the research participants, a former athlete from Penn State. He took a strong stand as an advocate for the abuse survivors who suffered due to the silence of the football program and Joe Paterno's protection of Jerry Sandusky. He said he couldn't believe how hateful some of his friends were, friends he'd known for thirty years. He said, "When you love a place like we love Penn (State), you fight to make it better, to own our problems and fix them. You don't pretend that everything's okay. That's not loyalty or love, that's fear."

"When the culture of any organization mandates that it is more important to protect the reputation of a system and those in power than it is to protect the basic human dignity of the individuals who serve that system or who are served by that system, you can be certain that the shame is systemic, the money is driving the ethics, and the accountability is all but dead. This is true in corporations, nonprofits, universities, governments, faith communities, schools, families and sports programs. If you think back on any major scandal fueled by cover-ups, you'll see this pattern. And the restitution and resolution of cover-ups almost always happens in the wilderness – when one person steps outside their bunker and speaks their truth."

"As we think about our journey from "fitting in" to striding into the wilderness of true belonging, we will be well served by understanding and recognizing the boundaries of respecting everyone's physical safety, and not participating in experiences or communities that utilize language and/or engage in behaviors that dehumanize people. I think calling the latter "emotional safety" is inaccurate. We're not talking about hurt feelings; we're talking about the very foundation of physical danger and violence." Brene Brown

Okay, where do I begin to begin.

What I love about this, is she has put language to what I have been experiencing from family and church.

My frustrations have been when others can't see how when they worry more about the reputation of the institution/group etc, they are turning away from the treatment that has been dehumanizing.

Can it really be a group of substance and value, when you are working to cover-up or uphold its reputation AFTER knowing abuse and dehumanizing acts have happened??

What are you upholding???

When church members, past and present, come in and try and convince me of the holy reputation of the First Apostolic Lutheran Church, I know they are not seeing the abused. They are instead choosing to uphold and be part of keeping its pristine reputation alive.  Meanwhile, I am speaking out as a victim of sexual abuse.

The two pathways have no common ground.

As my family continues to gather, celebrate and connect – maintaining its family like qualities, I stand back, doing what Brene writes about.

"we will be well served by understanding and recognizing the boundaries of respecting everyone's physical safety, and not participating in experiences or communities that utilize language and/or engage in behaviors that dehumanize people."

How else can we change the pattern and humanity?

I am rehumanizing Me.

I am reclaiming my human rights.

And, in doing so, I have often found myself alone in the wilderness;

Belonging to Me.

I am no longer an active member of my family of origin.