I M Perfect lady

I misspoke in my last blog, about Mothers who suffer to do right by their children. I do not believe this is true. It isn't suffering as we think of suffering. It feels so different. It feels constructive and empowering – while being hard and tiring.

I believe that women who are unable to find the courage to do right by their children will suffer much more. They may even experience becoming estranged from them, due to their lack of seeing their child's needs.

The un-natural mothering of being so self-absorbed is the cause to much suffering.

What I believe to be true, is that neither is easy, but one will have the outcome of a child who feels connected to their parent.

Part of the dysfunctional family is self-absorption, due to their own childhood trauma.  And, they then in turn mother in a motherless way.  Leaving their child feeling unseen, just as they were unseen.  Hence the cycle of dysfunctional legacy.

Being so self absorbed, that you can't see your own child, is a blindness to other's needs and this itself IS a sign of your own abuse.  Your inability to put aside your own life routine, in order to take care of your child's needs.

I am privilege to know grandmothers who are contributing greatly to the lives of their grandchildren, due to the needs of their own children. They are easing the burden of childcare, in order to make less stress upon their child -while making their own lives MORE stressful.  And, more adventurous and living with the purpose of love of their child and grandchild.

What I see is that the wisdom of their own lives, flowing down to the next two generations.

A grandmother who  steps in with grace.

Life is about exchanges. 

Like I have written about caring for my granddaughter, there are times when the selfish part of me wants its attention.  However, its needs are so empty compared to the rewards I have gotten being a bigger part of my daughter and granddaughters life.

There is a cost on both ends, whether your self absorption doesn't allow you to place the long term wellness of your child ahead of your own. It is my belief, you will lose the real connection of seeing you child and being seen by your child.

I see you and you matter to me, is priceless.

As grandmothers who have raised children, often our siblings and then our own, we are just plum tired of the idea of taking care.  However, what I have found on this third time around, that I can teach and play during out time together.

We are both excited about the hours we spend, either doing art, hiking, snowshoeing, hiking and now biking. What a gift I have been given.  

It isn't easy to navigate free of the selfishness and self-absorption that being unseen by our mothers caused.  We wrongly believe that being selfish is self loving. 

I am not certain I can articulate the depth and breadth of transcending this entails.

To ignore or quiet the neglected self and reach out to help another.

And, I believe we can still whine about being tired. 

We are. 

It isn't easy.  

And, don't they often say the harder road is one where change happens.

The easy road is to do what was done to you.

Anyway.  

Happy Mother's Day to the badass grandmothers who are kicking it.

Who are not only watching their grandchildren, but are outside doing fun things!

We are rewarded with the awesome relationship we have with this child.

I mean – I am one of her Besties!

And, more I know at the end of the day, I am doing my utter best to do what I can to fulfill a need that wasn't planned.

The slower pace of being old, often matches the slower pace of being young.

We also get a chance at another childhood, at a slower pace and with more wisdom to realize the small things are what living is about.