I M Perfect lady

On a podcast a while ago, a question was asked, "How do you see time in your mind?"

And, the conversation discussed, how much time do you typically see ahead of you in your mind, or where is it located and how is it organized etc.

My time is a day at a glance, that is often reduced to hours and even just on the lip of this moment in time.

Time is up and on the right side of my head.  

There may be an event or two up ahead, but they are blurry – just out there.

 

Sometimes, time seems to fly by.

Often for me it goes unnoticed.

Unmarked and unremarkable.

And, actually at work, I will race with time, IF I am focused on it.

If I am quilting, I will lose huge sections of time.

 

Time can carry weight or become inconsequential.

 

Time is also marked by memories.

How much time has passed since a certain memorable event happened.

Often time holds the measure as to how much we have changed and/or our lives.

 

There have been moments in my life, where the passage of time was sad.

Where I couldn't believe it would keep marching along, when my life was so broken.

It trudged on, separating me from my old life uncaringly.

 

A past wedding, evokes hope in love.

A past death, brings up good memories and sadness.

A relationship that was broken, brings up astonishment that it truly is over.

 

Time does have an organizing mission.

It does keep us on track and piles up our memories by date.

 

What I am finding, I no longer spend oodles of time in the past, nor fretting about the impending future.

With my day at a glance, or an hour at a glance in my mind, I pay more attention to right now.

I am shocked by the volumes of time that has piled up while I live for today.

 

As I look backward upon my estrangement from family, especially the most recent break with my brother, I am shocked that 4 years have gone by in a flash.

It does take time to readjust to the absence of a relationship.

The times where I wanted to talk, to call, to check in, to inquire….are now gone.

There is a blank wall of time that now separates us.

My life has continued on.  He is able, if he chooses to catch glimpses of mine via social media.

He blocked me out of his. So what I see of his life is a dark passage of time. A silent movie of nothing.

 

I see less, and hear less of what is going on in my family of origin, and time passes on.

 

The separation is real.

 

And yet, my brother's question to me, "how is that working for you" echoes.

It is working just fine.

My life, and theirs, have moved on.

Mine is different.

Astonishing so.

My time is fully used up with so much of what I love and with whom I love.

With very little, stress and angst of dysfunction present.

Most, is within me.

 

I am very respectful of time, and its passage, and how it does seems to speed by.

I am living life in tune with truth and authenticity and love.

My soul is at rest in time.

I do each day what feels right for me.

I see less time and more and more of what brings me love, peace and joy.

Knowing, there will be days, where time drags by, when sorrow has gripped me yet again.

Days, where life changes, someone passes, a relationship breaks, etc.

Life is marked by time, but it is the emotions we enjoy in each moment of time, that makes our lives.

I see piles of beautiful emotions behind me.

Even the darkest lend depth and learning to my life's journey.

Making time for what I love, creates a beautiful passage of time tapestry.

 

Photograph by Hannah Kling