I M Perfect lady

Category: Books

  • Empowered You.

    "Rescued Soul"   By Christina Enevoldsen

    "I felt Like Telling was Abusive"

    "Though I'd already confronted many of those fears and false beliefs about telling, like most things in the healing process, there have been many layers to this. Another layer started to surface in the year before my parents sued me for talking about my abuse."

    "I'd heard reports of my dad's deteriorating body and mind. Though I felt sorry for him, his vulnerable position also angered me.  My feelings confused me, but as I examined them, I discovered the source: I believed that I had to stop talking about my abuse now that my dad was in a weakened condition. Because my father was no longer physically, emotionally, or mentally stronger than me, I feared that I was taking advantage of someone who couldn't defend himself."

    "I was afraid that by talking about the things he did to me, I was discounting his personhood in the same way he'd done to me. I feared being abusive."

    "My mother has said of me:"

    "She has always longed for attention and recognition and the negative recognition is so satisfying to her."  

    "I regret to say that we raised her to be self-centered and spoiled."

    "She is also without scruples, vicious, extreme, and without boundaries or a conscience."

    "It's clear to me that my mother believes I've been wicked from a very young age and that, though they did their best to instill goodness into me, they were overpowered by the evil in me and by my strong will."

    "My parents groomed me to accept an identity that made life easier for them – to protect my parents' feelings and reputation and to be ignorant of my value so I wouldn't complain or protest."

    "As I examined what abuse really is, I realized that telling my story isn't abusive. Hurting someone's feelings isn't the same as abuse. Abuse is about powering over someone else.  I am not taking away my dad's power, I'm claiming my own power. I'm exercising my right to tell my story of my life."

    "As I faced the truth about my value and identity, I also recognized more universal truths.  I didn't cause my parents' emotional distress. My parents' distress came from their own issues.  To ask me to carry that responsibility for them was dysfunctional.  To have expected that of me as a child was wrong."

    "I dont' have the power to make them feel bad or good, though as a child, I believed that I had that power.  I worked hard to make them happy in the hope of being loved. But that was a fantasy that I'm not living in anymore."

    "My silence wasn't good for anyone – even for my abusers. Those types of secrets are destructive to everyone who keeps them. Truth doesn't destroy people or families; lies do. For incest to occur in a family, it takes more than just an abuser and a victim. It's part of an entire dysfunctional system."

    "Exposing my abuse gave the entire family an opportunity to heal and to learn more about heathy and functional ways to relate to each other. It was their choice to continue to live in the lies, but that doesn't mean they were harmed by the opportunity for another way to live."  Christina

     

    What is so interesting to me, is that we are made to feel abusive for speaking the truth about our feelings….and, for taking back our power.

    We are not taking away anyone's power.

    I totally get how we are made to feel abusive by telling our story. But, Abuse is about power. And, the only one whose power is affected, is our own.

    We are reclaiming our power!

    We are in a sense, making them powerless over us…and I suppose it does feel abusive to them in a reverse fashion.  Where once they had power in our lives…it is no longer true.

    They can feel how powerless they are with us, but that isn't the same as US taking away their power.

    There is a sleight of hands here in the nuance of power taking that leaves an adult child fearing they are being abusive when they speak their truth.

    For, once we were powerless and our parents and our families had power over us and our actions and our silence.  Once we break the link of powerlessness…and reclaim our power, IT leaves them powerless in our lives.  

    And, they take this powerless feeling and place the blame on us for making them feel powerless…like we are abusing them with our truth and taking back Our power from them.  

    Is it possible to be abusive for taking back that which is our right?

    If abused children/adult children could take this in, IT is the difference of being at peace with breaking the silence and not.

    It is to know, to the depth of your being, that You are not abusing anyone when you take back your own power.  

    Abuse is overpowering someone.  Not regaining power in your own life.

    All that really changed is the ownership of my power.

    I took ownership of my feelings, my truth and my life choices.

    Everyone and anyone is powerless in my life.  

    I no longer give my power to others. No matter what, you can't convince me against my will, my truth, my feelings, my emotions.  You will feel powerless in my life.

    Each of us has our own power.  

    If you are powerless, you gave it away;

    For love.

    For peace.

    For joy

    For wanting to fit in.

    For religion.

    For being accepted.

    For loneliness.

    When I am in full power and you are in full power…we have a perfect relationship.

    Love, true love is being fully empowered.

    I love everyone the same. I allow everyone the freedom to be empowered in their lives. 

    The real and most damaging aspect of abuse is the loss of power.

    I lived 46 years powerless in my life.

    It isn't the sexual act…although it is cruel and harmful in its own right….but the life without power after.

    The simple act of silence…depletes us of our power.

    Our voice.

    Our choice.

    Are taken away.

    We become powerless after the act of incest….which is more life changing than the act during the rape of our bodies.

    The greatest tool in recovering and healing is the reclaiming of self-empowerment.

    Which is why, I believe Art and being creative is a huge tool; it is working the muscles of choices.  Of choosing what you want to do and the freedom to do so.

    Today, just own, that speaking of your abuse isn't abusive; for you are reclaiming your power, not overpowering someone!

    Free will and the ability to make choices is to be empowered.

    Being empowered is the opposite of being abused.

    You are not abusing someone by breaking your silence….

    You are healing you.  

    You are giving yourself back your power; word by word…choice by choice.

    Loving yourself is to feel your own power and owning it!

    It is scary at first to grab it back from those who have owned it for years.

    It's okay.  It is the little girl/boy coming alive.  Reclaiming the life power that abuse took away.

    Going back to that wounded child and say what they feel….and know. 

    You are re-wiring your power connections.  It will leave others powerless over you.

    Own your life and feel your power, your uniqueness and brilliance…dare to be fully empowered You!

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  • Rejection isn’t about you!

    In Chapter 9 – "The Rescued Soul" by Christina Enevoldsen

     

    "Taking the First Step in Telling"

    "What I didn't know when I disclosed my abuse is that it's very common for families to reject rather than support the survivor.  That's especially true with incest survivors.  In incest families, the family system is a culture that protects itself by keeping the secret.  That system's survival depends on the secret, so they often sacrifice one member for the sake of the family."

    "In most cases, the survivor who is willing to talk about the abuse is the healthiest person in the family.  The survivor is the one who recognizes that truth and is most motivated to address dysfunctional patterns.  That is a threat to the family unit. The person who wants change is often viewed and treated as the enemy."

    "With incest, family members face divided loyalties. In dysfunctional families, it's more common to side with the perpetrator than with the victim.  That may be due to their own victimization from the perpetrator or unmet needs from the perpetrator.  Whatever the cause, survivors of incest are often rejected by their own family members, even if there is no doubt the abuse occurred."

    "Sometimes parents reject the possibility that their child was abused because to accept the truth is too painful.  Sometimes the disclosure brings up pain from their own abuse.  They also may view it as an accusation that they aren't good parents for failing to protect the child."

    "Whatever the personal defenses, your family isn't likely to be the best source of support and understanding.  Telling a safe person who validates you makes it easier to go on to the next part of your healing.  When you disclose your abuse to someone who is compassionate, understanding, and accepting, it's a relief to know you're no longer alone.  However, sharing emotionally vulnerable moments with someone who is unsupportive may cause you to feel even more isolated."  Christina

     

    This is another affirmation of my journey.  In my experience this is completely true.

    Notice, most of the reasons they reject the one speaking out is for their own personal reasons.  It isn't about what is being said, but how it makes them feel or perhaps not want to feel.

    So, if you are one who is willing to speak of your abuse and the family is rejecting you, IT ISN'T YOU, they are rejecting; but parts of themselves.   Or, they also have needs of this family and are not willing to let them go.

    Family rejection isn't about the person they are rejecting…it is about keeping the family unit.  I knew this.  I have felt for years it wasn't about me.  

    Still, good to be affirmed on this.

    When you reject someone, it is about what you want to keep.  Who knew?

    So, you may as well do what you love….rejection isn't about you!

     

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  • A burden to me!

    From "The Rescued Soul" by Christina Enevolds….

    "Changing My Focus"

    "In my early days of working with survivors of sexual abuse, I was chatting with a friend and fellow advocate. With her children still at home, she expressed how careful she needed to be in the time she lent to her work.  Both of us agreed how challenging it was to find balance in caring for our families and working in a field that we're so passionate about."

    "I was silently celebrating in my mind, "My kids are adults now.  I'm free to serve as much as I want!"

    "A meek little voice interrupted my thoughts. "I'm still here," she pleaded. In an instant, I understood that I still had me to care for. I felt a bit of tenderness for myself, but it was overshadowed by annoyance. Grudgingly, I made a list of things I should do to take better care of myself and started to work through them."

    "As I started, I heard the impatience in my thoughts as though I was waiting outside of myself, tapping my foot, rushing myself through whatever I was doing.  I caught myself demanding, "More important people are waiting for you. Hurry up!"

    "Even when I did pleasant things for myself, it was a chore to complete. The things that most people enjoyed were a burden to me – I was a burden."

    "That was a familiar feeling.  It was the same attitude my mother had about children, about me. She took care of my physical need, but she seemed to resent how exhausting I was."

    "Just as my mother never found joy in caring for me, I never did either. It saddened me that I didn't find pleasure in doing nice things for myself.  I grieved for how my mother treated me and for how I learned to treat myself."       Christina

     

    Wow.

     

    I read this….and then jumped on the mower and moved for a few hours.

    And I weeped for the truth of this in me.

    I knew I was a burden and a chore…and I knew… I held the same 'exhausting burden' of children…not joy.  

    Joy wasn't the go to emotion…work was.  Children are a huge responsibility…a weight.

    As I mowed and wept…I felt the undoing of the burden and the exhaustion of caring for me.

    This is the energy system that was feeding or dragging me….making the care of Me feel so heavy…and not the joy or pleasure of doing good for me.

    I bought this book after a women in WIND recommended it to me.  I have had it for months, and hadn't done more than flip though pages….glancing at bold headings.

    For some reason, tonight I picked it up and read.

    And, it was exactly what I feel I can now work on to care for me in a joyous way.

    As, I have learned to be more joyfully caring with my kids.  

    I refuse to be a burden to me!

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  • Eager To Be Heard

    While reading last night from Christiane Northrup's book, "Goddesses Never Age" she wrote about pain and the emotional connection.

    "Goddesses Grieve, Rage, and Move On"

    "Several years ago, I developed what we call "frozen shoulder."  It's very common in midlife women and, like just about everything else, it's believed to be related to hormone levels and menopause – but I knew that wasn't my problem.  The pain started one day, seemingly out of the blue, while I was picking up a piece of wood to place in the wood stove.  I developed immobilizing pain in my left shoulder, dropped the wood, and actually fell to my knees. The next day, I could not stretch my left arm behind my back very far without wincing in agony, and the pain continued day after day. Because I hadn't suffered an injury, I felt that the cause had to be emotional, and that he pain and immobility, real as they were, were ultimately rooted in unresolved emotions.  The brain doesn't recognize the difference between emotional pain and pain caused by a physical injury. In fact, brain studies have demonstrated that emotional pain registers in precisely the same areas of the brain as physical pain."

    …."With the help of a holistic chiropractor and my Pilates teacher, I spent months trying to open my rib cage and move my shoulder, which helped ease the pain and expand my mobility slightly.  But I knew that the key to complete recovery lay in releasing the blocked emotions related to my heart."

    "For several years, I had been romantically involved with a man I loved deeply but who was not emotionally available to me.  I desperately tried to fix the relationship, which in many ways mirrored my failed marriage.  Because I couldn't get this relationship to meet my needs, I was doubting my desirability as a woman- an old issue for me. Could it be that my shoulder pain (and the occasional chest pain I had had about once a year for a decade) had something to do with my relationships with the important men in my life?"

    "Much as I idolized my father when I was growing up, he was busy taking care of my mother and her needs, as well as earning a living.  It was a time when I needed my desirability  validated by the number-one man in my life: him. I remember one day when I was around middle school age, I was waltzing in the kitchen with him, trying to learn this skill.  My father was a good dancer, and as we ended our dance together, I asked him what he thought, hoping he would approve of my moves. He replied, "You'd do okay if it was dark – and the man was drunk."  My Scorpio dad's barb hit me very deeply, right in the heart.  He made similar criticisms of my tennis playing even though I practiced for hours and tried so hard to please him by being a good player.  He didn't take the time to teach me or arrange for me to take lessons from someone else, but simply criticized me in his forthright way."

    "I'm sure his comments were the result of being irritable from overwork, or simply thoughtless in the way all of us can be at times.  And I know many women who have suffered far worse things than I did.  But that doesn't mean I should have made excuses for him or downplayed the emotional impact on me – "Oh, for heaven's sake, that was decades ago! Are you still holding on to that?  Just get over it!"

    "No matter what happened to you – or how long ago it happened – you must do the healing work that only you can do.  Failure to do so just perpetuates the pain and dis-ease. My father's insensitive jokes and comments had created a wound that became buried in my tissues.  Now that the old theme was playing out in my adult life, all these years later, the old emotions I had felt as a child were expressing themselves as pain and immobility in my shoulder.  My body was telling me to heal old hurts."

    "I didn't realize this right away, however.  It began to dawn on me during a session with Doris E Cohen, Ph.D., author of Repetition: Past lives, Life and Rebirth. Dr. Cohen has been a clinical psychologist for 40 years and also works on the spiritual level and with dreams.  For a few years now, she had been suggesting that I look at my father issues, but until this point I hadn't been ready to face that possibility. It took the repetition of the original heartbreak with my father – in the form of an adult relationship – to bring the issue to the surface by bringing on physical pain.  The severity of my discomfort made me willing to look again at my emotional issues surrounding my father and begin a program of healing, as Dr. Cohen suggested to me."

    "For three days in a row, I set a timer for 15 minutes to do an anger and grief release session. During the first five to ten minutes of each session, I imagined my father sitting in front of me and let my rage fly.  I just let him have it. I shouted at him for making those thoughtless, hurtful comments years ago.  I swore at him, crying, "How the f— could you talk to your daughter like that?  What were you thinking, you bastard? In addition, I took a hand towel and snapped it agains some sturdy woodwork, all the while yelling expletives of rage until I was spent."

    "After a few sessions – and sometimes, just a few minutes into them, I often found myself lying on the bed, curled up in a fetal position weeping and crying out, "I want my Daddy." It was a cry of a little girl whose heart had been running her relationship life on some level for decades.  My level of grief surprised me. But underneath anger there is nearly always hurt. My ever present "witness" self stood watching while I went through these steps of releasing pure, unfiltered anger, getting in touch with my grief and letting it out, and nurturing myself and my body afterwards. After this process each day, I took a bath with Epsom salts. As I sat in the warm water, I imagined all the toxins in my body and mind leaching out of me and down the drain."

    "For three consecutive days, I used this anger and grief release process, and then spent five to ten minutes a day for the next two days doing "active imagination" work, imaging exactly how I wanted my father to respond to me during the times when he was so critical.  I imagined him dancing with me in the kitchen, praising me for my beauty and grace, and skill as a dancer. I imagined myself glowing with pride, awash in his praise for my desirability."

    " Having cleared the toxins from my cells, I was now reprogramming those cells with a new story. It was like removing rocks from the soil and cultivating it before planting new seeds.  I also did some of that towel work and raging to express my frustration, anger, and give about the emotionally unavailable men in my life.  Within about two weeks, the shoulder pain and limitation were nearly gone. It took about another month for full range motion to return and all pain to completely resolve, but then I was pain free even during my Pilates sessions."

    "One of the insights I had during my healing process, which I developed over the course of a few months, was that the imprint of lack of love toward myself was being mirrored in some of my closest relationships.  People were reflecting my own beliefs about myself back to me! My well-developed intellect wouldn't let me see that at first. But working with my dreams, with Dr. Cohen, with the exercises of releasing my feelings about my father, I came to appreciate my role in keeping myself stuck in old beliefs and behaviors that no longer served me. Notice, I didn't sayI had no right to my old feeling, or no right to see my father as cruel in some ways, or no right to my defensive behaviors and choices – such as getting and staying involved with an emotionally unavailable lover.  I said I rid myself of what was no longer serving me. I stood up for myself and my own worth.  I declared that I deserved better, and that had to start in the only place I have any control over: how I treat myself. The fact that you are entitled to your hurt, grief, and defensiveness doesn't mean it's working for you.  You get to decide whether the payoff of holding on to all that is worth jeopardizing your health, feeing, lousy, and pushing away new opportunities because of your distrust, or cynicism, or avoidance behaviors. It's up to you to make the choices. I just advising you to let all the crap go so you can flourish."  Christiane

     

    So, while reading this, I thought of my aching hip and lower back and wondered what chakra it signified?

    I googled it and found this by Christiane Northrup….

    "Your first chakra health is related to your upbringing and early life. This includes your immediate and extended family, race, social status, education, family legacy, and family expectations. Organs: Physical body support, hip joints, spine, blood, immune system. – See more at: http://www.drnorthrup.com/your-chakras-a-roadmap-to-vibrant-health/#sthash.VYImc6FF.dpuf"

    Also, I found this….

    "A healthy root chakra connects you with vitality to your family of origin, your immediate society and to the global community. If your 0-7 years were challenging and without love, then this damaged root chakra will function much differently. Issues of survival such as emotional dysfunction, stress, anxiousness, and restlessness will plague you."

    I wonder, if I were to give voice to my parents, just as Christiane, vented at her father, would my pain go away?  Would it be released?  I believe, that I have touched on the voice of the little girl, but only to scramble to safety, to put up boundaries, but I am not certain I have allowed her to vent and release.

    My intention is to allow her to speak…for the pain of her early years may be in my hip….eager to be heard.

     

  • Joy Connections….

    More from "Goddesses Never Age" by Christiane Northrup

    "Radiate Pleasure"

    "Your nature is joyous radiance. You don't have to ask permission to seek or receive pleasure. Your happiness serves the world and yourself, keeping your vibrational energy high."

    " Here's how it works: Your heart's electromagnetic field reaches out from your body and interacts with the field of energy we all share – you're actually wired to reach out and connect to pleasure.  This energy field radiates throughout the universe via the electromagnetic field. Scientists know about these fields, but don't necessarily think of them metaphysically.  They've discovered the Higgs boson particle, which is the evidence theoretical physicists have been searching for because it explains how energy coalesces into matter.  Unity Minister Catherine Ponder's term for the Higgs boson is "divine substance". Other's have called it "the God particle."  When you have fun, your energy changes and so does the field around you, and that shapes physical reality – creating nitric oxide and endorphins in your body. How that energy of pleasure manifests in the physical world outside of your body is a marvelous mystery."

    "So adapt this motto: Fun is important.  Fun is what keeps you ageless. Dream up a pleasurable adventure, get out there and do it, and chances are someone else will do it with you…."  Christiane

    What I love about this, is that we are actually wired to reach out for pleasure….and yet how often do we keep this desire under wraps?  How often do we just throw caution to the wind and connect the wires of our pleasure….even for the small things in life?

    It isn't like we have to re-wire ourselves to find the things we enjoy, but instead unkink the wires and give ourselves permission to enjoy that which we feel drawn to…

    And secondly, to stop connecting to the things that displease us.

    We can't enjoy the more pleasurable things in life if we are connected to the things we don't like.

    Even if we were to spend half the week or day doing what we love, our planet would feel and see such beautiful joy radiating from so many folks.

    Last night as I had on a fun pair of leggings and a comfortable top, I felt like a kid again….added fuzzy slippers and a cup of tea and I was in joy!

    Today the exercise is to feel the wires of joy…and make a connection!  Or at the very least don't connect to something that is joyless!

    It is up to you what kind of energy flows through you.  I love the joy connections!

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    On the next page was this quote…..I totally agree…

    "Women, delve deep into your primal power, beyond the appearances, customs, and religions of this day.  Delve into the knowing that you have always had and always will – a knowing that no religion can ever encompass and that no culture can ever define. Delve deep into your belly and brain that lies there: the primal brain, your original voice, the voice that will never betray you, and will always lead you to the truth of love in action, the being of joy and peace: The Voice of Life itself."  Padma and Anaiya Aon Prakasha, "Womb Wisdom: Awakening the Creative and Forgotten Powers of the Feminine

     

  • Happy Saturday!

    As you go about your weekend, here are some words from Christiane Northrup….and "Goddesses Are Ageless".


    "Over the years, we develop a finely     calibrated BS detector. We recognize that some people are not being honest with themselves about what they are doing to create their own problems. If they pressure us to rescue them, or try to make us feel guilty for not changing our plans to accommodate their latest crisis, we find it's easier than ever before not to give into their emotional threats. Alpha Goddesses recognize that "No" is a complete sentence.  How liberating!"

    "I see this a lot in women with aging mothers or fathers who have placed far too many unreasonable demands on them.  This is the time when you learn that being a good daughter doesn't mean letting yourself become depleted by your parents. They brought you into this world and took care of you, but making your life about their needs is not necessary or healthy for you or them. Very often, what older parents really want is to feel independent and useful.  When you say no and you ask them to help you out in some way, however small, you restore balance in the relationship.  It's a gift to realize you truly are on a journey separate from your parents.  Your paths intersect, but you can't be responsible for their lives.  The same is true for your adult children."

    ….and further into a chapter called "Goddesses know the Power of Pleasure."

    "The biochemistry of pleasure can counteract the biochemistry of aging.  Nitric oxide is the uber-neurotransmitter that increases and balances levels of all the others: endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin (a bonding neurotransmitter released while breast feeding, experiencing orgasm, or even enjoying the company of others0, and DMT, which is generated in the pineal gland in the brain and probably plays a role in dreaming.  Although we tend to think that neurotransmitters are generated and used only in the brain, we actually have cells throughout the body that can both produce and receive them. The gut produces more serotonin than the brain does – generated largely as a result of the huge number of healthy bacteria that live in what's known as your microbiome. When you have a visceral negative reaction to something – you can't "stomach" it – that's your neurotransmitters sending you the message "this doesn't feel right for me."  Conversely, you can get a warm, happy feeling in your belly when neurotransmitters that affect your mood are released as a result of a positive experience, thought or feeling.  The idea is to create that warm feeling through the emotional experience of genuine pleasure that supports your well-being, health and agelessness."

    Here is an exercise for you:

    "A Brag, a Grateful, A Desire."

    First, identify something to brag about. What can you be proud of right now.?

    Second, identify something that you appreciate or are grateful for. What blessings in your life would you like to acknowledge?

    Third, identify something you desire.  If money, time and the laws of physics are no object, what you desire right now?

    Try doing these exercises daily, answering the questions in your journal and reflecting on them.  And share this experience with others in conversation….  

    Christiane 

     

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  • Goddesses Never Age

    I am just beginning the book, "Goddesses Never Age" by Christiane Northrup, MD and so far I love where she is going with this book.

    "Beliefs and Biology"

    "The most important thing you need to know about your health is that the health of your body and its organs does not exist separate from your emotional well-being, your thoughts, your cultural programming, and your spiritual outlook.  Your thoughts and beliefs are the single most important indicator of your state of health. That is amazingly good news because your thoughts and beliefs can be brought under your conscious control and, when necessary, surrendered to the healing power of Spirit (much more on that later). This is the part of health that Western medicine always leaves out, but trust me, it's where your real power resides, with no exceptions.  Your beliefs and thoughts are wired into your biology.  They become your cells, tissues and organs.  There's no supplement, no diet, no medicine, and no exercise regimen that can compare with the power of your thoughts and beliefs. That's the very first place you need to look when anything goes wrong with your body."

    "Let me be clear here.  If something has shown up in your body as a health concern, you most likely aren't consciously aware of why it is there.  If you had been conscious of the issue or emotion, it would not have had to show up physically because you would have already addressed it.  Please try your best not to resist this truth.  Have the courage to go deep within and ask yourself the following: "What is going on in my life, and my thoughts and beliefs, that I can learn from this situation? What is the soul lesson for me here? How can I grow from this?"

    "Ayurvedic and Eastern medicine practitioners are well aware of the energetic connections between various systems in the body, but Western medicine practitioners tend to look at one system in isolation.  In fact, this mind/body split is built right into the fabric of our society.  No podiatrist is likely to look at how you bear weight on your feet and ask you about whether you have any unprocessed emotions or stressful situations causing you sadness, anger, or grief.  If he or she did, you'd probably recoil and feel defensive or blamed, thus blocking access to that line of inquiry.  Yet even if your having hand problems that are you can relate to not having an ergonomic workstation, or if you've injured your hand in an accident, getting in touch with the unprocessed emotions that you may be holding in the tissues in your arm and hand might alleviate the pain and allow this part of your body to repair itself. And remember that you probably don't know what the lesson really is until after it has be resolved."  Christian

    What I love about this book she is looking at the thoughts and beliefs and the unprocessed or unexpressed emotions.  The body never lies.  If there are issues, don't look at the body, but check out your life and ask the pain what message it is here to bring.

    I have been asking that of my sciatic nerve on my left side.  So far nothing.

    However, when I walked over 4 miles, I began to feel emotion bubbling up.

    My intention is to keep asking the pain what it is here to tell me.

    I love that Goddesses never age….I can see this with My Lady and Art.

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  • Nothing is ordinary!

    "A parent who has denied the experience of ordinariness during childhood will be unable to tolerate their child's ordinariness.  The child will grow up under pressure to always be extraordinary, which will come at the cost of authenticity. Instead of putting all the pressure on them, can we enjoy our child's ordinariness?  Can we find specialness in their ordinary state?"

    " Parents say to me, "But we want to expose our children to the best of everything. What's wrong with that?  Why shouldn't we send them to ballet and tennis and swimming classes?"  I'm not advocating that parents restrict a child's desire to explore.  To encourage exploration is a way of honoring a child's being. I'm stressing the importance of helping our children understand that their sense of worth isn't predicated on achievement."

    "Although it's natural to want our children to excel, this is preferably never at the expense of failing to revel in their ordinariness.  When we deny our children's ordinariness, we teach them to be enthralled only by exaggerations of life. They come to believe that only the grand and the fabulous are to be noticed and applauded, and hence constantly pursue "bigger" and "better".

    "In contrast, when our children learn to value ordinary, they learn to inhabit life itself. They appreciate their body, their mind, the pleasure of sharing a smile, and the privilege of relating to others.  It all starts with what we as parents teach them to appreciate."  from the "Conscious Parent" by Shefali Tsabary, PhD

     

    Imagine a world where we celebrate in the ordinary?  Imagine how relaxed we would all be, especially children.  Where they are allowed to explore the ordinary and find that it is extraordinary.  

    I love that when you give up striving for extraordinary, you can be authentic.

    Sometimes the ordinary is so extraordinary, it takes my breath away.  

    And, she is right…..to inhabit life itself, you have to LOVE and embrace the ordinary.  And, then all of life seems to be filled with so much extraordinary moments…you lose interest in seeking what we thought of as extraordinary.

    And, I know she is right in losing our self worth when only the extraordinary is applauded.  

    Today seek all the ordinary things and really see and feel them!

    I love that ordinary is where life itself is lived.

    Don't miss your life by wanting the extraordinary.

    Or take the word extraordinary and break it into Extra Ordinary. 

    Find that!

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    Nothing is ordinary when you discover the extraordinary in ordinary!

  • That Wasn’t True…for Me.

    In David Hawkin's book "Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender" he writes…

    "Psychotherapy aims at the amelioration of neurotic patterns.  (I looked up the word amelioration – "the act of making something better; improvement.") Letting go, however, is designed to undo the underlying causes of all neurotic formation. It undoes the basic structure of maladaptive feeling and behavior.  Psychotherapy seeks for an improvement in neurotic balance.  Letting go, however, eliminates all together."  

    "A limitation of most psychotherapeutic frameworks is that the therapist is constricted to what the world calls a healthy, functioning ego with all its restrictions.  In this paradigm, a healthy patient is considered to be one who shares the same illusions and limitations condoned by society and the therapist.  By contrast, the purpose of the mechanism of surrender is to transcend the illusions of the world and reach the ultimate truth behind it – which is Self-Realization – and to discover the very basis of the mind itself, the source of all thought and feeling."

    "The goal of letting go is the elimination of the very source of all suffering and pain. This sounds radical and startling and, in fact, it is!  Ultimately, all negative feelings stem from the same source.  When enough negative feelings have been relinquished, that source reveals itself. When that source itself is let go of and dis-identified with, the ego dissolves. The source of suffering, therefore, loses the very basis of its power."

    "Each of us has a limit to the amount of negative feelings we have stored up. When the pressure behind an emotion has been let go, that emotion no longer occurs. For instance, if fear is constantly surrendered for a period of time,eventually it runs out.  It then becomes difficult or almost impossible to feel further fear.  It takes progressively more and more stimulus to elicit it.  Finally, a person who has surrendered a great deal of fear actually has to search for it diligently. The energy of fear simply isn't there anymore.  Anger  also progressively diminishes so that even a major provocation fails to elicit it.  A person with little fear or anger feels primarily love all of the time and experiences a loving acceptance of events, people and the vicissitudes of life."

    I had to look up "Vicissitudes"…."a change of circumstances or fortune, typically one that is unwelcome or unpleasant."

    "The goal of surrender is transcendence.  Psychotherapy accepts levels of behavior as healthy that, from the viewpoint of total freedom, are unacceptable.  For instance, in psychotherapy, minimal fear, anger, and pride might be considered necessary or acceptable levels of functioning and perhaps even "healthy."  But as we have seen, the innate destructiveness behind these lower states is ultimately not acceptable- given the power of surrender to transcend them totally.  Beyond the "acceptable level of functioning" aways our greater destiny: total freedom."  David

     

    This has been my experience.  

    And, I believe that ultimately, society will come to recognize that the treatments we have that don't deliver us to total freedom will have to be retired.

    Also, many of the 'healing' modalities that there are "in" today, are so that the patient has to rely upon another person…or salve or technique and do not challenge the mind that created it….or the thoughts and/or beliefs.

    The new age or latest 'healing' therapies literally skip the mind and address the body.  And, the body is only responding to what the mind thinks, has thought or worries about….etc.

    David goes on…

    "Although letting go seems simple and easy, its ultimate effects are profoundly powerful.  A quick little surrender done in an almost off-handed manner can sometimes bring about a major change in our life.  We can picture it being similar to the wheel of a ship.  If we make even a one-degree change in the ship's compass, we will notice very little difference; but, as the ship sails over the sea hour after hour, day after day, a one-degree change in the compass will end up taking us to a very different place many miles from where the original course would have taken us."  David

     

    Surrendering isn't as easy to see….but what you are holding on to is.

    What is stopping you from change?

    What holds you in place?

    What ideas are non-negotiable?

    What beliefs have you set your compass to and refuse to budge even one degree?

    Letting go of you identity, your beliefs, your religion, your expectations, your ideals, and sitting in a position of being detached may seem very scary.

    But, scarier to me is to be mentally tied to something that goes against reality.

    To go with the flow, surrendering to what is….Is total freedom.  

    The greatest transcendence is to get out of your mind.

    To question its beliefs and ideas…to use your mind instead of being a prisoner of it.

    What was amazing to me was how much I had to let go of to be Me!

    Surrendering to everything that wasn't true…for Me.

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  • Instead of Sins

    The actual affects and residual behaviors that are often born from surviving trauma, are the very things the church has labeled "sins".  These behaviors are used to cover up the pain.  They are self medicating tools…

    As I pondered what the church ladies would think about the behaviors of the people written about in "Voluntary Madness" it came to me, how misunderstood "sin" is.

    Can a church objectively look at the 'sins' and help us?

    The very 'sins' the church wishes to forgive and forget are the signs and clues showing the blueprint back to the core or our pain; the trauma.

    If all you see are the 'sins' they are committing and not see them as signposts, can you effectively treat them?

    From the reading I have done and listening to other victims, it is clear to me, what are called 'sins' are just a normal response to abnormal behavior.

    If you see a 'sinner' instead of a person who is having a normal reaction to trauma, you will place the blame and shame upon the wrong individual.

    This transference of shame leads to self annihilation that is further compounded in churches who list these affects as sin.  We are bad people; sinners.

    It is like having an illness whose side affects are labeled sin.

    The treatment of the church is to have the victim feel guilty for having a normal response to trauma/abuse/sexual abuse…making them the problem; when it is not their fault.  You have to see WHY….instead of asking why.

    IF, and it is a big IF, the church could see them as sinless; there would be a glimmer of hope in finding recovery there.

    The whole concept of sin and forgiveness would have to be put aside in order for victims of abuse to be innocent….and faultless.

    What would a church be for IF there were no sin?  

    And, if we were all innocent; but responding normally to abnormal treatment…would they then have to see who is not treating whom correctly?  

    Would they then have to look upward towards the parents instead of downward to the child for responsibility?  And see the beginning of this cycle…reversing the direction blame has been handed to.

    How many institutions and societal leadership roles will hold parents accountable for the ills of society?  

    What a concept and hardship for the church to flip around.  Especially in the churches that are patriarchal and children are to be seen and not heard…voiceless and choiceless?

    What will it take to give a voice and a choice to these abused children?  

    Imagine a world where you see the wounds instead of sins.