I M Perfect lady

Category: Crusade

  • Women’s strength!

    ‎"WIND is like a Well. Sometimes we come to fill it up….and other times we come to get filled."   An-Gel Kenneally

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    I love the creativeness that flows.  How a room full of white paper is transformed.

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    How each drawing has come from the arms of a woman…her imagination, her dreams, her desires; an expression.

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    Hands moving…creative space opens, Life stops…the future stretches.

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    All come and change the shape of today…for a brief moment the outside world disappears and then appears in art.

    I come away knowing WIND works.  

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    Art works.  Life has darkness to build us into strong empowered self loving souls.

    My heart.

    My Soul.  

    My intention is for no woman to walk alone.

    For there to be a lighted path, a strong advocate, a compassionate law person, a mentor, a friend, a community that supports the courageous who aspire to change direction in their lives.

    For there to be a recess place, a playground opportunity to ignite the soul, to tickle the spirit.

    A meeting place to refuel, connect, inspire, imagine….a new direction.

    Women In New Directions…is born.

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    Thanks to each who came and filled the well….and for those who came and drank!

    An artisian well of women's strength!

     

     

  • Believer of Reality.

    In the past few days, I have been wondering about the way people do not see other people, perhaps they hear their words, but totally let words eclipse an action…or let a label cover up all awkward and often hurtful actions.  How our minds love to create a different image than what is before us.

    Dr. Maya Angelou said, "People show you who they are, believe them the first time."

    The first time someone does something that is off key or not right, or goes against who you thought they were, BELIEVE the action…And change the words about them.

    When you don't believe it and go back to your original thoughts about who they are, you are willingly allowing them to hurt you.

    Yet, here is another huge pothole.  We have been taught as little children "If you dont' have anything NICE to say, say nothing at all.  We are not taught to see reality, we are taught to overlook the bad stuff.  It is seen as not nice to notice someone behaving badly.

    And then the good ole church, erasing all the negative behaviors by the WORDS spoken.  Leading us to believe that the words are more powerful than any action.

    Within the pews of the FALC, are abusers sitting in the lap of never being held accountable, for they are relying upon the good 'graces' of the abused.  "Bless me" will return the monster back into a husband, father, brother etc.

    However, sitting next to them in the pews are very damaged abused folks.

    The blessing does nothing to erase the trauma suffered by the 'sin' of the abuser.

    "When People show you who they are BELIEVE them.  Blessing away, trying to erase the action in your mind.  Trying to 'forgive and forget' will not ease the trauma suffered, OR stop the abuser.  

    Changing our minds about an action seems like first grade…but it is much harder when in our lives, we have lived by the premise that the mind can make corrections in reality….when in fact REALITY cannot be change.

    Which is why I so love the definition of forgiveness that I learned from Martha Beck. "Forgiveness is giving up all hope for the past to have been any different."

    It is about getting your mind to give up hope for a different outcome.

    I had to give up all hope of my father being a loving kind man.  He is evil.

    He hurts little girls.  I have forgiven him, by not expecting him to be any different than he is….My mind is at one with reality.

    "When people show you who they are, Believe Them.  Don't rush to your mind for a kinder definition.  Don't try and make them into something that they can't be. Don't try and fit an evil man into a kind label of father, let the actions rule.

    Most people will show you who they are, in time.  You have to always be willing to change your mind, when people change their actions.

    Holding out hope, and clinging to the image in your mind, is hopeless.  

    I have lived in insanity where I wasn't at all with the actions of reality and I have lived directed by actions only…the words became faint and meaningless.  Of the two ways, reality is much easier to navigate.  And, it leaves each to their own lives and responsible for their own actions.

    In a dysfunctional home, it seems most of our lives are made to cover up the evil that lives there. It is a mortal sin to expose the evil.  What holds most dysfunctional families together is the cover up…yet the whole while they are working to make the top look good, the evil is flowing into the next generation.

    In all abusive situations, the family is the biggest contributor to evil not being seen, heard or addressed.  Evil wears the label dad. Evil is to be blessed.  Evil is not spoken about.  Evil is not allowed to be in your mind. You are not allowed to change the file father and put in monster.

    It is incredible, the amount of so called intelligent people who will not stand in reality and call a thing a thing, as Iyanla Vanzant says.  

    Call a thing a thing.

    Don't call a pedophile a dad.

    The thing that screws with the psyche is this inability to see reality and to change your mind.  The mind refuses to change.

    Or, you refuse to change your mind.  For if you change your mind, you will have to change your life.  

    When you call a thing a thing, you will then be headed down a new road.

    One, where many may not follow.  

    For when you discover the Mental Mind that hasn't been calling a thing a thing, you will discover plenty of insane beliefs. Beliefs that you built a whole world around.

    Once you see the insane mind looking like a fool against reality, you have woken up.

    "When People Show you Who they ARE, believe them the first time!"

    I am a believer of reality.



  • Believer of Reality.

    In the past few days, I have been wondering about the way people do not see other people, perhaps they hear their words, but totally let words eclipse an action…or let a label cover up all awkward and often hurtful actions.  How our minds love to create a different image than what is before us.

    Dr. Maya Angelou said, "People show you who they are, believe them the first time."

    The first time someone does something that is off key or not right, or goes against who you thought they were, BELIEVE the action…And change the words about them.

    When you don't believe it and go back to your original thoughts about who they are, you are willingly allowing them to hurt you.

    Yet, here is another huge pothole.  We have been taught as little children "If you dont' have anything NICE to say, say nothing at all.  We are not taught to see reality, we are taught to overlook the bad stuff.  It is seen as not nice to notice someone behaving badly.

    And then the good ole church, erasing all the negative behaviors by the WORDS spoken.  Leading us to believe that the words are more powerful than any action.

    Within the pews of the FALC, are abusers sitting in the lap of never being held accountable, for they are relying upon the good 'graces' of the abused.  "Bless me" will return the monster back into a husband, father, brother etc.

    However, sitting next to them in the pews are very damaged abused folks.

    The blessing does nothing to erase the trauma suffered by the 'sin' of the abuser.

    "When People show you who they are BELIEVE them.  Blessing away, trying to erase the action in your mind.  Trying to 'forgive and forget' will not ease the trauma suffered, OR stop the abuser.  

    Changing our minds about an action seems like first grade…but it is much harder when in our lives, we have lived by the premise that the mind can make corrections in reality….when in fact REALITY cannot be change.

    Which is why I so love the definition of forgiveness that I learned from Martha Beck. "Forgiveness is giving up all hope for the past to have been any different."

    It is about getting your mind to give up hope for a different outcome.

    I had to give up all hope of my father being a loving kind man.  He is evil.

    He hurts little girls.  I have forgiven him, by not expecting him to be any different than he is….My mind is at one with reality.

    "When people show you who they are, Believe Them.  Don't rush to your mind for a kinder definition.  Don't try and make them into something that they can't be. Don't try and fit an evil man into a kind label of father, let the actions rule.

    Most people will show you who they are, in time.  You have to always be willing to change your mind, when people change their actions.

    Holding out hope, and clinging to the image in your mind, is hopeless.  

    I have lived in insanity where I wasn't at all with the actions of reality and I have lived directed by actions only…the words became faint and meaningless.  Of the two ways, reality is much easier to navigate.  And, it leaves each to their own lives and responsible for their own actions.

    In a dysfunctional home, it seems most of our lives are made to cover up the evil that lives there. It is a mortal sin to expose the evil.  What holds most dysfunctional families together is the cover up…yet the whole while they are working to make the top look good, the evil is flowing into the next generation.

    In all abusive situations, the family is the biggest contributor to evil not being seen, heard or addressed.  Evil wears the label dad. Evil is to be blessed.  Evil is not spoken about.  Evil is not allowed to be in your mind. You are not allowed to change the file father and put in monster.

    It is incredible, the amount of so called intelligent people who will not stand in reality and call a thing a thing, as Iyanla Vanzant says.  

    Call a thing a thing.

    Don't call a pedophile a dad.

    The thing that screws with the psyche is this inability to see reality and to change your mind.  The mind refuses to change.

    Or, you refuse to change your mind.  For if you change your mind, you will have to change your life.  

    When you call a thing a thing, you will then be headed down a new road.

    One, where many may not follow.  

    For when you discover the Mental Mind that hasn't been calling a thing a thing, you will discover plenty of insane beliefs. Beliefs that you built a whole world around.

    Once you see the insane mind looking like a fool against reality, you have woken up.

    "When People Show you Who they ARE, believe them the first time!"

    I am a believer of reality.



  • Living Things.

    In Michael Singer's book, "The Untethered Soul – The journey beyond yourself" he writes about death in a way that I have never heard before.

    "Let’s say you’re living life without the thought of death, and the Angel of Death comes to you and says, “Come, it’s time to go.” You say, “But no. You’re supposed to give me a warning so I can decide what I want to do with my last week. I’m supposed to get one more week.” Do you know what Death will say to you? He’ll say, “My God! I gave you fifty-two weeks this past year alone. And look at all the other weeks I’ve given you. Why would you need one more? What did you do with all those?” If asked that, what are you going to say? "

    "How will you answer? “I wasn’t paying attention… I didn’t think it mattered.” That’s a pretty amazing thing to say about your life."  Michael Singer

    Isn't it incredible when you see it this way?  

    It is amazing when you think of all the weeks and days we have had to live.  To do with this one life as we please.  

    Or have you not been free to live as you would like to live?  

    What is more scary to be in a life you don't believe in or to walk out of that life into the unknown?

    What would a life review look like if you had to take one today?  Would you stand by your life with full confidence you gave it your all, would you consider your life one that had great moments punctuated by peaceful enjoyment, offset by small journeys of hardship, back into new adventures; a growing work of art?  

    Would you see the growing sections and the places where you skipped a lesson and then had to do an even harder test?  Or would you see how fear stopped you from learning about life, expressing your feelings, spilling forth emotions messily, to maintain the facade of a 'regular' life?

    Are you passing the lessons or living a life of quiet desperation hoping for things to change, but NOT you.

    Today, as I sit here…I feel that I have lived two lives. One in compliance and one unruly.  

    I am in my unruly life.

    I love my unruly life.  

    My life of compliance was lived due to fear of not being accepted, loved or approved of.

    My life of being unruly means, I didn't care how my life felt to you…It only mattered how my life felt to me.

    Unruly on the outside means living a peaceful inside.


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    I had read somewhere long ago, that our insides should be calm like a mill pond. Mine are.  

    I am at peace with who I am…and how I lived. I did the best within each level of awareness I had.  And, when I knew better, I did better, as Dr. May Angelou says. 

    I am not done growing, the Death Angel has not arrived to give me my last week of life, so until then, I will live so as to not waste a moment.  I will strive to see as much as I can see…and do my life's passions…what makes my spirit come alive…filling my days full of artful things, natures things, family things, loving things, learning things, LIVING things!




  • The Pathology that Ends Abuse.

    What is the pathology of family and how is this passed on to each generation?

    I looked up the word, "Pathology".

    "The science of the causes and effects of diseases and Pathological features considered collectively; the typical behavior of a disease."

    "The process of defining a condition or behavior."  and "The study of the essential nature of diseases and especially of the structural and functional changes produced by them. 2. : something abnormal:

    The pathology of the family is the science of how it was created and how it functions.  The structure. The typical behavior.  And when abuse is handed down, how the abnormality was formed.

    Most define an abusive family and point at one character; a single person who is acting out evil thoughts.  What many fail to consider is that the abusers are typically in an environment that allows it.  There are many who support their evil actions.  The abusers are living in an evil friendly environment, otherwise, they would be asked to leave.

    The conditions and behaviors within a family are condusive to embracing evil…by the typical behavior or response to negative actions.

    The pathology of abuse is not confined to the perpetrator…but to the surrounding landscape of his or her relationships that allow this behavior to continue.  

    No boundaries to ward of evil behaviors.

    I have been extremely curious as to the character flaws of the many who knew and did nothing upon hearing that my father abused girls.  Its pathology is more confusing than that of my father.  

    My father is one of the low percentages of people who abuse as a result of being abused.  The rest of the folks don't abuse, but they don't see abuse.

    Say the percentages of folks who were abused in childhood are 10% will abuse, that leaves 90 % who will not perform evil acts, but they will not be able to ward them off.

    What I have experienced is this apathy…this frozen immovable nature of doing nothing when abuse enters a room, enters a relationship, becomes known.  Nothing. The reason abuse continues is not that the abusers are abusing, BUT that the rest are doing nothing.

    Nothing against abuse… but work to make a family a family by not looking at abuse.

    I am not sure I can articulate the insanity of the pathology of what keeps a family tree infected. It isn't that there is an abusive person sitting on the limb, but rather the rest are pretending it doesn't exist.

    And pretending is not even true. For they know it is there, but they will not respond to it.  And if they only quickly glance, they feel that they don't have to change one single thing in their lives.  As a brother-in-law said when he heard about my father…"He will not have the satisfaction of ruining my life."

    Is it really more powerful to not change when you discover abuse lives in your family?  This is what abusers pray for…for nothing to change!

    The greatest gift we can give all abusers is to do nothing.  To NOT allow them to ruin our lives, BUT instead go on and live AS IF NOTHING happened.

    I see this do nothing pathology as the strongest link in abuse being able to flourish, for there are no boundaries in its way.

    The pathology of my childhood was blindness where evil was concerned.  And blindness and deafness towards any mention of the unmentionable….abuse.

    Instead they speak louder of the family unit.  Sisters loving sisters….their reunions remind me of my mother's. Where two sisters never came. It didn't stop the reunions from happening, NOR did it stop the abuse.  By God, we have a loving family….look at the reunions, not who stayed away!

    Ironically or not, I have had two dreams of me, my mother, and a few sisters.  In the first one, I was trying to speak and warn them, to say what I know, and the words would not come out….but a whisper.  I was trying to speak, but couldn't catch my breath.  The second dream, I was clear and articulate and they would not hear me…they kept talking about things that I was not talking about.  I am telling them of children in danger and one sister wanted me to see her husband's truck.

    These two dream sequences artfully display my road. It takes great effort to talk against the majority, and, when I do, no one will listen, but instead try to divert my attention.

    Our pathology of abuse within the Huhta family continues…reunions of laughter, while abuse is allowed to run free. 

    My sisters tightening the bound between them…keeping family unchanged…being more powerful than the abuse that lingers is the pathology that is the perfect environment for abuse.

    I see them marching on as Doris did.  Bold, strong, determined to keep her family together, her brothers and her husband.  Knowing as I do, that her family had a pedophile or two in the mix….and, we know her husband.  She wasn't going to let their actions ruin her family.

    Her blindness was her strength…is what I had said about her.  This pathology is what she gave to my sisters.  

    They will argue and say I am being a spoil sport. They will defend the sisters, the family unit and in doing so pass on the pathology.  No abuser, or one speaking of abuse, will ruin their reunion!  No one can talk louder than their laughter.  

    I would have loved to talk to the Aunts who stayed away from my mother's reunions. I would have loved to know why?

    What I believe is that by dealing with the abuse, I will save my family.  Perhaps not my brothers/sisters and their children, but my own.  I will introduce them to the abuse that flows in our pathology. I will let them know when their actions mimic its insidious nature.  I will stand bold, powerful and strong as they work to eradicate its tendrils in their lives.  I am okay being on the outside of this pathology of doing nothing.  

    The pathology I want to leave my son and daughters is the pathology that ends abuse.





  • Side of the Parent.

    I listened to Andrew Vachss and Oprah sharing each others thoughts about children who have been abused and what is helpful or not helpful to the child…as well as the abusers.  He is a lawyer who defends children for free. He funds this by writing novels.  I ordered his book, "Another Chance to get it Right."

    Today what I learned was that children will turn one of three ways after abuse; Inward against themselves…outward against society…or turn insane.  None of the three is a path of pure potential.  What our challenge then is is to turn back to being empowered with self pride and self worth. Instead of beating ourselves or others or just going out of our minds.

    He also stated that there are sick people who have thoughts about abusing children and then there are evil people who not only have thoughts about hurting children, but actually act upon it.  That part of the sexual gratification is to hurt someone.  It isn't a by product, but part of the main act.  It is required to have someone in fear and pain.

    He and I agree on the way most handle forgiveness of these evil folks…is when you forgive them, you are releasing them to hurt again.  This is not helpful.  It is not caring if they hurt another, just that you are safe.

    Evil folks know what they are doing.  If they say they are not aware, it is an outright lie.  The trade secrets of a abusers is to ask for US to forgive them…while they promise nothing.  No sorry, no "I will change and seek treatment" but rather they make us to do the work to restore their reputations….and we do.  

    He showed Oprah how she was part of the camouflage that protected her uncle, by not wanting to disrupt the family, and instead act normal. This is the exact behavior they depend upon to hide behind. You need to act normal so they can continue to prey upon the children. 

    What I have told so many members of the FALC, that while you look upon these pedophiles as normal, you are sending messages to the kids, that 'there is nothing wrong' with that man.  You are the camouflage he hides behind. You are shielding him!

    Andrew spoke of breaking the cycle of abuse by breaking apart the family. I agree.

    What he also brought to my attention is that people who have been abused will show outrage when hearing about another incident, but rarely show rage towards their own abusers.  He says, that until you are enraged at your abuser, you can't move on.

    You carry the weight of the rage within you.  I agree.

    I look forward to reading his book….

    He speaks from the viewpoint of the child.  Which I believe is the only way we will change the cycle of abuse.  No longer will it be politically correct to take the side of the parent!

  • Spirit of Kindergarden!

    Tonight is the second evening of WIND; Women in New Directions.  A comment was made, "It is like Kindergarden…" and I agree.  Or, the fun classes in College, where you get to play.  

    It has the potential for great connections not only with women, but with your self and your passion. Your self and art. Your self and activities.  A place where you can make a deeper connection with your self.  Again, a play date for women.

    My husband and I went to see "Hope Springs" and a line in the movie was about in each stage in life, there is a stage ahead of us to look forward to.  Such as, "When the kids are all gone"….Or when I retire….When I get married etc…or when I get divorced."

    We are always heading in a new direction.  And it can feel either you have no control or you are in control waiting to hop on the next stage.

    I hope that each women who attends will start feeling the stirring inside of them that is called Self.  That they will learn to dance with themselves in a way that brings them joy and enthusiasm for being alive.

    What I believe is the greatest tragedy of many women of abuse, is that they make choices that are not based upon the Self inside of them.  In fact many are not used to living life from the Self, but rather from the outside.

    I want WIND to be about the Self inside.  Learning how to direct your self in this play called life.

    Learning how to feel and express that.

    Learning how to play and let go.

    Learning how to return to the free spirit of Kindergarden!


  • Talking Loudly about my Abuse.

    The book, "The Untethered Soul- The Journey Beyond Yourself" by Michael Singer is filled with insights about how we navigate this world and how our perceptions are crucial in how we live our lives….as well as how we use energy.  

     I found these paragraphs described the changes in my life.  How I used to live in fear and now I live open to what is…as life presents itself.

     "Ultimately, if you protect yourself perfectly, you will never grow. All your habits and idiosyncrasies will stay the same. Life becomes stagnant when people protect their stored issues. People say things like, “You know we don’t talk about that subject around your father.” There are all these rules about things that are not supposed to happen outside because they could cause disturbance inside. Living like this allows for very little spontaneous joy, enthusiasm, and excitement for life. Most people just go from day to day protecting themselves and making sure nothing goes too wrong. At the end of the day, when someone asks, “How was your day?” a normal response is, “Not too bad,” or “I’ll survive.” What is that telling you about their view of life? They see life as a threat.  A good day means you made it through without getting hurt.  The longer you live like this, the more closed you become."

    "If you really want to grow, you have to do the opposite. Real spiritual growth happens when there is only one of you inside. There’s not a part that’s scared and another part that’s protecting the part that’s scared. All parts are unified. Because there is no part of you that you’re not willing to see, the mind is no longer divided into the conscious and subconscious. Everything you see inside is just something you see inside. It’s not you; it’s what you see. There is simply the pure energy pouring inside of you that creates the ripples of thoughts and emotions, and there is the consciousness that’s aware of it. There is simply you watching the dance of the psyche." 

    "Begin by seeing the tendency to protect and defend yourself. There is a very deep, innate tendency to close, especially around your soft spots. But eventually you will notice that closing creates tremendous work. Once you close, you have to make sure that what you protected doesn’t get disturbed. You then carry this task for the rest of your life. The alternative is to become conscious enough to simply watch the part of your being that is constantly trying to protect itself. You can then give yourself the ultimate gift by deciding not to do that anymore. You decide, instead, to get rid of that part." 

    "Once you’ve made the commitment to free yourself of that scared person inside, you will notice that there is a clear decision point at which your growth takes place. Spiritual growth is about the point at which you start to feel your energy change."   Michael Singer

    What I have noticed since I have stopped defending my sore spots, is that people truly do live this awkward posture.  They are not free to live, they simply survive another day of not being hurt…yet they are crippled and don't know it.  They are living with their body and life curved into itself trying to protect the pains they don't want to feel.

    My husband's family nature is to not talk about it…and hope for a new change… tomorrow…without actually doing anything.  

    In my experience, it doesn't work, for they are not willing to enter into places of uncomfortableness.  I have experienced great trauma and no one asks me about it. And yet, when I enter the room, trauma came with me. It was the elephant, while we made small talk around it.  

    When I was the elephant, I felt that they didn't want to engage with me, for it was too uncomfortable.  

    My history, my life was too uncomfortable for them to enter into, so I was left out and instead we all pretended we wanted to discuss the weather, politics….etc.

    I feel sensitive now to how a child must feel, when abuse happens to them, and their adults are not comfortable talking about things that make them uncomfortable….the child feels they are the cause. When in fact, the child is only bumping into the sore spot inside of the adult, that the adult wants to protect.  

    In my experience, the adults in my life, at the time of my abuse, choose to defend their own inner pain…and did not enter into my uncomfortable reality of abuse.

    NOT talking about it…is not a cure for abuse.

    I am still talking and entering into uncomfortable places, for I do not want a child to believe that their abuse makes them a leper in our society….

    I looked up the word Leper to see if I had this correct.  

    Leper

    "A person who is avoided or rejected by others for moral or social reasons: "she was a social leper".

    It is my opinion that we the abused are made to feel like lepers, due to the fact that folks want to avoid and reject uncomfortable topics.   This is due not so much to what happened to us, but what is inside of them.

    They don't want to feel their own pain, so they reject and avoid us.

    A huge flag is waving in your family and life, if you are not able to be comfortable with the uncomfortable subjects in life.  It means you have a wound inside of you your are protecting and defending.  As you close around your wound, you are closing me out.

    There is a wall I bump up against.  A cement barrier inside of them.  They blame me for being the cause of their uncomfortableness…when in fact, they can't get near me due to the sore spot inside of them.  In defending that, they hurry away from me.

    What I know for certain their are millions of abused children, adult children who are left alone, rejected and avoided…not due to being abused, but rather due to this pervasive reflex to protect their own inner pain.

    If your parents are still unhealed, you will not find an oasis there…you will not be welcomed in with your pain, but rather avoided and rejected.  We, the abused take this personally, that there is now something wrong with us…that we are damaged and that someone you love, doesn't want to be near you.

    We are now unlovable.

    We are now untouchable.

    We are rejected and avoided…now that abuse has happened to us.

    The reason abuse continues to flow is because each generation will not be with the hurt child, for instead they are protecting their pain inside of them. They don't want to feel pain, so they leave the wounded child alone.  

    Until the wounded adult children of abuse stand up and feel their pain, abuse will flow to the next generation.  When your child is in pain, you will reject them….look away and find a 'bright' spot to focus on.  You will let your child deal alone with their pains….Teaching them, that pain is something to keep hidden.

    Hiding pain is the sole reason abuse flourishes.

    I will continue to Live LOUD.  Talking loudly about my abuse.  





     

     

     

     

     

     

  • No Longer Authentic

    When someone you love lies to you, what does it mean?  Does it mean I am not worthy of the truth?  Do lies only work for people of less value?  What does it mean to be lied to?  And who is to blame for lies entering into a relationship?

    I sat with my value.  It didn't appear to have changed, even after lies, I remained the same.  I was lied to, but it didn't lower my value.

    I even looked up what lies mean…"a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood. 2. something intended or serving to convey a false impression…"

    It appears to me, that when someone lies, they are trying to be someone they are not.  

    It's about their character…trying to paint it different; a false impressionist painting.

    What I also know of me, is that I have a very hard time being in a relationship when deception arrives.  I can't pretend to pretend it isn't there.  My old gullible self has died.  I now see lies as being a falsehood and I don't waver.

    What I also know is that in keeping a secret it will require lies.  I am not talking about surprises and gifts, I am talking about life's choices, how when you decide to begin a secret, you are really beginning to hone your skills at lying.

    You simply cannot retain your character of integrity and authenticity when you harbor a secret.  It changes who you are.  It isn't so much what you are hiding, but rather what it does to your character.

    Secrets add a component of falsehood to who you are.

    You are no longer authentic.


  • Into Reality

    I am reading, "The Untethered Soul – The Journey beyond Yourself" by Michael Singer.  Here are a few paragraphs that I find so remarkable as to how it is that we are not all seeing the same thing.  Our minds are concocting a story first.

    "Take a moment to examine the difference between your experience of the outside world and your interactions with the mental world. When you’re just thinking, you’re free to create whatever thoughts you want in your mind, and these thoughts are expressed through the voice. You are very accustomed to settling into the playground of the mind and creating and manipulating thoughts. This inner world is an alternate environment that is under your control. The outside world, however, marches to its own laws. When the voice narrates the outside world to you, those thoughts are now side by side, in parity, with all your other thoughts. All these thoughts intermix and actually influence your experience of the world around you. What you end up experiencing is really a personal presentation of the world according to you, rather than the stark, unfiltered experience of what is really out there. This mental manipulation of the outer experience allows you to buffer reality as it comes in. For example, there are myriad things that you see at any given moment, yet you only narrate a few of them. The ones you discuss in your mind are the ones that matter to you. With this subtle form of preprocessing, you manage to control the experience of reality so that it all fits together inside your mind. Your consciousness is actually experiencing your mental model of reality, not reality itself."

    "Basically, you re-create the outside world inside yourself, and then you live in your mind. What if you decided not to do this? If you decide not to narrate and, instead, just consciously observe the world, you will feel more open and exposed. This is because you really don’t know what will happen next, and your mind is accustomed to helping you. It does this by processing your current experiences in a way that makes them fit with your views of the past and visions of the future. All of this helps to create a semblance of control. If your mind doesn’t do this, you simply become too uncomfortable. Reality is just too real for most of us, so we temper it with the mind."  Michael Singer

    The reasons we believe our minds, is that we want to stay in control of the world. And I believe, that those of us who were abused as children, hide further in the mind, that we truly don't want to see reality, for reality is terror.

    To stop the words and thoughts imposing on reality seems like child's play…but try it. Try entering each moment silently without a thought.

    What happened to me, is that the voices who were transposing reality were found out to be frauds.  I had lived my whole 46 years in my mind…never once seeing what was really going on.  My mind transposed a literal word world for me, and I believed it.  I was in reality with my body, but living in my mind.

    Each of us, who have been abused and who can't see that the abusers as an abuser and not a father or mother, sister, brother and friend…are living in their minds.

    The difference between stepping out in the raw world without a mind first is to see what is…as it is.  Making no excuses or going to your mind for a nicer cover.  Just to let things be as they are…raw.

    From my experience with my family and the FALC, is that very few are actually living outside of their minds.  In fact, if you live in your mind, you can pretend to have life exactly as you wish.  You can bless away any sin and return that man back into a father, you can have 'forgiveness' by staying in your mind…and never stepping into reality. 

    When you live in your mind, you don't even know that you are not in reality…the mind will not let you get there, for its task you assigned it was to create a dialogue to keep you from here.

    Just like in the big malls, there is a map and then a spot, "You are Here." 

    The new challenge for humanity is to go out of their minds and into reality.