I M Perfect lady

Category: Crusade

  • Listen to how I feel.

    I just read the line, "inauthentic authenticity" and how there is a trend in being authentic, and how many are not honest…in their authenticity.

    I read this after doing yoga this morning….and what came to me there was how difficult it truly is to live authentically; for it will require you to never pretend in order to 'spare' another's feelings for example.

    The road that I chose many years ago was to go towards love, peace and joy…and keeping away from things that hurt me or disrespected me or were indifferent.

    It was to live authentically with my self.

    It wasn't designed to make me appear kinder to those who for various reason did not bring me love, peace and joy….it did however make me respond authentically to their messages.

    This wasn't always easy to react or respond…"Move away from things that did not feel good inside of me" for typically the behavior was attached to someone who carried the label 'family'.

    Some Christians continue to preach "Do Not Judge" and "Be Loving and kind to all" and I believe they are being inauthentic or dishonest with their authenticity; by discounting their feelings when in the presence of hurtful people.

    To me, it is not kind in any form to pretend or try to love that which you feel repulsed by, frightened of, abused by, shamed by, lowered by etc.  

    What I hear is that the 'kind' person HAS to work harder to LOVE the 'unlovable'….but that those bringing negative energies don't have to do anything…they get to sit in the chair called "Don't Judge Me – Just Love Me."

    And, then if the Christian or Kind Person can't feel peaceful or loving….THEY have a problem. 

    To me, if you try not feel your feelings as they are or overstep and discount them, you are not living authentically. AND, sadly you're doing this to make the person who is hurting you FEEL better.

    This to me is the dance and courtship of abuse.

    Where the abusers sit in the easy chair of non-judgement and no-remorse and no-change and the Kind Folks are challenged to feel loving, no matter what.

    When I walked among the family of estrangement, I stayed true to form within me.

    Nothing within me wanted to get close and be friendly.  It, and I knew, that we had experienced non-loving energies and were not going to pretend otherwise in order to make them comfortable…and betray my feelings inside.

    My feelings are me.

    My feelings are my guide and gauge to my authenticity.

    Steering me towards love, peace and joy….and away from indifference, disrespect, self-absorbed hurtful folks.

    I can only be authentic when I listen to how I feel.

  • What isn’t mine.

    I was given some great advice about what to do when you receive letters/messages etc, written in anger/rage/resentment or just plain unhappiness….to write a small note saying, "this is yours, I am returning it to you."

    Instead I took in the energy and allowed it to be with me for a few days.  Even knowing it wasn't mine, I accepted it.  I love how I can now identify whose it belongs to…and refuse what is sent my way.

    I was playing with fabric, again today.  

    The colors and movement is much brighter and ligher…there is a dance in their steps, a co-mingling of spirits.

    Photo-15
    The background is one whole hand-dyed piece and I chose not to have borders.  I will see how it goes.  I still need to add more definition, like hair, hands etc….

    I tried one lady and it didn't work.  Three seems to feel better.

    It was fun to play with friends on fabric.

    Art fills me with good energy…while the messages contaminated my cells when I brought it in.

    Learning as I go…how different things feel in my body.

    and, sending away what isn't mine.


  • The Reasons why.

    In the last pages of "I am Malala" she speaks of how quiet her country is about her book, and her message….and how they see her so incorrectly.  Amazingly, the very people she is speaking out for, are not able to appreciate her journey.

    She had an outpouring of support from around the world, except from her homeland…instead she receives misconstrued negative messages…or she would be welcome to come back, if she would stop spreading Western Ideas, that the people in power do not want.

    If she were to get back in line, hide under the burka and give up on education and women's rights, she can go home. Or so they say.

    Another part in her story is about her praying to be tall, for she is a very small girl, and after being shot by the Taliban…she feels that God made her so tall that the world can now see her.  They wanted to destroy and make her disappear and the opposite has happened.

    While there are many in her country that are not pleased with her, she is completely accepted by her family; who love and support her as she stands up for women's rights in a country where it has never been so.  She, one little girl, is trying to free thousands of women to create a more civilized society…and doing so has put her own life in danger. 

    And, the men in power feel her power.  Recognize that in empowering women they will lose their control…she is a threat to their uncivilized life styles.

    I can relate to her.  

    I am not in a life threatening climate, but I am feeling that I am fighting for women who are not able to appreciate my efforts. 

    Malala has a bigger dream for the women in her country…a dream most can't wrap their minds around. They have lived and were born in a country where women are not seen…they are not recognized with any value.

    My view of the women born into abusive homes…raised in religions where their freedoms are so limited…are on the spectrum of Malala's invisible women.

    Invisible in Self.

    Invisible…without value; unless they are serving the men or being victimized for the 'pleasure' of the abuser.  

    They are just instruments for power gain by the abuser.

    The men in her country are powerful because they control women.

    Doesn't that just seem insane?

    More powerful to overcome the weaker among them.

    But, isn't that what abuse is?

    The ideology of abusive families are similar to an uncivilized country.  Where the only power men have is to control those weaker than him.  Power gained by intimidating and victimizing, verbally and physically those who have no power.

    When one little girl who challenges their power….they try and shoot her, it shows them to be bullies. And, yet the people in her country blame her for speaking out.

    Not the reasons why.




  • As an Equal.

    "I Am Malala" by Malala Yousafzai, shows the hard struggle for something so simple; a woman's right to education.  

    What the girl couldn't understand, was why her being knowledgeable was something that threatened Armies and bad men. All she wanted was to go to school.  And, not only did they ban girls from going to school, they bombed the schools.  

    She does give the background climate and the beliefs and religious and various clans and tribes; the perfect backdrop for this to take place.

    This simple concept of no longer educating girls…then flows into other liberties being taken away.  Little by little they lost their rights…one right at a time….out of fear of what would happen if they refused.

    It isn't so much WHAT is taken away, but that they allow it.  Allow it by going along or believing in the religious leaders.  More often the Koran was misinterpreted in order to gain control over the people.

    There seems to be a common thread in what is going on her country and what I feel/sense/see in the strict religions.  The lack of personal freedom…given up out of fear.

    Imagine this young girl being the voice of women in her country….saying it is not okay, that I want to be educated. 

    Imagine using women as pawns to manipulate in order to gain control and power? Who else does this?

    And, who is speaking for the rights of women and girls?

    Her father carried this poem around in his wallet.

    First they came for the communists,

    and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

    Then they came for the socialists,
    and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.

    Then they came for the trade unionists,
    and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

    Then they came for me,
    and there was no one left to speak for me.  by Martin-Niemöller

    At one point in her story, she says…that her whole country appears to have gone mad, for no one is complaining or striking against their rights being taken away…how they silently give up.

    There is a societal madness that seems to permeate and is spread by silence…upheld by fear.  Fear of NOT going along.

    Where is the fear of losing power or the control of their lives….and the lives of the women and children?

    In her country, male domination is completely in focus.

    And, I see that in the FALC, it is similar…women are being used, just differently.

    Malala said, "it is like they are trying to wipe out all evidence of women in our country" when they had to start hiding behind the burkas…

    The elder women in her country have been taught to disappear, unless they are serving men.

    Their lives are not their lives.

    They are but a parasite living upon the backs of men.

    I know that she lives on the extreme end of the scale, but there are religions where women have no voice in matters that matter.

    She has no freedom to say No.

    No freedom to her own body.

    I see from her story the loud display of control over women.

    The FALC is a quieter show…yet its visual is displayed in the large families and the downtrodden women.

    Malala was lucky to be born unto her father, who treated her like a son, from the moment she was born…she was never seen as less…due to her gender.  He encouraged her to speak out and supported her…while he himself spoke out for women's rights and value.  Most important he lived it…by seeing her as an equal.


  • Family and Stranger

    In a blog, A young girl recounted an encounter with an abusive man, a stranger she happened upon, who took his pleasure by groping her. Its impact was immediately felt deeply…her body and world changed in that moment.

    (blog  - http://travelingev.com/2013/10/3-worst-experiences-2-of-3/ )

    What struck me, was how she could concentrate on herself, due to it being a stranger.  Meaning, she was able to flee, to remove herself from the situation to never have to be in his space again…to speak freely and was offered help.

    How things are so much more complex and long suffering for those whose abusers they call 'dad'….or 'brother', 'uncle' and 'friend'.  And, to be a child…not a young adult.

    I think we think, that the silence is due to the severity of the abuse or the lack thereof, when in fact it has much more to do with our relationship to the abuser…and our age and the folks who we share life with.

    Abuse feels like abuse.

    It doesn't change from person to person.

    What is so different is who is the abuser.  

    Do we know him.

    Do we live with him.

    How our parents know him and relate to him.

    When an abuser is 'in-house' it is so much harder to tell.

    It isn't that the experience isn't felt as deeply or awful…it is that the horrible man is someone we know.  Then what???

    Just so interesting for me to hear her story and witness the differences…between family and stranger.

  • The body’s wisdom.

    In Steven Pressfield's book, "What we talk about when we talk about God" he writes;

    "When we say that we had a draining conversation with someone, who knows what kind of exchange was going on at a subatomic level?  That person may actually been draining us. It may not be just a figure of speech."

    "When we talk about how that person took a piece of us, did she really?"

    "When we say that somebody sucked the life out of us, how do we know that he didn't do exactly that?

    "What the modern world did in its fascination with parts and pieces is teach us that we are individual, isolated human units, talking and conversing and interacting but not much more than that. What we intuitively know, however, and what we're learning more and more from current science, is that there's way more going on between us than we first thought."

    "There are different kinds of engagement and drain, and they affect us in much different ways. When a high school student walks out at the end of taking the SATs, her brain is cooked. When you finish a five-mile run or an hour-long weight-lifting session, your muscles ache and you're drenched with sweat. But, when your friend's mother dies and you go to the funeral, that's a different kind of fatigue. It drains not so much your brain or muscles as it drains your spirit. Some events exhaust us at a spirit level, in the same way that some people can crush our spirit if we let them. Learning to be present to our depths means paying attention to all interactions and the toll they exact or the life they bring to that most mysterious, elusive aspect of ourselves we call spirit."

    "Remember Einstein's discovery that matter is locked-up energy, and energy is liberated matter? You exert a gravitational pull on every object around you, including people. And, they're doing the same, at the exact same time."

    "When we encounter someone inspiring, it may be way more than words or actions that she gives us. Likewise, when someone makes something for us and then gives it to us and it means something to us and moves us, we feel like a part of that person is present in the gift. It's not because we are superstitious; it's because a part of him may actually be in the gift."

    "When we talk about the vibes somebody gives off,

    or the not-so-good feeling we're getting from someone,

    or we're sure that somebody is jealous,

    or harboring bitterness,

    or distracted,

    our bodies are doing the job that highly sophisticated radar systems do,

    picking up signals and processing them in real time.

    Deep, as we know, calls to deep."

    "Our body language and facial expressions and changes in posture when we're interacting with each other are so vast and varied that some of them can't be consciously noticed until they're videotaped and played back in slow motion." 

    "When you have that sense that someone has more to tell you but you don't know how you know that, there's a good chance that her body sent your body information faster than your mind could notice it."

    "The brain alone is stunning in its endless ability to process and morph and transform in response to external stimuli. This is called neuroplasticity, and from it we learn that how we focus our attention actually shapes our brain."

    "Joy is contagious,

    and despair brings everybody down,

    and when positive energy is present and flowing,

    we all benefit."

    Steven Pressfield.

    I would say that mostly I am challenged in the way I listen to my body. The way I allow myself to move away from energies that feel bad.  Especially from family members whose energies feel bad in my body.

    In the past, I wasn't aware…no that is a lie.  I was aware of how I felt in the presence of people, but I would not let myself respond in kind.  I would endure the energy exchange….for appreances and to be a 'good' sister or daughter.

    I no longer care about the appearance on the outside, I will no longer subject my body to negative energy in order to be 'liked'.

    Once I became aware of my body's language and its radar and the correctness of it…I listened, trusted and believe its messages.  I simply follow how it feels.

    My body and everyone's body has this wonderful capabilities.  And, I believe, when you discount or override its systems; its dis-ease.

    Your body and soul are not at one.

    Discounting the body leads you far astray from your soul; your passion, your peace, your love, and joy.  

    In sexual abuse, especially from a family member or friend, it takes our natural ability to move away from bad.  It turns our minds against our bodies.

    We no longer trust our bodies.

    We no longer like our bodies.

    We no longer love our bodies.

    We disconnect and live a few feet away from them.

    Now, unable to hear its messages.

    We do this. For the message would be too frightening to a child to know they live with monsters.  Instead, we make the monsters nice and disconnect from the fear and terror that rages in the small body.

    Healing to me, is to re-connect back to the body….to reality and to move with the body's wisdom.


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  • Called it love.

    Can something be good and evil at the same time?  Is it possible that nothing is one way, but actually it can hold two diverse meanings at one time? Is one man's evil another man's love?  If so is love and evil ever changing as it is defined from man to man and woman to woman? Are the definitions the problem or is it in the perception or the eye of the beholder?

    As the discussion continues and labors forward between those in the church and those outside, those who had good experiences of the church and those didn't….as well as between my family of origin and I.

    Is there just one good church and then me bad mouthing it.

    Is there just one good family and, again…me bad mouthing it.

    Just where is the truth found?

    Is it possible that the truth is the truth for one and then the truth is the truth for the other, EVEN if those truths are completely opposite?

    How do we then know the difference between good and evil, right or wrong, love or abuse?

    Does it lie in the definitions or in the perceptions of those defining it?

    Is it possible that there is only one correct definition of love, abuse, and cult, but that each of us bring our own meaning to it by how we were taught.

    Could it be that we define love by how love was shown us?

    Not by its true meaning, but by our meaning.

    From my experience, my file managers were completely dyslexic.

    I had to look up the word "Dyslexic" to see if that makes sense.

    "a general term for disorders that involve difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters, and other symbols, but that do not affect general intelligence."

    Hmmm, not sure now if that works. From what I am reading, it is trouble with the letters more so than general intelligence.

    My file managers had trouble with definitions or were very creative and made them up as they went along.

    It left me with the wrong discernment of my world and the folks who I called family.

    There seems to be a wide gap between what is going on in reality and then what others see.

    I used to live in this surreal world, where it didn't touch reality…where my mind transposed definitions to create a kinder world.

    It didn't make the world kinder, but it had me Believing it was.

    I am not certain I can explain or articulate what happens to an abused child's mind.

    How its definitions get all messed up.  How it sees things but calls them incorrectly…and if untreated or unaware, they go through life NOT knowing the difference.

    Allowing them to believe that which they call love is love, when it actually abuse.

    It is like definition dyslexia…not letter and symbol dyslexia.

    You can't see correctly what is right in front of you….you define your world backwards.

    Where love doesn't mean freedom, respect, trust, etc….but it means controlled, disrespected and untrusting.  

    Love and abuse are completely flipped around.

    I know this will sound insane and completely nuts, but there is no other way to explain how so called intelligent folks are able to NoT see.

    They see, but their definitions are wrong.

    They were taught that the feelings of love, felt like neglect, disrespect, shallow, selfish, self absorbed…etc.

    How would a person know they were wrong, if the only love they ever known was abuse?  Wouldn't abuse not stand out?  

    Is it possible that if abuse was called love, that they don't know what love is?

    I think I thought, they knew both…but I forgot to remember I didn't know love until I was 46 years old.  I knew my own definition of love that I was taught as a child, but it and what I know today are not even close cousins. They are the complete opposites.

    Love's opposite was/is indifference.

    I had to look up "Indifference".

    "lack of interest in or concern about something"

    My definition of love from my childhood was indifference.

    From what I know of how my parents treated me, this is completely true.  I felt their indifference and called it love.


  • Away from them.

    In a discussion about the FALC church, and similar others, was…whether it is a cult, cult-like or how it would be defined. I found it remarkable how some will not see the forrest for the trees or maybe how they want to keep sweet or make nice; that which misses the mark 9 out of 10 times.

    It leads me to wonder how much off you can be, before you are really way off the mark? What does it take to change your mind about something?  And is it really the misses that count or the cost it would have for you to see things clearly?

    I wonder about the stubborn mind.

    I wonder about the mind who refuses to account for the negatives OR use the negatives to balance out the positives so you end up in a neutral place…of say cordial kindness…harmlessness.

    I was also challenged with this today, in a comment on the Ex-toots blog. "To simplify people is to abandon critical thinking; it is extremism from the other side of the fence."

    I looked up critical thinking to see what it had to say first, so I knew what was what.

    "Critical thinking is a way of deciding whether a claim is always true, sometimes true, partly true, or false."

    Am I off the mark in seeing things as either true or false?

    Is there really an area in all things that is neither or both?

    What am I missing in this?  

    I don't believe I am simplifying folks, but rather the opposite.  To me simplifying is to not see the darkness.  

    Is it that we want to put the dark side and the light side and make them equal so we are both right?

    In the same comment, I was asked,  "I challenge you to ask yourself: what part of you wants to fault your siblings for accepting your parents as more than their bad acts, as worthy of love? What part of you wants them to be like you?"

    I am not certain about this whole tone of questioning, it almost makes it seem like it is my fault for faulting them. And, that It is my fault in that I don't see them (parents) worthy of love.

    I wonder when they get to be viewed?…and is there a mutual responsiblity in relationships?  

    I believe there is.

    I do not believe, anymore, in the onesided lopsided relationships where one person gives and loves and the other continues to mistreat and behave in abusive manners.

    And, there were a few more questions…."What would you lose by validating their complexity and humanity? Of embracing what you have in common instead of what separates you?"

    I am not certain I would lose by validating their complex humanity.  I would lose more by not validating it.  I do validate it.  I am under no illusion about the mind and its capabilities to distort and control the lives of humanity.

    And, what we have in common isn't so much what I see, but what they fail to see…or see with the same eyes. I see us as equals…coming from whence we all came.

    What always puzzles me is that I am challenged to make nice.

    I am challenged to see the complexity and humanity.

    I am challenged to see them worthy of love…..

    AND, they are not challenged to do the same….or even remotely equal.

    It seems to me these questions are being asked of the wrong person.

    What I have found is that more often than not, people will challenge me and my actions and never give a second glance at the actions of either the church and/or my parents…and siblings.

    The spot light shines upon the one who shines into the darkness…but the darkness doesn't have to explain its roles or behaviors….and certainly no one challenges it.

    Instead of asking me to be a critical thinker, perhaps ask that of yourself.

    I have done years and years of being a critical thinker and have faced truths and falsehoods along the way.  I haven't been extreme on one side or the other…well perhaps I am extremely interested in seeing the truth.

    To me, it just doesn't seem that the critical eye is upon the source of the agnst, but it is fully directed at me.  

    Where is the challenge to the abusers?

    Where is the challenge to the supporters…passive or aggressive…past or present?

    I don't know why I need to explain my side and they don't have to explain theirs.

    If you ask, will they answer?

    Is it easier to ask me…for you don't fear my answers?  Or are you just wanting the spotlight to fall away from them…



  • You don’t know who you are.

    "'No' can be a beautiful word, every bit as beautiful as 'yes', "writers John Robbins and Ann Mortifee declare. "Whenever we deny our need to say 'no', our self-respect diminishes," they tell us in In Search of Balance Discoverying Harmony in a Changing World. "It is not only our right at certain times to say 'no'; it is our deepest responsibility. For it is a gift to ourselves when say 'not' to those old habits that dissipate our energy, 'no' to what robs us of our inner joy, 'no' to what distracts us from our purpose. And it is a gift to others to say 'no' when their expectations do not ring true for us, for in doing so we free them to discover more fully the truth of their own path. Saying 'no' can be liberating when it expresses our commitment to take a stand for what we believe we truly need."  (from Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach

    No is one word that has gotten a bad rap, it is covered with negative feelings, when in fact it is the gateway to freedom.

    I love that I can say no.  I love that I can signify no. I love that I use No.

    No is the word that is taken from us in abuse.

    No was also removed in Religion, where choices were sliced away.

    As Byron Katie says, "If you can't say NO, I don't trust your YES."

    I am not sure if you can maintain your own boundaries without the use of the word No. In fact, I would say it is impossible.  

    By removing a child's ability to say No, we are setting them up to live without boundaries. The greatest gift we can give our children is the ability to say no, especially to us.  Relationships without No, are not healthy.

    I honor the word No much more than the word Yes. Yes is typically used for something you like and is joyful and easy.

    No is a word that may come out shaky and filled with anxiety…as we begin to reclaim our lives and our choices.

    No is a word that signifies a choice.

    It means 'no thank you'…I pass.

    I will sit this one out.

    No is a word of power of empowerment…a vote for what you believe in, what you stand for or stand against.

    Without No, a Yes isn't so positive, but just a way to keep from kicking up dust or making a fuss.  Yes is easy it requires no self control or power.  It goes along to get along. It is to stay with the crowd and not stand out.  It is the weakest of the two words…and the path most traveled.

    Once No is an option…you are able to discern your preference.

    Without a preference you are held prisoner to another's wishes/dreams or commands.

    Imagine No is a way out of old habits…cults, abuse, bad relationships, etc.

    The ability to say yes OR no, is freedom.

    And, if you don't have the power to use No, you will not understand those who can and will feel their No affects you.

    Once you use No liberally, you will allow others to do so as well.  It separates and unhooks you from others.  You become a free unit.

    No has been my greatest gift to me.

    I do not trust anyone who can't say No.

    A person without the capabilities to say no, appear foggy to me; unclear.

    Definition is decided with No…and Yes….but not with just yes.

    Always saying yes, means you don't know who you are.

     


  • Try and Make Nice.

    "The Artist committing himself to his calling has volunteered for hell, whether he knows it or not. He will be dining for the duration on a diet of isolation, rejection, self-doubt, despair, ridicule, contempt, and humiliation."  Steven Pressfield

    This is a true statement…in my experience as I attempt to follow what I see is my calling, in speaking up as a victim of sexual abuse…and using my Art Therapy Quilts as a way to raise awareness, to foster courage and allow others who find themselves in opposition with their families due to abuse.

    It truly never was a dream of mine to be a thorn in the side of many or to live unveiled and without secrets, or to experience in life contempt, disdain, rejection isolation from family…whose eventual outcome was estrangement.

     I had never been one to make waves within the family and would have done most anything so as not to be ridiculed or seen with sheer contempt….and yet, now I am literally and consciously doing things that bring out the worst in my family.  I do so, not to anger them, but to do what I feel is my soul's work.

    In order to live what I believe, I will knowingly upset them…more than I already have.

    I even contemplated my own actions or non-actions and wondered just where am I…when my body and intuition or spirit refuses to even behave in a way as one person put it, human.

    And then I swing back to the reasons I am doing this new calling gig that was chosen for me.  Now there is non-human behavior…when a father abuses his child.

     Last night I had asked in desperation, just what is my intentions, am I acting inhumane?  Have I lost it?  What is the landscape and where do I stand? Is this agitator lifestyle my lot in life now?  Am I unable to be kind or nice or social when it comes to my family of origin?  Is this forever?  The new unliked me among them?

    I had dreams last night…two of them.  Both were of adults acting in inappropriate ways, with children present and the adults unconcerned in the least.  As I tried to reason with them, they wouldn't take me serious…

    I awoke with a feeling that it isn't I who is acting unusual…

    I understand that I was dreaming. I also understand, that my dreams are a place where I find answers, when I ask in desperation…showing me clearly by the feelings of the dreams.

    And then this morning continued to read Steven Pressfield's book, "The War of Art".

    "Remember, the part of us that we imagine needs healing is not the part we create from; that part is far deeper and stronger. The part we create from can't be touched by anything our parents did, or society did. That part is unsullied, uncorrupted; soundproof, waterproof, and bulletproot. In fact, the more troubles we've got, the better and richer that part becomes."

    So, IF I am reading this correctly, the more trouble I have in dealing/relating/socializing with my estranged family, the better and richer is my creativity…

    Here is another section I loved….

    "Resistance and Isolation"

    "Friends sometimes ask, "Don't you get lonely sitting by yourself all day?"  At first it seemed odd to hear myself answer No. Then I realized that I was not alone; I was in the book; I was with the characters. I was with my Self."

    "Not only do I not feel alone with my characters; they are more vivid and interesting to me than the people in my real life. If you think about it, the case can't be otherwise. In order for a book (or any project or enterprise) to hold our attention for the length of time it takes to unfold itself, it has to plug into some internal perplexity or passion that is paramount importance to us. That problem becomes the theme of our work, even if we can't at the start understand or articulate it. As the characters arise, each embodies infallibly an aspect of that dilemma, that perplexity.These characters might not be interesting to anyone else but they're absolutely fascinating to us. They are us. Meaner, smarter, sexier versions of ourselves. It's fun to be with them because they're wrestling with the same issues that has its hooks into us. They're our soul mates, our lovers, our best friends. Even the villians. Especially the villians."

    "Even in a book like this, which has no characters, I don't feel alone because I'm imagining the reader, whom I conjure as an aspiring artist much like my own younger, less grizzled self, to whom I hope to impart a little starch and inspiration and prime, a little, with some hard-knocks wisdom and a few tricks of the trade." Steven

    What I love about the Artist that he writes about….I can see this is how I am with the Lady Quilts….and then how I am as I write this blog.  I am isolated, rejected and looked at with contempt from my family….but, there are others like me who I am connected with as they view My Ladies…or read my words and experiences.

    I guess what I know the most, is that my group or like minded folks are no longer my family…I don't resonate with understanding anymore.

    Where I used to be one with them…I am now at odds…and it would insult my calling or soul's voice to try and make nice.