I M Perfect lady

Category: Examples of an Imperfect woman

  • Cover Up

    In listening to Iyanla Vanzant speak to Oprah about Family Secrets, I learned a few things.  

    One, that secrets are usually to protect someone….and secondly, that it is due to shame and guilt.  Also, Fear of a consequence IF the secret were to be known and to Cover Up a poor choice.

    I guess when I thought of secrets, what I focused on was the secret If you will and not the reason that a person decides a secret is the way forward.  I was short sighted and stopped with the lie. Not why the lie was formed or what it was the best option, but the lie itself, isolated; a character flaw.  But, I failed to see the life of the secret.

    Secrets usually are after a poor choice has been made and it can't be fix, so then a secret is a way of covering it up, by not mentioning it or trying to hide it.

    I didn't realize that their are legitimate reasons for lying even if they don't work…that a poor choice that can't be fixed is a source for a secret.  That the person feels if we find out about the poor choice, that we will then look upon them differently, that they may be rejected or that they don't want to disappoint us.

    Imagine a history behind the secret…I didn't know.

    I wasn't looking deeply into the pathology of secrets, but rather at the secret…not the why.

    The why is key to knowing the cause of the secret and why it grew…and why a relationship was void of trust, how betrayal seemed to be the kinder option.

    They also spoke of secrets making you sick.  The negative fear based energy and the guilt and shame that lives with secrets will infect other areas of your life.

    I just was amazed at the multi-faceted nature of lies/secrets…how it weaves and grows a life of its own.

    She also said that typically the secret comes out, when the pain of keeping a secret out weighs the pain of the secret.  That was interesting too.

    That the shame of the secret itself becomes a lesser pain…for the pain of lying becomes harder to do and is more painful.

    The Truth shall set you free. Free from the pain, shame etc that the secret was meant to cover up.  Who knew that a secret was a cover up???



  • The Net will Open

    "Repetition is not failure. Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind. There is no expected pace for inner learning. What we need to learn comes when we need it, no matter how old or young, no matter how many times we have to start over, no matter how many times we have to learn the same lesson. We fall down as many times as we need to, to learn how to fall and get up. We fall in love as many times as we need to, to learn how to hold and be held. We misunderstand the many voices of truth as many times as we need to, to truly hear the choir of diversity that surrounds us. We suffer our pain as often as is necessary for us to learn how to break and how to heal. No one really likes this, of course, but we deal with our dislike in the same way, again and again, until we learn what we need to know about the humility of acceptance."  Mark Nepo, The book of Awakening

    Isn't it funny how we don't want to repeat things, but want things to stay the same, and oh, we want things to change without having to change.

    We can either be a willing participant in the flow of life as a learner or we can be dragged kicking and screaming into the next lesson, and the next lesson.  

    The Universe is set up for ultimate learning…each lesson gets repeated Until you get it.  It doesn't allow skipping ahead. Some may not see the lesson the first time or the 100th time.  Others learn to ask, "What is this situation here to teach me?"

    I look at myself in life either standing with the Universe/reality or against it. Most of my life lessons have been to show me where I have been blind.  Where the Universe and I did not match.  My 'truths' and The Truth were miles apart.

    I have learned to be a good learner…and to be willing to let my ideas, thoughts and beliefs, be wrong.

    Here is today's reading by Mark Nepo.

    "Far out at sea, a tuna fleet surrounded a group of spinner dolphins swimming over a school of tuna, catching them in a gigantic net. Small, powerful speedboats circled the animals, creating a wall of sound that disoriented and terrified the dolphins, who sank down silently into the net, only the movement of their eyes showing signs of life. But when a dolphin crossed the corkline at the edge of the net, it knew it was free. It burst forward, propelled by powerful wide tail strokes…. It then dove, swimming at full speed … down and away into the dark water, only to burst from the surface in a high bounding series of leaps." —JEFFREY MOUSSAIEFF MASSON 

    "This dolphin moment reveals a recurring sequence for us as human beings. Confined against our will—or even sometimes confined with our own consent—we go lifeless as we feel the need for space. Feeling confined, fearful, enervated, not sure where the edge of the net is—this is the depressive, confusing struggle that always precedes freedom."

    "But like these magnificent dolphins, we know the instant we are free, as an inner power overwhelms us, and we are compelled with joy to explore the deep which gives us the grace to break the surface, bounding briefly into a Oneness that is hard to imagine."  

    "This whole process describes in a moment of nature what Carl Jung called “the way of individuation”: how a divided individual sorts through their deepest confinements in order to pursue a wholeness of being."

    "If we have a call, it is to outlast the net so we can dive and break surface."  Mark Nepo

    I love how he says, "Confined against our will—or even sometimes confined with our own consent—we go lifeless as we feel the need for space. Feeling confined, fearful, enervated, not sure where the edge of the net is—this is the depressive, confusing struggle that always precedes freedom."

    Confined WITH our consent, is the key phrase…and how depressive, confusing struggle is what comes before freedom!

    Who knew that confusing depressive feelings are the struggle that will gain your freedom. To sit with those feelings and question your confinement.

    Feeling confused is a good thing…it means you are noticing the net…the individual you is stirring. Listen and feel…be aware. Watch your actions, your thoughts and others.  

    It may be time to start the lessons of your truth…how are you seeing reality and how do you feel in your reality.

    My body wasn't at peace in my old reality…I was no longer willing to be confined by the churches narrow individual stealing beliefs.  I was stirring before my childhood abuse truth surfaced.

    What I know, is that there are more women like me out there. Who are restless. Who are wanting something more. Who are tired trying to make work, that which is impossible to make work. Who are empty of self. Who are wanting more freedom to be, who are straining for the opening in the net…

    Within the churches pews are women who don't know how to begin to begin…who have never swam alone, never gone against the teachings of the church and family…who find themselves in abusive relationships, without skills to escape the net.

    A few have made it out….the path is being cleared.  Strength comes in knowing you are not alone.  You are not the only one, but one in many.  It wasn't your fault.  You were born into a system fully in play.

    The day will come when it is your time to slip the net. You will know. You will reach the moment when you know it is over. When you know you have to leave or die inside the net.

    Once I cleared the net…empowerment truly came.  Self empowerment…a free individual…strong in following my own truth.

    Tom Rosemurgy- (trosemurgy@houghtonsheriff.com )and Dial Help (482-9077) are two key places that will help you transition…they can partner with you on your exit out.

    And I am here to lend what I know.  bjukuri@hotmail.com

    Reach out….and the net will open.

    You are not alone.  




  • A Pretend Life.

    Ed Bacon writes about Truth in his book, "8 Habits of Love – Open Your Heart, Open Your Mind".

    "It is important to remember that Truth is not a set of ideas anyone can memorize or systematize and then expect to earn some sort of certificate of accomplishment. Truth cannot be fully contained in one’s mind, words, concepts, or thoughts— it is too alive, vast, and out of human control for that. Rather, Truth is a constantly unfolding series of insights, understandings, revelations, and epiphanies about ourselves and how the world works. Not only do we learn from Truth until we take our last breath, but it has the potential to galvanize change on a large scale."

    "Recognize that no Truth can be entirely free of fear. My mentor, Rabbi Friedman, taught me that we may sometimes have to temporarily cut off relations with others in order to establish a healthier foundation for resuming that connection later. This can be a way of affirming that you are, in fact, open to the possibility of building a love-based relationship in the future, but to do so you must turn away from the old, destructive narrative for a while."

    "At times, living with our Truth will seem risky and alienating. We may struggle and need to take a hard look at why we do what we do and why we believe what we believe. Throughout our lives, when Truth leads us to a new level of understanding and defines our lives and our values, it often informs us that we are about to be transformed by setting up some internal conflict. If you experience this struggle and confusion, remember that this conflict is never the last word. The last word is a newfound and deeply founded peace and fortification to live our lives free from fear and in the embrace of our loving selves."  Ed Bacon

    I believe that I used to think, that certain people had a handle on truth, and the rest of us just 'believed' them.  Like for example, the church.  It seemed that I gave up all my own free investigation of my own life and handed it over to the church.  The church was the keeper of what is true and what is good, and I didn't have to worry, in fact, they wanted us to believe like a child.  Resting in the fact, that they would take care of us.

    They decided what was good and what was evil for me.  I didn't get to experience life and find that out for myself. Being born into this religion you were not given the opportunity to decide for yourself…you only have this as your guidepost about life. 

    I looked up the word Truth.  That which is true or in accordance with fact or reality: "tell me the truth".

    Truth being one with reality or fact…when often times many will want to hold a truth that has no roots…but it is a 'belief'…handed down.

    My life was based on the truth of the church and it wasn't until my whole life fell apart, did I realize I must be the one to discern what is true for me.

    My Truth I discovered had to be grounded in reality.  I would not just 'believe' but rather I looked for facts and actions…and in doing so, It led me to be the odd man out.

    Most folks do not care whether their lives are rooted in truth.  What they care most about are keeping old relationships and ways of life that they are comfortable with.

    To live by your own authenticity and integrity will require you to stand in awkward places and oftentimes, stand alone with your truth.  

    It seems that humanity likes to clump together, to feel that the more people you have believing in a truth, the more truthful that truth is…but, I have read "Even if a million people believe something that is untrue, it still is untrue."

    I used to find comfort in numbers and not in the truth.

    Now, I get unsettled when I can't find the roots of truth.  I don't like truth that has no ground to it.  My mind can't believe things without roots…nor can it pretend a truth into being.

    I have lived a life with truths that had no meaning and it was a very disturbing life upon waking up.  Now, I would rather be disturbed while awake…and see the truth.

    I believe most people believe that they are living a very truthful life, that their actions and words are all rooted in a truthful system…but very few have excavated their belief systems or questioned their lives.  

    And, I guess if your life is working for you, there are no reasons to begin to look deeply at why you do that which you do. Why you believe what you believe. Why you see the world as you see it. There is no need, until the world tilts and your life becomes a complicated mess.

    What I do know, is that the truth was never hidden in my world, but rather my mind believed things that were not true.  I acted from a point of falsehood and called it my truth.

    Calling it MY Truth, didn't make it true.

    After years of living a life that wasn't grounded in facts or reality, I now am a stickler for them…I want me to be at one with truth, no matter the cost.

    And the cost oftentimes is quite high.

    But, I would rather rest in the truth, than to live a life detached from it.

    Detached from the truth is to be living a pretend life…




  • Learner of Abuse.

    I am reading "8 Habits of Love – Open Your Heart, Open Your Mind by Ed Bacon. 

    It is interesting in how we see ourselves in our story, as a victim, a hero or a learner.

    In writing the story three ways, you will see the difference in feelings within each.

    Somehow in lots of my writings, I do start out as the victim, then can go into the hero mold, but the learner role is one that I am most intrigued with.  By the end of each blog, I usually learn something not only about abuse, but about my life.  Here is what Ed wrote.

    "My friend and co-worker, Theodora, introduced me to a transformative rubric for life that was developed by Betty Sue Flowers, an author and educator. In a conference Theodora attended, the presenter asked everyone to write a brief outline of their autobiography in three different ways: first as a victim, then as a hero, and finally as a learner."

    "Those are three very different stories with three very different energies, and three very different outcomes. A victim feels the need to be defended, vindicated, or avenged. A hero needs justification, ego promotion, or validation."

    "And a learner? A learner seeks illumination, correction, and direction."

    "Learners open themselves to discovering the new in every situation, particularly challenging ones. To use a powerful phrase of Archbishop Tutu’s, the victim and hero mind-sets want only to perpetuate the “safe sameness”— the predictable and familiar. This is a closed mind-set. When I’m coming to Stillness, I frequently start out feeling more like a victim or a hero. Once I relax more deeply, I know that something transformative and fear reversing is going on as I feel myself relaxing, lowering my defenses, opening up, and becoming a learner."  Ed Bacon

    If we look at life as a learner of it, we will be more open, more expansive and more eager to explore the whys of our lives.  

    Learning about me and how I was formed, what my make up was and why I did the things I did and what was my frame of mind and or level of awareness has been a great lesson in learning about me.

    Being a Learner leaves you living in a wide open space…free to explore and be.  I will now say, I am a learner of abuse.


  • Kindness is Blindness.

    The lack of seeing life as it is, is the greatest veil that falls upon us in abuse.  Our minds simply refuse to see the changes in the behavior of another. We keep the old image, the old file, the old knowing in place; while new behaviors arrive.  And some do this and call it Faith….the power to bless evil away.

    It isn't the actual physical or emotional abuse that hurts us, IT IS THE LACK OF CHANGING the file to now read, "Not friend, Not love, Not kind, Not appropriate…etc.

    We give wide berth to all kinds of behavior, because we sit in the comfort of the relationship…focusing on marriage or friendship or fatherhood, instead of seeing that the individual we are in a relationship with, HAS CHANGED.  They are showing you who they are, BELIEVE them.

    Our lack of changing, is the biggest factor in helping them abuse. We don't want to be UN-Believers. We want to believe in them. We feel if we believe strong enough, we will have someone to believe in.  This does not work.  NOT seeing it is what the absuser lives for. They do not want you to address their evil.  They want you to believe in their innocence.

    For those with a loving big heart, this changing of the files is like pulling teeth, they will not do so, for they are kind.  They are too kind to see your bad behavior. That is nuts!  Is kindness blindness????

    There are so many 'good christians' who believe in their faith and feel its kindness….as they continually forgive sins of abuse. 

    If they only could see the actions in action. If they only could see how them NOT seeing it, allows abuse to boldly attack again and again.  Their kind blindness is the very thing abusers depend upon. 

    My mother's strength was her blindness. This is what kept her in a bad relationship for 49 years, allowed her daughters and her granddaughter's to be abused by her husband….she refused to be unkind to him!

    UNKIND to him.  While he gets free reign to abuse.

    This kind blindness is subtle and it appears nice and very Jesus like, but it is actually quite deadly and harmful for the children who live under its reign.

    In dysfunction kindness is blindness.

  • It wasn’t true.

    I never knew pretend relationships could hurt when they ended…or that I would feel pain of being deceived.  What is so odd, is that the pretending was so that I would not feel bad.  In the end, the feelings were the same.

    In looking at the way our relationship changed, I am responsible for not noticing the pretending.  For not being aware that they truly did not want to be with me, but were afraid to say so.

    I am responsible for being someone others don't want to say no to.

    While I have prided myself on being able to say no and to say yes, to follow my own feelings, I had not considered how it may be to disappoint me…or to go against what I say and feel.

    I still can't know, for I am me….and I can't be outside of me to see how it would be.

    Ironically, I have give up the ideas I used to have of wanting others to agree with me or to follow me or to be and do like me, and yet inside of some, there are the past expectations of me still alive.

    It caught me unaware.  It caught me in my heart.  I felt like a child who didn't have many friends, so a few 'had' to play with me.  It wasn't their first choice, but they were doing it so I wouldn't feel hurt.

    Yet, finding out that It wasn't their choice, but that they were trying to spare my feelings, hurt just as bad.  

    Another thought or perhaps perspective I had was to see how awkward it would be to have  mom like me.  A mom who is not accepted into the mainstream family unit due to her unique viewpoint of life.  How it would be to not want to hurt me further, so you would go along with some things FOR me.

    I felt the absence of being someone others WANTED to be with.

    I thought I had gotten used to being okay, playing differently and never even assumed that I was being placated…that it was FOR ME, but not their first choice.

    This event also had my past time travelers tagging along. I also felt the pangs of being duped as a child.  Of me bringing my best, doing my best and then trusting that they too carried their own integrity.

    I didn't want to feel the feelings of being duped.  Of being placated.  Of being so odd and difficult to be with…That my choice to follow the truth has made me a person that requires others to show up fully.  And, when they can't they pretend to be with me.

    One thing this did bring up is that I am grateful that my sisters didn't pretend to want to be with me. That they didn't just play with me FOR ME, but in the end…me finding out it was them pretending.

    I now know, I will be okay…even if I am alone at the end…for I know I do not go well when one pretends they want to be with me.

    Pretending hurts just as bad as if they just said no…and I believe, it will save each party the years of awkward meetings and doing things they really don't want to do, if we speak our truth.

    I looked up the definition of Pretending…."To give a false appearance of…"  and "Engage in a game or fantasy that involves supposing something that is not the case to be so."

    I guess what hurts is that it was a fantasy, it wasn't true.

  • Their View of Reality.

    What I have noticed is that in order for some to maintain a certain reality, I become the one with the problem.  It is easier to label me incorrectly than it is to label correctly reality.

    I did not realize how powerful I am, how many choices I have made, how many lives I controlled…because I am being blamed for them.  

    A marker of abuse, is that the blame is never put upon the one doing the harm; instead it gets put upon the one who isn't.  A victim's mind has been turned against the one who isn't responsible and away from the one who is.

    I know this seems incredibly insane…but it happens time and time again.  Take it from me.  I am blamed, while the abusers are held in high esteem.

    What is so maddening, is that I now am left in the position of being bad and they will not have proof about my badness and yet feel desperately that I am the bad one….and feel loving kindness coming from the abuser.

    Loving kindness from an abuser???

    In order to survive or due to extensive grooming, this is the natural outcome from absue. A confused mind…that can't see the truth anymore.

    The grooming process IS to get the victim to not see the evil, not feel the evil, to feel instead love.

    How do you unhook this twisted mind/heart abused mess?

    When in the recesses of the mind, a switch has occurred and they can't even see it, for it happened gradually overtime. A good groomer is patient, is manipulative, saturates the mind relentlessly, until the mind of that person is convinced incorrectly the truth of the land.

    It has been the most frustrating for me to witness the affects of abuse…in the mind.

    The physical scars can heal, but the mind runs along messed up for years and lifetimes…totally convinced and in full belief of a itself AGAINST reality.

    An abused mind cannot discern of itself what is real and what is not.

    It has lost its connection to reality.  A perfect companion for a man who is not kind.

    For the victim can no longer see or discern his behaviors as being not nice.

    As he becomes the knight in shining armour, I become the enemy….

    I stand resolutely on the land of reality and clutching the truth, always.

    I am asked time and time again, to let it go….to instead see the relationship hanging in the balance. To relent and let go. To just give up and 'be kind'.

    Like I am the problem and not their view of reality.



  • Grace of Truth

    One factor in abuse, is that many are taught the wrong definition of "Unconditional" love.  Here is what Mark Nepo says about that.

    "Unconditional love is not so much about how we receive and endure each other, as it is about the deep vow to never, under any condition, stop bringing the flawed truth of who we are to each other."

    "Much is said about unconditional love today, and I fear that it has been misconstrued as an extreme form of “turning the other cheek,” which to anyone who has been abused is not good advice. However, this exaggerated passivity is quite different from the unimpeded flow of love that carries who we are."

    "In truth, unconditional love does not require a passive acceptance of whatever happens in the name of love. Rather, in the real spaces of our daily relationships, it means maintaining a commitment that no condition will keep us from bringing all of who we are to each other honestly."

    "For example, on any given day, I might be preoccupied with my own needs, and might overlook or bruise what you need and hurt you. But then you tell me and show me your hurt, and I feel bad, and you accept that sometimes I go blind to those around me. But we look deeply on each other, and you accept my flaws, but not my behavior, and I am grateful for the chance to work on myself. Somehow, it all brings us closer."

    "Unconditional love is not the hole in us that receives the dirt, but the sun within that never stops shining."  Mark Nepo "The Book of Awakening"

    The FALC, preaches "forgiveness of sins" in a way that is strikingly similar to the messed up unconditional love Mark speaks of.  The reason that sexual and physical abuse is so prevalent in the church is that the women and children (or the abused) are taught it isn't loving to have conditons.  

    What seems insanity is what they call loving forgiveness.

    They are taught, there is no sin too great to forgive. You are to grow your love to encompass all madness and abusive behavior. The bigger the mess the more you have to expand your love to enfold it.  And if you can't, you are weak of faith.

    You are not loving enough, good enough, trying hard enough….etc.  NOT, that the EVIL is evil and you can't be loving enough to change it. 

    Women who are taught to be loving and kind to evil is how evil gets passed on.

    Teaching women who have had no boundaries to start standing up is very risky as well, but I can feel the restlessness and when one makes it out, others will follow.

    Tom Rosemurgy and Dial Help are two places where these women can go…

    I see the overview of the church as an incredible nest of evil and those who were taught to tolerate and love it.

    The sheer volume of women and children who allow and agree to being treated poorly in the name of love and Jesus is mind blowing at best.  Who in their right mind would believe that Jesus would bless this evil?

    Mind controlling love is the only way this evil will survive.  

    I am hopeful, that there has been a leak in the system. That the new generation of women are stirring, that they are bolder, stronger and will not lie down in god's peace…but will rise and fight for themselves and their children.

    The way sexual abuse and evil have been protected in the FALC, makes me shudder and grow cold.  The complete opposite of what many believe…the church to be.  There  is no peace of God in there.  None. It is the play ground of the devil…where love is stolen to support evil.

    I feel the foundations are beginning to crumble…we are no longer silent about the treatment…and more importantly, the forgiveness of sins is failing miserably.

    It is taught, that you can't get to heaven until you have your sins forgiven….what they really are teaching, is that evil needs to be forgiven.  Evil needs to be washed clean, time and time again…and it needs the women and children to do this.

    I feel the women are tired.  The pain has had its toll. The inner stirrings are growing stronger than the 'faith' in unconditional love. 

    I am hopeful, that one by one the numbers will grow and expand.  It will be a split like this church has never seen.  This time they will be leaving, not to find a new religion, but to end to abuse.

    Women will be leaving hell holes of god's peace…into the Grace of Truth.

    (I use a small g in god's peace…for this is the private hand shake among the FALC, and I feel there is no peace of God in that church.  Not in the evil doers, nor in the ones who suffer beneath them.)



  • Extreme was Normal.

    In Michael Singer's book, "The Untethered Soul – The journey beyond yourself" he writes about balance or how it is to live in the extremes.

    "The more extreme you are, the less forward movement there is. You carve a groove and you get stuck in it. Then there’s no energy moving you in the Tao; it’s all being spent serving the extremes. The Way is in the middle because that’s the place where the energies are balanced. But how do you stop the pendulum from swinging to the outer edges? Amazingly enough, you do this by leaving it alone. It won’t keep swinging to the extremes unless you feed the extremes with energy. Just let the extremes go. Don’t participate in them, and the pendulum will naturally come toward the center. As it comes to the center, you will get filled with energy. This is because all the energy that had been wasted is now available to you." 

     "If you choose to center and not participate in the extremes, you will come to know the Tao. You don’t grab it; you don’t even touch it. It’s just what the energy does when it’s not being used to swing toward the extremes. It finds its own way to the center of each event that takes place in life and remains quietly in the middle. The Tao is hollow, empty. Like the eye of a hurricane, its power is its emptiness. All things swirl around it, but it is unmoved. The swirl of life draws its energy from the center and the center draws its energy from the swirl of life. All these laws are the same— in weather, in nature, and in every aspect of your life." 

    "As you center by not participating in the swings, the energies will naturally find their balance. You will become much clearer because so much energy is flowing up in you. The experience of being present in each moment will become your natural state. You won’t be fixated on certain things or caught up in thoughts about the opposites. As you get clearer, life’s events will actually seem to unfold in slow motion. Once this happens, events will no longer seem confusing or overwhelming, no matter what they are."  Michael Singer

    I completely understand this, how those who care less, have the most power, for they are not worried about taking care of the extremes.  He gives an example…

    "Basically, you waste tremendous energy at the extremes. The more extreme it is, the more it becomes a full-time project. For example, the relationship in which you insist upon being together all the time would be a full-time job. The only way you could have another job is if you both did the same work at the same desk. At the other extreme, if you had no relationship and you were lonely and depressed all the time, you couldn’t accomplish much. So again, it takes all your energy to do the extremes. The inefficiency of your actions is determined by how many degrees off-center you are. You will be that much less able to use your energy for living life because you are using it to adjust for the pendulum swings. Extremes are good teachers. When you examine the extremes, it’s easy to see the effects of imbalanced behavior patterns." Michael

    This has got to be one of the hardest things I had to learn…for lived in the extremes…either caring too much or not at all…to find the spot of it not mattering either way, but yet being in power of myself was an extremely hard to do.  I literally had to talk myself off of the extreme ledge.

    And, more importantly come to believe in the middle.

    It seems insane that I had to convince myself that being safe in the middle of empowerment of self was far better than living on the edge feeling control by the virtue of being at home out of control.  I know that this is a confusing sentence, but then so was my life.

    My power now is when I am not wanting anything too desperately.

    I can't care too much and I can't complete give up….instead I live in the middle and wonder which way will the Universe play this out.

    I have to be in the game, but not betting on either end.

    I live mostly in the center.  There are times, when I scurry to the edge and want to camp there, but I feel so yucky feeling so powerless and pathetic….so I I let go and bounce back to center.

    It is such an interesting dance once you understand the difference of how it feels inside to want something so desperately and being so powerless to do anything….it is then, you have to let go.

    Amazingly letting go immediately takes you back to the middle of "it can't matter" and that I will be okay, NO MATTER which way it goes.

    I know that when the stakes are the highest, when you believe that your life will either be worth living or not worth living, it is then you have to let go.

    I had a saying I used to fool myself…I would say "for now".  I will let them go for now…but not putting the tag of "forever" on the end.  I could always let go for a few minutes, a few hours and eventually for days, weeks….and years.

    My life would be one big sob, if I still lived on the extreme ends.

    I have learned by sorrow to stay away from the edges.  It seems that insanity lives on the edges and in the middle is a balanced life.  A life without preferences.

    I had to remove what I wanted…

    I had to accept what was.

    I didn't know how I would live away from the edge, for the edge held my old life.

    When you think about abuse and cult like religions….they both are extremes.

    I was raised to feel extreme was normal.  

  • Women’s strength!

    ‎"WIND is like a Well. Sometimes we come to fill it up….and other times we come to get filled."   An-Gel Kenneally

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    I love the creativeness that flows.  How a room full of white paper is transformed.

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    How each drawing has come from the arms of a woman…her imagination, her dreams, her desires; an expression.

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    Hands moving…creative space opens, Life stops…the future stretches.

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    All come and change the shape of today…for a brief moment the outside world disappears and then appears in art.

    I come away knowing WIND works.  

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    Art works.  Life has darkness to build us into strong empowered self loving souls.

    My heart.

    My Soul.  

    My intention is for no woman to walk alone.

    For there to be a lighted path, a strong advocate, a compassionate law person, a mentor, a friend, a community that supports the courageous who aspire to change direction in their lives.

    For there to be a recess place, a playground opportunity to ignite the soul, to tickle the spirit.

    A meeting place to refuel, connect, inspire, imagine….a new direction.

    Women In New Directions…is born.

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    Thanks to each who came and filled the well….and for those who came and drank!

    An artisian well of women's strength!