While commenting back and forth with Lynn C. Tolson, the Author of "Beyond the Tears", on facebook, it came to me why folks support the Coach and the Organization and not the abused boys…they don't want to lose that which they are a part of.
Whether it is to be a fan of a winning football team and coach, or whether it be a family and father, no one wants to let go of that which they have looked up to, aspired towards, cheered on and been part of.
By looking at the abused child, you will see that your hero is a monster.
It isn't the pain of the child, it IS the pain of the dream dying.
Lynn asked on facebook, "Why is it so painful to support the abused children? Why, why, why (not expecting an answer). The topic of child sex abuse is so uncomfortable yet the victims live their entire lives in a world of hurt."
It isn't the child's pain we fear, but our own pain as our family dies, our team isn't as grand as we thought, or that the icon coach is just a normal man, who didn't want to turn in a friend, or who didn't want the public to know that it is as vulnerable to abuse as any other organization.
We fear our own losses so much that we will hold on to a false dream rather than feel it actually die.
In walkng face first into my greatest fear, I was able to then see the abused child. It seems we all have a choice in either holding up a dream or letting it die to save a child.
What very few can do is let go of their own lives in order to save a life of a child, to spare them the shame, guilt and blame of 'wrecking' the dream.
What hurt me the most, wasn't the rape of my father, nor even the image of him changing from dad to monster, but what hurt even more was being blamed for killing the family.
I wasn't rioting for his reputation…so it was seen as I was out to tear our family apart, when in fact all I was doing was standing by the abused children…the long list of girls who suffered under his hands.
I wasn't able to stand in a picket line supporting those who knew and said nothing, and I was seen as a traitor to our 'family'.
It wasn't my pain that they couldn't bear feeling, but they didn't want to feel the pain of losing a family.
We wonder why more folks are not lining up to give up the details of their abuse, it is to give evidence and facts that will tear apart their dream of family…
It isn't that we don't support abuse, we don't want to support the tearing apart families, religions and organizations. But if abuse is within, your organization is decaying from the inside out, and eventually, there will be no good there to hold it up.
Penn State has shown us it isn't the abuse that we can't bear to see, but the shattering dream.
I M Perfect lady 