In the confusion between vulnerability and how it felt equal to abuse, I had to look up the definition of abuse.
"to use wrongly, mistreatment, ill-use, to hurt or injure, improper use, abuse a privilege…"
And vulnerability was "exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed either physically or emotionally, susceptible to attack.
So, it is two sides of the same coin.
As a child we are innately vulnerable and 'accepted' ill-use and mistreatment due to the lack of alternatives…and even grew to accept this as normal. Especially when we are treated this way from the folks who 'love' us. Love then equals mistreatment…we mix love and ill-use of our selves and call it normal.
We are stuck in the sate of vulnerability with those we 'love'…and those we love feel betrayed when we assert power, for being 'loving' is to be open to attack and ill-treatment. How dare you shut them out.
It is a muddled up mess when you believe love hurts and attacks…and in order to gain your power back you must shut the door against those you love.
The powerless state of vulnerability and being ill-used in this state is that we never know self power. We are taught to seek power from the powerless.
My children had the power to make me mad, etc…and I had to be stronger than them to keep my power…is what I thought.
However, when I took my power back from my family of origin, I realized that I had been raising children with no power source within themselves.
What a huge gift it was to give my children their power back and what a relief it was to be free of that power struggle; continual fight and fear of losing power.
In abusive homes the children are left powerless, taught that love means allowing, acquiescing their rights, their feelings etc, they are always left helpless waiting for the 'powerful' to decide.
They are lost to their own power source…and learn that power is 'out there' somewhere. And happiness comes when you find a power source that doesn't hurt you.
A kind power source…that you can plug into.
Which is co-dependent. You are not a self contained power source.
I literally had a moment in time, where I unplugged everyone from me and me from everyone. I stood powerless. I had to find a way to live unplugged.
It was the beginning of finding my authentic power…which Gary Zukav writes about…read below!
I M Perfect lady 