I M Perfect lady

When Oprah did the interviews with the Sexual Predators, her main intentions was to sit in a nonjudgmental space where they could tell their side. 

In doing so, she was able to hear why and how, and then for those of us who were abused in the audience, we could see we were targeted, groomed, lured and sought after, and it set us free.

She also spoke of the child who had to take care of her self, and how if she looked in the window of her childhood home, she would see herself alone. This is what the predators see, NO one is there watching the child.

What is so sad about this is the child is seeking someone to take care of them, and in pops this sexual predator and gives them the attention they crave. 

We want someone to take care of us, make us feel special and they do, but with the ultimate goal of abuse.

It occurred to me today in yoga, is that the little girl who was so not seen, is still seeking to be seen.  Just see me.

See me.

See me hurt, see me lost, see me confused, see me broken, see me and help me, or see me helping me, fixing me, doing good for me, just see me, and acknowledge me.

I turned into this seeking device.

Forever seeking attention, seeking help, seeking love, seeking safety, seeking comfort, seeking peace, seeking, seeking, seeking, I am so tired of seeking.

To feel the uselessness of waiting this long, to once again have to be strong enough to take care of myself, leaves you breathless and weak, yet strong.

As tears flowed once again, it felt like I was once again left alone to heal, that no one on the outside could help, even if they wanted to.

It was up to me.

I had to be with me. 

To be with me for me alone, not for someone else’s approval.

Just do me for me.

It was up to me once again to be with myself to not wait for the other to make me feel good, or to be proud, to heal my wounds, or myself and that I am the one I was waiting for.

I was waiting for me to be with me, to not make excuses, be too busy, to this or to that.

By doing this yoga challenge for 60 days, it is making me pay attention to me each day; I am giving me what I needed the most, me.

A me that is good enough, I am good enough alone, just me.