A friend gave me a quote, “Feelings buried alive, never die.” 

These buried alive feelings are like landmines and we are the explosives!

I knew that I was a walking keg of dynamite, and ready to blow at any given time, and I always blamed the person who ‘stepped’ on me, but never looked at the container full of alive feelings.

I was full to the brim with feelings that I wasn’t allowed to express or feel.  I learned to take feelings and just bury them away like a forgotten treasure.

Feelings are the treasures of living and “our bodies are the best biofeedback we have,” as Deepak Chopra says.  I know without feelings I am dead.

When my cover was blown, when the lid of truth exposed my life, all my feelings lay there buried alive. 

I felt like a canister of feelings exposed for all to see.  Raw, alive and pulsing fear, terror, confusion, sadness, helplessness, way overwhelming to see a lifetime of feelings in one place.

I was alive with feelings and I was alive within my body.

It is hard to express the aliveness of such horror, but alive, in comparison to being dead or separated from all feelings.

Not having access to feelings, to be cut off from feeling is to be breathing but not living.

We cut ourselves off from feelings because what we have to feel is so horrendous; it is easier to amputate the feeling for we can’t leave the situation.

In amputating the feelings we are disconnecting the body from ourselves.  We live like James Joyce wrote, " Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body.

In order to reconnect, we have to go into the landmine of feelings and feel. 

By feeling our feelings we re-join our bodies. 

My body literally felt what it felt like to be little and abused, tears flowed at last to match the feelings, fear arose and grabbed my body, leagues of feelings waited in line to be expressed.  Overwhelmed and exhausted, my only job was to let feelings arise and ride them out.

At last I was with my body and my feelings were mine to feel and I honored each one.  Messengers from many years back coming forward now handing me my life back, the buried treasures of me!