I M Perfect lady

At times it is very interesting to be me, to actually watch reactions to me while being me.  I have changed my ideals and the way I live my life.  I have totally flipped and it shows in the reactions folks give me.

It is like certain people have an allergic reaction to me.

I seen a brother I haven’t seen in a year.  The last time, we were on ‘friendly’ terms, but he was a fence walker; he would visit me and then be with my mother. 

He said he was okay with everyone, to each their own, it mattered not to him.

Now it seems I matter…something has changed. 

He and I used to stop by and call etc, but in the last year silence.  I don’t know what I have done, nor did I bring it up when I seen him this evening while out to dinner with my children and husband.

He chatted with my kids easily, and sent me a glance and quickly looked away…I am used to those kinds.  I didn’t probe either or ask what happened. Didn't make him uncomfortable or put him on the spot, I let it go. 

He has a new wife now maybe she is the change in us.

I can’t know, and I don’t want to make him come or call or care.

His actions are asking for space…I honor that.

It makes me wonder why he was so free to come before, to fish, to eat, to get mending done, to vent, to rage and for me to hear, and now nothing.

Perhaps he doesn’t need me anymore.  How odd it is to have these relations fade into nothing, to watch me fade away. 

The old me would have forced and pushed myself in…maybe even by offering more and more for him and now her.

The new me watches them with me, how I have nothing that they need anymore.  How I am just a wall flower or just a casual hi and few pleasantries, and the old familiarity has turned to strange.

I am strange. 

My actions are strange…I am the stranger among them.