I M Perfect lady

On my last blog, I received a comment and a line struck me that I want to share. 

“It was an error to not stand in front of your house and scream or picket or whatever else until your dad admitted it.”

What I feel most families believe is that it is their job to be the law, that they had to have an admittance of guilt in order to go to the police.

It does seem absurd, but I am sure that most people don’t want to get the police involved unless they are sure.  And that means him admitting it.  Since they have the one side, the little girls side, they are expecting to have a complete picture and they need his co-operation.

This sentiment needs to be changed. It is not our job to get the admittance of guilt from the perpetrator, that is the job of the police.  It is your job to press charges, to stand with your daughter/son and walk through the court process.

What I can only surmise, is that the realness of it all would come front and center and your lives would change if you pressed charges.

And from what I am hearing your lives did change, were forced to change and deal with a girl who now needed therapy, couldn’t stay in reality, etc.

I get it, I understand completely.

It seems you are either going to deal with the abuse one way or another.

I believe to the bottom of my soul, that IF adults in the lives of the abused children would believe them and support them and press charges and face this full on, there would be little residual negative results.

The NEGATIVE results come from NEGATIVE actions.

I wish I could imprint this upon the eyelids of parents.

It isn’t the abuse that is so damaging, it is the negative results of the non abusing adults around us.

While the commenter speaks of how broken hearted the minister was upon learning of his own daughters abuse, his failure to respond positively greatly affected MANY girls.

Just in my time frame alone, three girls were affected.  And what I know is that he was summons time and time again.

His negative reaction resulted in mental breakdowns. 

It isn’t the abuse alone.  I am sorry to say.  My father’s abuse was the first punch.  The second and more fatal blows are the negative responses. 

Being treated negatively after is so damaging and you have confirmed this by your comment. 

The positive response is extremely hard to do.  But the results are completely the opposite of the negative ones.  

The positive response is to step away from your father, cut all ties.

The positive response is to step away from anyone who supports him by not moving away.

The positive response is to put up boundaries against family members to isolate your self from any contact with this abuse.

I have done the positive thing and I am standing outside of my family with one brother.

Doing the positive thing is the path of most resistance. 

It is a very hard road, but it carries the most gifts along the way.  While I am hearing that living with the negative results is horrible, I am here to tell you while it seems extremely mean, THAT is the easier way.

That it is easier to deal with the negative results than it is to stop the world and go in a completely different direction.

We can dialogue this out.

But I feel…negative response will give you a negative result.

The same goes for positive….

I took the road less traveled and I have not regretted a moment of it.  I took my life back, by walking away.