I M Perfect lady

Today I wondered about the meaning of guilt and when is it applicable to feel guilt and even what its definiton was…

Guilt – Culpable of or responsible for a specified wrongdoing. Justly chargeable with a praticular fault or error. 

What is my wrongdoing, first off.  What did my do, as my son used to say when he was a child?

Guilt comes when you have done something wrong.

As her daughter what have I done wrong.  

In a letter to her shortly after my father's arrest, I told her that the forgiveness she seeks is of herself.  I can't make her world right, it is not within my power.

I can however, make changes in my own world; and I have.

What some see as wrong behavior is actually me making corrections, seeking to find peace in my own world for my actions that served to keep the abuse going.

I am working on changes within me, in my actions, in my relationships, and working on figuring out what had me so blind to what had been going on in our family unbeknownst to me.

If I had lived and moved around in this world, unknowingly, I had to now find out how.

I had to find the faults and errors within me and make corrections.  I had to acknowledge my part in order to change.

There are no guilty feelings for doing this, none.  My whole body feels completely at peace for what I have done for the past 7 years.

It is good for me to know, the definition of guilt and that I am only responsible for my wrongdoings.

 PS.  What came to me after posting this, was that I have been working on forgiving myself, on learning about me and accepting what I did at the level of my own understanding and knowing, and then changing my behaviors to correct my wrong doings.

And my corrective behaviors is what they are most riled about…and what bring me the most peace.  I love that I have forgiven me.