I M Perfect lady

Karma - "The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny."

While doing yoga today, it came to me that Karma isn't about what you do for others so much as it is what you do for you. How your actions are in harmony with your truth and spirit.

Karma is very personal…it is between your soul and how you present yourself to the world.

Karma isn't about doing for others at the cost of your own inner peace, love and joy.

Our lives (karma) are echoing back how we feel about ourselves…not what we do for others.

Our destiny is decided by how we speak our feelings and how we create boundaries as we care for our self.  

Karma is self care…self love…being one with your spirit.

Our karmic care is lost in a multitude of ways…for me it was abuse and being raised by a woman who was selfish, but not self caring…if that makes sense.

She wasn't able to care for her self, let alone for the 14 children she gave birth to.

I wasn't given a good role model on how to sow a destiny of love, peace and joy for my self.

What I hear many saying is that they are going forward with the positive, and leaving their past behind.  

And, what I see is that they are unwilling to examine their karmic trail, to see the exact science of cause and effect, and it is how we respond that plants a new karmic seed.

I just don't see how being 'kind' to my father served my mother.

It left her with a husband that was incapable to love, no matter how 'loving' she was.

This is what I mean by our karma isn't doing for others, but rather doing for our selves.

She would have taught her daughters a completely different lesson, had she been aware of what her actions were doing to her self.

I had always felt that she had multiple opportunities for a redo…each time he committed another act of abuse…she was given a choice to act differently, but time and time again, she failed to change her response.  She doesn't know how to begin to begin to change her karma.  She will always get what she has been getting, for she is doing what she has always done.

There is an internal cost to loving people who hurt you.  Each time you focus on their needs and neglect your needs…you are being unloving and uncaring to your self.

I just can't see how treating yourself poorly will grant you a karmic trail of love, peace and joy.

You are not giving love if it is hurtful to your self…you are hurting your self and I am not sure what the other person is getting except perhaps a false message…or a message of how much you are okay hurting yourself.

We are not responsible for the content and the destiny of each other's lives.

We are only repsonsible for our own life. 

Our life reviews will be feeling what we have done to others.

If you are loving them falsely, you will feel this empty love.

I believe that my karma path changed, my life's destiny was greatly altered when I began living from the inside out.  I went from expecting others to make me me….and instead worked on creating my own self.

A self that had boundaries and self care rules.

I no longer was self less and could do anything for anyone.

I had an inner awareness of this living breathing soulful self who was affected by how I acted.

I no longer lied to myself.

I no longer pretended at the cost of myself.

I became extremely aware of how each action I did was setting up my future world. For, I had experienced living a life, blind to the karmic response…and was intent on making others happy, while completely neglecting me.  And yet, I was very narcisistic.

I just read that narcistic people can be either controlling or neglectful…and I believe that the difference between a narcistic person and one who is self loving is how they see/love themselves.

I have been reading just a bit on narissistic people, and here is how I see it.

They need someone else to show them themselves…they are incapable of seeing themselves by themselves.

Meaning, I was a good mother IF my children showed me how I was.  

I was a good friend, if a friend could show me how I was by what they said about me.

If another person wasn't there, there was no me.  My sense of self was just a reflection.  I had no inner view of myself.

A narsissistic person disappears without you telling them who they are.  It is a job that is endless.  My mother is only a mother if we make her one.  On her own, she is very much not a mother.  I was/am the maker of the mother daughter relationship…she couldn't be a mother without me.

I know this will seem vaguely mental, but unless and until you can get away from the reflection of how others see you….you will not get this.

I have deflected if you will all other's opinions, and have gained a connection with me inside.  I have literally turned inward to find out who I am.

In doing so, my karma has changed from being narsisstic to being self loving.

Anytime you are worried about your reflection (how others see you) you are dancing on the lip of being narsisstic.

My mother believed, that her reflection of how she seen my father would change him…for, she loved her reflection of her self and not her self.  So, she worked on repeatedly changing his reflection by how she saw him.  And failed to see the real him.

The world is not set up for us to change each other.  Imagine how brutal that would be, to have your image continual changed by how others seen you. Which they do and it does…but only in their eyes.

No one can change my image of me, but me.

I am solely responsible for my actions and my responses. It is my intention to pay attention to my inner world and the outer world will reflect that.