I M Perfect lady

Category: Art & Quilts

  • A Party on Wheels!

    It's Sunday….time for me to immerse myself into Art.  Oh how the time flies!

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    I had been thinking about a bike riding Lady….and then someone else suggested it to me as well. The bike part wasn't too bad, but then how do you make figure upon it look like she is riding or set to push off?

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    And, laying the pieces down was easier than keeping all the small pieces together to be sewn down.  I will do another lady on a bike, now that I can see how this goes together.

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    I love how she turned out.  I love how she can ride a bike one handed…with Balloons!  I love her big flowers…and can't wait to see what the border fabric will be.

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    A creative day so far.  I am not certain if I will try and put in spokes, and If I do, it will be just quilting lines.  I love it when the finished product is better than the idea I had in my head.  A Party on Wheels!

  • Goddesses Never Age

    I am just beginning the book, "Goddesses Never Age" by Christiane Northrup, MD and so far I love where she is going with this book.

    "Beliefs and Biology"

    "The most important thing you need to know about your health is that the health of your body and its organs does not exist separate from your emotional well-being, your thoughts, your cultural programming, and your spiritual outlook.  Your thoughts and beliefs are the single most important indicator of your state of health. That is amazingly good news because your thoughts and beliefs can be brought under your conscious control and, when necessary, surrendered to the healing power of Spirit (much more on that later). This is the part of health that Western medicine always leaves out, but trust me, it's where your real power resides, with no exceptions.  Your beliefs and thoughts are wired into your biology.  They become your cells, tissues and organs.  There's no supplement, no diet, no medicine, and no exercise regimen that can compare with the power of your thoughts and beliefs. That's the very first place you need to look when anything goes wrong with your body."

    "Let me be clear here.  If something has shown up in your body as a health concern, you most likely aren't consciously aware of why it is there.  If you had been conscious of the issue or emotion, it would not have had to show up physically because you would have already addressed it.  Please try your best not to resist this truth.  Have the courage to go deep within and ask yourself the following: "What is going on in my life, and my thoughts and beliefs, that I can learn from this situation? What is the soul lesson for me here? How can I grow from this?"

    "Ayurvedic and Eastern medicine practitioners are well aware of the energetic connections between various systems in the body, but Western medicine practitioners tend to look at one system in isolation.  In fact, this mind/body split is built right into the fabric of our society.  No podiatrist is likely to look at how you bear weight on your feet and ask you about whether you have any unprocessed emotions or stressful situations causing you sadness, anger, or grief.  If he or she did, you'd probably recoil and feel defensive or blamed, thus blocking access to that line of inquiry.  Yet even if your having hand problems that are you can relate to not having an ergonomic workstation, or if you've injured your hand in an accident, getting in touch with the unprocessed emotions that you may be holding in the tissues in your arm and hand might alleviate the pain and allow this part of your body to repair itself. And remember that you probably don't know what the lesson really is until after it has be resolved."  Christian

    What I love about this book she is looking at the thoughts and beliefs and the unprocessed or unexpressed emotions.  The body never lies.  If there are issues, don't look at the body, but check out your life and ask the pain what message it is here to bring.

    I have been asking that of my sciatic nerve on my left side.  So far nothing.

    However, when I walked over 4 miles, I began to feel emotion bubbling up.

    My intention is to keep asking the pain what it is here to tell me.

    I love that Goddesses never age….I can see this with My Lady and Art.

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  • Note by Note

    While reading the ending of the book "Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender" by David Hawkins, it finally occurred to me what he is letting go of; everything that stands in the way of reality…or this moment in time.

    "Eventually, everything is surrendered that stands in the way of the Presence. The Presence is so obvious, so startling, so overwhelming, that there's no question about it.  It is profound, total, all-encompassing, absolutely over-whelming, totally transforming, and completely unmistakeable.  When everything is surrendered that stands in the way, It is there, shining brilliantly forth."

    "Instead of viewing this as something in the future, own it now.  Enlightenment is not something that occurs in the future, after 50 years of sitting cross-legged and saying  "OM." It is right here, in this instant.  The reason you're not experiencing this state of total peace and timelessness is because it is being resisted.  It is being resisted because you are trying to control the moment.  If you let go of trying to control your experience of moment, and if you constantly surrender it like a tone of music, then you live on the crest of this exact alwaysness. Experience arises like a note of music, its already passing away. The instant you heard it its already dissolving. So every single moment is dissolving as it arises.  Let go of anticipating the next moment, trying to control it, trying to hang on to the moment that has just passed.  Let go clinging to what has just occurred. Let go trying to control what you think is about to occur.  Then live in an infinite space of non-time and non-event. there is an infinite peace beyond description.  And you are home."  David Hawkins.

    If you can see that time unfolds like music notes, you can see how if you are holding on to the last note, you will miss the one that followed it.  And, if you are waiting for a certain note in the future, again you miss the one playing right now.

    I bet many things that require your utmost attention keep you on the present note.

    Present notes such as art, music, babies, nature, love…to name a few.

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    To be able to stay with the notes of life, your life will be totally expanded; for you are literally living in the notes.  Living at one…going with the flow, in the mystery as to what will come up next and you don't wait or hang on….but live with it.

    Life is a musical…note by note.

  • 6 Years and counting…

    Today is the first day of year Seven.  

    Yes, I have been blogging on this site for 6 full years. This post is number 1770.  

    When I began, I had no clue as to how this would be.  I do remember being terrified, for I knew I would be posting online and out loud things that I had previously kept in handwritten journals.  I wanted to break the silence even further; by going public.

    Here's what I had written in the first month…

    "My heart is so courageous, so brave and so sure.  I follow along feeling like an imposter.  I am hoping that by faking it until I make it, I will become better at this.

    Maybe it is just my mind, my thoughts of me that is taking awhile catching up.  I am not at home in my mind yet.  In fact it seems I live more ‘out of my mind’ than in.

    Maybe you don’t have a broken heart, but a broken mind.  My mind thinks and believes from long past ways.  My mind hasn’t kept up with the truths of today."

    I love her.  I recall how it felt to be out of mind….following my heart, body and soul and not knowing if or when I would feel okay with me.

    Here is what I wrote about the blog itself….

    When the Blog idea came to me, I could envision me being in contact with other women who found themselves outside the normal category of society.  Women who are in a place of either accepting their imperfections, their reality and learning how to live from there, or being a failure.

    What I found, in my own experience, was that if you live from the spot of being imperfect, there are no rules to follow, no norm to measure up to, no yardstick to fall short of.  Instead you are able to live life that is for you alone to decide if it works.  Now this doesn't mean that I am a rebel, but rather I am a free spirit in a loving way to myself and mankind.

    I would like to share my experiences of walking free of dysfunctional patterns, learning how to build up a new you, to the many wonderful Spiritual Authors who shed the Light upon the way.

    I would like this blog to inspire confidence, free spirit, and self-love for woman who are lost in a sea of dysfunction and abuse.  I would like to be a voice of reason in their head full of madness.

    To show them that Imperfection is Perfection.  That it is impossible to strive to be someone else.  That all your experiences, your life to this point is exactly as it should be.  It is from this point that you can look back and learn from your past  to make a future that is more to your inner desire.

    There are no rules, except to be you.  You do what you do, for reasons that are strictly your own to decide.  It is the whole journey to go from being a free soul when we are born, to getting stuck in patterns of our childhood that hold on to us into adulthood, to one day stepping free again.

    I still agree with what I wrote, which I find is remarkable in and of itself!  Except maybe I am feeling more perfect than imperfect!

    This work of art was created after my "Imperfect Workshop"…

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    Art by Michele Cedarquist…  Thanks Michele, I was moved to tears when I saw this! I LOVE what you created from my words.

    It makes all the forging ahead into the unknown worth it to have someone 'get it'.

    Along with Michele there were a few other women who sent me messages… how my story gave them hope and inspired them.  I am honored my words touched a part of them, that seeks what I sought.

    My journey over the past 6 years has given me wonderful opportunities to go even more public than my blog…to speak out loud breaking down more barriers of silence within our local community. And, the best part of doing them is meeting the strong women and (sometimes men) who share their stories with me.

    I can't know where the next 6 will take me…but I lead this 6, as a woman who knows her heart.  Trusts it, speaks it and lives it.  Just as I had in the early years….but without the convictions that I would one day fully own my power…and feel confident as me.

    I now have confidence and wisdom of living authentically….from the inside out, letting my heart lead the way.

    My heart is represented in My Lady.

    Below is one of my quilts before the Lady emerged….I called it Soul Lost.  You can see the swirling mix and the crescent moon shape….I saw as my soul.  A part of me that was shining in the confusion.

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    I Love the first tentative expressions of My Lady….for they so matched me.

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    This blog will continue on…we shall see where she goes.  

    I will have to see if I have new intentions, dreams, hopes and desires…

    For now, it is just do what I had intended….when I wrote my first blog post.

    "It is my intention to share on here my insights in self-discovery…and my Quilted Art Works."

    Thanks to all who have followed, read and understood…you were the ear I needed to hear me.  

    Writing it out…got it out, sorted it out, expressed how it felt to be me, being different; breaking the silence and living my truth out loud.  May this continue to inspire others to live from the inside out!

     

  • Art of Being Me

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    It came to me, that if I am going to do a workshop on Art Therapy, I should look up the definition of therapy….

    "Treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder."

    and then, decided to check out "Art Therapy".

    "a form of psychotherapy involving the encouragement of free self-expression through painting, drawing, or modeling…"

    I love "the encouragement of free self-expression".

    As I have been toying with ideas that I could speak about, I have backed up a bit and really seen what Art and I have done together.

    When I was stripped of all my labels that defined me, I was terrified and horrified to be in the world and not know who I was….and completely liberated.

    The only place I felt free to be no one was with Art.

    Art didn't care about my past or my future…it needed me here now.

    Art had no expectations of me, no judgements or critical looks.  Art and I were able to play together no matter who I didn't know myself to be.  Art was always there in complete and total acceptance of Me.

    Art gently invited me forward.

    Encouraged self-expression.

    Art has no religious preference.

    Art doesn't care if your male or female, young or old, rich or poor, confused or clear headed.  It simply allows you to express yourself.

    The process of choosing color and design engages our feelings in a safe way.

    Leaning towards excitement and happiness….or striving for the depth and solemness when its needed.

    Often I would just arrive, just as I am, and would be amazed at my self expression upon the completion of my work.

    Freedom of self expression was critical for my self awareness.  I had come from a religion that did not foster this.  Nor do families where there are secrets entangled in  with our upbringing.  

    At 46, I was learning through Art how to express my Self.  How to literally get in touch with my Self.

    And playing with Art allowed me to explore her alone…yet not alone.

    It felt like the Universe and I were playing together with art….just art.

    But, in actuality Art was leading me in a dance of self discovery, using me to find me.  It was like going into a workshop to create art and to find out the Art was me.

    I entered into the workshop feeling imperfect, wounded and without knowing who I was and over time emerged a perfect work of art.

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    The contrast and evolution of my art astounds me.  How wonderful to have this gauge in fabric to see me grow.

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    Art doesn't need you to know you, it plays with the part of yourself that is beyond the labels of you.

    I don't believe the labels are secure on me anymore, more loosely fitted and flapping in the breeze.  Yet, I feel a great knowing of the self beneath.

    I can't wait for my workshop; I M Perfect…the art of being Me. 

    (April 9th at 6pm, at Michigan Tech's MUB, Ballroom B)

  • That Wasn’t True…for Me.

    In David Hawkin's book "Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender" he writes…

    "Psychotherapy aims at the amelioration of neurotic patterns.  (I looked up the word amelioration – "the act of making something better; improvement.") Letting go, however, is designed to undo the underlying causes of all neurotic formation. It undoes the basic structure of maladaptive feeling and behavior.  Psychotherapy seeks for an improvement in neurotic balance.  Letting go, however, eliminates all together."  

    "A limitation of most psychotherapeutic frameworks is that the therapist is constricted to what the world calls a healthy, functioning ego with all its restrictions.  In this paradigm, a healthy patient is considered to be one who shares the same illusions and limitations condoned by society and the therapist.  By contrast, the purpose of the mechanism of surrender is to transcend the illusions of the world and reach the ultimate truth behind it – which is Self-Realization – and to discover the very basis of the mind itself, the source of all thought and feeling."

    "The goal of letting go is the elimination of the very source of all suffering and pain. This sounds radical and startling and, in fact, it is!  Ultimately, all negative feelings stem from the same source.  When enough negative feelings have been relinquished, that source reveals itself. When that source itself is let go of and dis-identified with, the ego dissolves. The source of suffering, therefore, loses the very basis of its power."

    "Each of us has a limit to the amount of negative feelings we have stored up. When the pressure behind an emotion has been let go, that emotion no longer occurs. For instance, if fear is constantly surrendered for a period of time,eventually it runs out.  It then becomes difficult or almost impossible to feel further fear.  It takes progressively more and more stimulus to elicit it.  Finally, a person who has surrendered a great deal of fear actually has to search for it diligently. The energy of fear simply isn't there anymore.  Anger  also progressively diminishes so that even a major provocation fails to elicit it.  A person with little fear or anger feels primarily love all of the time and experiences a loving acceptance of events, people and the vicissitudes of life."

    I had to look up "Vicissitudes"…."a change of circumstances or fortune, typically one that is unwelcome or unpleasant."

    "The goal of surrender is transcendence.  Psychotherapy accepts levels of behavior as healthy that, from the viewpoint of total freedom, are unacceptable.  For instance, in psychotherapy, minimal fear, anger, and pride might be considered necessary or acceptable levels of functioning and perhaps even "healthy."  But as we have seen, the innate destructiveness behind these lower states is ultimately not acceptable- given the power of surrender to transcend them totally.  Beyond the "acceptable level of functioning" aways our greater destiny: total freedom."  David

     

    This has been my experience.  

    And, I believe that ultimately, society will come to recognize that the treatments we have that don't deliver us to total freedom will have to be retired.

    Also, many of the 'healing' modalities that there are "in" today, are so that the patient has to rely upon another person…or salve or technique and do not challenge the mind that created it….or the thoughts and/or beliefs.

    The new age or latest 'healing' therapies literally skip the mind and address the body.  And, the body is only responding to what the mind thinks, has thought or worries about….etc.

    David goes on…

    "Although letting go seems simple and easy, its ultimate effects are profoundly powerful.  A quick little surrender done in an almost off-handed manner can sometimes bring about a major change in our life.  We can picture it being similar to the wheel of a ship.  If we make even a one-degree change in the ship's compass, we will notice very little difference; but, as the ship sails over the sea hour after hour, day after day, a one-degree change in the compass will end up taking us to a very different place many miles from where the original course would have taken us."  David

     

    Surrendering isn't as easy to see….but what you are holding on to is.

    What is stopping you from change?

    What holds you in place?

    What ideas are non-negotiable?

    What beliefs have you set your compass to and refuse to budge even one degree?

    Letting go of you identity, your beliefs, your religion, your expectations, your ideals, and sitting in a position of being detached may seem very scary.

    But, scarier to me is to be mentally tied to something that goes against reality.

    To go with the flow, surrendering to what is….Is total freedom.  

    The greatest transcendence is to get out of your mind.

    To question its beliefs and ideas…to use your mind instead of being a prisoner of it.

    What was amazing to me was how much I had to let go of to be Me!

    Surrendering to everything that wasn't true…for Me.

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  • Your Unique Perspective.

    While doing Art, you are challenged with perspective and often it is illusive and not attainable.  Its skewed perspective then becomes Art that seems to struggle among itself.

    The eye, or maybe brain is then agitated….or is it stretching your perspective subconsciously.

    Sometimes while trying to get the perspective right, I fall in love with the items that are out of size and leave them anyway.  

    Other times, its off-ness seems just right. I feel more drawn to Art when things are not perfect; but there seems to be a carelessness about perspective.

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    This one was painful when I tried to 'care' about each item and its perspective….if I let it go, I relaxed and just enjoyed the overall view.  

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    Each piece on its own is perfect and its imperfections in perspective makes it seem more charming to me.  I try and do my best and don't give up on the theme, just because something appears too large or too close.  Often the distance is fluid…but it keeps the eye interested and not bored.

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    Today I began a new one.  I wanted My Lady to be sitting in a Kayak with a closer up view…and facing forward.  During the designing of it, part of me wants me to quit before I begin, for it seems really hard to depict it correctly. 

    Another part of me falls in love quickly and I can't just abandon her….so I leave it be.

    I like this Kayak Lady…even if once again perspective is a struggle with the perfect seeking part of me.  The careless artful part of me is happy….and loves her.  

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    While contemplating the seriousness of perspective and its place in Art or whether eye catching art is out of perspective…I wondered about the two parts that fight within me over details doing art.

    I know for sure there is a childlike careless girl playing in fabric and her joy over talks any serious thinking art like person.  

    When the childlike careless girl loves it, it is harder for me to take it off the background for a more 'real' or 'right' idea.

    I just can't get serious about Art.

    Maybe that is the correct perspective on Art and Life….do what brings you joy, and not worry how others will perceive your unique perspective.

     

  • Great Lakes Showcase

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    Imagine, my Art is hanging here at the Great Lakes Showcase; an annual juried exhibition of fine arts and crafts from local and regional artists!

    I entered wondering how it would feel to have My Lady hanging among other types of Art…for this is her first time in an exhibition!  She would be with Art of many types…and from long established artist as well.  A newcomer to the scene.

    I entered the space looking quickly to see if I could spot her…..and I did at the end of the gallery!  Her bright colors caught my eye!

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    It was neat to see her hanging with other interesting works of art….the creative expressions of so many.

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    And, neat to see a spotlight focused on her…so cool.  

    "Francis" was holding her own at the end of the gallery!  I love that she is by the door and can see folks walking by!  How fun for her!!!

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    I love that My Lady is there and being recognized as Art.  Because she has been more Art Therapy and the image in front of my message, I don't see her as art first; but rather sharing the message of personal empowerment and freedom of expression to be I M Perfect and You be You….I don't see the Art.  I feel the message more.  

    I am proud to call her mine!

     

    Here is the link to see the rest of the show….Great Lakes Showcase

    I loved this piece…created with paint and fabric, by Renee L. Michaud titled "Beauty"

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  • This is My Legacy

    In the late 1990's I made a quilted wall hanging from a pattern called "We May All Have Our Differences" by Linda Christensen.  

    A photo of this quilt was pasted to a card I received today….from my mother.

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    This quilt may have planted the seeds to my Lady that was to follow.  

    I actually did the hand appliqué that this pattern required.  It was my one and only hand appliquéd quilt….ever, and I gave it as a gift to my mother.

    How ironic is the name…."We may all have our difference" and its deeper message besides the body's shape and size.  And, that I created this quilt before my breakdown into reality from denial.

    I continue to marvel how my quilts have been speaking to me and how I missed their deeper message.

    As I sit here, a new grandmother; what has been the most profound is My Legacy.

    I feel the space I am offering to my little granddaughter.

    Another avenue that wasn't open to me.

    I have forged new ground.

    Shown another way to deal with abuse.  

    Modeled how it isn't a life sentence…nor does it have to be handed down.

    By going against my mother and her chosen path, I have given my children and their children a new way forward.  

    THIS difference is what has kept my mother and I estranged.

    My mother never changed course. 

    She kept repeating the pattern she was given; denial.

    See sin and Bless/ forgive, forget….repeat.

    A never ending cycle for abuse to flourish in…and the victim no way out.

    As I gazed upon her handwriting, I could not imagine what words she could give me as a new grandmother.

    "Grandchildren are a reward for having children.  Completely different than a parent. You have all the fun and none of the responsibility." (ironically, she didn't know how to spell responsibility – "she had to look it up," she wrote)

    She is so wrong.

    Our responsibility to our grandchildren begin with our children.

    It begins with our responsibilities of being a authentic women.

    It grows from the truth…and our reactions to it.

    It isn't just fun and games AFTER neglecting our parenting responsibilities.

    I feel as a grandmother that I have lived a life that my granddaughter can be proud of.  My morals and my values have content.  They are not just words or sentiments of a religion's facade…or thoughts in my head. I live my morals and values in action and deed.

    I literally feel that I have deflected or neutralized the legacy of my mother upon my grandchild…by being a different woman than my mother.  By doing what she wasn't able to do…to walk away from family; when family abuses.

    And, she comes in seemingly free of any responsibilities of what her parenting did to me…and feels she is entitled to continue engaging with me…regardless of my actions of estrangement.

    She isn't responsible for my childhood damage; nor is she responsible for the work and effort I have done to rid myself of its mark.

    She appears to be oblivious to her legacy and thee affects it had upon her children…and their children.  What does she feel she has imprinted upon us?  What marks do we carry from her and her life's choices?

    I know she doesn't know know know what she has done; what her true legacy is.  That the only thing she can hand down is what she has lived.  No would of, could of, should of, is passed down.  Just how you responded to life.

    We can only experience our parents by what they do; not by what they meant to do.

    I know that some feel she loved us. 

    She did her best and loved us.

    But the proof is in how we each feel about ourselves; our self esteem.

    Did she protect and fight for our innocence and little child self?

    Did she put aside all of her comfort and connections to our abusers.

    Did she see the child first and then herself?

    As a mother; did she nurture us and keep us from harm….or, when the abuse was discovered, did she make drastic changes to ensure we never had to be with our abuser again?

    No.

    How can a woman who shirked her responsibilities as a mother…become a grandmother and then a great-grandmother?

    Is it possible to keep skirting your responsibilities…but claiming the roles?

    I feel that I have earned the right to be called grandma.  

    I have created a safe place for children.  

    I have shown I can keep my distance from folks who abuse or who are friends with abusers.

    I am a real grandma.

    A safe grandma.

    This feeling has filled me with great peace.

    I know that I prepared this place for the little ones who will come into our family.

    They will not have the same landscape I had to endure.

    There will be someone in their family who has set the pattern in place that shows what to do when abuse walks in.

    I may have been a slow starter….but once I began, I did not stop until I cleared away all that wasn't love.

    My beautiful little granddaughter will know love.

    For I now know what love is.

    Love is being responsible for your own truth.

    Love is being free to be yourself.

    All she has to ever do is be herself, and live her truth.

    Grandma showed her how!

    This is my legacy!

    My Ladies are women who dance to their own truths!

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  • Work of Art

    How fun it is to see someone see My Lady for the first time.  I get to see her again, through their eyes. And, I get to share her/our story.  

    My art goes beyond what you first see; the deeper connection is to feel the power of humankind…resilience – hope- freedom- empowerment – courage and boldness to name a few.

    Oh and the energy of the My Lady, is expressed in so many ways.  I love the changing emotions.  I love that my feelings are often displayed in the fabric.

    I also love, that often I don't even grasp what I am creating until it is done or until months/years later.

    When they go and hang out at a new venue, I get to see them once again with fresh eyes.

    I love My Lady.

    I am proud of her.

    I love her adventurous nature and how willing she is to be seen.

    Yet each time I unroll my fabric bundle of quilts…it is to unfurl my soul.

    I am sure there are still remnants and visages of my me that fear to be seen in my entirety.  Where my art, my wound and my recovery are all embraced.

    As a fiber artist; I am sewn into each piece.

    Just as quilts are cut up and rearranged; so am I.

    Rearranged into a work of Art.

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