The "Afterword to the Original Edition" at the end of "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware; society's betrayal of the child, Alice Miller writes.
"Before sending the manuscript of this book to the publisher, I gave it to four collegues to read who had shared in the development of my ideas through numerous discussions. The first one said that after our many conversations the material was no longer new to him and he was able to confirm my hypothesis on the basis of his practice. This reaction pleased me very much, since it indicated there was little likelihood that mine would be a lone voice among psychoanalysts. Another analyst said the scales had fallen from her eyes when she read my case presentations. She was relived to be able to cast aside the ballast from her training that she had never fully accepted and give more credence than before to her own findings and perceptions. The third colleague reacted the same way many parents did to my previous books, i.e., with guilt feelings. She said if my arguments were correct, that would mean she had made grave errors; she recalled patients who, as she now thought, had been desperately attempting to articulate their traumas, whereas she had always felt obligated to regard what they said as an expression of their childhood fantasies and desires. I could only tell my colleague that I had felt this way for a long time, too, and without that experience I would not have been able to write this book. Whether someone reacts to my views with sorrow and guilt feelings, or even with total denial, depends on his or her own history."
"My fouth colleague said she felt as though blinders had been removed from her eyes, but at the same time, now that she was seeing new connections, she was also feeling disloyal to her teachers, to whom she was grateful for a great deal and who had insisted that the drive theory was the central factor in analysis. Her observation gave me food for thought."
"Both sorrow and a conflict of loyalties will undoubtedly be required of us if we are to recognize and come to terms with "poisonous pedogagy's"influence on our childhood and specifically on our training as analysts. But if we succeed in working through our sorrow, we shall gain the freedom to judge for ourselves and with this the possibility and the right to make use of our own eyes and ears and to take our own perceptions seriously."
"The direction in which I have moved in writing this book as well as countless unfortunate childhoods I have read about in letters from my readers caused me to question how the truth could have remained hidden from me, too, for such a long time and what role the drive theory played in concealing it. It troubled me that so few of my colleagues were able to accompany me on my journey, and in trying to find the societal reasons for this, I came upon the drive theory, the Fourth Commandment, and the traditional methods of child-rearing, a combination of factors that explained the collective denial of childhood trauma. But this was my personal journey. My colleague's reactions showed me that the ways in which one can respond to new experiences can vary greatly; what led to a radical change of direction in my attempt to understand neurosis may elicit different responses in others. How we integrate new insights into our existing fund of knowledge depends on our character, our age, and our previous experiences. The discoveries I have made bear my own personal stamp and therefore cannot be prescribed for others. but the hypotheses I have adopted cane be examined, again from a personal perspective, and can serve as a basis for new findings. The purpose of this book is not to win support for my conclusions, for that would only encourage the uncritical stance I object to; rather, it is my hope that the findings I have presented here will challenge the readers to go on to make their own discoveries. Alice Miller
I love how she is willing to accept and to understand that most often it isn't the validity of her work that is in question, but rather the folks who read and listen to her.
She sees herself, her childhood, her profession and her clients….and the circles we all live in and how it is we became who we are, but how then to end the cycle or patterns.
What a brilliant mind and daring soul…to step out and openly state where society has failed the child.
I totally agree with her wholeheartedly. What she writes about is my experience.
If the Alice Miller's books don't resonate, it is perhaps due to the learning you have been taught and/or your awareness of your childhood and its damage.
Alice Miller has the key to course correct the affects of abuse.
While many hesitate to blame the parents and religion, and the therapies, Alice clearly isn't afraid to follow her conclusions.
You have to first see where the root cause of our mental illness began and find a therapist who is willing to bring you there. If they have not seen their own lives clearly, they will not see yours.
Alice has given me so many affirmations and helped me to understand not only me, but the way society and the helping community, religion and family all play a part in you moving forward or keeping you in the dysfunction.
While we are moving alone, we are bumping up against many folks whose fear of their own lives, will need you to stay down.
Many will blame you for daring to up-end the social, religious and family traditions…and very few will look at the long held beliefs that they each carry.
It isn't that I am speaking out so outlandishly, but rather that I am dancing upon their sacred beliefs; the pillars they need to be who they are.
My blog, my Art and my journey is a visual what Alice Miller writes about…
My life is a clear example of what she found and also what she knows will right the individual that got flipped upside down in childhood.
Her books are not for those who want to remain in the dark and in dysfunctional families. They are for those of us who dare to be the change…to be aware.
Mostly, what I feel is that most are not wanting to see…it isn't that I haven't written it clearly, but rather they want what they have now. They are not willing to give it up.
No matter its cost on the next generation and themselves…they are perfect living in the land of "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware."
Thou shall not see me…not because I am brightly out here, but because of its cost in your lives to do so.
What will it cost you?
I M Perfect lady 