I M Perfect lady

Category: Current Affairs

  • Allegedly good christian people.

    I hate using the word "Allegedly" in front of an abusers actions, for not only does it make his actions "questionable" or "suspect", but it more importantly discounts or lowers the truth of the child.  Even IF we have tons of evidence by the way a child has been changed, we still have to say "allegedly" until the law of the land FINDS them Guilty.  And, what I hate the most….IS that the child then wears the label guilty until the man's innocence is proven otherwise.

    Allegedly then, the child is a liar, until the laws of the land have enough evidence to convict.  And, there are still cases of abuse, where the child, due to his/her abuse is unable to articulate, remember, or is not brave enough to speak, and recount the evidence needed to press charges…it still doesn't mean the abuser IS innocent.

    I am so incensed with the higher degree in which we (society) and church, lean towards protecting the innocent reputation of the adult and give so little attention to the child's lost innocence.

    These cases are extremely hard to get into courts of the land, due to the fact that the child has to feel safe enough, and supported, to point a finger at someone they loved and trusted….and most often, whom their parents are in relationships with.  

    When will we put as much efforts into the defense of children as there now seems to be in the defense of the adults?  When will the child's innocence be equally as protected?

    What if instead we sought to hear the child? What if we instead believed that grown men in pulpits CAN be pedophiles…instead of doubting its possibility?  

    You may think that your child is safe or that they will come to you and TELL.  They won't.  Due to the simple fact in how you are now reacting and responding to their abuser. 

    What are you saying about this resigned preacher man?  Are you even talking to your children about it?  Your silence will not protect them…your silence about this man's abuse is showing your support of him.  That is all the child hears….nothing.

    As a grown adult woman, I felt immediately who had my father's hand so to speak and who had mine.  I knew who would listen and who would defend.  I can't but feel that the same is true for the little ones who have been abused.  They know by how you act, what you say and where you go.

    In my opinion, you can't expect them to show their wounds if you are silently acting like there is nothing going on…continuing life as usual.  The child is unseen…and knows you are not receptive.

    So, I guess you could say, you are allegedly supporting the abuser.

    What signs are you sending to your children?

    What signals are they reading about you and abuse?

    How can they discern if you are for it or against it?

    Will you wait for the court of the land to 'change' your mind?

    How then does the child feel, when they are relegated to second or third or forth…only IF you can have collaborating evidence, will you change your mind…or maybe not EVEN then.

    They will know which relationships are most important to you….the adults in your world, or your child…or a nephew or niece….a little one.  Oddly we care less about the children…we supposedly love and protect and more about soiling the reputation of a man who soiled it himself.

    Just remember, Allegedly works on us all. He is 'allegedly abusing.  The children are allegedly liars, and the good folks are allegedly with morals and values.

    No one is beyond question….but the answers are who has more to lose from the truth being known?  What will you lose?  

    It isn't the truth that your fear, it is what you have to lose.

    It isn't about whether the child can speak the truth or whether the preacher man is capable of abuse, it is about what it means to your personally IF the truth were to be fully accepted.

    Instead of seeking the truth, you will resist it….

    You don't want there to be an exhaustive search and introgation of board members….to have the detectives entering into your sacred place of worship….you don't want to know the truth.

    Allegedly. 

    Allegedly you want your religion to be without question, a place of high morals and values. And yet, its actions are decidedly opposed.

    If they allegedly wanted the truth, would there not be an overpouring of support from within grabbing any outside source for help.  There are no hands reaching outward, except to ward off any interference.  The hands are not reaching for help….but upheld to tell us to back off!

    Who are they protecting and Why?  

    Who are your board members?

    I know that Ellen Torola has a blog…well a picture blog of what is going on in the FALC community….so far nothing is posted.  Why? She has the ear of the community…will she use it?  Who from the inside will reach a hand outward for help?

    Are they afraid to ask for more supporting evidence for fear of what will spill forth? It doesn't seem like they are openly defending him either, but suspciously silent…no outcry for the little ones.

    Allegedly uncaring…and unconcerned by an alleged pedophile…allegedly good christian people.

     


  • Good Men to do Nothing

    Once again, there are stirrings of an alleged sexual abuse within the FALC…I hate that I have to write alleged, but he is innocent, until proven guilty.  He is 'not' to be judge and the church should be kept separate, and the list goes on and on to protect him, while little children are left to work through the affects of his vile behavior.

    The more strenuous your objections and indigination, the more you need his innocence to save your belief.  Your belief in the one right church, your belief in the forgiveness of sins, your belief in a preacher, his image…perhaps even his name.

    Do you dare see him in a new light?  What will happen to your faith and belief if you dare bring in the possibility that the children and their parents are right?  

    Many will try and keep their precious religion and pure faith, while a man of the pulpit has resigned, and allegedly he has sexually abused his grandchildren…they will try and separate his 'sins' from the message of God…and not rush to judgement and leave that up to God, to overlook and look beyond the abuse.

    This behavior is nothing new.  For decades now, the good christians of the churches have been unwilling to respond…would not dare do something so unchristian like as to see what is, to not forgive and forget, and to stare unflinchingly at abuse…while giving up their ticket into Heaven.

    They do not see their behaviors OF not reacting IS keeping this whole cycle going.

    What are they saying to the folks who dare speak up? How are they treating the parents who dare stop going to church?  Are they listening or defending their church?

    In a perfect world, a child would speak of abuse and the whole structure would fall, for the good folks would tear it down themselves. They would demand the church to pay retribution to the victims.  They would set up Help lines for victims. They would enlist armies of therapists and counselors to deal with the families involved. They would take the lead in helping victims speak up. The board members would be out leading the charge to make sure he is prosecuted…by opening the space for other victims to feel safe….to feel heard and believed.  Their "Greetings Of Peace" would publish places where they could seek help. There would be a number to call the detective with information that would help these young victims. 

    Instead…there is nothing coming from inside of the church.  

    Can't we at least wonder why the church is so silent?

    Why the board members are not screaming with outrage?

    Why are they not supporting the detective and asking for a full fledge investigation and asking their parishioners to help?

    Why are so many adults completely acting so irrationally about sexual abuse (allegedly) by a preacher?  

    Maybe the questions are not about judging him, but about looking at the silent church…its chairperson and board members.  Why are they so unwilling to grab a hold of this and start demanding answers and leading the investigations.  Is the church NOT responsible for allowing a pedophile to be a preacher?  What is their role, do they have any accountability here?  Have they not heard his name being mentioned with sexual abuse prior and what was their response?

    What I find more shocking than a preacher molesting his grandchildren (allegedly) IS the SILENCE and NO REACTION of the Board of the First Apostolic Lutheran Church…as well as other parents.

    If, this was a learning institution, these same folks would be banging on the doors and removing their children Immediately. What stops them now?  What is holding them back from rushing forward?

    Whatever it is….it is what keeps the neat little nest of abuse going.  It is the fact that good people will not change their minds, drop their faith…to bring in abuse.  

    Their Belief stands in the way of seeing and responding to abuse.

    How many facts do they need? How much information would change their minds? How much of their lives depend upon the preacher's innocence and him not being an alleged monster?

    What are they willing to sacrifice for their belief?  How many little boys will have to be abused before they are willing to see differently….?

    I watch this and know, he isn't the only monster lurking….denial is equally at fault.

    For all it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing….Ellie Weisel.


  • Control of others.

    I have been part of the discussion on the ex-toots blog  http://extoots.blogspot.com as we all discusss the consequences of extreme religions.

    I feel those who stand in defense of the church are actually defending themselves against any life change.  They simply can't bear the consequences of being wrong.

    While a woman's life has reached the extreme end of anguish, a baby's life is lost, the much larger more deeply felt is the shaking of their religious beliefs.

    What would happen if the church would be found out, to be upheld by a wobbly foundation?  How much of their lives would collapse when it falls?

    When a collective group have fashioned their lives and given up their own rights for a cause, for a belief that is larger than their self…it eclipses the self and they become it.  They become the church, they are part of the foundation, one of the bricks.

    And, when the bricks begin to crumble and show their instability, then what?

    Somehow we see the "Church" as being this higher power, this impotent god like untouchable person.  When in fact the church is made up of humans.  It is being lead by a collective board of humans, and preached by a human to other humans.

    The collectiveness of these folks IS the church.  And yet, with the discussion on the ex-toots blog, it appears that the church is a non-human thing is what they are following…and IT is reading the bible and pulling out things that they should or should not do, and creates these rules and the rewards and or punishment.  Like a imagination game….but with real life consequences.  And all things have to be run through this non-human like thing, although the church is run by humans.

    It is quite spectacular in its own mentalness.

    The preachers are not willing to stand in the light of reality and claim clearly and succinctly how it is that they don't believe in woman's rights.  And the women who have given up their rights are looking to the 'church' to stand strong in saying how it will be impossible to get to heaven IF you take birth control.

    What happens to the women who have abided by these rules to find out that they are not steadfast?  

    How terrifyingly incredible it is to watch them speak out of both sides of their mouth, to see the twisting twirling sliding ungrasping of this rule in the light of murder.

    No one wants to claim it as part of their faith.

    How sad that this mother who killed her child doing what was deemed good and promising of heaven is now standing out there alone.

    Her preachers are unable to articulate and own the path they set her upon.

    They ARE responsible for preaching.  She is responsible for letting them control her body, until it became uncontrollable. 

    A clear example of what happens when you take control of others…

     

  • Expanded River

     Flooding reflections…taken early this morning.

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    I love the colors early in the morning…or perhaps, the lack thereof.


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    The 'sides' are melting, and there is a rock solid base in the middle….My favorite photograph spot this Spring.


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    Here is what our road looked like as I drove home from work. The right side is a field, and of course I am driving on the road….off to the left is the overflowing river.


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    and, as I approached our driveway…the river has leaked into our yard.

    While driving today, I did notice that there is water running, but not rushing, that the flow has slowed down.  I am not sure if the river has crested, but I am hoping so.

    Our home is up on a knoll, so it will remain dry….and our backyard also has dried up nicely, where our septic field is.  Mostly the river is leaking out of the river bends, flooding the road.


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    Water is flowing out of the river and onto the road….and, I wonder how many fish, snappy turtles etc…are enjoying their expanded river!

  • Life on the river…

    Signs of Spring are everywhere.  

    My son's truck…unable to resist mud puddles.  He is one of the many who are excited to see all the water over the road. Traffic was very high along the river yesterday.


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    And, there is still plenty to melt…and more fun to be had!  The river hasn't overflowed its banks yet, and our yard is under water.  And, they haven't opened up the dam further up the river…so, things may change in the next few days.

     


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    …a Flood Warning is in effect until 8pm on Thursday.  Life on the river.

  • Living Self

    I wonder how this weather is a metaphor for life, in how we have an idea of how things should be, compared to how they are.  Instead of being disappointed with each day, what would happen if you accepted what is…with either enthusiasm, enjoyment or the very least of all Acceptance?

    The weather is always right and true…and it cares not a wit what we want or desire, it just is…or does what it does given the right conditions.  

    I had to marvel at yesterday; we had beautiful sunshine, windy winds, beady snow, rain, cloudy grey skies…fast moving clouds, snow going and snow coming, river rising, mud puddles frozen, mud puddles wet….many types in one short day.

    Wanting it to stay and not change is a futile act…it carried on mindless to your desire or need.

    To me, it shows the power of the Universe and our smallness.

    It shows the insanity of wanting something different than what is.

    It is giving us the opportunity each day to learn how to follow and not lead, to accept and not resist and to make the best of each moment…and to not let outside events affect our inner climate.

    While we whine and holler about the outer climate, we neglect how we feel inside…or we easily allow the outside to come inside…instead of learning how to keep our inner sun shining.

    Gratitude is sunshine.

    Whining is grey clouds.

    Joy is sunshine…doing what you love, sunshine.

    Complaining is heavy weather…biting winds.

    Being with people you love, bright skies…etc

    So, while the weather outside changed hour by hour yesterday, I was in my own little world, doing what I love….what brought me peace and inner sunshine.

    Living separated from the elements is also to live separated from others…meaning needing them to change in order to be happy or at peace.

    I love the power of nature to be who she is and to change on a dime, to boldly be…to live with change and uncertainty…fearlessly, and heedlessly, of others approval.

    It is Earth Day today…be inspired to boldly live as nature. To express all your emotions and feelings; to say what you need to say, to be who you need to be, and to do what you love to do…regardless of how it is seen by others.

    Happy Earth Day…let her be as she is…a vast living Self.


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  • Abuse and the FALC.

    The newspaper headlines speak of two more alleged rapes…two more victims whose lives are forever changed, 'allegedly'…who will remain guilty of asserting and professing being raped by this young man, while he remains innocent, until they prove him guilty.

    He a promising athlete, from a family within the FALC, who allegedly raped these two women…his two worlds don't match, or do they?  

    Is it possible that his model of power has been completely skewed and these woman are just outlets for him to gain power?

    Andrew Vachss wrote that Rape is a method of enforcing domination and a program to enslave the vulnerable.  He wasn't picking on someone his own size or gender, but on those who are weaker than he…

    Knowing that rape isn't about sex, but it is about power, you have to look at his power models.

    Looking upon the power structure within the church and within families of this church, it is not hard to see how skewed this model is.

    You have leaders/preachers/elders/parents who also dominate the vulnerable, who enslave their minds, bodies and actions by how they dictate their lives.

    I know many will believe I have gone beneath the deep end now, but if rape is about power and not sex, then where did he learn this behavior, that being a powerful man is to dominate, enslave and force others?

    Who were his male role models and how did they act towards women or those much more vulnerable than them?  How are the women and children treated in this religion?

    If you look upon how children (vulnerable) are dominated by the beliefs of their parents to the point of being shunned if they don't capitulate, it is not a stretch to see his model.  They (children) give up their bodies and lives in order to fit into their parents religion, until they are powerless and the parents and church powerful.

    I see his behavior as completely making sense coming from whence he came.

    It would be more shocking to not have these young men acting out than it is to have them overpowering the weak to gain power.

    When we focus on the sexual act with rape, we lose the core purpose or tool of rape; power.

    Unless and until you have experienced the powerless feelings of the church, you can't imagine how little self power you have.  And, when you see how powerful the men are in how they control our bodies and lives, you will see that the volume of sexual assualts within the church match the models of power vs powerless.

    Even the woman I spoke to of the Old Apostolic Lutheran Church, wondered how come there was so much sexual abuse….she and other women of the church pondered this, as they stand in dresses, grey hair, bearing baby upon baby, voiceless and choiceless….powerless.  And, they wonder about the power assaults upon them…as they stand powerless.

    Do the men of the church ponder this 'problem' of assaults?  Are the board members and preachers huddling and collectively trying to figure out how to stop this massive bleeding of innocent lives?

    Do you hear the men of these churches fighting to give power to their children and wives?  Do you see them fighting for equal rights and self expression?  Are there commitees formed for self empowerment?  Are there classes beyond Bible class…such as ways to get out of abusive relationships and families?

    Am I the only one who is not shocked by the sheer numbers of abusers, but horrified and completely overwhelmed, by how many victims EACH of these men have dominated by using sex for power?

    I see too much….

    I see the perfect environment for evil to flourish…

    I see apathy and denial and defense towards a church of high morals and high values…while their children are in the headlines for allegedly raping.

    Will I see women start to rise and cry out for such horrific treatment of those two young women?

    When will the women of these churches start to get restless?  What will it take to make them rise?  How can you see your son and brother and friend act out this way and not question, something?

    The headline affirmed what I know and have been writing about endlessly; abuse and the FALC.

     



  • Back into Me.

    I still have leaky borders, where my responsibility leaks out into another's life and I have a hard time being present in mine. I felt burdened and weighed down and had less energy for my world…regardless I headed downstairs to quilt today.

    I used to think that I quilted when my world became too hard to handle, and I did…but I could see now that it brought me to be present and even how its therapy wasn't to express myself but to get me out of the swirling thoughts.  

    It wasn't like I was depressed, but I was darkened.  I was unable to enjoy the mundane things in life, for a fog of thoughts flowed with me, keeping me from being clear and present in my peaceful home and life….while pondering abuse rippling outward in another church.  And, what could I do, knowing the mindset was similar to mine, etc.

    Sundays are my Art days, the days where I am free to let go of life's chores and just get lost. Today, I was short fabric…I could create the center, the sky, water and shore, but I didn't have enough to complete a whole new piece….and, then I broke my darning foot that I use for free motion quilting…well it was fractured, I still managed to quilt but handicapped.  It seemed that the easy flow in my Art was choppy as much as my thoughts….like I wasn't comfortably at one with my Art…like I was barely able to hide from what was troubling me….

    My husband wanted to take a ride, and I wondered if we would talk about the abuse, or would I be able to let it go and just enjoy nature….I did.  It just was too nice a day to pour out conversation, he could do nothing about….

    Here are some shots along Lake Superior…the shoreline between Gay and Lac La Belle….
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    As you can see, pristine snow and perfect sky. The temps were just above 20…


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    Nature pulled me to itself time and time again.  Breath taking in its quiet self.
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    A jeep, a quiet peaceful man….and a Sunday ride.

    We were gone about 4 hours and I came home restored and centered.  The date, nature and art brought me back to center…in my life.


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    You could hear the waves or the water….sounds of Spring, even though it looks like mid-winter.


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    You can see Mt. Bohemia in the distance.  We ate the Bear Belly and hope to watch skiers, but the hill closed at 4pm.

    What I learned today, it is helpful to do Art when life's question overwhelm you…and to get dressed up and go out for a ride, to force yourself to leave your troubles behind.  It doesn't make you less responsible, but more.  Responsible for your own mental health, your own life…it puts you back to you…and you gain perspective and separation.

    It was good to see how easily the evil or bad of the world can seep into your life, and how it is at that time, crucial to become 'irresponsible' and leave your troubling thoughts behind and jump into this moment of time…even force yourself to do what you love to do, where you know your peace, love and joy is found.  Go there…and be filled.


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    I found, there wasn't anyone in my present day, asking me for help. 

    There is a flow to helping…

    My role may just be to listen…and to share my experience, but it is also to live my life well.  If, I am to be a conduit to exposing abuse, it will happen.  My role will unveil itself with ease.  

    I let go…albeit reluctantly…and forced myself back into me!



  • A story of You.

    I had not realized that there is always a second part to our speaking out; and that is the space we bring it to.  We need the person to be open enough in their beliefs to accept what we are saying.  

    "Narrow minded" is not just a saying, it is literally true.  Some minds are not accepting of experiences and lifestyles beyond their own.  

    Often, we then are left feeling odd or abnormal, when actually our lives are just too colorful and filled with experiences that can't fit into their narrow ideas of the world; people, what is right and what is wrong, what is normal and what is not.

    If it isn't reflective of their self, it doesn't fit.

    Today, I made journal covers…and I was told that the real art will be what is written inside.  And, I believe that it is true for all of us.  Inside of us, is where the real art of who we are lives…


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    We can be as narrow minded or as broad minded by how we stretch in learning about our selves.  

    It would seem that we would be open minded IF we accepted all people, without a boundary; to have no lines drawn in the sand, but be like an open doorway, where all can come into our lives and pass out…without restraints.

    I am not talking about being without boundaries, but rather a mind that is open, curious, questioning, inquisitive, probing…investigating and wanting to learn more and enter the deeper parts of who we are.

    The surface revolving door, will allow any one in, but only at a surface level…

    A open mind, will be one who will want to know the soul of who you are; how you were created, what makes you you.

    Writing stretched my mind about me…


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    Here are four more journals without my Art….or should I say the surfaces before I add constrasts, designs, shapes.  They are not bad, but just one dimension…


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    And, with Art added.  Imagine then, if you will with words. Feeling words, painful words, sorrowful words, betrayal words…depth, heart and soul…all encased in a warm blanket…a quilted cover…something to hold…a story of you.




     


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  • Policing of Humanity.

    I went to see the movie "Lincoln" yesterday, and was surprised to see human nature of his time, how humanity wasn't separated from the issue of their time, and how it takes courage to say and fight for a new level of humanity.

    Lincoln was striving for the good of all people, not just his people…and what he stood for would have no impact upon him.  Meaning the passing of the amendment 13, would not be changing his life, but had a great impact on our country at large.  And, how he had to sway others into vote, often times at their own peril of re-election.

    He seemed to carry the weight of the world, and in fact he did carry generations of African Americans upon his back.  It wasn't just for the benefit of the living, but the generations that followed.  They depended upon him to be able to win this vote…

    Imagine, your freedom lies in the hands of others…

    I also like how some Feared what setting 'them' free would mean; what sort of chaos would spill forth and how would they handle it.  It wasn't so much the individual who was enslaved to now be free, but how it would impact their already free lives.

    How they were fearing freedom for all.  Like equality is something to fear…

    I like how he asked the two Telegraphers, if they thought they were born to serve the time?  And one says, "You were, I am not so sure about me."

    What does our time need?

    What kind of humanity will push us into a new level of awareness?

    Was I born into the perfect time to help turn the dial?

    Am I hindering progress?

    Like Elie Wiesel asked of himself, "Am I doing enough?"  And, he also felt that he had just begun, at 82 years old.

    Just very thought provoking to see your self in this era and wonder about your contribution.

    Lincoln was born exactly at the right time and had all the tools and wisdom humanity needed in order to rise to a higher level.

    The movie was about human nature, much more than politics, or perhaps that is what politics is about….policing of humanity.