I M Perfect lady

Category: FALC

  • Hide my truth…

    On the Ex-Toots Blog, someone commented about praying for the children in the FALC, that they would be spared abuse.  When I commented back, the children don't need our prayers, but we need to pray for the adults. 

    We need to ask for courage to stand alone…and the strength to walk out of relationships with abuse.  To make healthy boundaries and draw the hard lines.  

    Our children need strong adults to change the legacy in their family and do things differently.  Praying for the children without asking adults to change is meaningless. Skipping what the adults are doing is where the trouble lies. 

    Schooling them in good touch bad touch, again, meaningless if the adults in their worlds don't display boundaries about good relationships and bad.

    Most of the abuse education is directed at children, like this is where the change needs to occurr to end abuse. What about the adults? Why are they not being asked to change?  

    In looking back at my mother's life, I could see, that in order for abuse to change, I could not be my mother.  I had to do things differently.  I had to be stronger and try harder, and exit any relationship where they were abusive or supported abuse…the change began and ended with me.  I was leading my children….just as she had.

    I could also see how some of my siblings responses were of children and not of being an adult, where they made choices based on being a son or daughter, but not in being a mother or a dad.

    If I responded as a daughter, my response may have been different, if I had not seen and felt the eyes of my children upon me.  How was I going to act with sexual abuse in my family of origin?  What I did shows them an alternative compared to what others in my family did.  The affects are not something you will see in a few weeks or months, it will be years before the actual affects are seen.

    In the early stages of change it appears all negative, like you have lost so much…and you are, you are losing the pattern of abuse…called dysfunctional family or toxic relationships or secrets that are harmful to little souls.

    It is my belief, that the outcome of my walking will be felt upon the lives of my grandchildren, for I am being the parent I would have wanted.  It is my soul's knowing, that I did what I had to do, to stop the chain of abuse. I had to walk away from where it lived…no cell of abuse, would I tolerate, in order to change what is acceptable in relationships of love.

    It isn't so much about abuse, as it is about love.  

    Abusing means, "To use wrongly or misuse, improperly, to mal-treat or ill-use."

    I see abuse meaning how we are in relationships or perhaps how we act.

    Acting wrongly or improperly within any relationship is the key to dysfunction.  

    It is only as good as the two people in the relationship.

    If someone lies, and the other doesn't address it or set a boundary against it, they are partners in building a dysfunctional relationship.

    The less real you can be, the less real the relationship.  And, to be truthful, for those who don't want to face their own truths, will be very happy in relationships full of pretend and leaking boundaries.

    The more truthful you become with yourself, the more truth you will gather around you.

    I would rather be alone in an honest relationship with myself, than be in relationships where I had to hide my truth.


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    ( a work in progress, like me.) 


     

     

     

  • They remain Monsters.

    While the discussions continue about abuse, what came to me is that there are two opposing views.  Two very different experiences and yet we want to paint only in one color…

    I got to wondering, is this an affect from being raised in the FALC, where bad things can be changed back to good, via the forgiveness of sins, so the world really never stays bad….it is fleeting and illusive…not a hard fact.

    Only the good remains seemingly steady, for if you falter, you can ask for a blessing and be returned to full goodness.  The bad doesn't stick, we are like teflon when it comes to sins.

    Is this why it is so hard to get people to really believe and to stick with a label of abuser?  That we can really only see the good?  

    For some reason we are very hesitant to hold onto a negative label….like IF we refuse to see some good, we are the negative folks.

    I know, that I am seen as being negative for seeing my father as a pedophile. That I washed away all his good traits, due to his 'fault' or sin.  It is by far more my problem for refusing to bend him back to good…or good enough.  I am not as kind, loving or sane when I hold his sins before me…

    Is it easier to just see the good and overlook the evil or is it easier to acknowledge the sins and hold them accountable?

    There is a really insane system going on in these churches, where there is sin, but it is only recognized to be forgiven away.

    Like you see it to erase it.

    What would happen if there was no forgiveness of sins? What would happen to all these actions? Where would they go and more importantly WHAT would these people look like?  Say all the acts of 'sin' stayed with the person…that there was no way to separate you from your sins?  Then what? Who would you be?

    Would you not be truth?

    Somehow, the 'forgiveness of sins' is a truth remover.

    When an abuser asks for the truth to be removed, he then loses the title of abuser…but the victim has no such truth remover…she is forever feeling the truth of the abuse. There is no escaping, no wiping, no erasing, no un-ringing the bell of truth.  

    I will believe in the forgiveness of sins, when it magically removes all traces of abuse from the victim.  When it can return innocence back to the child…making them untouched.

    Just as the victim remains forever changed so do the so called loving family members who abuse the trusting children in their lives; they remain monsters.



  • Say Nothing.

    On Ex-toots blog, she asks the question, "What can we do to try and make it safe to speak up?"

    How does a religion create an unsafe environment for victims telling about abuse?

    How is it possible that in the land of Jesus, God and the bible, we are not allowed to feel safe?  Or at least safe IF we want to speak out about the evil acts and deeds of others?

    Is it possible that the fear based teachings have done this?

    That when you raise folks based on the fear of God, the fear of doing something different, the fear of elders, the fear, the fear, and fear, that they will then fear going against their abusers?

    Surely we can't be surprised that we created the perfect victim…

    One who is too afraid to speak up about someone who is in power.

    One who has learned to silently give up their rights to their bodies.

    What will it take to empower them now?

    Will the adults in the church suddenly start giving back their bodies freedom?

    Will they allow them to own their hair and finger nails?

    Who is going to swing this environment around….will it be adult led or by children?

    From what I have experienced and heard, it will not be the adults…

    And, the abused (adult) children will have to find empowerment outside of the church, for the church doesn't appreciate self expression, will power, and freedom of speech, or of a person owning their own bodies and minds.

    Literally or perhaps they would say figuratively, the church has been their first abuser, by taking away all their rights. 

    As a victim of both the religion and sexual abuse, I honestly can't tell one being more kind.  In fact, the religious abuse appears equally as fake…as my father loving me.

    It is like religion has a fake front of God, Love and Jesus, while it is removing all things God is.

    If you put the way these religions treat a person and the way an abuser does, you will not find too many contradictions.

    Both want you powerless, silently following, pleasing them and forsaking your own truth and feelings.

    I feel completely abused by the church and my father, they were equal partners to strip me from being my self.

    I could no more fight against my father, than I could rebell against the religion.  I no more could protect my fingernails and hair than I could my private parts.  I had no power…against either.

    My mother brought in religion and my father brought in sexual abuse.

    Looking into both, there was no place for a child to feel safe, seen, heard or understood. And, we are asking our children to tell. Tell who?  

    My mother has yet to HEAR me. She hears sounds, but does not hear.

    My father, well I didn't even try to speak to him…his actions clearly said it all.

    And, I guess so do those who sit in the pews of these churches, who have given up all their rights, to their bodies and their minds….

    We are asking children to "Tell" when for generations of victims…telling will earn you a pass to estrangement.  Telling isn't what keeps these families together, allowing and having no boundaries are.

    The thing that will tear these families apart IS TELLING.

    Perhaps what is mostly safe, is our families in the dark.  

    Our family is not safe when the truth appears.

    The church's faith is not safe when the truth appears.  

    And the child knows they will not be safe, IF they try and disrupt the 'loving' family and find evil in the church.  They are only accepted if they go along…silently untelling.

    It isn't about telling of abuse, IT is about telling of the false front it is presenting.

    A false family of love and trust and kindness.

    A church of high morals and values.

    This is what we are not to tear down with soiling both with monsters, tales of abuse, acts of indifference, how forgiveness of sins only works for the pedophiles, and the list goes on and on.

    Like my mother always said, "If you dont' have anything nice to say, say NOTHING." 


  • Would you Sign?

    I asked a pastor friend about the Mandatory Reporting within churches, if they were like Learning Institutions….and here is what he said.

    "We are mandatory reporters just like the schools. Also, there could be board liability that would be settled in a court but knowing of a situation and not addressing it could very much make a board liable."

    I have spoken to a board member and a member of the Mission Board as well, and he acknowledges the rising levels of abuse, but he too, as far as I can tell, has not reached outside into the world for help…even with the rapid exponentially expanding abuse.

    I don't believe they can fully appreciate the fact that they can be held liable. These board members who have heard the concerns, don't seem to grasp what it truly means for them.  They are not understanding Mandatory…especially to be told to do something…from the worldly folks.

    Like maybe those rules don't apply?  How long can they get away with ignoring the mandatory reporting?

    What I know, is in my father's case, the Minister Knew…not only my case, but others.  He was brought in and he did not report.  He is dead now, but is the board still liable?

    Would a class action suit be something that would wake them up?

    I have very little doubts that a case could be made, not only in the FALC church, but in the OALC as well….from what I hear from victims.  

    These boardmembers may believe that their responsibility is financial, and perhaps rule making….and give very little respect or attention to Mandatory reporting…and that they are liable.  The word liable means, "Responsible by Law".

    They are breaking the law…by NOT reporting.  I don't think they get that.

    As we sit on Father's Day, I know that the majority IF NOT ALL, are fathers.  What is the message they are relaying to their children about sexual abuse?  What are the 'good' fathers doing about this.

    Wouldn't good fathers get involved, demand answers, withdraw their children from an institution that remains so indifferent to sexual abuse?

    Wouldn't a good father stand by his child and place his doubts upon the abuser?

    Wouldn't a good father resign from the board IF they would not address these issues?  And, wouldn't a good father join with the outside to help bring these guys in?

    Who again are these board members, as human's, fathers and men?

    I don't get it.

    It seems that each person is waiting for someone else to take the bull by the horns, to change up the way we do things, to rattle the cage, to be publicly outraged…to do something.

    If they could only see what the outside sees.

    Caring Less fathers…law breakers.

    Who is more evil or harmful to the children?  The ones who abuse or the ones who know and do nothing?

    Dealing with abuse when it is sprinkled in your religion and families makes it doubly hard to reconcile, but it also makes it more twisted to the child. They need to see that someone in the mix sees evil.  As it stands today, there is no movement….it appears that the devil and the angels are one.

    I mean really, is there a difference who is actually touching the child, if there are so many who stand by and do nothing?  

    What will it take to make the Board move?

    Will it be the class action suit?

    The victims are now seen as without value, our words are doubted…and elicite no response.  I guess it is until we team up with the world lawyers, judges, and detectives, police and maybe in the end wage a huge class action suit against them. There just should be a consequences for their nothing behavior….and I guess there is….you become who you hang with.

    I see no difference between the abuse and the silent unmoving bystander.

    What difference was there between my father abusing and the father's who knew and did not support their child? In both the victim is left without a father.

    Is it possible to start a petition of outrage and would you sign?

     

  • Lower the Wall of Indifference.

    I heard a phrase while listening to an audio book today… "Impenetrable Indifference"...and that to me is precisely how it feels to speak about abuse with a member of the FALC church…it is near impossible to get a raised eyebrow, a believing energy….instead all that seems to come back is this impenetrable indifference.

    Some want caution in speech until the courts of the land do their thing.  Which is normal and the way we have done things for decades.  We have also prayed for decades. We have forgiven their sins for decades. We have also whispered about abuse for decades. We have tip-toed around this 'sensitive' issue, not wanting to what? 

    What is it that we don't want to do?

    How is it that we are too afraid to boldly state and ask and point and come to our own conclusions?  Why?  Why do we not want to stand alone and point a finger?

    This caution is the wall of indifference disguised as kindness…or not wanting to rush to judgement. But, you are rushing. You are rushing to doubt the child…and that is okay.  It is fine to layer a victim with doubts, but don't you dare doubt the good reputation of the abuser, No sir.  No doubts to the abuser, all rush to doubt the victims.

    I guess it is hard to tell impenetrable indifference and neutral waiting…

    I am not sure that in the lives of the victims, they can wait. They don't have the luxury of time.  In fact, for them it is already too late.  Perhaps it was the generation before you who too, were waiting.

    We are all waiting. We are all cautious. All except the abusers.  No caution there, no waiting. Nope. They are busy, so damn busy luring, courting, setting up the ground work for their next victim.

    But, we wait. We are cautious.  We don't want to act in error.  And, we wait…while the abusers move on grateful for our non-involvement.  Happy for the lack of interference.  Gleeful that we withhold judgement. Content to have our wall of impenetrable indifference standing there protecting their little evil games with the children. 

    If you all, for one minute believe that these guys don't know what they are doing and who they are manipulating, you are sadly mistaken.  They are extremely manipulative and charismatic, and not only lure and court the child, so do they with the family members and other adults around them.

    They will do and say anything to dislodge your doubts.

    And you know, the abusers are articulate speaking adults…most often who have polished up the lies…for their very freedom depends upon it.

    Some folks think of pedophiles as doing sexual deeds a bit here and there, OTHERWISE, they are normal.  When, in fact, their whole lives are set up and lived for their sexual desires.  It isn't a part time thing, but it consumes their whole lives.

    They are instead part-time fathers, workers, etc, but it all is connected to getting what they desire.  There is very little they do that isn't a cover up or a connection to a child.  And, they have worked hard to keep their little gig going.  

    The only wrinkle in their manipulation is when the people are unable to be manipulated.

    If we act in doubt. If we don't believe. If we question and investigate and delve into their lives. If we ask questions of their children, and their grand children, if we go in and take apart their lives and really look at what is going on.

    When my father was investigated, they investigated the folks connected to him. They drew a wide circle and began to ask.  The detective who came to my home, said, "I have never investigated a case where so many people knew about this abuse and for so many years." 

    Will you talk to a detective about abuse? Are you waiting to be asked?  What do you believe your suspicions are?  Are they not a red flag?  If they came to your home today, and asked about so and so, what would you say?  

    Do you have to be asked?  Are you too afraid to be the first? 

    When I feel the impenetrable wall of indifference…is it because you are afraid to be wrong, to point a finger and it be wrong?  

    Give what you have to the detective. Share what you have heard.  It isn't up to us to investigate, but it surely up to give up what we know.  What we heard, even if it was years ago.

    In my father's case, the victims spread over the span nearly 40 years.  Yes, I said 40. For, I was 46 and the oldest victim that I know of was older than me and the youngest was only 8…

    What can we do to bust out of the impenetrable indifference so that these abusers don't have such a long run?  

    Is it wrong to give the detective what you know, for each tid-bit will put the pieces of the puzzle together.  

    Are you all waiting for the detectives to blindly fumble around…into relationships and dynamics you all know and grope for leads you carry…

    Help them with these cases.  Help by giving the piece you know.

    In the Penn State case what made it so remarkable were the sheer numbers of victims that spoke up.  Each building a strong case against their abuser.

    Each person who dares to speak will lower the wall of indifference.

  • Allegedly good christian people.

    I hate using the word "Allegedly" in front of an abusers actions, for not only does it make his actions "questionable" or "suspect", but it more importantly discounts or lowers the truth of the child.  Even IF we have tons of evidence by the way a child has been changed, we still have to say "allegedly" until the law of the land FINDS them Guilty.  And, what I hate the most….IS that the child then wears the label guilty until the man's innocence is proven otherwise.

    Allegedly then, the child is a liar, until the laws of the land have enough evidence to convict.  And, there are still cases of abuse, where the child, due to his/her abuse is unable to articulate, remember, or is not brave enough to speak, and recount the evidence needed to press charges…it still doesn't mean the abuser IS innocent.

    I am so incensed with the higher degree in which we (society) and church, lean towards protecting the innocent reputation of the adult and give so little attention to the child's lost innocence.

    These cases are extremely hard to get into courts of the land, due to the fact that the child has to feel safe enough, and supported, to point a finger at someone they loved and trusted….and most often, whom their parents are in relationships with.  

    When will we put as much efforts into the defense of children as there now seems to be in the defense of the adults?  When will the child's innocence be equally as protected?

    What if instead we sought to hear the child? What if we instead believed that grown men in pulpits CAN be pedophiles…instead of doubting its possibility?  

    You may think that your child is safe or that they will come to you and TELL.  They won't.  Due to the simple fact in how you are now reacting and responding to their abuser. 

    What are you saying about this resigned preacher man?  Are you even talking to your children about it?  Your silence will not protect them…your silence about this man's abuse is showing your support of him.  That is all the child hears….nothing.

    As a grown adult woman, I felt immediately who had my father's hand so to speak and who had mine.  I knew who would listen and who would defend.  I can't but feel that the same is true for the little ones who have been abused.  They know by how you act, what you say and where you go.

    In my opinion, you can't expect them to show their wounds if you are silently acting like there is nothing going on…continuing life as usual.  The child is unseen…and knows you are not receptive.

    So, I guess you could say, you are allegedly supporting the abuser.

    What signs are you sending to your children?

    What signals are they reading about you and abuse?

    How can they discern if you are for it or against it?

    Will you wait for the court of the land to 'change' your mind?

    How then does the child feel, when they are relegated to second or third or forth…only IF you can have collaborating evidence, will you change your mind…or maybe not EVEN then.

    They will know which relationships are most important to you….the adults in your world, or your child…or a nephew or niece….a little one.  Oddly we care less about the children…we supposedly love and protect and more about soiling the reputation of a man who soiled it himself.

    Just remember, Allegedly works on us all. He is 'allegedly abusing.  The children are allegedly liars, and the good folks are allegedly with morals and values.

    No one is beyond question….but the answers are who has more to lose from the truth being known?  What will you lose?  

    It isn't the truth that your fear, it is what you have to lose.

    It isn't about whether the child can speak the truth or whether the preacher man is capable of abuse, it is about what it means to your personally IF the truth were to be fully accepted.

    Instead of seeking the truth, you will resist it….

    You don't want there to be an exhaustive search and introgation of board members….to have the detectives entering into your sacred place of worship….you don't want to know the truth.

    Allegedly. 

    Allegedly you want your religion to be without question, a place of high morals and values. And yet, its actions are decidedly opposed.

    If they allegedly wanted the truth, would there not be an overpouring of support from within grabbing any outside source for help.  There are no hands reaching outward, except to ward off any interference.  The hands are not reaching for help….but upheld to tell us to back off!

    Who are they protecting and Why?  

    Who are your board members?

    I know that Ellen Torola has a blog…well a picture blog of what is going on in the FALC community….so far nothing is posted.  Why? She has the ear of the community…will she use it?  Who from the inside will reach a hand outward for help?

    Are they afraid to ask for more supporting evidence for fear of what will spill forth? It doesn't seem like they are openly defending him either, but suspciously silent…no outcry for the little ones.

    Allegedly uncaring…and unconcerned by an alleged pedophile…allegedly good christian people.

     


  • Good Men to do Nothing

    Once again, there are stirrings of an alleged sexual abuse within the FALC…I hate that I have to write alleged, but he is innocent, until proven guilty.  He is 'not' to be judge and the church should be kept separate, and the list goes on and on to protect him, while little children are left to work through the affects of his vile behavior.

    The more strenuous your objections and indigination, the more you need his innocence to save your belief.  Your belief in the one right church, your belief in the forgiveness of sins, your belief in a preacher, his image…perhaps even his name.

    Do you dare see him in a new light?  What will happen to your faith and belief if you dare bring in the possibility that the children and their parents are right?  

    Many will try and keep their precious religion and pure faith, while a man of the pulpit has resigned, and allegedly he has sexually abused his grandchildren…they will try and separate his 'sins' from the message of God…and not rush to judgement and leave that up to God, to overlook and look beyond the abuse.

    This behavior is nothing new.  For decades now, the good christians of the churches have been unwilling to respond…would not dare do something so unchristian like as to see what is, to not forgive and forget, and to stare unflinchingly at abuse…while giving up their ticket into Heaven.

    They do not see their behaviors OF not reacting IS keeping this whole cycle going.

    What are they saying to the folks who dare speak up? How are they treating the parents who dare stop going to church?  Are they listening or defending their church?

    In a perfect world, a child would speak of abuse and the whole structure would fall, for the good folks would tear it down themselves. They would demand the church to pay retribution to the victims.  They would set up Help lines for victims. They would enlist armies of therapists and counselors to deal with the families involved. They would take the lead in helping victims speak up. The board members would be out leading the charge to make sure he is prosecuted…by opening the space for other victims to feel safe….to feel heard and believed.  Their "Greetings Of Peace" would publish places where they could seek help. There would be a number to call the detective with information that would help these young victims. 

    Instead…there is nothing coming from inside of the church.  

    Can't we at least wonder why the church is so silent?

    Why the board members are not screaming with outrage?

    Why are they not supporting the detective and asking for a full fledge investigation and asking their parishioners to help?

    Why are so many adults completely acting so irrationally about sexual abuse (allegedly) by a preacher?  

    Maybe the questions are not about judging him, but about looking at the silent church…its chairperson and board members.  Why are they so unwilling to grab a hold of this and start demanding answers and leading the investigations.  Is the church NOT responsible for allowing a pedophile to be a preacher?  What is their role, do they have any accountability here?  Have they not heard his name being mentioned with sexual abuse prior and what was their response?

    What I find more shocking than a preacher molesting his grandchildren (allegedly) IS the SILENCE and NO REACTION of the Board of the First Apostolic Lutheran Church…as well as other parents.

    If, this was a learning institution, these same folks would be banging on the doors and removing their children Immediately. What stops them now?  What is holding them back from rushing forward?

    Whatever it is….it is what keeps the neat little nest of abuse going.  It is the fact that good people will not change their minds, drop their faith…to bring in abuse.  

    Their Belief stands in the way of seeing and responding to abuse.

    How many facts do they need? How much information would change their minds? How much of their lives depend upon the preacher's innocence and him not being an alleged monster?

    What are they willing to sacrifice for their belief?  How many little boys will have to be abused before they are willing to see differently….?

    I watch this and know, he isn't the only monster lurking….denial is equally at fault.

    For all it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing….Ellie Weisel.


  • Step through the Fear?

    How much does fear play a role in your life? How many things do you do, that you don't want to do, because of fear of not doing them? Or, how many things do you want to do, but fear is standing in the way?

    Back on the Ex-Toots blog, there is a list of 44 things that are a sin in the Old Apostolic Lutheran Church.  And, there are questions as to why?  Who decided doing this or that is a sin?

    It wasn't the insane things on the list that caught my attention, but rather how many adhered to the rules without knowing the basis of why it wasn't okay to do them. Like women not being allowed to wear pants….men, neckties…for example.

    And, it isn't that folks want to follow, but they are afraid NOT to follow….for each rule has a fear attached to it, mainly Hell if you don't follow and shunning or ridicule for standing out and doing the said fashion sin.

    Fear is being put into them, not a reasonable reason as to why not.

    What I find funny, is that without fear, the rules would be silly.

    Can fear really take the silly and make it scary?

    Can fear make people do things they normally would not do?

    Is it possible to make a large group of people conform without fear being the impetus?

    If it wasn't so tragic it would be laughable, to so many.  How they have given up the rights to their bodies, their fashion sense, their right to have or not have children, to move around the world curious and follow their inner delights and excitement….and instead of frozen in place with fear.

    I know many will suggest that they are choosing this lifestyle, except that they have not been allowed to choose.  It isn't a choice if only one way is offered…and fear separates the choices.

    Fear seems to be an energy that is standing in the way of freedom…a gate that feels impenetrable.

    If you don't leave out of fear, are you really free?  Or are you just afraid to step through the fear?

  • A mind game at its worst.

    In the extoots blog I follow and comment on ( http://extoots.blogspot.com ) a response from Finland caught my attention…or a few sentences, where the church is once removed from the congregation in times of trouble.

    "The sexual abuse scandal was badly managed by the SRK leaders, it looked like they got everything wrong in communicating it to the media, right from the start. However, for those who want to go the truth behind the headlines, it is also quite obvious that there never was any institutionalised abuse (such as in e.g. the Catholic church) but the incidents occurred inside families. In those circumstances, it is difficult to hold the congregation responsible especially when the official teaching has always been that crimes do not go away by the forgiveness of sins. (Unfortunately there were exceptions to this rule, and in a few cases, the congregation lay preachers were involved in hiding such crimes and criminals from the police, and also preventing the victims from getting help. This is not acceptable and I am very sorry for this ever happening in my religion.) 

    What makes the FALC or other like minded religions different from the abuse within the Catholic Church, is that the abuse is happening within the families. It isn't the "leader" of the church so to speak. So, the church can't be held accountable.  It isn't the institution that is doing the abusing, but rather the members of their organization, not the organization.

    Like "the church" somehow gets to escape, that "the religion" isn't where the crimes are occurring, but outside of it.  Like church and religion are actual entities….one stepped removed from family.  Yet it is infiltrating each family with its teachings.

    To me, it is like preserving the integrity of "Family" while abuse is happening by my father…as if he isn't part of family.

    I can't see how they can separate one from the other.

    Where in the church is there actual accountability to the law of the land, to the safety of the children, to the integrity of its message of high morals and values when it wants to keep its distance between It and the People?

    It rules the people, but doesn't want to be affected by the actions of people.

    It controls the people, but will not take control for the people's actions.

    I am not sure if others can see this slight but wide gap between their responsibility and the lack of owning it.

    While telling folks what to do, they fail to see what they are doing…and then totally disappear when $%#@ hits the fan.

    The powerful energies that preach these rules become silent and apathetic in the face of tragedies…'not responsible'…when those they control go out of control.

    Hard to hold the church responsible as much as it is hard not to.

    How interesting that the church boards are free of all negligence, while dictating how so many live their lives.  

    While I wanted to blame the church, I also had to see    how much of my life I had given over to the church.  I just didn't know it would NOT take responsiblity for the aftermath of what it preached. It is like it is only responsible for the out flow, not the backlash.

    I had to own my lack of self care and my own rights I had reliquished to the church…AND, I had to see what they did with me. They didn't care for me, they didn't protect me, they didn't even seem to notice they were holding all of me. 

    Again, not sure I can articulate the disappearing church we gave our self to.

    Giving up our lives, our choices, our freedoms to this thing. And this thing disappearing right before our eyes and us with it.

    How the church doesn't want to be seen in the families its controlled…when the church was such a large seen force that molded many families….how can it then disappear?

    And what happens when it does?

    A mind game at its worst.

  • Control of others.

    I have been part of the discussion on the ex-toots blog  http://extoots.blogspot.com as we all discusss the consequences of extreme religions.

    I feel those who stand in defense of the church are actually defending themselves against any life change.  They simply can't bear the consequences of being wrong.

    While a woman's life has reached the extreme end of anguish, a baby's life is lost, the much larger more deeply felt is the shaking of their religious beliefs.

    What would happen if the church would be found out, to be upheld by a wobbly foundation?  How much of their lives would collapse when it falls?

    When a collective group have fashioned their lives and given up their own rights for a cause, for a belief that is larger than their self…it eclipses the self and they become it.  They become the church, they are part of the foundation, one of the bricks.

    And, when the bricks begin to crumble and show their instability, then what?

    Somehow we see the "Church" as being this higher power, this impotent god like untouchable person.  When in fact the church is made up of humans.  It is being lead by a collective board of humans, and preached by a human to other humans.

    The collectiveness of these folks IS the church.  And yet, with the discussion on the ex-toots blog, it appears that the church is a non-human thing is what they are following…and IT is reading the bible and pulling out things that they should or should not do, and creates these rules and the rewards and or punishment.  Like a imagination game….but with real life consequences.  And all things have to be run through this non-human like thing, although the church is run by humans.

    It is quite spectacular in its own mentalness.

    The preachers are not willing to stand in the light of reality and claim clearly and succinctly how it is that they don't believe in woman's rights.  And the women who have given up their rights are looking to the 'church' to stand strong in saying how it will be impossible to get to heaven IF you take birth control.

    What happens to the women who have abided by these rules to find out that they are not steadfast?  

    How terrifyingly incredible it is to watch them speak out of both sides of their mouth, to see the twisting twirling sliding ungrasping of this rule in the light of murder.

    No one wants to claim it as part of their faith.

    How sad that this mother who killed her child doing what was deemed good and promising of heaven is now standing out there alone.

    Her preachers are unable to articulate and own the path they set her upon.

    They ARE responsible for preaching.  She is responsible for letting them control her body, until it became uncontrollable. 

    A clear example of what happens when you take control of others…