I M Perfect lady

Category: FALC

  • Baton-Less!

    I thought about innocence yesterday and what it is, how is it experienced and do I truly know it.

    This morning it came to me that I was picking up pieces of innocence as I walked searching for truth, and that perhaps truth is innocence, for without truth can there be innocence?  And is it possible to have experienced so much that isn't innocent and still be innocent or be able to return to the land of innocence?

    I had looked up the meaning of innocence and one definition said, "freedom from guilt or sin through being unacquainted with evil – blamelessness.  I like this one.

    Being free of guilt…

    I thought perhaps it was impossible to get back a state of innocence, that once you fell out of that pureness, it would be impossible to wipe yourself clean again.

    Innocence dies when you feel blamed.  Innocence dies when you become acquainted with evil… And it returns when the blame lies outside of you.

    If everyone would look upward, toward their parents, victims would dry up…innocence would bloom…like a chain reaction of love flowing backwards through generations; innocence would flourish.

    Seeing the flow of guilt and how it poured downward into small children, you can see the cause…how it forms and why.

    Alice Miller is correct, that the fourth commandment has really messed with our heads and psyches, by bringing blame into our selves out of fear of blaming our parents.

    Innocence is being able to stand up and face the truth of what is…not carrying the blame, shame and guilt that isn't mine to carry.  I didn't start this trickle down affect, but I do carry my responsibility to stop it from flowing down into my children.

    If I blame my children for 'making me mad' or 'losing control', I am passing the baton of guilt to my child.  If she reaches for the baton, she will lose her innocence.  Taking the blame for something you didn't start is to lose your innocence.

    Taking back your innocence is to hand back the blame.

    A relay going backwards, is the only way we can heal ourselves from abuse…

    The weight of carrying the wrong baton is where all the issues lie.  

    I remember in the early days of my mental breakdown, the days of discovering that all I thought I knew, I knew nothing….I recall feeling that this mess was much to big for me AND that I can't fix what I didn't create.  

    It took me out of the lives of my parents and siblings and into my own.  My own was a big enough mess and I carried only that.

    I handed the batons of guilt and responsibility back to my parents.

    I handed the batons of guilt and responsibility back to my siblings.

    And only sat with what I was responsible for.  

    In the past, in the present or in my future.  Holding that damn baton in order to keep my parents guilt free, had done nothing to clean them up, but in fact dirtied me.

    I see sins being forgiven the same way.  "Here hold my guilt for me…carry the burdens of my bad choices!"

    Quitting the relay team of guilt has set me free…I carry only me.

    I take responsibility for what I do, what I say and how I act.

    My children don't have to carry any part of me.

    I am a self contained container…a free me.

    Innocence is being free to be me…baton-less!

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    Photograph by Hannah Jukuri….

     

  • One Verse of Me.

    I had an overwhelming feeling of being lost, of searching for myself, but not knowing who I was or how I would find me.

    What I was describing very accurately is my innocent me.

    That was who I set off to find…how I had gotten so far off the path of me…and who would I be, minus all the stuff?

    Letting go of the old me, and turning my back on all of the folks who created her, was very scary…for I had nothing of myself when I left.

    I was a stranger to myself going out to find a self, who I didn't know at all.

    I didn't know how this journey would end, what would I find as I resurrected my truth…

    I stood horrified of the lies I had built myself upon…and couldn't pretend to pretend to pretend I was her…and a new self wasn't born, so I was left in a space a vacuum of time…nothing to hold myself in.

    A stranger to the truth…and a nonbeliever of the lies.

    Where I used to be strong and confident in the false life, I now lay weak in disbelief.

    I don't know where the courage came to even wiggle a finger, let alone set out and dig up my past and re-contextualize each thing to set it up within the frame work of truth.  And to do so while living life.

    Living life as a nobody.  Just a truth correction lady.  Letting my self definition go, while I fixed all my wrong beliefs and thoughts.

    It was like my life to this point was written in fiction and I had to go back and make it nonfiction.  I was the main character and the author…re-writing my past while living in my present…changing the essence of the main character, me.

    Here I am writing my life story, while living it out; changing the main character from dysfunctional to functional…from false and fiction to truth and reality…

    What an intriguing position.  Writing how I found me, while researching how I lost me…while lost to who I really am.

    Unaware, to aware…but lost….to knowing how I got lost.

    I found myself where I got lost.

    Innocent.  

    When I left my innocence, I lost me…I walked away, or ran in fear and terror…or was exploited.

    While I can burst with gratitude for finding myself and my innocence, I too have to feel the agony of the sheer magnitude that conspired to lead me from me.

    The forces that pulled me away…and I felt the literal forces working to drag me back as worked on going back to me.

    My cells and DNA screamed as I worked to return to my natural state of being, they were addicted to the false lies and false adoration and attention…I had to turn on myself, turn on my family, turn away from all I knew, in order to recalibrate myself.

    Going from Falsehood to Truth. 

    Innocence is being at one with the truth….one verse of me.

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    This photo was taken of me and my sister friend, Kirsten in the summer of 2008.  I love the joy, the love and peace….me on my journey back to me…I have found wonderful souls to walk with me and cheer me on.  I love that you held me up when I had nothing inside of me.  Thanks seems so small for such a huge task, but thank you to all who walked with me as I sought to find myself while lost.

     

     

  • He Only Recognizes the Hardware

    David Hawkins writes about innocence…from "Healing and Recovery" and perhaps this is the whole journey of life…healing and recovering your innocence.

    "To safely do spiritual work and avoid crises, it is necessary to reaffirm, look within, and discover one's own innocence.  It really is not safe to do spiritual work unless one has a glimpse of that innate naive innocence and keeps one eye on it at all times, because that innocence is the gateway back to the Truth so one does not get lost in the swamp."

    "How do we see that innocence and know its presence?  We know that enlightened beings say that all are one with God, and consequently, that which is intrinsically innocent is within us at all times.  The knowingness can occur as a matter of revelation or understanding."

    "It we look at the consciousness of the child, we see the child's innocence. Everyone agrees on the innocence of the child whose consciousness is not devious.  It hasn't learned to lie; it hasn't learned the values of judgment and criticism.  The child is openly trusting and innocent, and out of this innocence and trustingness, paradoxically, it begins to learn that which is not the truth.  He or she hears the parents say, "We don't play with certain children because they are the wrong race, creed, or color; they belong to the wrong religion," and so hatred is taught to the child.  In order for the child to be loyal to the family to honor and love its mother and father, the child has to adopt that teaching."

    "As a result, the innocence of the child is exploited by that which is not the truth, and that which is not the truth innocently comes through generation after generation, via the parents, grandparents, other family members, friends, teachers, television, storybooks, and novels.  So that which is intrinsically innocent now begins to take unto itself programs and beliefs that are not the truth."

    "We can compare the consciousness of the child to the hardware of the computer, and the programming coming in from the social consciousness of the world itself is the software.  We see that the computer, the hardware, which is intrinsically innocent, is uncontaminated by the software.  You can run any kind of ignorance of negativity or falsehood through a computer, and the computer itself is uncontaminated.  You put in the next CD, and the computer's capacity is unimpaired."

    "Likewise, that intrinsic innocence within consciousness itself is unimpaired, and that intrinsic innocence is reading these words right now.  It is the intrinsic innocence of one's consciousness that is listening and reading, trying to find the truth, trying to tune itself in to what is real."

    "That childlike innocence is unchanged throughout one's entire life; it never leaves."

    "When looking at what the world calls ego, or what spiritual work calls ego, instead of condemning it, we can see, out of innocence, that is what we believed at the time.  What we did was appropriate if that software program had been correct.  Therefore, we do not ever really make a 'mistake' in our spiritual work.  Everything is on purpose once we set our intention to achieve an understanding of the truth and be open to Grace so that the truth may be revealed in whatever way we wish to hold in mind, in whatever expression is most appropriate.  It is important to remember that we have asked for all that is in error (i.e.,ignorance) to be brought up for recognition. It is all right to do that if we realize our innate innocence at the same time."

    "We again ask, The innocence of what?  It is the innocence not of us as a person but the innocence of consciousness itself because, as a person, we are merely reflecting that which is universal as consciousness itself.  What has gone on has happened as a result of the nature of consciousness; therefore, there is no point going into personal self-condemnation about it nor, on the opposite side of the coin, going into personal pride about it."

    "Discovering the nature of consciousness itself and looking into the nature of consciousness in our own introspection reveals that everything we have believed in during our whole life has happened out of innocence.  Compassion and understanding develop and because of that compassion, we can now see that through our own innocence, we have come to believe what we believe.  The willingness to forgive then allows us to see into the hearts of others.  Out of our own compassion, we can see the innocence of the child over and over.  No matter what the age of the body, the consciousness has remained unchanged.  We can still hear the heart of the child within the adult saying "won't," "don't" and so forth; it is the innocence of the child still speaking.  We need to keep an eye on that to prevent spiritual crises.  It heals conflicts as they arise."

    "The reaffirmation of our innocence consists of never buying that anything is 'just' ego; there is no such thing as 'just' ego.  Ego, the software, social consciousness, and the programming have been superimposed on that which is not ego but on truth itself and consciousness itself."

    "All spiritual crises come from context, meaning, and the way in which a thing is held.  If we think our diet is an unspiritual diet, or our lifestyle or what we do for a living are unspiritual, they are merely reflecting a certain level of consciousness."

    "Those who have reached very high levels of consciousness condemn nothing. They will affirm, however, that certain levels of consciousness will have consequences, and that a certain lifestyle, one of selling out the truth, about one's self, will bring inner pain and grievance.  It is left up to the individual to continue the process, and there is no attempt to control anyone."

    "Certain behaviors or self-condemnation will activate energy fields that will be experienced as painful.  Again, it is left to the individual to continue or not.  However, it is then not seen as a threat but as merely a fact of human consciousness that inner agony can become greater than what it is already is if one violates certain principles.  The teaching still holds up that it can be a very high teaching even thought it may warn us that very agonizing painful states of consciousness can come about as a result of certain behaviors."

    "All the experience within human consciousness, including all spiritual work, represents a position, a way of being with, and a way of holding what we are always talking about.  Even though we think we are talking about the external world, it is really an inner position as a consequence of a certain level of consciousness, of how we choose to be with something, and the pains and agonies that come about as a result of our clinging onto putting our survival on something that is not the truth.  Pain tells us that we have put our survival onto something that is a violation of some principle of consciousness.  That is really what spiritual work is about."

    "The progressive pain of these positions tells us that they are far from the truth not what that they are 'wrong'.  As we get closer to  the experience of the Presence of God, the inner experience is one of increasing joy and happiness.  As we get further from it, it tells us that we are far removed from the truth. Therefore, it is not a 'make wrong'.  It is not a right or wrong, it is just that it is painful and does not work."

    "The Buddha said that all pain and suffering are based on attachment and desire. "  David Hawkings, 

    If you look at your journey as going from hot to cold, cold meaning away from truth and hot meaning walking with it, you will see life without the right and wrong doing, but instead like a graph or scale. 

    And your life will be dramatically affected by the closeness to the truth or by how far away you are from it.

    What I know for certain it is harder to find the truth, if the truth was not taught to you.  In fact to find the truth, you have to first discover what was taught that wasn't the truth…and to fully understand the malleability of our innocence.

    It is because we were so innocent, so trusting and our survival depended upon the adults in our worlds, that we slurped up their softwear program.

    I can visualize people now by where they are on the sliding scale of truth vs not truth…and the softwear they speak from can give you great insights to if they are hot or cold.  And actually, their lives will clearly display how deeply buried is their innocence.

    Discovering our innocence is the Spiritual Journey; we will then see what God sees.  He only recognizes the hardware…

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  • A loving God there.

    "In the beginning of the research, we were naive.  We assumed that anything labeled as 'spiritual' must be of the highest truth, valid, and something that could be corroborated through one's inner experience. We found that this is not necessarily the case, and what is labeled a spiritual teaching might range anywhere over the Map of Consciousness, all the way from the bottom of the Map, where the teaching was written by those who teach hate as the way to truth, up to those who are most infinitely loving.  We found that many of the books were of a negative energy field, meaning that one would end up in a worse condition from getting involved in that particular field of learning and would move further away from the truth than before reading it.  Almost half the books in a typical spiritual bookstore are actually fiction."

    "As a result we had to look at the value of the research itself.  In looking at the field of spiritual research, we found there are no real guidelines for the person approaching spiritual work for the first time or going back into it later in life with a renewed interest.  Each approach claimed that it represented the truth, so the self-claims were no indication of validity.  We also found that the number of followers and the glamour of riches the teacher of a certain pathway had no correlation with its validity – the number of followers meant nothing, and best sellers were frequently purely fictional."

    "A purported teacher could have a great many followers, and yet we discovered that the energy field was in a negative direction, with calibrations being very low.  As we got closer to the truth of the great enlightened beings that were acknowledged by all of mankind, the energies always moved upward in a positive direction.  The calibrations were always over 600 and on up into the 700's.  Therefore, we see how the great teachers -those called avatars – who were on the planet for only a short period of earthly time, changed the face of the world and the belief systems of mankind, breaking new ground and creating a whole new context and set of values because the power and energy of their words were of a such high caliber."

    "That which is truthful carries greater power and calibrates at a higher number.  It is a higher frequency, and in physics, the higher the frequency, the greater the power.  Electrical power, for example, is not transmitted across the countryside at 120 volts; it is transmitted at 30,000 volts or higher. The higher the frequency the greater the power. This is why the words of the great teachers have transformed mankind for thousands of years.  Their words are still active and powerful and continue to transform the consciousness of mankind thousands of years later, even though their bodies have left the plant.  When we calibrate the energy fields of their work, we see that they are of enormous power, so it is not just what is said, it is the power of the being who says it."

    "It has been discovered that, historically, there has really been no safe context or orientation available for people approaching this field, so the way to avoid spiritual crises and the need for spiritual first aid in the future is to back up a bit and do some individual research. The first question to ask about any teaching is, "What is the level of the teaching?" This is helpful because the child within continues to be naive and innocent.  The innocence, on the other hand, is twhat leads to error because the innocent mind of the child has no means of discernment.  It needs some way to determine what is going to be beneficial."

    "it is obvious that if one is involved in a teaching that as an energy field below 200, one will have negative experiences. In contrast, a teaching that has a positive energy field and calibrates at a high level is going to lead into a lovingness, which is the best insurance against spiritual catastrophe.  One can ask if the teaching, teacher of the teaching, or the books of the teaching are reflecting a high level.  This is not to say it is right or wrong; it is just beneficial to determine its level."

    "If a teaching is below 200, at Hatred, for example, it will say that God hates you, your behavior, your impulses and your humanness.  Thus, this is a God of Hatred, and the energy field is negative, calibrating even as low as 20, 30, or 40.  At that level is hatred, the killing of others and suicide.  Thee is a God of death rather than of life.  Self-hatred and an inner feeling of being destroyed come from this teaching.  If one wishes to follow such a pathway, at least one is going with their eyes open (e.g. terrorism)."

    "There are teachings of existentialism that focus on man's hopelessness. They are based upon worshipping the past in which there is a great deal of grief and self-pity toward what has befallen this group of people.  There are teachings and teachers who express and exploit the energy field called Fear, in which case the person experiences a fear of God as a punitive God. The energy field is in a negative direction and continues to engender fear."

    "All these negative fields have proponents who sound convincing. They are like politicians in the religious or spiritual world and very adept at their convincingness."

    "As we move up into Anger, we see those positions that promote anger, conflict, hatred, and religious wars because they are competitive and usually champion a politicized god of retaliation. Because it is a polarized position, it is always viewed that God will punish the nonbelievers, which is usually one of the traditional teachings.  It is important to know where this calibrates on the scale so we can see how it correlates with things that are truthful." David Hawkins, "Healing and Recovery".

    What I find so discerning is that the word or subject of God and Spirituality can be used and manipulated by fear and the "innocent child" goes along believing.

    The FALC, due to its belief that the nonbelievers will be punished, leaves its teachings at the level of Anger.  Stunning in its horror as a child of that church.

    He goes on to say, " How can we heal what comes up in our lives unless we hold a healing position?  It is obvious how critically important it is to know the energy field of a given teaching.  If it requires forgiveness, the teachings of the Christ is based on forgiveness.  If it requires compassion and understanding, then the teaching will have to be at calibration level 500 and over because healing begins at 540. That which the world call sin is obvious something that requires healing, does it not?  Then a healing that is at least at the level of 540 is needed."

    "To ask people to bring up something from within into a negative energy field is to bring about upset; therefore it is unsafe to go into any spiritual teaching whatsoever that suggests introspection, soul searching, and purification unless that energy field of that teaching or pathway is positive and at 540 or higher.  It is evident how dangeous a lower-level teaching could be – it would be like putting oneself on the operating table and letting one's abdomen be opened by a surgeon who does not have the skill to handle what he is going to discover when he does so. We don't allow a second-year medical student to open abdomens on the operating table.  Instead, it is done by someone who has the power. These energy fields have power.  It requires a great deal of power and knowledge to open up someone's insides and investigate them."

    "We don't advise introspection in the beginnings of the inner process of purification until it is determined tht the teacher, teaching, and those around a person are in the energy field of at least 540, a field that is nurturing, supportive, and forgiving and has the purpose of healing through understanding and true compassion.  The God of that kind of energy field would therefore be a God who loves us because healing only occurs through loving, and His love would be unconditional."  David

    All I can say is wow.  Trusting in someone to help nurture you with anger is an impossible feat.  

    Not only the teachings of the FALC, are preached from the level of anger, but what of the ministers themselves?  

    There is no way a child in that religion WHO has been abused as a chance in hell of recovering while in that system.  None.  To operate on their soul while anger curses through their veins and cells.  

    What a huge affirmation this is for me and why I was so repelled and flung back from this system…It would be impossible to find a loving God there.

  • “Healing and Recovery”

    A continuation from "Healing and Recovery", by David Hawkins.

    "Within each and everyone is that intrinsic innocence that never dies, no matter how long we live; it is intrinsic to the nature of consciousness itself.  The innocence of the child is what bought the mistake or negative program in the first place.  It is helpful to be aware that the intrinsic innocence of the child is still present in everyone.  It is the innocence that watches television and naively buys into the negative programming due to its lack of discernment. The innocence of the child has no warning within it, nothing that says, "This is a world that is out to program you with as much negativity as you are willing to buy."  In fact, that world gets well paid to do so because advertising is often based on appealing to the negative energy fields.  All our fears, desires, and pridefulness are represented below the level of 200.  It takes the willingness to be aware that within us in our innocence needs to be protected."

    "When we look at "self-care", which is the capacity to love one's self, we find it now means taking responsibility to protect ourselves from the consequences of that innocence and the willingness to undo mistakes that the mind picked up as a result.  We can then handle looking at ourselves and healing that which we find within us if we accept the awareness of the intrinsic innocence of our consciousness.  We see that it was the innocence that was programmed. We then take responsibility for that and say, "In my innocence, I bought all that; I didn't know any better.  I thought that the right thing to do was to be judgmental, to condemn people, and to judge them as right and wrong.  Now I see that all that has made me sick, so I'm going to let it go."  The people who are willing to look into this and go through the processes already described had complete, and full recoveries from their illnesses."

    "The capacitiy to be forgiving is within us, along with the capacity for compassion.  Out of it comes a general attitude about the way in which we look at ourselves. From our bigness, from our greatness, we look at our humanness through forgiving eyes and begin to forgive ourselves as well as others for all the things that were limitations and denials of the truth.  All the things in the energy fields below 200 are denials of the truth; all those above 200 are the acceptance of that which is true and positive.  Because our body reflects what the mind believes, and the mind reflects our spiritual position, spirit has the greatest power of all. Therefore, our spiritual position literally determines whether we have a healthy physical body or not."

    "Once we are willing to accept the power of the mind, we have to be attentive, persevering, and not let mind get away with expressing negativity.  We have to stop it as soon as we become aware of it. We have to begin to develop an awareness of negativity and recognize it for what it is. We let go of false humility and start questioning such remarks as, "Well, you know, I'm not very bright," or " My handwriting is poor," or "I gain weight eating the same amount of food that thin people eat."  The minute we become aware of ourselves saying or thinking these limiting, self-defeating, self-attacking thoughts, we have to stop and cancel them."

    "The handwriting is poor because there is a belief system that we have poor handwriting, so we then reverse the whole programming of the mind as far as cause and effect.  We are returning to a principle that we can demonstrate through our own experience.  It is physical and the expression of the mental, not vice-versa."

    "We came to the conclusion that our handwriting is poor because the cause was in the mind, in the belief system.  It may have been a remark picked up during childhood.  Someone may have said, "Your handwriting is poor," and from that point forward, the program is operative.  We have to look at the ingenuity of the unconscious mind to really see it.  It would be great if one had some experience in watching hypnotic experiments.  It has been shown that if a person is told their legs will be itching when they awaken, and then induce amnesia for the suggestion, when the person wakes up, they are asked how they feel.  Instantly the mind will start creating the most marvelous and convincing argument of why the person's legs should itch.  The person doesn't just say, "Well, my legs itch."  The mind always gets creative and starts explaining, "Well, I have wool pants on, and you know I'm allergic to wool, and the heat in this room is steam heat, and that always creates the itching."  It is just marvelous to listen to the inventiveness of the mind as it begins to create reasons for the symptoms, which, as stated above, were place within the hypnotic subject on purpose.  The mind will do the same thing without formal hypnosis, so it is helpful to look at ourselves as though we have been hypnotized for half our lives and did not even realize it."

    "What is hypnosis?  It is suggestibility, is it not?  It means to be in an unguarded, suggestible, relaxed state, so anytime we have been in that state, we have picked up all the programming, and whether we remember it or not, it is still operative.  All the times we were half asleep as we sat in front of the television set, hour after hour of programming went into the mind and became unconscious hypnotic programs."

    "We can discover what we have been programmed with by watching to see what comes up, such as the idea that, "I'm no good.  Oh, I'm no good, I'm no good. I never was very good at playing cards."  If we have the belief system of not being very good at playing cards, that is what is going to operate in our life and also reinforce that belief system.  The belief system become self-reinforcing and self-fulfilling prophecies. A belief that is held unwittingly can manifest in our life, thus justifying the belief system.  By looking at our lives, we can tell what beliefs are being held.  If we cannot recall them, then we say they are unconscious or have unwittingly picked up from the collective consciousness of society."

    "Heath is the automatic expression of higher energy fields.  The fields of 540 and over are the levels of gratitude, forgiveness, and healing. The willingness to be forgiving and grateful in itself automatically begins the healing process.  Becoming a loving being in the energy fields of love is not sentimentality or emotionalism.  What the world calls love is more often about dependency, control, sentimentalism, and emotionalism.  It is an emotional, sentimental attachment in which control is going back and forth, and there is the satisfaction or desiringness on both sides.  This is the Hollywood version of love."

    "When you hear someone say, "I used to love George, but I don't anymore," it means that they never did love George. What was really meant is that they had a sentimental attachment, sort of a solar-plexus kind of 'hanging onto', which the person romanticized and glamorized within their life, pouring a lot of emotional energy into it so that when the tie was broken, up came a lot of negative emotion."

    "Real love is unconditional love.  Unconditional love is a decision we make within ourselves.  The process is one of intention and the decision to be a loving person.  If I decide to love you, that is my inner decision.  There is nothing the other person can do about it…" David Hawkins

     

  • Era of Individuality.

    While listening to Sir Ken Robinson reading his book, "The Element" I was struck many times by the way he saw things in a totally new light, how instead of reforming something that is broken, it is best to transform or evolve into a totally different idea.

    He was speaking about education and how it is modeled after the fast food industry, how every thing is standardised…no surprises, everything matches and conforms.  Imagine?  Our education system has followed the fast food industry, where no imagination or individual passion and ideas are allowed; the main focus is to do well on the standardized test, caring less of the value left inside the child.

    And the standardized test making people and industry is booming…while our kid's minds are being bent to do well on their tests…and their natural instinctual abilities are being ignored.

    He also compared the school day to that of a factory, where bells ring to end a shift or begin one.  Where all like models (made in year 1958) are put together, where each teacher adds one thing to the student, like an assembly line.  

    Some children do well in this conveyor like system, but there are many others whose passion is completely ignored and not allowed anywhere in the school factory for it doesn't fit into the fast food model.

    It seems that the natural talents and abilities, the passions and desires to express what you love to do is being completely overlooked, that the child has to fit into the standardized class, leaving behind the very things that excite him.

    You have to leave behind who you are to fit into this system.

    He spoke of visionary schools, who are doing education completely different, who are teaching backwards it seems.  The teachers take direction from the students…seeing the student, her desires and talents and her interests, and expanding on those…allowing the child to flourish that which is already organically there.  

    He also gave an example of a Kindergarten Class set in the middle of an Old Aged Home…glass walls that didn't quite reach the ceiling, so the children's voices could be heard.  How the elderly walked by with interest for the first few days, and then would stop and ask, what the children were learning.  "We are teaching them to read," the teacher said.  "Can I help?" the elderly asked, "I know how to read."

    The Elderly and Child formed a Reading Buddy System….and the elderly drug intake almost lessened by half.  The child left kindergarten reading at a 3rd Grade level.  The children learned about death and grief, when their Reading Buddy's passed on.  The children also learned about life and history by talking to their Reading Buddy.

    Most of us born into these systems are not even aware of the cost of standardized learning…we simply never considered another way. Our own individualize way of being has never been allowed to grow…most don't even know it is there, for it is buried far beneath all that we had to learn and be in order to graduate.

    Years worth of standardized lesson piled upon our dreams…Often we hardly even caught a glimpse of our natural excitement, before it was squashed and pushed aside, for it didn't fit in.

    Not only do I see the standardized learning, but standardized religion or God learning…spiritual seeking etc.  We are taught about this subject, by having to fit into our parent's idea of who God is and what spirituality means.  We are not allowed to grow naturally into wonderment, but are instead taught the lay of the God land by weary disenchanted travelers (in my case).  

    I wasn't taught the wonders of God, but instead his wrath and what would happen if I didn't obey the rules etc.

    In my standardized religion there was no room from my questions or wonderment or disagreement…I had to conform into their system.

    This leads you to wonder how many other systems do we have in place that were created during the Industrial Age that are broken?

    You have to wonder how at one time they believed what was best for us was to all be the same. To learn and believe the same was a good thing…modeling us after what they deemed a perfect being.

    When born into an already operational system of conformity, we are naturally made to conform by the folks who have lived on this planet longer than us…we believe the natural way to be is to fit in…and there are awards and ribbons for being a good conformist, and their are punishments or nothing for those who don't.

    My way of raising my children began in the industrial era and I have transformed it into a totally free zone.

    I now mother to the individual…I no longer have a standardized religion that they have to fit into. In fact, I am trying to unearth their natural talents and dreams that I buried in my broken way of raising them.

    What is so striking, is that the systems are broken and oftentimes the parents themselves come with dysfunctional baggage.  What a maze our children have to navigate through in order to maintain or hold on to their inner passions. 

    Imagine the change our world would have if all systems were geared to serve passion, talent and natural abilities, desire, excitement and inner joy, from the seed of individual that is already planted there?

    How tragic it is that we have to run through an obstacle course that is set in place to steal this talent away…

    So much of the dis ease and un rest is that so many folks are not doing their natural talents, that their seeds are lying dormant undernourished…that they did conform and are fitting into the world, but dying inside.

    A very interesting overview of what we are teaching brand new seeds that arrive on the planet…we ignore the Element of who they are.

    I certainly hope this next Era is called the Era of Individuality.

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  • In This I trust.

    Some interesting things I learned in my talking to the Law and Dial-Help.

    If you go to the hospital and the Doctor suspects or is told it was domestic violence, hitting etc, the Doctor must report this to the Law of the Land.  If you arrive raped or sexually assaulted, no such requirement is in place.

    I find it strange that they are not treated the same…that sexual abuse is seen as different than domestic violence or perhaps just violence. I wonder if this is the same in all cities of the land?

    Perhaps we need to stop calling it sexual abuse, but sexual violence or I would be okay calling it Domestic Violence, if there then was mandatory reporting. 

    With mandatory reporting the law becomes involved…and it leaves a trail…

    Although, I am not so naive to believe that all sexual violence incidents make it to the hospital, so it still leaves a huge gap in reporting…

    Here is something else.  Even if the Detective finds enough evidence to convict someone, the prosecutor has the final world.  He gets to decide whether it will go to trial.  He is also the one who plays with the pleas and bargains.  I am not certain most people understand the power these lawyers have and how often victims long history of abuse, gets boiled down to the lowest conviction and with each level it is reduced to comes a new sentence guideline.  

    The lower he bargains down the lighter the sentence…As in my father's conviction, he was let go to walk free.  And here's the other thing, Usually, there is 'just' one girl's evidence.  In my father's case, there was 9 of us.  HIGHLY unusual, and still, he walked free.  

    It isn't the quality of the evidence, the composure of the victim, or the work of the detective, it is the quality of the prosecutor that swings the doors open so the criminals walk free.

    Most of my trained knowing self has been taught to focus on getting the perpetrator in jail.  Yet, statistics in our town is that very few cases make it to a jury trial, get even litigated, and an even greater percentage don't even get reported.  So my tendency to lean toward the law and the focus on the pedophile, has to switch.

    Bringing to trial or putting in jail, or making the criminal pay, thinking and mind set, has to be surrendered.

    When the facts and experiences of the victim's cases are clearly showing how pointless the old ways are; we have to find a new path.

    Since we have been beating our heads against a system that is clearly showing us IT does not want to work with us, but against us, we have to play a old game in a new way.

    A part of me doesn't want to give up the idea of 'letting' the criminals go, even if that is clearly reality, part of me fights this.  Resists surrendering and letting them win…letting them walk freely.

    It seems so callous to allow pedophiles to roam free….and yet this IS reality.

    They are roaming for a myriad of reasons, one of which is harder to swallow…the law sets them free.

    Somehow my thinking was to get these names with the Laws of the Land, to get these guys off the streets, when the focus in the Courts is to reduce it to nothing and set them free.

    At one point you have to adjust your sails accordingly and admit that you are on the wrong course, you are heading into a worthless direction.

    So, by bypassing the laws and not expecting or caring if pedophiles walk the street, you can then focus on the needs of the victims.

    And ironically the Dial-Help lady and the Detective are already here.

    They don't expect your truth to follow the path to the court house steps.  They are more interested in your wellness and healing, in what you the victim wants. Certainly, if you feel you want to pursue the laws of the land, they will be your advocate.  But, if you just want to sit and share your horrors, they will lend a listening ear.

    My expectations, my trained way of thinking was focused on getting the bad taken care of…and it had me missing this great piece of being open to anything the victim wants.

    Perhaps the latest rash of reduced sentences was for me to see the flimsy structure of the law, so it would no longer be my secure safe place to rely upon.

    I believed in the law of the land.  I believed if they seen the monster of my childhood, they would lock him up.  I believed and felt secure in knowing that they stood firmly and securely on the side of the victim, that they would be my safe zone…that if you got there, all would be well.  It just isn't so.

    I had thought that my father's case was different, due to the fact that there was a FALC prosecutor, but he is the norm.

    For me, I am a slow learner…I have been watching the social experiment of catching and release and not seeing the system as broken.  It is like sport fishing…

    And the fish keep getting put back into society to create yet another victim.  

    Knowing that there is no one to take the bad guys out, leaves you looking at this from a whole new angle.

    Victims are left on their own.  No one is coming to save you…

    Teaching and empowering victims and potential victims has to be the way forward.  

    This is actually what I had to do. For all systems failed me, leaving me with no recourse but to take care of myself.

    In doing for self, no rules are left standing, no expectations or agendas are expected…outside of you.

    Without there being a no fail system in place, you become the no fail system.  You don't fail you.

    You become the law onto your self…they can't keep the bad man away, you stay away from the bad man.  You do yourself justice.

    Just as I had to surrender to the fact that my father walked free, I too have to surrender to the fact that there are and will be now and for always, negative people in the world…we have to live around that.

    We have to live our lives not allowing their influence to influence us.

    I could have gotten left mourning the fact that he got no jail time and without him in prison, I could still be left there wishing it was so.

    I believe I can get used to the free range criminals, for they have always been there.  I guess we kid ourselves into believing All bad men are in prison, and that the 'few' on the street are making their way there, it is only a matter of time.  I believe I will readjust my thinking and live accordingly.

    Live with the fact that there are pedophiles roaming free…and new victims are being born minute by minute.  We will lose the battle for sure if we focus on the open back door of the system and not see the piles of victims and their needs.

    They truly don't need the bad man to be put away…for it is but a fantasy.  And we don't need another fantasy to believe upon, we need something real and dependable.

    What was real and dependable for me was me.

    I had to learn to rely upon me…

    I turned my focus from outside to inside.

    In turning into me, I found that I was connected to a real no fail system, the Universal laws of mankind. 

    The more I began learning about me, the more I seen the connection and how I was the common denominator in all my experiences, that in changing me, my life changed.  

    And that there is an unseen powerful field we are all dancing in…and you can't escape its balancing sheet…there is no open back door to slip through.

    My justice system is the Universe…and it treats us all equally.  

    What you put out will come back to you in kind.

    When I focused on the small dot, I lost the bigger picture.

    Each of the players in the Law of the Land…are feeding a system of just returns…

    In the bigger picture nothing gets lost…

    Our only care and focus has to be very very personal, it can't matter what anyone else is doing, what you do comes back to you.

    You are literally sending messages to the universe with each beat of your heart…each action, belief and thought will find its way back to you…trust in this.

    No mistakes happen in the realm of the Universe…in This I trust.

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  • It came True for me.

    In a room today were three forces, joined over a common cause; healing victims, empowering victims, reversing the affects of trauma, abuse and being victimized…finding a way to weave together many sources and journeys…Victims helping Victims using the support of all connecting agencies.

    Coming together were three pathways…The law of the land, the victims advocate and me.

    All of us cared about the healing of the victims, knowing the affects that linger long after the trial, no matter the outcome…win or lose, the victim still has wounds and scars that the justice system can't touch.

    We all recognized the healing that begins with the truth being spoken, no matter if a trial is forthcoming, just finding a person to hear your story raises you from the level of shame to acceptance.

    Acceptance carries you to courage and courage allows for your truth to be spoken…and what you need is a very open ear.

    In the room were open ears, willing spirits, like minds, and a dream.

    A dream that one day the shame of being a victim will lessen, where we can all meet and openly share.  For victims to leave their solitary journeys of silence and speak.  

    To stop suffering alone, ashamed…to be able to know that what they feel or not feel is normal.  That they are perfectly perfect living the affects of abuse.  Being confused and lost is the cost of abuse.

    This seems to be the last closet where humanity is hiding, where souls are suffering in silence, and shame the lock on the door.

    All three of us are equally as frustrated and perplexed as to what will open the door of abuse.

    What can we do to offer a path of empowerment and healing that overcomes the cloak of shame?

    How do you get such deeply hurting souls to expose secrets that their very survival depended on to keep silent?  How do we ask them to reveal to us who hurt them, when who hurt them is who they love and call family?

    Inside of family homes lives the monster that they have always called dad or uncle or brother or mother etc..how do we unhook them or ask them to open that door?  When that most likely will lead to them becoming estranged…How to heal…when healing means losing all that you have?

    It seems they are sitting on the bottom and we are asking to pull even that away…leaving them in a free fall…to where?

    I know this journey…I know what we are asking…And I know the cost, but I also know the reward.

    For four hours we talked and learned from each other and a dream was planted.

    Ironically or not, it is Martin Luther King Day….and it came to me after leaving the Dial-Help office…"I have a Dream."

    I have a dream to demolish the closets of shame that surround victims.  To empower each victim to tear down the walls…and to live free.

    Free and unashamed.

    Free and not guilty.

    Free in the truth of their lives.

    Learning not only about abuse, but how to unscramble its affects…learning to find the self they lost and hid away, in shame because of being abused.  

    I have a dream that all abused kids will return to their natural states of innocence…I believe in this dream, for it came true for me.

     

     

  • Who is in charge of our Free Will?

    Another interesting section from Power vs Force by David Hawkins…as it relates to getting out of the negative field of energy.

     

    "The entire field of philosophy is merely evidence that man has struggled and failed for thousands of years to arrive at the simplest recognition of what's true and what's false, or the discourse would have reached some consensus long ago. And it's clear from common human conduct that even if the intellect could reliably arrive at this basic conclusion, it still lacks the power to stop the effect of negative fields. We remain unconscious of the causes of  our afflictions while the intellect dreams up all kinds of plausible excuses, hypnotized by these same forces. Even when a person knows his behavior is self-destructive, this knowledge has no necessary deterrent effect whatsoever; intellectual recognition of our addictions has never given us the power to control them." 

    "In scripture, we're told that man is afflicted by forces unseen. In this century, we've learned that silent invisible rays of energy are emitted by innocent-looking objects – the discoveries of radium paid for this realization with their lives.  Roentgen x-rays are lethal; radioactive emissions and radon kill silently.  The attractor energy fields that destroy us are equally invisible and no less powerful, but are far more subtle."

    "When it is said that some is "possessed," what's meant is that his consciousness has become dominated by negative attractor fields.  By this definition, we can see that entire segments of society are so thoroughly "possessed" that they themselves are totally unconscious of their motives.  Wisdom tells us that one worships either heaven or hell and will eventually become the servant of one or the other.  Hell isn't a condition imposed by a judgmental God, but rather the inevitable consequence of one's own decisions – it's the final outcome of constantly choosing the negative and thus isolating oneself from love."

    "Enlightened being have always described the general populace as being "trapped in a dream"; the majority of people are driven by unseen forces, and for a great deal of our lives, most of us are in despair over this fact. We pray to God to relieve us of the burden of our sins, and we look for relief through confession. Remorse seems woven into the fabric of life.  How can salvation be possible, then, for those who have unwittingly become ensnared by such destructive forces?"

    "In fact, even from a merely scientific viewpoint, salvation is indeed possible; in truth, it's guaranteed by the simple fact that the energy of a loving thought is enormously more powerful than that of a negative one. Therefore, the traditional solutions of love and prayer have a sound scientific basis; man has within his own essence the power of his own salvation."

    "Humanity is an "affliction" that we're all burdened with.  We don't remember asking to be born, and we subsequently inherited a mind so limited that it's hardly capable of distinguishing what enhances life from what leads to death.  The entire struggle of life is in transcending this myopia. We can't enter into higher levels of existence until we advance in consciousness to the point where we overcome duality and are no longer earth bound.  Perhaps it's because of our collective will to transcend that we've earned the capacity to finally discover an inborn compass to lead us out of the darkness of ignorance. We needed something very simple, which could bypass those traps of the wily intellect that we've paid such an enormous price for.  This compass merely says yes or no – tells us that what's aligned with heaven makes us go strong and what's aligned with hell makes us go weak."

    "The ubiquitous human ego is actually not an "I" at all; it's merely an "it". Seeing this illusion reveals an endless Cosmic Joke, where the human tragedy itself is part of the comedy. The irony of human experience is in how fiercely the ego fights to preserve the illusion of a separate individual "I" – even thought this is not a metaphysical impossibility but the wellspring of all suffering.  Human reason exhausts itself ceaselessly to explain the inexplicable.  Explanation itself is high comedy, as preposterous as tyring to see the back of ones's own head, but the vanity of the ego is boundless, and it becomes even more overblown by this very attempt to make sense of nonsense."

    "The mind, in its identity with the ego cannot, by definition, comprehend reality; if it could, it would instantly dissolve itself upon recognizing its own illusory nature.  It's only beyond the paradox of mind transcending ego that what Is stands forth, self-evident and dazzling in its infinite Absoluteness.  And then all of these words are useless."

    "But perhaps from compassion for each other's blindness, we can learn to forgive ourselves, and peace than can be our assured future.  Our purpose on Earth my remain obscure, but the road ahead is clear. With the consciousness level of humanity finally above 200, we may expect great transformations throughout human culture, as mankind becomes more responsible for its knowledge, and thus its deeds. We've become fully accountable whether we like it or not. We're at the point in the evolution of our collective awareness where we may even assume stewardship of consciousness itself. Humanity is no longer resigned to passively paying the price for ignorance, or its communal consciousness wouldn't have risen to its new level.  From this time forth, man may choose to no longer be enslaved by darkeness; his destiny can then be certain."  Gloria in Excelsis Deo David Hawkins.

    While this may seem very wordy and beyond comprehension, my brother and I talk of this often, how is it that some of us are granted the awareness the rise in levels of consciousness and others seem to be frozen in the negative attractor fields. 

    He and I have often stood on two sides, that God gives us the grace he will say, and I will speak more from the side of choice.

    What I believe David Hawkins is saying is that when man chooses to no longer be a slave to the negative energies, he will then seek to be free.

    But, in my experience, many are willing slaves.  They seem to enjoy the lifestyle of the negative, they are not trying to escape or find an answer, in fact they use their intellect to form plausible excuses as to how it is impossible to be free.

    An interesting debate, who is in charge of our free will?

     

  • The Gift is in the Present.

    I am in a book club reading Mark Nepo's book, "The Book of Awakening".  It is written so that we read one reading per day.

    Today's reading I love.

    "So often we anticipate a reward for the uncovering of truth.  For effort, we expect money and recognition.  For sacrifice and kindness we secretly expect acceptance and love. For honesty, we expect justice.  Yet as we all know, the life of experience unfolds with a logic all its own.  And very often, effort is seen, and kindness is embraced, and the risk of truth is held as the foundation of how humans relate. However, the reward for breathing in not applause but air, and the reward for climbing is not a promotion but new sight, and the reward for kindness is not being seen as kind, but the electricity of giving that keeps us alive."

    "It seems the closer we get to the core of all being, the more synonymous the effort and its reward.  Who could have guessed?  The reward for uncovering the truth is the experience of honest being.  The reward for understanding is the peace of knowing.  The reward for loving is being the carrier of love.  It all becomes elusively simple.  The river's sole purpose is to carry water, and as the force of the water deepens and widens the riverbed, the river fulfills its purpose more.  Likewise, the riverbed of the heart is worn open over time to carry what is living."

    "All this tells us that no amount of thinking can eliminate the wonder and pain of living.  No wall or avoidance or denial- no cause or excuse- can keep the rawness of life from running through us.  While this may at times seem devastating, it is actually reassuring, because while the impermanence of life, if fixed on, can be terrifying, leaving us preoccupied with death, the very same impermanence, if allowed its infinite frame, can soothe us with the understanding that eve the deepest pain will pass."  Mark Nepo

    What I love so much about this is that I used to live solely in the reward system…and yet the rewards were often times not forthcoming.  I thought that I was giving wrongly, so I gave more and tried harder.  

    What I failed to realize is that the universal system had a logic all of its own…simply called experience.

    I was so focused on my just reward and waited and fretted and worried and hated and judged and stressed, that I long forgot the feeling of the experience.

    I lived, thought and acted all for a future reward.

    I literally gave for love and acceptance.  And when I stopped giving, the love and acceptance dried up.  It was an awful way to be loved…for it all depended upon me giving and they didn't have to give, all they had to do was give me love and acceptance. 

    I have said I was a whore for love and peace…and this is what it literally means.  I gave to get.

    When the justice system failed me and all the girls who were sexually abused by my father, it seemed that the universal logic was broke. 

    Yet our honesty worked supremely well. We got to experience how honesty and integrity feels.  

    If we put our focus on the 'just' reward, we would be sorely disappointed.  If you put your focus on the feelings and experiences of being honest with your past, it feels amazing.

    I can't even begin to explain the difference between living in the system of rewards compared to living in experience.

    To have zero expectations…

    When you remove the reward, all you are left with is the experience.

    And the experience is solely the focus.

    As Eckhart Tolle says, there are only three ways to experience life…Enthusiasm, Enjoyment and Acceptance….He says nothing about reward.

    I love that there are no rewards in living…that the gift is in the present!