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I have been wondering about the reasons people change their minds. What causes them to make plans only to cancel?  Was it the thoughtless Yes in the first place; where they didn't really think through what they were saying yes to?  Do they not feel the honesty of their yes and find it easily discarded?  

There is also a second part to cancellations, the person who has now been stood up.  How do you respond to being discarded?  Are there circumstances that feel less personal and do you go ahead with the event alone?

Is there a weakening trust issue when it happens on a regular basis?  What does it say about you and I, when we continue to engage in pretend plan making?

It triggers within me the feeling of mattering less.  Remembering how adult plans often changed at a moments noticed and children were then powerless to continue on alone.

For some reason this has nagged at me.

Maybe I want more for the cancelling person than they do.  I want their Yes to be firm and confident and trustworthy.  

It feels like I was part of a dream that didn't happen.

And, it jades me to dream again…with them.

I don't easily drop plans.

But, I also don't always say Yes…when I am not sure it is Maybe.

A Maybe Dream.

Not a Yes Dream.

I am also pretty sure I have not always been this way. I know I have cancelled due to a 'better dream' and have certainly disappointed others.

I also firmly believe that our confidence in ourselves, our self trust is when we can follow our Yes word with matching actions.  

Being true to your word is character, for what else is there to a person?

Even being true to your word for yourself. Which is much harder for me.  I don't easily cancel with a friend; but have left me high and dry repeatedly.

I am getting better.

I try to dream more reasonably and not set unrealistic expectations. Instead think before I say yes or dream or plan…so actions can follow my words.

I am learning not to take it personally, when someone cancels their time with me and realize it is the way they manage their lives or the fluid way their lives move.  

My steady is me and my word.

I then get to choose to go ahead with our date; but solo.

This part is where I am going to concentrate on. What I can or cannot do.

It takes the power of fun away from them and places it back to me.

And, going alone isn't something I am comfortable with and need to do more of it.

For I am changing plans with me, when they cancel.

 

 

 

 

An idea turns into a dream.  You then take steps to make that dream a reality. You take steps in the direction of your dream.  You learn new things.  You stretch in ways you couldn't imagine.  You grow and change; you become different.

My dream sat on the horizon of my future.  A moment in time that awaited me and all the adventure it could possibly hold.  A fun empowering mountain to be climbed.

It has already taken me places I would not have gone and done things I would never have tried.  I loved my dream on the horizon.  I loved how it changed me.  I loved its potential.

Yesterday a Doctor's advice sliced the dream away.

Gone.

The dream of hiking 100 miles with a pack was not to be for me.

This reality was harder to hear than eventual hip replacement.

But, I could not discount reality as they maneuvered my hips and could see the limited range of motion in my left hip.  Nor, could I ignore the visual x-ray showing my declining health in my hips.  Yes, that's right. The right one is following behind the left and sprinkling arthritis around its joint.

I know this is not a death sentence.

It is a fork in the road.

A place where a new dream will arise.

Biking has been a huge relief to my hips and it is so easy on my body compared to hiking.

A biking adventure seed has been planted…as I mourn the loss of my hiking trek with women in new directions!  

Oh, how I had visualized the hike, the moments on the trail, the camp sites, the nights and sounds of nature, and the eventual step of that last mile.  The feelings of accomplishment and tears of joy that I MADE it!  Honestly, I dreamed it all.

I had envisioned all the places my pack (Ruby) and I would go, and now it is too heavy for my hips. 

My body and soul, and sense of adventure now will find new ways to achieve what I seek.

I am not going to sit back on the couch, but move in ways that strengthen my body and are kind to my arthritic hips.  Biking is like a balm to them.  Yoga feels especially good.  But, no badass hikes.    

Reality meets the dream.

And, reality wins.

I will continue to work out, to train and to be physically fit and a new dream will arise and I will be ready.

For those who will continue on the hike, I am your biggest cheerleader!  I will await all the stories you will have to tell. All the places you overcame and conquered your fears. The bonding, the laughs, tears and just pure pleasure of being in nature with each other.

Go Badass Hiker Girls, you got this!!

 

 

More from "Trust" by Iyanla Vanzant

"MISMATCHES: EXPECTATIONS VERSUS CAPACITY"

"When you are intimate with a person you have an opportunity to observe their actual capacities. When there is a mismatch between the expectations of one person and the capacity of the other person to meet those expectations, the result will feel like a violation of trust. To hold someone to expectations beyond their demonstrated capacity is not a violation of your trust. It is a result of your not trusting what you know and insisting that it be different."

"There are times when we trust others, when we believe that they know what we think they know, when the truth is that, they do not know. We trust them based on our belief that they know and understand what we want; that they know and recognize what is important to us; and that they know what we expect and how they should behave in a given situation or under certain circumstances. We put our trust in them based on our perceptions. Unfortunately, thee has been no meeting of the minds, no spoken agreement, and no clear communication about what we are thinking. As a result, the other people have no way of fulfilling what is expected of them."

"In an intimate relationship, it is always important to know and clarify what the other person is agreeing to do or agreeing to be for you…"  Iyanla

 

What I love about understanding this, is that it isn't up to the other person to change BUT we have to change our expectations and our understanding what they are capable of.

Once you have a clear reading on who they are and what they are capable of you will lower your expectations.  And, the lowering may end relationships.

For by meeting reality head on, you may then realize what you see IS not what you truly want.

There is huge freedom for everyone when you understand this.

People are free to have their own capacity for living and choosing and being.

And, we in return can decide if this is acceptable in our relationships.

I have zero expectations of people being different than who they are.

None.

As Dr. Maya Angelou says, "People show you who they are, believe them the first time."

Once you live in the awareness of others and their capacity for engagement in life, you will be able to have your expectations meet them where they are.

It is to be at peace with reality.

Iyanla goes on…

"Communication can strengthen willingness, expectations, intimacy, and understanding, but without clear and definitive meeting of the minds, there can be no trust. And only with clear communication can you determine if two minds are aligned."

Meeting of the minds is huge.

The willingness to communicate, to share your feelings and viewpoints matter.

Trust happens when minds strive to see each others views.

When I think back on the ending of many relationships, it was that our minds were no longer aligned. Or, that the other person wasn't willing to dialogue their viewpoint with me OR when they did, our minds were worlds apart.

I left them comfortable with what they were doing and who they were being.

My level of intimacy rose higher than they could reach.

I wanted things they could not do.

I changed.

Expectations were now on different levels.

Could I have stayed in these relationships and lowered my expectations and/or wants and needs?  

I don't think so.

It would have changed me.

Lowered my character.

My being.

I also believe, especially when you are raised in dysfunctional homes, that it is imperative that we match our expectations with reality and to literally see the capacity of what another can do.

IF a man can rape his child it matters.

If a mother knows, it matters.

When you can disregard these behaviors it lowers your standard.

I don't expect more from others.

I expect more from me.

I raised my standards.

 

 

Every time I read a quote about waiting…that "your time is coming" or be patient and good things will come, I bristle.

It is a maddening scheme to keep you from enjoying what you have.

Or, at the very least, keeping you from seeing what is here, in the here and now. 

It is ruse by the mind to control your world.

What if you understood, to the marrow of your bones, that all we have is today?

What would you do?

What IF this is as good as it gets?

When I was sitting in my darkest days after discovering my abuse and that my father was a pedophile; my future was even darker.

The reel that was running proclaiming a brighter future was destroyed.

Even my mind wasn't convinced of a brighter day ahead.

However, as odd as it may seem, it was there that I found extreme simple joys.

Or, perhaps, the joys were outstanding among such ugliness.

The juxtaposition of evil compared to a brilliant sunrise, a bird singing or rain falling. Even the feel of my cozy robe as I watched flames dance in the fireplace – while my mind was spinning out of control with so many new horrifying truths.

What I know, is that don't buy into a brighter future; that this moment in time is not good. That better days are coming.

Instead seek to find the million morsels of happiness and joy in this day, this hour and right now.

It is there.

Dancing delightfully; always.

It doesn't matter how dark your world is – running right along side it are natures magical displays.

I recall, that for a few days or maybe weeks, I would just sit and watch birds. 

It may have been surrendering to what is that brought me to the present.

And, in the present moment were a zillion things to focus on.

When reality's truth overwhelmed me, when my emotions were overflowing, I watched nature's slow steady show.

It wasn't "coming someday", it was here.

I didn't have to work, strive, perfect or achieve.  I didn't have to heal first or find an answer or the right guru or book or group.  I literally could sit and look out the window.  Or, rush into the waiting arms of nature to walk and cry and sort and be and breathe.

Just stop the reel in your mind that wants to convince you that today isn't good.  That your future is better than right here.

Right here, today is where you will find the magic.

Look

Smell

Listen

Be

You are already where the mind believes it can take you.

I also had to literally pat things to remind me of this.

To quiet the mind.

I would touch something.

Shake my head to stop trying to predict the future and be here now.

Don't believe the quotes that promise something tomorrow.

You are living it now.

There is no doorway to someplace special in the future; there is only the doorway to Now!  There is no certain path or right way or perfect action. There is only you being you and doing what brings you love peace and joy. 

So, relax and turn your attention and seeking and desires to today.

See all that is being offered in this moment of time.

Be so busy in this moment; that you have no time to dream about the future!  

Art doesn't wait

or plan

Art happens when you play.

When you drop the mind's chatter about when and if and what if.

Life is the same.

It is a river of time and experiences waiting for you to jump in.

No requirements needed; but to be awake in this moment and accepting all that it is.

Inclusive

Illusive

Fleeting

Alive

Living Art is who you are!

 

Is there a nobel silent space to be; a place where our silence honors us both and it is not a punishing silence?  Is the broken communication a peaceful spot?  What causes the breaks in conversations?  Is it the breach of truth or the fear of truth?

I am silent with many.

I have used my words trying to clear up muddy waters, until mud is flung my way.

If I feel I am being attacked, if our conversation is not gaining ground, if we both are holding rigid to our ends; I end it.  For it is seems like it isn't fruitful or peaceful to engage in the heated exchange.

Two polar opposites refusing to slide toward the center.

In fear perhaps.

Of losing our grip on reality.

Or self.

In the past, I have used the punishing silence.  It was my go to tool for anger.

I don't however feel that in my estrangement with my family it is punishing silence; but rather our mutual agreement that we don't agree.

That we view the world differently.

Abuse is handled in different ways.

We just don't agree.

The language and actions don't match.

Our common place is no more.

I wonder about the meaning of punishing.

"Physically and Mentally Demanding"

Wow.

"Arduous" was another word used.

It is the demanding part that I feel I am no longer doing.

Or trying to control anyone.

My silence, to me, doesn't feel like punishment.  However, I can't know what it feels like to them.

I do however, know what it is like to be silenced.

To have someone ask for space from me.

It does feel like I am being punished.

So, perhaps my family feels the same from me.

In my case, I am fairly certain I know why.

It is my words.

My views.

And, my willingness to share how I feel.

Was I demanding in my conversation?

Did my truth feel demanding?

Is that what an argument is…two people demanding that their point be the one we agree upon?

And, if we can't agree – than silence.

Punishing Silence – an act of violence.

Within me, I don't feel violent with my silence.

I would feel violent IF I broke the space when silence was asked for.

For, oddly enough, I have asked for space too AND it wasn't honored.

My boundary of space was trampled on.

I felt violently attacked by it.

This is all very interesting for me to ponder.

Honorable space or violent silence.

 

"Steps for Developing Self-Trust" in Iyanla Vanzant's book "Trust".

Lesson #1: Standing in your truth. You must learn that you can stand in the face of judgment, criticism, correction or rejection without falling apart. Learning to trust yourself means that (a) You will make a mistake, and (b) When you do or even when you do not make a mistake, everyone is not going to agree with how you do what you do; and you will be okay.

Lesson #2: Speaking your truth.  Speaking from your heart means telling the whole truth about everything, to everyone, about the experience that you have in the moment. Speaking your truth does not mean that someone else's truth must be negated if it is different. This is a good place to consider a "what if." What if you feel the other person is totally and completely off base? What is what she has said or experienced has absolutely nothing to do with you? It matters not!  When you are learning to trust you, it is imperative that in the face of challenge, you default to the belief that what someone is offering is the truth as she knows it or feels it in that moment – even when it makes no sense to you.  Why? Because this is exactly what you are doing, sharing your truth.

Lesson #3: Being courageously vulnerable.  Speaking from your heart means being willing to be vulnerable.  We have already covered the importance of vulnerability on the journey toward developing self-trust. While the challenge to your speaking, actions or intentions may make you feel vulnerable and bad, you can feel bad and recover if and when you tell the truth. If your desire is really to trust who you are when you are interacting with others, you simply must learn how to be vulnerable and be courageous enough to stand in your vulnerability.

 

SPEAK YOUR FEELINGS WITHOUT ATTACK

Very often when people share their experience of us, they do so in a way that feels cold, distant, or just plain old mean. It would be wonderful if we all knew how to share what we need to say layered with compassion and understanding. Often, however, this is not the case. Instead, when it comes to conveying what could be perceived as a negative message, most people will do one of two things: (1) They will not say anything out loud but will instead demonstrate through their behavior that you have somehow caused them displeasure, upset, or anger, or (2) they will blurt out their retribution for your perceived transgression in a way that pierces your heart.

The first example , "punishing silence," is actually an act of violence. It is violent to withhold information that is required to keep peace in any given situation. In response and in an attempt to restore peace, you will either question your friend, only to get no response, or you will overcompensate with new behaviors and dishonor yourself in the process. In the second scenario, when the information she is blurting out hits your energy field, you will feel you must defend yourself against her attack. This means you will respond to her attack with a counterattack such as name calling, swearing, or digging into your history book and pulling out facts about her tarnished past, whether or not they relate to the issue at hand.  Again, this is all bad behavior.

In both of the scenarios above, you have a divine opportunity to build your self-trust muscle by sharing compassionately how you feel about what your friend is or is not doing and saying or not saying. The lesson here is to do so without expectations that she will change a single thing! This is your journey.  You are learning to trust yourself, and it has nothing to do with how someone else chooses to respond or not respond.  If you expect her to hear you and shift on a dime, you will fall headfirst into the belief that you were wrong to share what you were feeling.  Sharing your feelings without attacking someone who is behaving badly requires that you take a deep breath and share information. That's it.      Iyanla

 

This book has been so life affirming to me.  It has given me words that I have tried to articulate in my own journey of trusting me.  While traveling on my truthful journey I have lost many who engaged with me in attack mode.

I have felt the punishing silence and literally felt attacked. 

And, in the past, I would have adjusted my behavior or words to ward off the attack.

On the journey of self-truth and self-trust, it literally would have been dishonoring of me to not speak my truth…regardless of the ridicule and violent acts of silence.

It is rare to find someone who is willing to dialogue through to a peaceful resolution.  To allow each of you the space to be self-honoring. Where each are allowed their own version of the truth, without the expectations of anyone changing. 

Here is another section I highlighted further on.

"When I began the life-transforming work required to heal and learn and grow – to reestablish my value, worth and esteem – I had to teach myself the process of honesty. I learned that being honest was not the same as knowing and telling the truth. I had to learn the Creator's definition of honesty, and I had to teach myself the spiritual imperative of being honest with others and myself at all times, in all circumstances, under all circumstances."

"Truth is a universal principle. It is based on your awareness that universal principles exist. Universal truth is ever present and consistent through the universe of life; however, you may not be, or in most cases cannot be, fully aware of the totality of all that is true.  What you can do is share the truth as you know it to be: as a function of your awareness, belief, knowledge, and experience in any given moment. This does not alter the universal truth. What it does is it keeps you in alignment with what you know. Now here's the kicker: You can know the truth and still be dishonest."

"Honesty is determined by your values, by what really matters to you, and by your willingness to stand for those values when no one is looking. Being honest about what you know, need, or feel does not mean you negate what is true to others. They have had a different experience. They may have developed different survival skills than you developed. Honesty is a different animal.  Honesty is about your values and worth, and esteem.  It unfolds in response to your level of awareness, your willingness to honor that which you believe yourself to be, moment by moment. The great thing about honesty is that when you stand in it, you other permission to do the same in your presence."

"If you are going to trust yourself, you must be honest and honorable at all times, in all situations, under all circumstances.  No matter where you travel on the road of life, trust and truth are what you must learn.  Trust and truth are what you must practice. Trust and truth are what you must do."  Iyanla

I believe that our awareness of reality, of life, and even of ourselves will dictate how truthful we are.  And, our ability to speak our truth will come, the more we use this muscle.

My truthful muscle is very strong.

It was grown equally as my self-trust, worth and esteem have grown.

As hard as it may be to understand, we need to honor our true feelings and share our experiences of others, IN order to be stronger.  It feels like we may be attacked for doing so…and we may.  But, it is better to be attacked from the outside than from within

To annihilate yourself to please others.

Iyanla writes…

"I have always said that a major portion of my life took place when I was not "at home".  Although I was in my body, I was not present with my thoughts, my feelings, or the places within my consciousness that were in shambles."

To me, this is so true. When I wasn't speaking my truth I wasn't home in my body.

I was making choices to please others, to ward of attacks.

Now, it is imperative that I stay home for me.

That I don't leave my truth; for no one.

Regardless of the violent silence that will ensue.

I am at peace in the home of being Me!

My last thought.  I wonder how "asking for space" is different than punishing silence?

 

 

 

 

I want to celebrate the mothers who do the right thing; not the easy thing.  I want to honor those whose mothering roles has been very costly; in pain, in courage and pure strength to go on.

Mothers who forego their comfort in order to change the patterns of abuse.

Mothers who take their children out of dysfunctional homes.

Mothers who have to bury their child and live another day; and another.

Mothers who set up boundaries in order to protect their children. Who lose relationships with their siblings and families of origin…and childhood friends etc.

Mothers who walk away from religions that turn a blind eye.

Mothers who learn to walk a new pattern without a pattern to follow.

Mothers who have to wrestle with their own demons while trying to create a loving home; again without knowing how.

Mothers who have to find ways to love themselves in order to love their children.  And, they start with a seed so small.  Yet they cling tightly to this sprout of love.

Mothers who walk as strangers among old friends in order to show their child boundaries.

Mothers who dare to speak their silence.

Mothers who stand up boldly.  Loudly.  In fear; but fearlessly hold their grounds.

Mothers who are called mental, different, cold, bitter, and all kinds of things, as they put up boundaries and learn self-respect, self-love and regain their self-esteem.

Mothers who are badasses!

Heroines in their own story.

Who will one day give their children something to be proud of.  

Be someone of value and self-worth.  

Be a woman who stands and protects their child at a million personal costs – that actually end up to be gains of unseen and unimaginable gifts!

To one day,  be a mom our mothers couldn't be.

As I sit here today on Mother's Day – I could look back at all my mother wasn't, or I could feel the angst and shame society places on those of us who are estranged.  Instead I want to stand empowered by those of us who are daring to change dysfunction into function.

Those young girls who I have had the pleasure of talking to; who are walking with me.

We are women who are not waiting for change. We are literally being the change we want to see in the world.

Women who love themselves enough to say, no to abuse.

I cheer each of you as you make your way.

Happy Mother's Day to the women who are literally changing the world by being the mother they didn't have.  

By mothering their inner child they are learning about boundaries, courage, strength, emotions, feelings, choices, voices, love, respect, esteem, empowerment, joy, peace, art, adventure, life, the unknown, soul, character….

They are learning how brilliantly exciting it is to be a free spirit and to be a perfectly imperfect woman!  Breaking the mold we were born into…and becoming who we were born to be!

"I M Perfect; and it is impossible not to be…"

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was wondering if boundaries are what create estrangement?  

And, what does it mean to your previous relationship, that when you add a boundary it ends?  

Is it possible to create new boundaries in an old relationship and have it survive?  

Does an estrangement signal that the relationship has reached its limits?  

Are there limitless relationships?

Isn't there a limit or a line that each relationship carries?  

Don't we all know, what each relationship can or cannot handle?

Who is responsible for staying beneath the line?

Do we have the same markers for all relationships or do we bend and lower our boundaries for some?

Who decides these boundaries?

Are they mutual and clearly stated or is it a surprise when we cross the unknown line?

What makes up the boundaries in relationships you hold?

Is the content similar with everyone you engage with?

Do boundaries look like your values and morals?

Are boundaries more action based than words?

Is the level of the friendship/relationship worthy of different boundaries?

Do closer friendships have more rules, than say, social friendships?

Do we allow certain behaviors for some and then not for others?

Does it matter who is treating us poorly or who is asking us to lower our standards?

I have had conversations with people as they wonder about leaving or staying in a relationship.  I always tell them they will know when to go. But maybe that is not true. If you don't know your boundaries; how will you know when a relationship has crossed that mark?

Each of us get to decide what our relationships will contain.  We get to decide what treatments and behaviors we will endure; and what is not acceptable.  

It is said, that when a man hits a woman the first time, and she stays, she is sending out a signal of acceptance.

Isn't this true for all actions?

We are who we are in relationships based upon what we tolerate or don't. 

I do have clear lines.

Now.

It is possible to go from no boundaries to very firm self-respecting ones.

Abuse clearly is a no boundary state.

Often when it happens in childhood, we grow up boundary-less.

While I have many estrangements in my past; they are all places where a boundary was placed and the relationship didn't survive.

Just to be sure, I had to go and get the definition of estrangement.

"to turn away in feeling or affection; make unfriendly or hostile; alienate the affections of: Their quarrel estranged the two friends." or "the fact of no longer being on friendly terms or part of a social group."

Mostly, in my experience, I was not friendly to lies.  I was hostile to the idea of someone trying to convince me that something wasn't true…when it clearly was.

I had heard that the truth can be excused…or explained; but it never changes.

I agree.

My estrangements are all based upon the truth that I see and mostly what they choose not to see.

That is a huge boundary for me.

I require reality.

Its truth is mine.

Being estranged from many is painful; but more painful to me, is to be estranged from the truth.  That is denial.  Where I lived for 46 years with grave consequences.  I will no longer be in relationships that require denial.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I think about the multiple estranged relationships I have, I see them leaving holes in my life.  Unfinished but finished.

How a conversation unfurls and flows, creating an end.

Truths are spoken and rejected.

Space is needed.

Empty now.

How memories are left without someone to remember them with.

Daily lives unshared.

Nothing related anymore.

Familiar strangers.

Deaths before dying.

Memories more alive than the living person.

Relationships had to die to preserve my truths…and for their lies to remain their truths.

Memories are now distorted fragments…too small to fill the holes.

Too big to fade away.

Emotions mixing.

Reality questioning.

Estrangement is stranger than being a stranger.

For it has memories, emotions, connections.

It is to become a stranger who knows.

A phantom friend.

I'm not sure there is a protocol for reversing friendships…for dialing back to stranger…to be set aside or to set aside.  It seems it is always uncomfortable and takes years to adjust.

Perhaps you grow into strangers by the lack of new experiences shared.

Can you put enough space and silence to quell familiarity?

Can you ever not know them…as you would a stranger?

There is not only a past but the moment of ending in this new silent familiar stranger.

I think estrangement from family is harder than friends. For we are used to the cycle of friendships, the ever changing landscapes as we grow.  Friends are known to be for a season, a reason or a lifetime.  Families, we believe are until we die.

And, we share things no one else can truly relate to.

Our DNA of childhood molds us so similar and our memories join in ways friends are not able to.

The holes estrangement leaves in my life are similar to the holes friendships can't quite fill.

Family usually travel with you the whole way…unlike friends who hop on and join for awhile.

To be set free on a solo voyage…after starting out with a boat full.

I believe that estrangements are life's natural actions; the culling and trimming, as you grow and evolve on your journey.  Perhaps what is more un-natural is keeping things the same. Holding on even when the truths would push you apart.

I would like to come up with a friendlier term for familiar strangers.

 

I

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In an interview, Oprah spoke about losing friends/family over the differences they had in Value…

This struck me.

For, it is truly the line of separation in relationships.

What are your values?

Who do you value?

Can two people with opposing values relate to each other honestly?

I had to look up the meaning of Value….

"a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life."

This is the way we relate to each other and perhaps find the level of trust and appreciation…when our values match.

I truly have left so many relationships based on value.

Principles and standard of behavior IS what I go on.

You can tell what a person values by how they behave and what they allow.

I used to have a very one-sided view of relationships, in that, it was how I acted that only mattered.  I didn't allow myself the freedom to walk away from poor behaviors.  Believing that a 'good daughter' would stay no matter what.  

Friendships have cooled and reached the level of social niceties…due to the lack of mutual shared values.  I tend to move away from lower value behaviors.

I know what it requires to attain value of integrity…and high levels of self-worth.  

Often we think, that this is done by you yourself doing something great.  When actually it is it walk away from behavior that reflects their reduced value of you.

What I failed to appreciate years ago, was that when I was treated poorly, it was their value showing…not mine.  My value is how I respond.

The only way for me to keep my value is to disallow others treating me like I am worthless.

I think, people think, that they can keep themselves protected by others poor behavior while still being in relationships with them….when in fact, you are the company you keep.

The old saying "Birds of a feather…."

You are literally as valuable as how others treat you.

You set the preciousness tone.

My value was pre-set in the dysfunctional family at roughly zero.

I had to achieve my value by ending relationships with those who didn't see my value. 

It is an arduous journey to gather value by walking away from those whose love hurts.

On one hand you reclaim a beautiful part of you and on the other you lose.

It is an exchange.

Celebrating another facet of you…while saying good-bye to the old that had no value.

It truly was a journey back to myself and discovering my self-worth after each ending.

There was a price to be paid and the price was finding out I was priceless.