Category: Uncategorized

It is National Child Abuse Prevention Month, and we tend to focus on what the child needs to do; to speak, to tell, to know good touch/bad touch…when we as adults fail to do the same.

What are your boundaries and how often do you speak up?

When someone crosses your line, how do you respond?

How are our children going to learn abuse prevention, when most of us live allowing abuse.

So often we hear what is abuse and how the child needs to have the courage to tell and to keep telling until someone listens.

Do you realize how deaf most of us would be?  How we would defend and stand for what we believe is the character of the people the children are speaking against?

What I know, as an adult child who has spoken, who is telling, is the direct blowback from people who knew my father and had relationships with him.  It wasn't eagerly and nicely accepted.  My word wasn't seen as courageous, but rather insane.

Again, 90% of abuse happens with someone we know….and 50% with family.  So instead, we as the listening adults, have to create a landscape inclusive to listening and not defending.

I know the sentiment of the religious culture is to forgive and forget and to let God judge, meanwhile continue in the relationship….be loving.  A child who is raised in this environment, has no one to hear and stand with them AGAINST abuse, but rather boat loads who stand with.

In my experience, my speaking as the voice of the victim, has not be popular or liked.  AND, if I an semi-articulate adult is treated this way, how will a small child traverse these waters?

Child abuse will not end until we as a culture refine our belief systems.  We will have to be willing to cut off relationships and put up boundaries towards people who hurt children.

The line drawn has to be by us, not by the child.

The child will then have a person who they know will stand against abuse and not allow it.

Preventing child abuse will only come when good people put up boundaries and not before.  Without boundaries WHO will keep the children safe?  

It doesn't matter at all HOW much we tell the children to tell and speak up, there has to be someone they know who will keep them safe and not have dinner with their abusers, go to church, smile and say hi, to spend holidays with them….what a confusing message we are sending.

I see child abuse prevention starting with you.  What are your boundaries that will ward off evil?  What is your line in the sand and how secure is it?  Do you ever say no?  Are you held in place by 'family' ties?

To me, if 50% of abuse happens within families, than 50% of the people will have to break family ties in order to stand against.  AND, 90% will have to break the ties of friendship.

The thing that stands in the way of child abuse prevention is our lack of breaking the ties that bind us.

"Rape is a crime even more horrifying than it first appears, because it is so commonly deployed as a tool for legalized/legitimized torture. Rape is a method of enforcing domination in the abuse of children. Rape is a campaign of tribal vengeance when used as a “weapon of war.” Rape may be religiously sanctioned, as in “honor rape.” Rape is a program to enslave the vulnerable — from the dragooning of “comfort women” to the pimps at every bus terminal awaiting the arrival of runaways. Rape is a pretext to reinforce racial oppression, such as the trials of the Scottsboro boys … it has always been a major force for evil, and will never stop until *we* stop it." Andrew Vachss an attorney whose clients are only children.

How can we stop it?

Winter Wonder Land…on my mail route and on my road.

I just can't seem to capture what the naked eye sees or how it feels to be in this space.  But, I wanted to share, even if it is a limited version of the real thing.

Today, the snow on these trees were melting…

This morning on my way to work the trees were glistening in the morning sunrise.  I stopped to take pictures, but again, you can't see the sparkle that was everywhere.

Here is a view that I recall very fondly, where I would face the sun as I made my way back home….when I would walk each morning, crying one way and finding something positive as I turned and headed home.

Natures healing views!

Survival Mode and an Alternate View of Narcissism.

In my last post, I mentioned 9 siblings going to Dallas….that is true they went.  But, I have been told it wasn't for a 'collective mourning'.  They went to see each other and to be with each other.  But, they were not all mourning the father/dad/man….and it wasn't helpful to have me indicate this on the blog.

So, the correction has been made.

A brother stopped by…actually called and asked if he could stop by. I said, "as long as you are not coming  to change my mind about anything…." 

We chatted on the phone and in person for many hours…

There are things we don't see eye to eye on….and there are some things we agree on.

I have zero expectations…for either of us. Not in a good way or not in a bad way….but it frees us both to be ourselves without expectations.

I also believe that I may have discounted a huge portion or reason why I was blogging.  I know I did it to leave a trail, BUT I also blogged to leave signs to my siblings…even things that I knew would rattle them and jog their brains to keep them uneasy in the old pattens.  I didn't realize until I dropped all the hope that I had been hoping that this blog was 'helpful' to them all.

Now that I dropped the hope…..the reason for this blog will now change.

Perhaps I had too many expectations of the blog….and now it can just be me rambling without a cause.

I know that many read.  

I know that many have found strength in my walking.

It is not that I will stop writing how I feel and why, but I will do so now without hope.

I didn't know that hope could be a prisoner or take up space and energy and be filled with expectations.

I like it now free and without hope!

I even believe that I read somewhere that being hopeless is being free!

I read this article this morning by Dan Wetzel:

via messyguru.typepad.com