As I sit here today 52 years on the planet, I see one huge pivotal moment, a second birth, mixed in with little life changing decisions. It is like a before and after life.
While only one lifetime for me has passed, I feel like I have had two births.
The first is the arrival on the planet, landing in the home of my parents, being raised by them and their beliefs, ingesting all unquestionably growing into a carbon copy of my mother.
The carbon copy was torn to shreds when I discovered that beneath the surface of things, our family had a river of abuse running through it.
My second birth was to find my self standing over her head in a life that she was unaware lived parallel to hers. While drowning in my old life, I gave birth to a new one.
I was born onto me.
A big grown lady feeling like a newborn inside, it was like I had arrived on the planet again, but this time with eyes wide open.
My new discerning eyes, and the astute feelings my body carried, I led me into a new life while completing the old one.
Sadly or maybe gratefully nothing from my first 46 years survived the transition, my insides were totally transformed.
What Vaishali writes in “You are What you Love” is that we can live life from the mind or from the Heart.
My first life was all mind driven, brainwashed and unconsciously walked, like a robot I carefully followed the trail that my mother walked, to a T.
You can see evidence in all areas of my life, where my mind was the master of me.
Vaishali writes that the mind keeps repeating itself for us to realize it, to see it, to see our mind working or playing itself out in front of us.
Self-Realized is to see yourself and who is leading the charge, who has control over your life?
Mind or Heart?
While living life purely from the mind for the first 46 years, I was totally disconnected from the heart and feelings that my body felt.
I lived as a head.
My thoughts and beliefs led the way, thoughts and beliefs that had been given to me like second, third or forth hand me downs, generations of ladies in my past lived as me.
To awaken to a life outside of the mind was to literally go out of your mind, a mental breakdown.
My second birth was to begin living life backwards to unearth all the places where the mind had things incorrect, to discover the truths and expose the lies.
The life review of sorts was taking place and it birthed the new me.
Each segment of lies brought forth a new segment of me; an aspect of me was freed from my mind.
Six years have passed since I went out of my mind and into my heart, six years of living life from the inside out.
I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to explore the madness of mind, to see the shallowness and the narrow path it leads, its dark hallways of fear and denial, frozen areas of brainwashing.
What a journey to be wide-awake while totally out of your mind.
Very frightening at first to see the mad puppeteer, the mind pulling the strings of your life, to see in each relationship and task, my old response, yet so very thrilling to make a new Heart felt response.
So, while the calendar says that I am 52 today, I am in heart years, only six.
I feel I have lived more the last six than in the first 46.
I am living my life, not repeating life as the generations before me.
I have no clue where I am going, what will be asked, what direction we are leaning towards, for the heart doesn’t repeat itself or re-create the same cycle, the heart life is open, free, expansive, bold, creating, and unknown.
The good news is that I don’t have to fit into anyone else’s life and their hand me downs, I get to live brand new.
I M Perfect lady 