I M Perfect lady

Tag: Bikram

  • ‘Their inner knowing….’

    I decided I was doing my 75th yoga class at 7am this morning, my nosebleed said, “It will be later.”

     

    Last night I went to bed to go to sleep, my mind went to bed to wrestle with other people’s lives, and we were both losers.

     

    The mind likes to be the party planner, the event coordinator, and the one in charge, when it is only the guest.

     

    Yoga means ‘to yoke’ and what I feel it is doing is trying to yoke the mind. 

     

    “To bring your mind back to the body for 20 seconds, which is the hardest thing to do…” Bikram

     

    Bringing the mind back to the body is to bring the mind to reality, to this present moment and your body, not somebody else’s body, to yoke it to your life.

     

    It seems impossible that the mind isn’t with you and for you at all times, but watch. 

     

    Watch and see how often you miss what is in front of you while you are off in another’s land.

     

    And once your mind looks about in their land, you want to decorate, plant, arrange, toss out, add, do many things YOU feel they are lacking.

     

    I am so damn grateful that I won’t allow those foolish ideas to pass my lips, now. 

     

    The old me would have tossed out orders like a drill sergeant to get that persons life in order.

     

    What is equally insane is this mind comes into my world and does the same to me, trying to move me out of my present moment. 

     

    Oh and you know when someone else has lost their yoke (mind), for they will come into your world with great orders of things YOU need to do.

     

    Inside of us is this inner knowing, which doesn’t live in the mind, that will lead us where it is we need to go.

     

    Trust that inner knowing, trust that it will lead the way, for it is always about you, never about another.  It moves you!  It is not our job to move another!

     

    Otherwise it would be called ‘their inner knowing’….

     

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  • Challenge called Daily Yoga.

    I went to the basement today with Carl and Karen’s words of praise and correction front and center, eager to reach the postures to either stand in pride or settle into the pose differently.

     

    The Balancing Stick does make a difference if you look ahead and down, instead of down, and to stretch with your arms and torso forward.

     

    When I came to cobra, I tried hard to do what Carl told me this morning is a reverse push-up. Keeping in mind the compression of the lower back, that that is what our goal is, I even tried to feel the nerves after the release, that Karen talked about.

     

    It way helps to have eyes in our studio, especially eyes of experience yogis.  It is amazing, just show them a picture and they can see where I needed help.

     

    Bikram says in his book, “Look up at the ceiling, raise your head, and, using the strength of your back, lift your torso off the floor. Arch the head and torso back as much as possible; at the same time, press the belly button into the floor.  The belly button and everything below it stays in contact with the floor.”

     

    It is exciting to bring new hints and corrections to the poses, to help you reach your ultimate goal.

     

    Speaking of ultimate goal, it came to me that I completed one goal, 60-day challenge, only to be still in a much larger challenge.

     

    The challenge to continue on, without a short term prize, without a real numbers game to be competing in, instead just doing this in the morning, as part of my day.

     

    Making it become as Carl said, “like taking a shower.”

     

    As I walked Finn outside along the frozen river, as the crystals coated the trees, it occurred to me, we are always looking for the next challenge, the next quick fix, the next thing to complete or compete in, instead of being in the midst of the river of life, we want it to freeze or finish up.

     

    What is wrong with playing in the flow of yoga, to watch your self change daily or sometimes from pose to pose. 

     

    Does there have to be an ending in sight?

    What happens if we are instead in an endless yoga challenge?

     

    An endless challenge called daily yoga.

  • Adopted.

    The Bikram Yoga Dallas (BYD) Studio adopted me as their first Remote Student.

     

    How cool is that?  It never mattered that I didn’t have a Studio, but it feels kinda nice now that I do.

     

    It is odd to be acknowledge as a ‘real’ student of Bikram Yoga; it feels some how that I have been legitimized when it never occurred to me that I wasn’t a real Bikram student, but hard when you are not affiliated with anything but your basement.

     

    I was surprised by the feeling of belonging I felt when the Studio owner said in an email, “Consider yourself adopted by BYD – you can be our remote student. :-)”

     

    Dare I tell her I have 7 more remote students she could adopt?

     

    We could continue to add to our group, allowing it to grow and expand.  Imagine who we would meet, and who would be inspired by the original 7 remote students?

     

    As I write my 60-day testimonial about doing a 60-day challenge ‘remotely’ I have to acknowledge the support of this group.  It brings in the energy of group I would otherwise miss.

     

    I can see this as being the first remote student group, which has students already in many states, but how cool if our Studio connection is my brother’s studio?  After all he is our first real connection to a studio, all I can do is ask, and the worst she can say is no. 

     

    Waiting for the rest of my yoga buddies to be adopted…

     

  • I Can

    It is day 57 and I am still in the game, still doing one day at a time towards the 60-day mark, with just three to go, I am astonished that I have done this consecutively and with surprising ease.

     

    How thrilling to see that I can do this, and I have to wonder what other things I have not explored, what other exciting, new, different, challenging, life changing items are out there waiting for me?

     

    I am heading for 101, and so after the milestone of 60 days in a row, I will just get up the next day and tackle the next 41. 

     

    When you put your mind, your desire and your soul into something, I am thinking it can’t help but happen.  We seem to move mountains of fear and piles of “I can’t” when we simply just focus on what it is we have to focus on.

     

    I am thinking the mind has a bottomless pit of excuses, a room filled with reasons to keep all challenges at bay, and our biggest challenge is to keep our eyes on the ball, our sights on the prize; getting our muttering mind to the mat, and our feeble excuses can drag along as we lift our arms and begin.

    For somewhere buried deep within us is this new identity arising, I can do it, I will try it, I am willing, I am able, out shouting all of the weak excuses. 

     

    I love my new voice, “I Can!”

     

  • Yoga makes it better.

    With a yucky belly I began yoga, like bad breath this sensation lingered during most poses, at times the pose would eclipse the feeling, only to return when I relaxed.

     

    It seemed to replace any resistance, for I was stronger, more balanced and more determined; yet my belly swirled.

     

    Times I felt a black or gray curtain coming in from the sides, like losing consciousness, but it faded back as I breathed deeply and focused.

     

    My body continued to do yoga well, even with this rain cloud present inside. 

     

    I thought for sure the floor postures would stop me, but they actually seemed to really push back the nausea, like squeezing toothpaste from a tube.

     

    My insides felt quivery when I was done. 

     

    You wonder what ‘sickness’ really is, is it our psyche body that is sick, for my muscular body seemed way good.

     

    It feels just like a nervous belly and yoga makes it better.

     

     

  • Me.

    “Greatness is not in where we stand, but in what direction we are moving. We must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it — but sail we must and not drift, nor lie at anchor.”  Oliver Wendell Holmes 

     

    I am surprising myself that I have continued to sail, although I haven’t met really strong head winds, just a few strong breezes in the past 50 days.

     

    I have 50 more to go and I don’t know what each new day brings, what winds will blow into my day, but so far I get my sailing done first thing in the morning, I make that leg of the journey perhaps before the winds begin to blow in the calm waters of the dawn.

     

    This is so not like me, I used to be the martyr and nibble on the leftovers of the day, the few crumbs of time and the bottom of energy tank, and those I chose for mine.

     

    Usually there wasn’t much there to do anything with, but sleep.  I slept to be a martyr again.

     

    As I now take from the top of the tank, I feel that I am stronger within myself and that is what I now bring to each situation that arises.

    I used to have a shame muscle that would operate if I were to focus so much on my self, to take the time off the top for me, to use my time and my energy for me.  How dare you, it would say!

     

    How dare I not.  My body is so much better, my disposition feels calmer, and my whole life feels more in control when I am in control of me in my life.

     

    It has taken me 51 years to realize the only one who can take care of me is me and if I drain my tank without first filling me up, we all suffer.

     

    My tank is full, the day has begun, I now have something to give to my day, Me!

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  • I have just begun.

    Just two weeks to go in completing the 60-day challenge, and I am quite sure I am changing it to the 100-day challenge.

     

    Mary Jarvis says, “Day 60 -90, your body shape seems to suddenly change at an exponential rate, though you may not notice.  These are the days when you start to hear all the “Wow, you look great!  What are you doing?” comments.  These 30 days are usually your best 30 days.” 

     

    So I am thinking if I stop at 60, I will miss the best days of all, like walking out without dessert. 

     

    I will go along as far as I can, but my sights are now on 100.  In two weeks I will begin the best 30 days, I have just two weeks left to unravel and unknot emotional twists and things that have held me hostage.  And then my body should adjust and open and change quickly now that there isn’t anything inside holding it back.  I can’t wait to see what 100 days will do.  I will then take pictures again. 

     

    It will be interesting to see how much my body changes in 100 days of Bikram!

     

    Inside I am happy I am not done, or almost done, for I don’t look done or act done or feel done, I feel like I have just begun!

     

     

  • It Appears And Then Goes

    This 60-day Bikram Yoga Challenge is just one of many challenges we are doing each day, little ones, difficult ones, and ones that bring us more in alignment of who we truly are and ones separating us from who we are not.

     

    Being a Mom challenge started roughly 22 years ago and will continue on now until I die, an endless challenge.  It is a combined experience with both sides leaning on the other or challenging the other to become their best. I have seen how I can affect this challenge; how I am the change I want to see in them. 

     

    A marriage challenge has been going on now for 23 years, during which time I have grown up and then fell apart.  What we learned most is that who we are and how we feel directly affects the relationship of us.  Our truths and our selves highly influence the way this flows.   We have rode the rough waters and sailed the smooth seas, learning along the way, our willingness to try repeatedly is amazing. 

     

    The individual challenge of just being me has been going on for 51 years, and in that time I have witnessed myself in many different roles and tasks, some more challenging than others.

     

    And all we can do in each of these challenges is to do what is being asked of us right now.

     

    As a day moves along, I am in the yoga challenge, then I flip into the mom challenge, then a mail lady challenge, then back to a wife for a while, then a mom, maybe an Artist, and on it goes.

     

    How cool is that we have a multitude of things going on at one time.  The challenge is to do each challenge fully and with presence, and not to get ahead of the challenges, or sit in one challenge dreaming of another, but to concentrate right here right now. 

    We add little pieces, fun color or dimension to all these challenges each day, building on them a little at a time.

     

    We become like a juggler juggling the many aspects of ourselves, catching and releasing each challenge as it appears and then goes.

     

    “Do little, but right, that is how you change your personality, your life.”  Bikram

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  • Tired Lost This One.

    Today was the day I dreaded, the day that I knew it would be touch and go with yoga, for I had such a full day and late night the day before.

     

    So, the alarm goes off, it is 4:20, and I am heavy and not enthused, at all. 

     

    The dog wanted to go out, so I stepped outside with him.  It is clear, crisp, starlit, moonlit, quiet and surreal.  I breathe in deeply inhaling this wonder, and know that I just may do yoga, now.

     

    My night was the most awful since we began this challenge, restless, sleepless, waking, sleeping for short periods to wake wide awake, and dreams that seemed so real back then, that I awoke more tired then I fell asleep.

     

    And now yoga…

     

    It was uneventful and nothing stood out except the fact that I was doing yoga with a tired body and no rest.

     

    I kept hoping I was ‘gaining energy’ in the yoga class, recouping my nighttime loss. 

     

    The headache I woke with dissipated sometime during the standing poses, and I was simply amazed at myself when the last breath was blown out and I lay down to Bikram’s song.

     

    I had faced the challenge this morning and won.

    Tired lost this one…day 33 won!

     

  • A Strong Body Will Be Revealed.

    It is Monday morning a workday for me, and I have my 32nd completed.  I feel that the rest of the day will flow better now.

     

    What I noticed today that under the extra seat cushion I have, there are muscles coming alive, and they are becoming really helpful in the floor exercises where I have to lift my legs off the ground.

     

    Before my back tried to do this job alone, and now there is a connection between leg and back, called butt, and they are actually helping in the lift.

     

    It was shocking to actually feel them working.  I am thinking I have never had them, ever.

     

    I wonder what is under my inner tube in front?!

     

    This added bulk that I am carrying around really doesn’t help at all; instead it is actually in the way on lots of postures, folds and cushions of me squished or hanging out as I attempt to finesse this yoga.

     

    It tickles me to know that muscles are being born underneath, like I am wearing a bulky jacket, but once I lose the jacket of extra flesh, a strong body will be revealed.