Tag: feeling good

• Feeling Good in Me!

   

  When I fell over the line into a place of feeling good about myself, I then realized I hadn’t ever felt that before, alone.

   

  It was as if I was feeling something about myself I had never felt, just between me and me.

   

  Usually the ‘feeling’ good was a false sense, for it needed somebody or something besides me to help me get there.

   

  This time it was just me.

   

  Co-dependent good feelings are really hard to maintain and harder to believe to the depth of your being, perhaps because you know that half of the feeling good feeling is in the car, the shirt, the body size, the husband, the house, the friend; an outside source, holds half.

   

  So maybe it is fair to say I half way felt good.

   

  And there is a slight but huge difference between feeling good about a body, or feeling a pain free body, and the feeling of feeling good.

   

  I know this may sound confusing, but if you look at how I began yoga to make the pain in my body go away, and by doing that, other side affects happened.

   

  My body began not only to feel different, (no pain) it also felt stronger, leaner, and was now changing shape in a good way, and there was no outside source!  I was doing this!

   

  I was working myself, with myself, for myself, by myself, and in the end I found myself being pleased with myself, feeling good about myself, by myself.

   

  I lived for so long feeling good with another, but lost half or more when the other went away, when the task was complete, when the car turned old, when the style faded, as the body lost its shape, I had to always have my eyes searching for the next supply of ‘feeling good’ feelings!

   

  Maintaining a feeling of feeling good seemed hopeless, for it always faded away like the sun falling into the horizon at night, leaving you wanting it to return, until it arose shining upon you again pouring good feelings inside.

   

  Like a spoiled needy child, I was forever seeking ways for others to feed me my feel good feelings, and my appetite was bottomless.

   

  It seems like I was born hungry for feelings of feeling good; I can’t seem to remember a Me that was full of feeling good.

   

  With tears rolling down my cheeks as Bikram sang his song, I knew I wasn’t hungry no more; I was full of feeling good in Me.

   

   

   
  

  March 8, 2010

  Co-dependent feelings, feeling good, full inside, half empty, outside of self

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• From Feeling Bad To Feeling Good!

   

   

  I awoke shortly after 6am and in no mood for yoga, the sun was just lightening the horizon, I couldn’t find a reason to begin.

   

  In a place between doing it and not, I think I would have felt perfectly fine just sitting and waiting for the sun to shine in my face, starring mindlessly without having to expend one ounce of energy, suspended in a land where yoga never lived.

   

  After letting my yoga buddies know that I would be taking their energy, down the stairs I went.

   

  I wondered how this would work, me empty but willing to try.

   

  Bikram didn’t know my feelings at all, he began with his full energy and didn’t spare me a bit, and I followed along, perhaps better than ever, just about doing every pose until he said, ‘change’ or ‘enough’.  Incredible!  I didn’t have the energy to protest.

   

  In the Eagle, a thought came in, that without pain what would keep me doing this, what is the purpose for me doing this, if not to alleviate pain?

   

  “Feeling good” landed in my body, to feel good?  Wow. 

   

  It felt odd to acknowledge that I was doing something for me that felt good for me, that I felt good carrying around the rest of the day, and it was also sad, that I haven’t done things simply to feel good.

   

  I am almost positive that I have never done something where the agenda was for ME to Feel Good, only ME! 

   

  Somehow before Eagle I was wondering what it would take to maintain this daily grind, what kind of energy I would need to keep up this regiment.

   

  This regiment is to keep feeling good!

  Isn’t that insane?

   

  I call it a regiment, a hardship, a struggle, when what I am doing each morning is setting the tone, I am working to keep a set point of feeling good!

   

  How in world is this so twisted upside down and backwards, that I am feeling a struggle to maintain a feeling good feeling?

   

  And let me tell you all, I am feeling good, I am feeling a body that has muscles, that is stronger and looks better, clothes fit better, I walk straighter, head held high, and with good energy! 

   

  I have stated, that there is no ill side affects to this yoga.

   

  And here is the deal, yoga makes you feel better, gives you a new body, a new mind and a new life, according to Bikram and I!

   

  Yoga is the counterbalance to feeling bad, it will spring you ahead, not drag you back, even if it feels like you are going against the magnetic pull to begin, that all forces are against you starting, it is then that it is most critical in order to continue to feel good.

   

  My maintenance routine or ‘regiment’ is to keep back the bad feelings, the dragging body, and no energy weighing down my life.

   

  Inside I feel good about my inside and outside body!

  I made it over the line, from feeling bad to feeling good!

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

  
  

   

  March 7, 2010

  bikram yoga, energy, feeling bad, feeling good, self-love, tipping point, Yoga, yoga buddies

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