Tag: sense

• Less abusive to live a lie.

  "We call it 'verbal abuse' when someone tells us the truth about ourselves and we don't want to hear it."  Byron Katie

   

  The above sentence stayed with me and it occurred to me that we have been taught or led to believe that by telling the truth about someone is abusive.

   

  I know that I have become an outcast due to the fact that I speak the truth, about my family.  I state what is and this is seen as abusive, that it is much better to give a false identification of someone, to not share how they hurt you.

   

  Imagine, we are seen as being 'verbally abusive' for 'Telling'.  It is no wonder why children do not speak up, for we feel it will hurt them to hear the truth.

   

  Isn't it interesting that we protect the ones who hurt us.

  The question is why. Why is it so hard to state the facts, to draw the tough lines when abuse is clearly apparent?

  As Dr. Phil says, there has to be a payoff.  What do we get for our silence?  A father and a mother?

  It is unnatural for a child to estrange themselves from their parents, but what they fail to see is that it is natural to move away from abuse.

  That we were born into an unnatural environment, where the parents abused their offspring, they did not 'raise' them, but lowered and changed who they were.

  In society, it is pressed upon us that we are to love and honor thy parent, that family is sacred.  That is, for the normal functional homes.

  And what is the creed for the unnatural families? What is the rule we are to live by?  How do we unhinge ourselves from the parents that abused us…

  I had mistakenly felt that all would abandon my father…and instead they abandoned the truth.

  They abandoned the truth so as to not be abusive towards their parent, while they are now having to live a lie.

  It is remarkable to me now, that it is literally easier to live a lie than to live the truth.

  And it is abusive to our bodies and our lives to live this lie, but we do it to keep a parental relationship alive.  And the truth of this relationship we dare not speak of….So, we have a silent clause, a do not speak of 'the abuse' clause and if you do so you will contine to be part of this family and/or organization.

   

  We would rather abuse ourselves by living a lie, than to 'abuse' our parent by telling the truth and moving away from abuse. We somehow believe that it is 'less' abusive to live a lie.

   

   

   

   

   

   

  November 13, 2011

  a, abuse, false, family, lie, living, sense

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• Reconstruction on the Outside.

  I was surprised at how at ease I felt writing and even how peaceful I was inside, how comfortable I wrote my thoughts as they drifted by, as I looked upon this day, as I just seemed to write effortlessly.
  Six years later the me that is doing The Artist’s Way is completely different inside than the last time…I have a hard time recollecting the old me.
  She was a compilation of her parents, built upon their patterns and beliefs, structured to fulfill their needs, a woman with very little sense of self.
  Now my insides are bursting with me, my knowing and fully comprehending who I am, where I came from, how I made the choices I made etc. A woman with her History pretty much figured out, but a woman with an open slate and a big world to explore.
  The other thing missing inside is the fear of changing, the dread of trying something new and even appearing silly or a beginner…all my sense of pride is gone, with nothing left to lose, I can only gain.
  It is astonishing to me how different I am, the years slipped by and tiny layers of confidence grew on me, so that I am in a much better spot to now add accessories to the new me.
  Just as a woman adds to her outfit, I will add to the strong core of who I am, colorful and exciting things, my bling.
  I have never been a person to wear wild clothes or trends, to dress with flair and be fancy, but I can feel that I am standing here, in need of a bit of that.
  Perhaps The Artist’s Way will change my outward appearance to match my insides…or at least begin the reconstruction on the outside.
  
  The journal cover I made for myself yesterday!

  June 19, 2011

  Artist’s, beliefs, Cameron, changes, core, ideas, Inner, journal, Julia, of, outer, reconstruction, self, sense, The, way, writing

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