It is my day off, and immediately two bookkeepers began fighting for my time, each with a set of rules and regulations for what should/could and would be done on my day off.
There are plenty of choices within each room of my house, and other ideas floated by as potentials to use up my time, and each idea was met with an opposing vote.
It stuck me to my chair in indecision and time slipped by.
What to do and what is worthy fought back and forth, paying no mind to my feelings or desires.
Until I began writing this out, it never occurred to me to fire the bookkeepers, to keep my day off out of their hands and out of their books.
It matters not in the big scheme of life whether I enjoy the sunshine with a walk or see it from my lazyboy, if I quilt or nap, do yoga or read, wash clothes, bake and do dishes, none of the above will define who I am inside, they are all doings of a human kind.
If I take away value from each task, each task remains equal to the other, and become its own separated joy, and it can’t steal from another column in a bookkeepers journal.
Somehow in my mind if I spent an hour cleaning I was stealing from the passion journal, if I slept, I then stole from the physical side, there was always a plus and a minus to all actions.
I never liked numbers so I am getting rid of the value system, tossing out the worthy and the unworthy, and instead will live with just doings.
All doings are equal.
It seems the bookkeepers main tasks were to steal my day, steal my peace, and steal my joy, by putting up an opposing side, no matter what I couldn’t win.
The bookkeeper was a guilt keeper, a day wrecker, and a nap spoiler lurking near each task with negative remarks.
Without the bookkeepers narrative on how my day is going I will be free to enjoy whatever it is I am doing.
The minus and plus columns will remain empty and in their place is a doings column, simply filled with what I do.
I don’t know what I will be doing, what my energy level will be, what inspirations will come as I move through the day, what desires will arise, but what I know for sure no one is keeping score.
In fact the more I write about this, the more I feel that I will disband the whole accounting system that used to lie within me, where values interrupted living life in the manner to which it appeared.
Without values you are then free to do anything and life is much freer, you live from the spot of a pinhead in the moment of now.
Now I am blogging, who knows what I will do after that, the present is always a surprise, unopened, unplanned, unknown, until you move.
I M Perfect lady 