I M Perfect lady

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

Somehow I missed the melancholy of change, the loss, the death of one life, in order to be in a new life.

And felt that I was doing change wrong, for I was sad as I changed.

Leaving behind myself I had known for 46 years, I grieved losing that part of me, as I embraced a change that would become the new me.

In the case of divorcing my parents, I had to the let the daughter in me die. There now stands a hole where daughter use to be.

My daughter role is no more.

You forget to remember the old you is gone, like a phantom limb it takes awhile to feel the new normal, and there is a grieving period, where sorrow can arise in odd places, unannounced sadness pours out.

That view of self is unrecognizable for a while, you feel strange to yourself inside, and your movements are awkward for you don’t really know what it is the new you will do.

Even when change is for the better, for a healthier you, you still have to let go and let die the old you.
For some reason I kept forcing my thoughts to look towards the good things, and felt like I was a failure when I looked back and grieved.

Now I know that grieving is a natural part of change.

And with the overwhelming amount of change I have experienced in the last 5, well almost 6 years, it is no wonder that there has been lots to grieve.

Who knew change and grieving go hand and hand…