I M Perfect lady

"Traumatic events that are human in origin seem to have more severe after-effects than natural disasters. Hurtful and frightening as it is to be raped by a stranger, or to be in the path of a natural disaster, the creation of a personal disaster by a loved one is vastly more bewildering and overwhelming."           http://adultsurvivors.blogspot.com/

This paragraph from yesterdays long reading is what I have always felt, that it was worse to be abused by someone you love and trust, than it would be to violated by a stranger…for not only is your body raped, but so is your psyche.

It leaves you with no place to go to feel safe.

What I have come to learn, is that the mind took us in.  The mind created a false landscape for us to rest in.  However, most never leave there and return to reality.

My brother looked up the definition of Rational.

"Rational: The term rational refers to being of sound mind and having (or exercising) the ability to reason."  

The ability to reason is what is lost to those of us who are abused in childhood, we use Incorrect Reasoning in order to survive, and many never learn what is correct reasoning.

The reasons we do the things we do.

My mother had her reasons for staying with my father.  I would say they were incorrect based upon reality.  No mother in her right mind would stay and have more children with a man who is a pedophile.  Her inability to reason rationally was also taken away in her childhood.

Looking upon the family legacy and history, you could say I come from a long line of incorrect reasoning.

What I didn't know know know, is that they are seeing the pedophile, the abuse, the wounded child, BUT they are making incorrect reasons for the behavior.  Mostly, blaming the child.

My father said, "The girls wanted it…"  

I felt like my mother saw me as competition.  I felt it.  I just didn't know in what competition we were opponents in?

The biggest damage in abuse, is when we lose the ability to reason correctly.  

We don't act reasonably in the face of harm etc and even act incorrectly with things that are not harmful. Our reasoning mechanism is all screwed up. We become unreasonable beings.

Some will say (family) that I have been laboring under this Abuse Issue, for way too damn long, that life is passing me by, while I am still here sorting it out. What they fail to consider is how off they are in their reasoning.

They are all making choices, but the choices are made using incorrect reasoning…and they can't tell. For all of their lives, that they can recall, this broken device has been making choices for them.

It seems preposterous that you can not know your reasoning button is broken.  But, if you never had a good working one, how would you know?

What is reasonable to survive abuse is not reasonable to heal from abuse.

I had to go against all my reasoning in order to change my reasoning button.

The choices I made in the first 46 years were incorrect, they allowed me not to see abuse.  

Once I saw abuse, all my 'reasonable' choices of the past, would no longer work.

The saying, "Forgive them, they know not what they do…." comes to mind.

When you see folks acting peculiar, it isn't because they don't know…it is because their reason button is broken.