I M Perfect lady

Category: Crusade

  • They remain Monsters.

    While the discussions continue about abuse, what came to me is that there are two opposing views.  Two very different experiences and yet we want to paint only in one color…

    I got to wondering, is this an affect from being raised in the FALC, where bad things can be changed back to good, via the forgiveness of sins, so the world really never stays bad….it is fleeting and illusive…not a hard fact.

    Only the good remains seemingly steady, for if you falter, you can ask for a blessing and be returned to full goodness.  The bad doesn't stick, we are like teflon when it comes to sins.

    Is this why it is so hard to get people to really believe and to stick with a label of abuser?  That we can really only see the good?  

    For some reason we are very hesitant to hold onto a negative label….like IF we refuse to see some good, we are the negative folks.

    I know, that I am seen as being negative for seeing my father as a pedophile. That I washed away all his good traits, due to his 'fault' or sin.  It is by far more my problem for refusing to bend him back to good…or good enough.  I am not as kind, loving or sane when I hold his sins before me…

    Is it easier to just see the good and overlook the evil or is it easier to acknowledge the sins and hold them accountable?

    There is a really insane system going on in these churches, where there is sin, but it is only recognized to be forgiven away.

    Like you see it to erase it.

    What would happen if there was no forgiveness of sins? What would happen to all these actions? Where would they go and more importantly WHAT would these people look like?  Say all the acts of 'sin' stayed with the person…that there was no way to separate you from your sins?  Then what? Who would you be?

    Would you not be truth?

    Somehow, the 'forgiveness of sins' is a truth remover.

    When an abuser asks for the truth to be removed, he then loses the title of abuser…but the victim has no such truth remover…she is forever feeling the truth of the abuse. There is no escaping, no wiping, no erasing, no un-ringing the bell of truth.  

    I will believe in the forgiveness of sins, when it magically removes all traces of abuse from the victim.  When it can return innocence back to the child…making them untouched.

    Just as the victim remains forever changed so do the so called loving family members who abuse the trusting children in their lives; they remain monsters.



  • Say Nothing.

    On Ex-toots blog, she asks the question, "What can we do to try and make it safe to speak up?"

    How does a religion create an unsafe environment for victims telling about abuse?

    How is it possible that in the land of Jesus, God and the bible, we are not allowed to feel safe?  Or at least safe IF we want to speak out about the evil acts and deeds of others?

    Is it possible that the fear based teachings have done this?

    That when you raise folks based on the fear of God, the fear of doing something different, the fear of elders, the fear, the fear, and fear, that they will then fear going against their abusers?

    Surely we can't be surprised that we created the perfect victim…

    One who is too afraid to speak up about someone who is in power.

    One who has learned to silently give up their rights to their bodies.

    What will it take to empower them now?

    Will the adults in the church suddenly start giving back their bodies freedom?

    Will they allow them to own their hair and finger nails?

    Who is going to swing this environment around….will it be adult led or by children?

    From what I have experienced and heard, it will not be the adults…

    And, the abused (adult) children will have to find empowerment outside of the church, for the church doesn't appreciate self expression, will power, and freedom of speech, or of a person owning their own bodies and minds.

    Literally or perhaps they would say figuratively, the church has been their first abuser, by taking away all their rights. 

    As a victim of both the religion and sexual abuse, I honestly can't tell one being more kind.  In fact, the religious abuse appears equally as fake…as my father loving me.

    It is like religion has a fake front of God, Love and Jesus, while it is removing all things God is.

    If you put the way these religions treat a person and the way an abuser does, you will not find too many contradictions.

    Both want you powerless, silently following, pleasing them and forsaking your own truth and feelings.

    I feel completely abused by the church and my father, they were equal partners to strip me from being my self.

    I could no more fight against my father, than I could rebell against the religion.  I no more could protect my fingernails and hair than I could my private parts.  I had no power…against either.

    My mother brought in religion and my father brought in sexual abuse.

    Looking into both, there was no place for a child to feel safe, seen, heard or understood. And, we are asking our children to tell. Tell who?  

    My mother has yet to HEAR me. She hears sounds, but does not hear.

    My father, well I didn't even try to speak to him…his actions clearly said it all.

    And, I guess so do those who sit in the pews of these churches, who have given up all their rights, to their bodies and their minds….

    We are asking children to "Tell" when for generations of victims…telling will earn you a pass to estrangement.  Telling isn't what keeps these families together, allowing and having no boundaries are.

    The thing that will tear these families apart IS TELLING.

    Perhaps what is mostly safe, is our families in the dark.  

    Our family is not safe when the truth appears.

    The church's faith is not safe when the truth appears.  

    And the child knows they will not be safe, IF they try and disrupt the 'loving' family and find evil in the church.  They are only accepted if they go along…silently untelling.

    It isn't about telling of abuse, IT is about telling of the false front it is presenting.

    A false family of love and trust and kindness.

    A church of high morals and values.

    This is what we are not to tear down with soiling both with monsters, tales of abuse, acts of indifference, how forgiveness of sins only works for the pedophiles, and the list goes on and on.

    Like my mother always said, "If you dont' have anything nice to say, say NOTHING." 


  • Would you Sign?

    I asked a pastor friend about the Mandatory Reporting within churches, if they were like Learning Institutions….and here is what he said.

    "We are mandatory reporters just like the schools. Also, there could be board liability that would be settled in a court but knowing of a situation and not addressing it could very much make a board liable."

    I have spoken to a board member and a member of the Mission Board as well, and he acknowledges the rising levels of abuse, but he too, as far as I can tell, has not reached outside into the world for help…even with the rapid exponentially expanding abuse.

    I don't believe they can fully appreciate the fact that they can be held liable. These board members who have heard the concerns, don't seem to grasp what it truly means for them.  They are not understanding Mandatory…especially to be told to do something…from the worldly folks.

    Like maybe those rules don't apply?  How long can they get away with ignoring the mandatory reporting?

    What I know, is in my father's case, the Minister Knew…not only my case, but others.  He was brought in and he did not report.  He is dead now, but is the board still liable?

    Would a class action suit be something that would wake them up?

    I have very little doubts that a case could be made, not only in the FALC church, but in the OALC as well….from what I hear from victims.  

    These boardmembers may believe that their responsibility is financial, and perhaps rule making….and give very little respect or attention to Mandatory reporting…and that they are liable.  The word liable means, "Responsible by Law".

    They are breaking the law…by NOT reporting.  I don't think they get that.

    As we sit on Father's Day, I know that the majority IF NOT ALL, are fathers.  What is the message they are relaying to their children about sexual abuse?  What are the 'good' fathers doing about this.

    Wouldn't good fathers get involved, demand answers, withdraw their children from an institution that remains so indifferent to sexual abuse?

    Wouldn't a good father stand by his child and place his doubts upon the abuser?

    Wouldn't a good father resign from the board IF they would not address these issues?  And, wouldn't a good father join with the outside to help bring these guys in?

    Who again are these board members, as human's, fathers and men?

    I don't get it.

    It seems that each person is waiting for someone else to take the bull by the horns, to change up the way we do things, to rattle the cage, to be publicly outraged…to do something.

    If they could only see what the outside sees.

    Caring Less fathers…law breakers.

    Who is more evil or harmful to the children?  The ones who abuse or the ones who know and do nothing?

    Dealing with abuse when it is sprinkled in your religion and families makes it doubly hard to reconcile, but it also makes it more twisted to the child. They need to see that someone in the mix sees evil.  As it stands today, there is no movement….it appears that the devil and the angels are one.

    I mean really, is there a difference who is actually touching the child, if there are so many who stand by and do nothing?  

    What will it take to make the Board move?

    Will it be the class action suit?

    The victims are now seen as without value, our words are doubted…and elicite no response.  I guess it is until we team up with the world lawyers, judges, and detectives, police and maybe in the end wage a huge class action suit against them. There just should be a consequences for their nothing behavior….and I guess there is….you become who you hang with.

    I see no difference between the abuse and the silent unmoving bystander.

    What difference was there between my father abusing and the father's who knew and did not support their child? In both the victim is left without a father.

    Is it possible to start a petition of outrage and would you sign?

     

  • Lower the Wall of Indifference.

    I heard a phrase while listening to an audio book today… "Impenetrable Indifference"...and that to me is precisely how it feels to speak about abuse with a member of the FALC church…it is near impossible to get a raised eyebrow, a believing energy….instead all that seems to come back is this impenetrable indifference.

    Some want caution in speech until the courts of the land do their thing.  Which is normal and the way we have done things for decades.  We have also prayed for decades. We have forgiven their sins for decades. We have also whispered about abuse for decades. We have tip-toed around this 'sensitive' issue, not wanting to what? 

    What is it that we don't want to do?

    How is it that we are too afraid to boldly state and ask and point and come to our own conclusions?  Why?  Why do we not want to stand alone and point a finger?

    This caution is the wall of indifference disguised as kindness…or not wanting to rush to judgement. But, you are rushing. You are rushing to doubt the child…and that is okay.  It is fine to layer a victim with doubts, but don't you dare doubt the good reputation of the abuser, No sir.  No doubts to the abuser, all rush to doubt the victims.

    I guess it is hard to tell impenetrable indifference and neutral waiting…

    I am not sure that in the lives of the victims, they can wait. They don't have the luxury of time.  In fact, for them it is already too late.  Perhaps it was the generation before you who too, were waiting.

    We are all waiting. We are all cautious. All except the abusers.  No caution there, no waiting. Nope. They are busy, so damn busy luring, courting, setting up the ground work for their next victim.

    But, we wait. We are cautious.  We don't want to act in error.  And, we wait…while the abusers move on grateful for our non-involvement.  Happy for the lack of interference.  Gleeful that we withhold judgement. Content to have our wall of impenetrable indifference standing there protecting their little evil games with the children. 

    If you all, for one minute believe that these guys don't know what they are doing and who they are manipulating, you are sadly mistaken.  They are extremely manipulative and charismatic, and not only lure and court the child, so do they with the family members and other adults around them.

    They will do and say anything to dislodge your doubts.

    And you know, the abusers are articulate speaking adults…most often who have polished up the lies…for their very freedom depends upon it.

    Some folks think of pedophiles as doing sexual deeds a bit here and there, OTHERWISE, they are normal.  When, in fact, their whole lives are set up and lived for their sexual desires.  It isn't a part time thing, but it consumes their whole lives.

    They are instead part-time fathers, workers, etc, but it all is connected to getting what they desire.  There is very little they do that isn't a cover up or a connection to a child.  And, they have worked hard to keep their little gig going.  

    The only wrinkle in their manipulation is when the people are unable to be manipulated.

    If we act in doubt. If we don't believe. If we question and investigate and delve into their lives. If we ask questions of their children, and their grand children, if we go in and take apart their lives and really look at what is going on.

    When my father was investigated, they investigated the folks connected to him. They drew a wide circle and began to ask.  The detective who came to my home, said, "I have never investigated a case where so many people knew about this abuse and for so many years." 

    Will you talk to a detective about abuse? Are you waiting to be asked?  What do you believe your suspicions are?  Are they not a red flag?  If they came to your home today, and asked about so and so, what would you say?  

    Do you have to be asked?  Are you too afraid to be the first? 

    When I feel the impenetrable wall of indifference…is it because you are afraid to be wrong, to point a finger and it be wrong?  

    Give what you have to the detective. Share what you have heard.  It isn't up to us to investigate, but it surely up to give up what we know.  What we heard, even if it was years ago.

    In my father's case, the victims spread over the span nearly 40 years.  Yes, I said 40. For, I was 46 and the oldest victim that I know of was older than me and the youngest was only 8…

    What can we do to bust out of the impenetrable indifference so that these abusers don't have such a long run?  

    Is it wrong to give the detective what you know, for each tid-bit will put the pieces of the puzzle together.  

    Are you all waiting for the detectives to blindly fumble around…into relationships and dynamics you all know and grope for leads you carry…

    Help them with these cases.  Help by giving the piece you know.

    In the Penn State case what made it so remarkable were the sheer numbers of victims that spoke up.  Each building a strong case against their abuser.

    Each person who dares to speak will lower the wall of indifference.

  • Good Men to do Nothing

    Once again, there are stirrings of an alleged sexual abuse within the FALC…I hate that I have to write alleged, but he is innocent, until proven guilty.  He is 'not' to be judge and the church should be kept separate, and the list goes on and on to protect him, while little children are left to work through the affects of his vile behavior.

    The more strenuous your objections and indigination, the more you need his innocence to save your belief.  Your belief in the one right church, your belief in the forgiveness of sins, your belief in a preacher, his image…perhaps even his name.

    Do you dare see him in a new light?  What will happen to your faith and belief if you dare bring in the possibility that the children and their parents are right?  

    Many will try and keep their precious religion and pure faith, while a man of the pulpit has resigned, and allegedly he has sexually abused his grandchildren…they will try and separate his 'sins' from the message of God…and not rush to judgement and leave that up to God, to overlook and look beyond the abuse.

    This behavior is nothing new.  For decades now, the good christians of the churches have been unwilling to respond…would not dare do something so unchristian like as to see what is, to not forgive and forget, and to stare unflinchingly at abuse…while giving up their ticket into Heaven.

    They do not see their behaviors OF not reacting IS keeping this whole cycle going.

    What are they saying to the folks who dare speak up? How are they treating the parents who dare stop going to church?  Are they listening or defending their church?

    In a perfect world, a child would speak of abuse and the whole structure would fall, for the good folks would tear it down themselves. They would demand the church to pay retribution to the victims.  They would set up Help lines for victims. They would enlist armies of therapists and counselors to deal with the families involved. They would take the lead in helping victims speak up. The board members would be out leading the charge to make sure he is prosecuted…by opening the space for other victims to feel safe….to feel heard and believed.  Their "Greetings Of Peace" would publish places where they could seek help. There would be a number to call the detective with information that would help these young victims. 

    Instead…there is nothing coming from inside of the church.  

    Can't we at least wonder why the church is so silent?

    Why the board members are not screaming with outrage?

    Why are they not supporting the detective and asking for a full fledge investigation and asking their parishioners to help?

    Why are so many adults completely acting so irrationally about sexual abuse (allegedly) by a preacher?  

    Maybe the questions are not about judging him, but about looking at the silent church…its chairperson and board members.  Why are they so unwilling to grab a hold of this and start demanding answers and leading the investigations.  Is the church NOT responsible for allowing a pedophile to be a preacher?  What is their role, do they have any accountability here?  Have they not heard his name being mentioned with sexual abuse prior and what was their response?

    What I find more shocking than a preacher molesting his grandchildren (allegedly) IS the SILENCE and NO REACTION of the Board of the First Apostolic Lutheran Church…as well as other parents.

    If, this was a learning institution, these same folks would be banging on the doors and removing their children Immediately. What stops them now?  What is holding them back from rushing forward?

    Whatever it is….it is what keeps the neat little nest of abuse going.  It is the fact that good people will not change their minds, drop their faith…to bring in abuse.  

    Their Belief stands in the way of seeing and responding to abuse.

    How many facts do they need? How much information would change their minds? How much of their lives depend upon the preacher's innocence and him not being an alleged monster?

    What are they willing to sacrifice for their belief?  How many little boys will have to be abused before they are willing to see differently….?

    I watch this and know, he isn't the only monster lurking….denial is equally at fault.

    For all it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing….Ellie Weisel.


  • Sit Silently No More

    What words of advice could I give to someone who finds themselves facing sexual abuse within their families. Are there hard and fast rules?  Do some roads lead to sure road blocks and stunt healing and others that speed things along, both with the law and mental recovery?  Does a check list exist of what decisions are best…and how to respond correctly for your child?

    Is it possible to have items of higher value than others and ones that will flip the pattern of abuse and others that will promote the same old song and dance?

    I see this broadly from the viewpoint of having traveled the tangled paths littered with debris of illusions…where pedophiles hid behind the mask of father….and their helpers wore the badge of mom.

    What is helpful when your life looks like trick mirrors?  How do you navigate and solicit advice, when you yourself can't even see what is right or wrong…when your values have been so mutilated…when so called family turn evil?

    When the laws of the land have guidelines to follow…that will depend upon a little child being articulate and brave enough to offer details of the crime….enough to prosecute…Adults who know enough, but are not good enough to put the abuser away…for our laws state, that the child (victim) has to tell his story convincingly.

    Are their lives not proof…when they wear the affects in their daily little lives?  

    I believe, it would be helpful if when we hear of another count of abuse by the same abuser, that others step forth…lend their voices to uphold the truth.

    Even IF you are not willing or sure of prosecution, it would be helpful to give your experience that helps support the victims, by showing them, they are not alone.

    I know, that the letters from other victims, helped me understand and see that I was not crazy…that my body had a reason to fear him.

    What definitive does the law need and will more proof from other victims help make a case? It seems that more of the law protects the abuser and makes the victims jump higher and reach further to get the help they need.

    My greatest desire is for other victims to share what they know, to help the little children's stories hold more water, when case upon case echo their story.

    In my father's case, the majority of the victims stories all matched, the behavior of sexual misconduct and forceful contact were so similar….down to the detail of the home and where my father sat.

    As this latest case in Minnesota shakes itself out, I know that it isn't an isolated incident, that there were others before AND will be others to follow, if there isn't a joint effort to expose him.

    This news is spreading like wild fire….and I can only hope that some day soon, the voices will not only be used to whisper, but will bravely be used to help these latest victims prosecute this man.  That other families will come forth and walk down the road with them…that there will be a collective effort to push back evil….instead to remain silent in fear.

    Encourage those who come forth with stories to share theirs with the local sheriff….if not now, when?  How many years and victims have to pass down this road before the abuser will be stopped?

    What is useful or helpful….what will help the abuser continue on a free man and what will help the littliest victims?

    Don't let the feelings of fear stop you from doing what is right.

    What is right, is the path less traveled.

    How is that possible that the Right path is the one less used?

    I say, to those who are still in the church, to rally each other to let this case be an example of how you are not going to sit silently no more.


  • A mind game at its worst.

    In the extoots blog I follow and comment on ( http://extoots.blogspot.com ) a response from Finland caught my attention…or a few sentences, where the church is once removed from the congregation in times of trouble.

    "The sexual abuse scandal was badly managed by the SRK leaders, it looked like they got everything wrong in communicating it to the media, right from the start. However, for those who want to go the truth behind the headlines, it is also quite obvious that there never was any institutionalised abuse (such as in e.g. the Catholic church) but the incidents occurred inside families. In those circumstances, it is difficult to hold the congregation responsible especially when the official teaching has always been that crimes do not go away by the forgiveness of sins. (Unfortunately there were exceptions to this rule, and in a few cases, the congregation lay preachers were involved in hiding such crimes and criminals from the police, and also preventing the victims from getting help. This is not acceptable and I am very sorry for this ever happening in my religion.) 

    What makes the FALC or other like minded religions different from the abuse within the Catholic Church, is that the abuse is happening within the families. It isn't the "leader" of the church so to speak. So, the church can't be held accountable.  It isn't the institution that is doing the abusing, but rather the members of their organization, not the organization.

    Like "the church" somehow gets to escape, that "the religion" isn't where the crimes are occurring, but outside of it.  Like church and religion are actual entities….one stepped removed from family.  Yet it is infiltrating each family with its teachings.

    To me, it is like preserving the integrity of "Family" while abuse is happening by my father…as if he isn't part of family.

    I can't see how they can separate one from the other.

    Where in the church is there actual accountability to the law of the land, to the safety of the children, to the integrity of its message of high morals and values when it wants to keep its distance between It and the People?

    It rules the people, but doesn't want to be affected by the actions of people.

    It controls the people, but will not take control for the people's actions.

    I am not sure if others can see this slight but wide gap between their responsibility and the lack of owning it.

    While telling folks what to do, they fail to see what they are doing…and then totally disappear when $%#@ hits the fan.

    The powerful energies that preach these rules become silent and apathetic in the face of tragedies…'not responsible'…when those they control go out of control.

    Hard to hold the church responsible as much as it is hard not to.

    How interesting that the church boards are free of all negligence, while dictating how so many live their lives.  

    While I wanted to blame the church, I also had to see    how much of my life I had given over to the church.  I just didn't know it would NOT take responsiblity for the aftermath of what it preached. It is like it is only responsible for the out flow, not the backlash.

    I had to own my lack of self care and my own rights I had reliquished to the church…AND, I had to see what they did with me. They didn't care for me, they didn't protect me, they didn't even seem to notice they were holding all of me. 

    Again, not sure I can articulate the disappearing church we gave our self to.

    Giving up our lives, our choices, our freedoms to this thing. And this thing disappearing right before our eyes and us with it.

    How the church doesn't want to be seen in the families its controlled…when the church was such a large seen force that molded many families….how can it then disappear?

    And what happens when it does?

    A mind game at its worst.

  • Love, Friendship and Loyalty.

    I am half way done with the book, "Bloom – Finding Beauty in the Unexpected" by Kelle Hampton.  It is a wonderful fast moving harsh truth read; when life changes its course without our permission or willingness to go along.  

    It isn't so much about WHAT event changes your life course, but how you handle it, what goes on in your mind, how you act, don't act, learn, grow and how when life changes, often so does your perception.

    AND, what had me in the ugly cry, is how much love and support she got at the moment her old life halted and the new one began.  How her flailing psyche, emotional insides were being held up by so many supportive people.  How different we both were.

    Until I read the massive amounts of help she received, did I sit with the silent echo when my old life halted and my new one sat there.

    My new life.

    A life change that came out of nowhere, yet one that had been traveling with me unawares…Guess I was living a double life and the false one fell down.

    To me, it isn't the tragedies in life that mark you so much, BUT it is how others act when it happens. How your relationships can withstand the punch.

    We all assume, that our families are waiting in the wings…arms and spirits ready to catch us when we fall…that our tragedy will be one they will not mind handling…

    This book left me wondering if sexual abuse is the last place of discomfort?  Are we as a society so ill prepared to deal and address the needs of a victim as she makes a life away from her abuser?

    How is it that my tragedy had people walking away from me and not draw in closer?

    The very people Kelle leaned on the most heavily, were absent in my life.  Granted, new people stepped in, but the old reliables, were unreliable.

    It perhaps was by far more tragedy on an already tragic moment.  In fact, it is what Kelle feared the most; the reactions of her family and friends.  She needed them to see her life change in a positive way, and not have it be untouchable.

    I felt untouchable.

    I felt the repulsive push back.  

    I saw the familiar friends, turn away instead of scurrying to bring comfort.  Quick short glances, a soft hi and the turn away.  Or, worse yet, hollering and outrage from my family….and even worse yet, the comfort and care my father received…he the sexual abuser….and NOT me, one of his many victims.

    I do understand the why this happened, I just don't know how we can change it.

    The why….Is because my abuser was their father and husband.  It was Grandpa….and his accomplice, their mother and grandmother.  I was asking them to let go of a relationship to support me.  I was asking them to drop their old self and take the free fall with me into the land of the unknown….estrangement.

    It isn't about sexual abuse.  It is about CHOOSING the life of estrangement.  

    Well, choosing isn't actually what we freely do either, but actually what happens.

    I again looked up the word estrangement.

    "estrange, alienate, disaffect
    These verbs refer to disruption of a bond of love, friendship, or loyalty. Estrange and alienate are often used with reference to two persons whose harmonious relationship has been replaced by hostility or indifference: "

    I didn't find the other definition about moving away from hostility…..

    But, I guess we can look at both sides of estrangement. How folks responded and then what I chose to do with their reactions.  

    Imagine feeling hostility and/or indifference to your sexual abuse BY familiar family…your 'support' system?

    While they were anything but HOSTILE and INDIFFERENT to my father.

    It was the complete and utter flip or backwardness of it all.

    Which again, is why I felt so cheated, so ostracized, so rejected when tragedy struck.  

    You truly don't know the circles of support you have around you….from the very close family, to the really good friends, to your intimate partners, to sisters….until you test its strength, by tragedy or a challenging life situation.

    You can't know until.

    Will relationships bloom brighter or whither on the vine?  What is the strength of the relationship? 

    Sadly looking back, my estrangement happened when I was a very young girl. Sexual abuse was the disruption in the bond of love and trust, it happened way back then. But living in denial and living with a mind that blocked out the "disruption" I continued on like the bond had not been broken.  Like there was love, trust and loyalty…when it was long gone.  

    You know what is funny in a tragic way, is that I felt the broken bond.  I lived with feelings of "not feeling close" of not feeling warm or loving towards them….But I thought it was me.  I thought I wasn't trying hard enough to feel more.  I had a broken inside, I was cold and uncaring. I had the fault inside of me.

    Instead, on the cold December day, I felt the truth of it all.  I wasn't broken.  I was completely right.  I couldn't get close to hostility.  It wasn't me that was broken, but them.

    They (my parents) disrupted my bond with them.  They broke the chain, not I.

    And, I took this broken chain and called it love.  

    I modeled my life after theirs.  I mothered a lot like she did. I treated my self a lot like she did.  I worked harder and tried to be more perfect to fix the broken chain.

    When, the only way to fix me, was to walk away.

    The tragedy of sexual abuse, is that in order to heal, you have to walk away from the broken chain…you can't fix the chain by staying.  You will just be another broken link in the line of many.

    Isn't the saying we are as strong as our weakest link?

    Sexual abuse tears the bond of love, friendship and loyalty.


     

     


  • What is the Cost of No Choice?

    The issue of women's rights has come up with the death of a woman's 9th child by her own hands…or maybe the lack of Human Rights.

    What I am hopeful of, is this is the hole where common sense will begin to seep in or at least begin the real conversation of how human rights are being taken away in order to follow these extreme religions…and its very high cost; human life.

    When a woman no longer has her human rights, she is not free.  

    Martha Beck uses the phrase, "born in captivity" and that applies to so many women who were brought up within these churches, how their human rights were taken away in childhood; choices eliminated by church rules.

    In the climate where there are no choices, only one way, a person doesn't use their own common sense, it is a muscle that has grown weak and virtually useless…their 'strength' is in their staunch support of the ruling system…not in standing up for their own Self.

    You always hear comments suchas, "who in their right mind would do such a thing?"…without hearing your own words…"right mind".

    It is hard to explain or articulate the absence of choice and how the mind is created or convinced…how it feels to live "BrainWashed".

    Where common sense is washed away.

    Where self and individual choices are beat out of you…by fear dressed in many outfits.

    In order to survive as a child, you give up your human rights.

    They become a virtual stranger to you, a thing you never quite can recall, gone before you knew they existed.

    You know yourself as part of the whole…a paraiste…at the mercy of the animal (church and/or family) and would cease to exist if the family and church were to die. There is virtually no separated self.  You only live as part of the whole.

    The mind sees no self.

    The mind is incapable of reaching so far back where choices lie…without encountering the fear that was used when choice was taken away.

    Many people fear freedom, like all manner of hell will break lose if people were free, if our rights were our own…and forget to see the Hell many live due to being brainwashed free of choice.

    Just sit with the feelings of no choice.

    At a certain point, this will implode upon itself…just as it did for the mom who felt her only choice was to kill her baby…only a confused, tortured mind would see it as a solution.

    May the conversation begin…what road did this woman travel to get here?

    What is the cost of no choice?



  • It is the Lady who Stands behind it.

    I was asked by a woman of the OALC, if I believed in the Bible, when I was challenging her on how her church dealt with abuse…that somehow it is my lack of believing in the right book that has me acting differently…and it has her actions not only protected but sanctioned by the Holy Book.

    Her silence, secrets and not leaving the confines of her religious beliefs and reporting child abuse to the law is somehow supported by the bible.

    Now, if this is true, if this is the way they, her church and religion are interpeting the bible, than I guess I don't believe in that bible.

    I don't believe in the morals and values of the church that will willingly and knowingly allow pedophiles to ask forgiveness and to remain free to abuse again…that allows and knows of their actions and does nothing to protect the victims.

    Nope, I don't believe in that book.  And, by giving up your responsibility and blaming the book instead of your actions, seems odd to me.  Perhaps it isn't me that needs to question my beliefs, but you.

    What scares me is that she is not alone. She is one of many who will justify their actions or the lack thereof…by placing herself behind the bible.

    No, I guess I don't have issues with the bible.  The book isn't keeping secrets, being silent and not reporting, it is the lady who stands behind it.