Category: Examples of an Imperfect woman

"I wanted to see what she sees so maybe I could better understand why these women continue swimming against a current that is just too strong and pulls them into eddies, tossing them in circles."  David Cowardin "Down South Justice

I love this analogy.  I love how there are those among us who continue to swim against the current for what we believe is right.

That there is a calling deep in our souls and we can't ignore a problem; but continue to do what we can to change the course of wrongs.

Another sentence that David wrote…."They're committed themselves to a cause that they admit is so depressing that they likely won't see the impact of their efforts in their lifetime."

I love this.

Love it in a way that I deeply understand.

It is beyond personal achievement.

It isn't about the self.

It's about the great good of the whole.

The frustrations in the dog rescue world is equal to the child abuse arena.

It isn't about money and legislation.

It is about changing the mindset that believes the incredible ideas of abuse.

I know it may be really hard to wrap your mind around the idea that some people are okay with abuse.  Not okay in the manner that are perpetrators; but okay in that they are unmoved by it.

They are unwilling to change their thoughts and beliefs about family and religions where abuse is fully supported by forgiving it.

Each of us is leaving a trail behind of the cost of our beliefs.

Nothing goes unnoticed.

As I was looking in my archives for a photograph, I happened upon a blog I posted about Alice Miller and her radical therapy, in that she looks at the past, the parents and the landscape of childhood.  

She writes.

The "Afterword to the Original Edition" at the end of "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware; society's betrayal of the child, Alice Miller writes.

"Before sending the manuscript of this book to the publisher, I gave it to four collegues to read who had shared in the development of my ideas through numerous discussions. The first one said that after our many conversations the material was no longer new to him and he was able to confirm my hypothesis on the basis of his practice. This reaction pleased me very much, since it indicated there was little likelihood that mine would be a lone voice among psychoanalysts. Another analyst said the scales had fallen from her eyes when she read my case presentations. She was relived to be able to cast aside the ballast from her training that she had never fully accepted and give more credence than before to her own findings and perceptions. The third colleague reacted the same way many parents did to my previous books, i.e., with guilt feelings. She said if my arguments were correct, that would mean she had made grave errors; she recalled patients who, as she now thought, had been desperately attempting to articulate their traumas, whereas she had always felt obligated to regard what they said as an expression of their childhood fantasies and desires. I could only tell my colleague that I had felt this way for a long time, too, and without that experience I would not have been able to write this book. Whether someone reacts to my views with sorrow and guilt feelings, or even with total denial, depends on his or her own history."

"My fouth colleague said she felt as though blinders had been removed from her eyes, but at the same time, now that she was seeing new connections, she was also feeling disloyal to her teachers, to whom she was grateful for a great deal and who had insisted that the drive theory was the central factor in analysis. Her observation gave me food for thought."

"Both sorrow and a conflict of loyalties will undoubtedly be required of us if we are to recognize and come to terms with "poisonous pedogagy's"influence on our childhood and specifically on our training as analysts. But if we succeed in working through our sorrow, we shall gain the freedom to judge for ourselves and with this the possibility and the right to make use of our own eyes and ears and to take our own perceptions seriously."

"The direction in which I have moved in writing this book as well as countless unfortunate childhoods I have read about in letters from my readers caused me to question how the truth could have remained hidden from me, too, for such a long time and what role the drive theory played in concealing it. It troubled me that so few of my colleagues were able to accompany me on my journey, and in trying to find the societal reasons for this, I came upon the drive theory, the Fourth Commandment, and the traditional methods of child-rearing, a combination of factors that explained the collective denial of childhood trauma. But this was my personal journey. My colleague's reactions showed me that the ways in which one can respond to new experiences can vary greatly; what led to a radical change of direction in my attempt to understand neurosis may elicit different responses in others. How we integrate new insights into our existing fund of knowledge depends on our character, our age, and our previous experiences. The discoveries I have made bear my own personal stamp and therefore cannot be prescribed for others. but the hypotheses I have adopted cane be examined, again from a personal perspective, and can serve as a basis for new findings. The purpose of this book is not to win support for my conclusions, for that would only encourage the uncritical stance I object to; rather, it is my hope that the findings I have presented here will challenge the readers to go on to make their own discoveries. Alice Miller

What I love about both David's insights into animal cruelty and those who are struggling to flip the mindset and Alice Miller in her discovering how therapy needs to change in order to work….is that both of them are working towards changing OUR thoughts.

It isn't the dogs that need to course correct.

It is more about our conditioning and thoughts and beliefs.

How we see helpless animals.

And, in Alice's case how we understand how adults seeking therapy…have gotten this way.

I almost feel we do have more empathy for a traumatized animal. We understand IF their former owners mistreated them, they will come with unjustified fears.

It doesn't cost us anything to go back into the lives of animals.

However, to truly see the affects of inhumane abuse of a child; it will require you to look deeply and truthfully at family and religion.

It will cost you.

I am just getting how truth isn't about what you say and experience.

How it is fully dependent upon the listeners world.

What will it cost them to hear your experience.

I know, I am tossing together abused animals and children…and those who are looking to shine lights upon a very disturbing subject.  

But, if we don't who will?

And, the more lights that shine upon it, the more regular folks will have to ask themselves what are they doing in their own lives that is more for the continuation of abuse….or that makes it harder on the abusers.

One more thing, that I LOVE about David Cowardin…. is what he writes about himself in his book.  

"I moved nervously in my seat, and refocused my attention to my camera.  It's something I was used to doing; if I felt uncomfortable in a situation, I would look at the scene through my camera, which helped me detach from reality of what was happening. I could think in numbers of shutter speed and aperture instead of feeling the emotions of fear and discomfort." 

Perhaps the greatest hurdle for the truth to be heard is to be comfortable with fear and discomfort.

I love that he is willing to swim into the current with us as we strive to swing the balance of apathy into action.