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When asking "What is a good day?" you can tell a lot about a person.  What has been interesting to me, is that most often the good day is a random day, perhaps one that happens only once a year.

What then are the other days?

I am one of the very lucky ones, that has a random bad day. The rest are good days.

However, I don't believe it was always this way for me. 

I too, used to have just a few random good days in a year; the rest were a blur of grey heavy responsible ones. Routine and focusing on the wrong things was what had my complete attention.

When my world fell apart the worst days showed me a part of me that I never met.

The real me, the little me, the inside of me, my emotional me.

A self beneath the me.

This new self was buried under years of denial, religion, societal expectations, fears, and codependency.

I didn't know her.

At all.

Once I became aware of her, I wanted to know more about her.

What she loved?

What made her happy?

Who she felt seen and heard by?

It was to be carrying a new sense of self inside of me.

She had silently lived behind my life.

My Self had yet to live.

For 46 years she hung back, silent and compliant, lifeless.

Little by little I allowed her to live.

We met each choice as if it was new.

What did she want to do?

She learned how to say No.

And, to say Yes to herself.

We became one.

The outer layer of me, dropped away and all that is now left is this me.

The masks are gone.

The pretending.

The pleasing to make others happy etc.

I am a raw self.

Living this unveiled self has brought me not only good days, but days filled with many good moments.

I am aware of the small things.

Time slows down and I feel things.

All the old things that I used to focus on rarely comes in to view.

My inner self enjoys life so much more differently.

The awareness is such that I can't imagine how I lived without it for so many years.

I can't artfully articulate the difference between denial and Me now.

I had to look up the Opposite of Denial to see what it was.

Approval, allowance,permission came up.

I am allowed to be Me.

I have given myself permission to be me.

I approve of being Me.

When this is your core set point, being allowed to be your self and approving of it, all else is frosting on the cake.

I have good days, because I am good being Me.

And, I enjoy and appreciate myself.

What the core belief of my old religion was, 'we are all weak, sinful, etc'.

I no longer hold this within me.

I now come from the place of feeling my unique specialness.

Which is the tone of this blog. I M Perfect, and it is impossible not to be.

When you feel perfect, it is really really hard to have a bad day.

 

I woke up to a faint blush in the sky and decided to go out and be with the sunrise.

It was so peaceful, quiet, and beautiful.  Only a few dog walkers and I were witness to this display.

Each time I turned, another artful view I captured.

And, our day continued with more to see, experience and enjoy.

As we were on the Ferry, heading to Madeline Island, my husband said, "It is hard to believe that part of the world is having a hurricane, while we have this.

I agreed and told him I had thought the very same thing during my sunrise experience.

While pondering that thought, it came to me, that we often make our self sad by imagining the hurricane, while being in the opposite. When we are in a place of pure beauty and with someone we love, in complete harmony.  

We interrupt our peace and go into the thoughts of imagining the storms.

I then, thought, it was our responsibility to enjoy the peace in our present. To be joy in this moment of time.  It would not lessen the storm for me to be sad; but instead insult the beauty I was surrounded with.

I was going to be joy. 

Be peace and feel love on so many levels.

In the balance of storms of life, I was representing the joy side. And, I was doing it well.

I soaked up art and nature with someone I love.

We explored an island and sought out things I loved.

I stopped and took the picture.  Got out of the Jeep and got up close to things that excited me.  I visited with gallery and studio owners and artists.  My eyes were filled with so much that I loved!

Sometimes in life, we are in a storm.  Our worlds and emotions are fraught with anxiety and angst.  We learn there.  About ourselves and others. We are often made to choose things to let go of and what to hang on to.  In the moments of storms we grow.

And, when the storm passes, we are more aware of the beauty that surrounds us. Our emotions are raw and in tune with what is.

I know the storm.  And, it has made me more aware of the joys of life.

As Byron Katie says, "It is not my time to suffer."

Yesterday wasn't my time to suffer.

It was my time to be the joy in the world.

The energy I added was infused with love, art, beauty, joy, gratitude and awe!

It would not have served anyone for me to have been sad on my glorious day.

I know, that those in the storm, will be different people when they exit it, compared to the ones who walked into it.  It is my hope that they too will be more aware, in tune with emotions and beholders of beauty.

Life is broken down into our perception and reality.  One doesn't depend upon the other.

Yet, our lives are dictated by our perceptions much more than they are by reality.

More often, we can disregard reality and live a life a few feet from what is.

 

I am wondering if stress and anxiety arise much more from our perceptions than from what is actually going on.

That in our minds we create a whole world that doesn't exist.

I have been almost void of anxiety and stress since I left my mind.

And, when my body feels anxious and stressful, I am usually going into a pretend world.

Where my thoughts make stuff up.

Things that could happen, or should have happened or what might occur. Rarely am I stressed about what is.

If I am, I am fighting with it.

I have learned the hard way, it is better to live in love with reality.

To stay here now.

No matter what is arising, it will be less stressful than wishing it wasn't happening.

You can't do anything within the walls of your thoughts.

It is an endless loop where no action can happen.

The only place you can make a move is in the present.

You can't unchange the past – nor make creative steps in the future.

There are no relationship movements in the past or in the future or outside of reality.

The mind believes it has a world and choices outside of reality

It does.

But, it is fruitless to live there.

It is a space that is like dreamland.

Where nothing real exists there.

What I wasn't aware of, until I left there, was that it wasn't real or really living.

In that space, in your mind, you are not you.

You are a thought of you.

The real you is sitting in the chair, while your mind takes control of your awareness and makes you believe in something that isn't real.

Something that hasn't happened or cannot happen - because the past can't be changed.

I believe the greatest efforts of control we can have, IS on being here now.

Just not succumbing to the cries of our minds.

To not believe it.

I would never have thought, that the mind was nothing but a over-talker for reality.

That it's job was to keep me away from Me and reality.

"Talk to yourself, instead of listening to yourself," was a line I heard on a podcast.

That one slight change will change your life.

I used to, have zero space between what my thoughts said to me. I was all thought.

Once I was shown in a very dramatic way, that who I thought my life was, and what it really was all about, I went out of my mind.

And, into reality.

I then had to keep working to remain here.

My thoughts often wanted to lure me away, with just one thought. "I wish", or "What if," "He should" "She should" etc.

The difference between my old way of living and believing, is between my mind and reality.

The old way, I lived completely in my mind and under the control of a variety of beliefs.

My new way, is to be in breath of reality.

To be where my breath is.

To bring my mind here and have it see reality.

Instead of having my mind create a overlay upon reality.

My first brush with reality was horrifying for it showed me all that my mind had covered up.

I had years to uncover and get right with, and now I am not inclined to look away from reality – ever.

I feel uncomfortable when my mind tries to lead me away.

Reality is where the action is.

You cannot move in your head – you only think you can.

I am not sure I can articulate accurately the vast distance between mind and reality and the absence of life being under control of a belief.

Religions are mostly made up of thoughts.

Controlled thoughts.

That can overtake your whole mind and critical thinking and leave you floating above reality in another world.

Mothers, will mother from a belief – and their natural instincts are null and void.

A child who doesn't capitulate into the religion, will not be seen, except that they need to come back.  A blind eye is looking at their 'new' life and belief.

Anything outside of the belief is dark and unreadable.

I know this, because I came from a dark narrow hallway of a cult like religion. My whole world view was seen through the lens I was born into.  Once the lens broke, I was free.

It broke when I went out of my mind.

Reality is. 

Religion has to be taught.

Nature echoes reality or visa versa.

In yoga, the practice is to bring your mind back to the body.  Our bodies are always in reality no matter where the mind runs to.  

If you and your mind are with the body, you are in the present.

I am not sure you can teach bringing the mind back to the body. It is an inside job and the willpower or strength will be – between you and your mind.

Try talking to you, instead of listening to the mind.

 

How do we listen? 

And, what changes within us as we hear words?

Is there a change?

Does it depend upon the subject OR how open we are to hear?

Can you change someone's opinion or beliefs by what you say?

In my experience of exchanging words with folks from my old church, is not so much what they can hear; but what I say and then my expectations.

I think, I thought, that depending upon what I said, it would sway them.

I am wrong.

Completely.

I have changed; but not by the outside, but rather my inside. "Something" within me is different. 

It allows me to hear differently and see things I was unable to see before.

That "Something" can be called soul, truth, awareness, consciousness or Me.

Prior to the "Something" – I wasn't aware that I had a choice, or a voice.

I was part of something; but not separate.

I thought as part of a group.

Moved as part of a group.

Spoke from their position on things.

I wasn't free to step outside and be different.

Afraid to, even.

But unaware that I was unaware.

I didn't know I wasn't free.

I thought I had freely chosen to be part of the group.

Yet, I was born into captivity.

Back to listening. I listened, then to what matched my thoughts and beliefs and disregarded the rest as mumbo jumbo.

Not interested.

At all.

I recall, reading authors and having doubts about the group I was in, and feeling anxious that someone would find out.  Know that I was 'cheating' on my religion.  

When I did something different than my mother, she would belittle my choice, chiding "You think you are better than Me." Mostly in child rearing decisions.

She didn't know I was moving away from the church and family legacies.

"Something" within me was no longer a solid member.

I was beginning to get restless.

When the truth fell, that my father was a pedophile, the separation happened quickly, where I was now outside of what I had previously stood for.

The drastic change in direction from being outside of the circle – was completely mind blowing.

I changed sides.

It wasn't listening to the outside words, so much as listening to my restless self. Giving credence to my doubts and fears, that had softened me up to be able to easily transition to outside the circle.

It wasn't easy to be this new me, but the transition was fast and complete for me.

Being this new me, had me now listening differently. I listened from inside of me and honored and respected Me, where before it was all about the support of the group/family.

What I am now noting, is that we change from the inside out.

No matter how many words I can creatively articulate, I will not change someone's life into a new direction. Gratefully so, they will move from within.

It isn't up to me to change anyone.

Change occurs when the people are ready and not a moment before.

I used to think, that what I wrote, would/could/should change how someone thought of things. Again, thankfully that isn't my job.  For so far, I am a complete failure on this.

IF, I could have changed folks, my family of origin, would have been my first changes.

Just as I don't want others to have the power to change me, I don't want to change them.

Back to why we listen.

I am not certain anymore.

It won't change folks.

And, more often than not, it wastes our time.

I do think, there are folks who can get others under their mind control. Just as I was once under the control of a religion.  It was fear based and I was born into this belief system and taught the ropes of what it believed.  

To me now, I see my early years of being schooled by religion as a journey away from me.

I have seen others become aware and then go back to their old comfortable unconsciousness.

I can't know their journey and/or lessons.

I can write to explain me to me and perhaps for others to see themselves in me. But, I am so grateful my journey isn't one where I change direction for others.

It would be for me to get in front of their souls.

I have too much respect for the spiritual journey to get involved in what is good for their soul.

So, I am not sure what now to write or say to the old members of the church who want to be 'kind' and listen to me. 

To what end?

It will not change me; or them.

Which is equally true for what is going on in the world.

Mostly, what we can do is be ourselves and the best version of that.

Grow and widen our own beliefs and challenge what we have been taught to believe.

The more free we are to make choices, the more we allow others to make theirs.

The more we love ourselves, the more we can accept others.

Listen to your own actions and feelings.

Follow what you yearn for.

Accept our difference as being unique and individual expressions of you.

Listen to what is rising within you.

 

Only fear marches a protest to change someone else.

 

 

 

 

 

When a breech in a relationship happens, we are often left with wondering what happened. 

In one long time relationship I had, we lost the same perception.

In thinking about this, I had to look up the definition of perception.

"the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses."

and, "the state of being or process of becoming aware of something through the senses."

What I didn't know about perception that it used our bodies/senses.

There is also this "a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression."

Perception is a very personal thing, that may or may not have anything to do with reality.

In the last conversation I had with my mother, she proclaimed that we each had a different perception of my father.

She was correct.

But, were there 2 different men?

How her body sensed him and how mine did, was totally different.

 

Most of our disagreements come from mismatched perceptions.

How then, can we work to make them match?

What is the practice, or art of relating, that can edge each of us closer to having a perception that meets reality?

What I didn't know, was that the body is as much involved with perception as the mental awareness.

Perception is a body and mind understanding of reality.

And, when you have been abused, and your signals are all messed up, it changes the way each of us perceive our worlds.

This is why it is so hard, at times, to understand, how someone can't see the evil right in front of them.  It isn't that there is no evil; but rather their perception is off.

I had to work really hard to see things.

It wasn't a natural act for me.  

My unnatural abused mind and body read signals incorrectly.  

I had to find reality by almost disregarding my body and mind.  Yet also listening to my body's feelings deep within.

I had to explore deeply into my mind, body and soul to find the perception that matched reality.

Going against my self to find my real sense of reality.

One of the greatest survival tools we use when abused as children is to leave our realities and create a place that is kinder. We literally change the perception of what is.

It doesn't change reality.  

It fakes us out, until we feel safe enough to see the truth of who abused us.

This ability to 'fake us out' is to believe in a perception that isn't true.

And, in doing so, places us in a state of denial.

I know, that it has to be harder to change your perception of someone when that person didn't harm you; but harmed someone you love/know etc. 

It is to be one stepped removed and our senses are not involved.

I guess, you have to be able to sense your child's senses.

As a mother, whose child was abused, she would have to have enough empathy to be able to feel the child's pain, in order to change her perception of her abusive husband.

If not, like my mother, she will hold on to her original perception of her husband; and not see the pain of her child.

Perceptions can change and in doing so, change relationships; when our perceptions don't match.

Seeing eye to eye, is more about sensing life in the same way.  When our senses don't match, we don't relate to reality the same way.

It isn't that there are multiple realities; or I guess there are.  Each of us sees the world with our own senses, and responds in kind.

This so explains the unexplainable behaviors.  

We focus on what we sense; and not so much on what there is to see.

Which is why, your perception of me, has nothing to do with me.  You are in charge of your perception and how it matches up with the reality of what is.

I love this.  

For it explains the many different responses to one reality.

Perception is fickle and unreliable; for it truly lives in the eye of the beholder or in your ability to be aware, through your senses.

What you see or sense about me, has nothing to do with me.  

There are as many different versions of me as their are peoples perceptions.

And, none of them matter, as much as how I perceive myself.

Am I honest with me, and what I feel, and authentic with my actions?

All that truly matters at the end of the day, is am I true to me?

The greatest strength to have is to be able to stand by your perceptions, especially when they don't match others; BUT match reality.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, I DID IT!!! OH MY Gosh, it was a bit nerve wracking until I was on the bike – pretty much biking alone, like I usually do.

There were a few bikes behind me, so the sweeper wasn't on my tail, and I pedaled and pedaled, in hopes that the last few bikers I saw after me would not pass. 

The bulk of the pack was ahead, I met some of them as we go to the end of the Harbor from Fort Wilkins and head back towards Eagle Harbor.  And, I met the guy in first place about 6 miles into my bike ride.

You could say I passed all the bike riders – Just going in the opposite direction!

I wish I could remember the comments from all the cheerleaders along the roadway. Most liked my outfit and they all called out words of encouragement for the one biker lady in the upright bike, fancy outfit a ways behind the pack!

Here is Liv, with all the fancy sleek fast road bikes.  I love how she was one of kind among many!  Pretty much like me – we are a good pair!  

Here is some of the scenery ( I drove back that way and snapped a few shots.)  The weather was sunny, but with a fog roll on the lake and temps near 65 degrees on the shoreline.

These arrows signaled the turnaround; back to the finish line – I think at this point we had 10 miles to go! AND, it really made a difference to have the winds at my back, knowing I was in the home stretch.  

The last biker lady gets my biggest respect.  She did the swim, and was the last biker girl and, when she crossed the finish line about 20 minutes after me, she began the 5 mile run/walk!  AMAZING!! She is the hero of the Copperman Triathlon!

The lake had whitecaps, which had us in headwinds for most of the way. Just breathtaking beauty!  And, I saw two eagles on these rocks!!

Here I am shortly after crossing the finish line!! Two of my daughters were there to cheer me in!!  We forgot to get a selfie; imagine that???

I had wanted to do this in 2 hours. I crossed the finish line in 2 hours and 2 minutes!! I will take it.

We all completed our segments!!!  We are an older team – the Runner is 61 and I am the 58 year old biker and our swimmer is 57!  

Way to go – US!

Kicking the legs up enjoying a fish taco!  I did it!!! Yay for me!

Bike back at the jeep, waiting to get loaded back!  OH MY, it still hasn't sunk in that I was part of a triathlon team!!  

Thanks to Pam and Kenny for being my teammates and for my cheering section -my daughters!  

I hope this inspires others to take a leap out of their comfort zone.  I was way out of my league; but holding my own.

As the athletes were leaving a woman stopped by me and said, "I love your outfit, it had me smiling the whole way!"  

It was good to hear the cheers from other participants, "You go girl" "You got this" "I love your jacket" and "Oh my look at her"  Just a few that I can remember!

We had a plan to soak up the sun along the shores – but the temps were near 60, with strong winds and the fog roll.

All in all, a day to be remembered!! 

Thanks to all my cheerleaders online – I am Happy to have your voices with me!

 

"Hurt people hurt people. That is how the pattern gets passed on, generation after generation. Break the chain today.  Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles, forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future." Yehuda Berg

 

This kind of love, leaves the aggressor responsibility free. Will the world really change if the receivers receive negative treatment in a more kinder way???

Hurt people are allowed to be cruel, and we have to respond with kindness?

Will this really change the world to be more positive, IF we just respond as if nothing hurtful happened?

Forget about finding fault; which means letting the responsibility or assigning fault go, and carry on as if nothing happened.  To me, it means not to blame.

I looked up the definition of blame.

"Assign responsibility for a fault or wrong".

Why is it so bad to place the responsibility of hurtful behavior with the person who is doing the hurting. Regardless why?  If hurt people hurt people, the hurt people have to begin to look at why they hurt.

What is the core of their own pain?  

Most often, when someone is asking us to forgive, forget and not assign fault, it is the victims that are asked to respond differently. Never the perpetrator.

Why not address the person doing the hurting?

Will change truly happen when victims respond differently to hurt???

Is this not then victim blaming, when the hurting doesn't stop?

This appears backwards to me.

What I have noticed, is that many adult children of abuse, seldom want to blame their parents for their messed up lives. 

They do try and meet anger with sympathy, and yet the effects of abuse still live within them. 

It isn't helpful to either party as far as I can see.

What if instead, we express the anger? Not at another innocent being, but at those who hurt us?  Are we not allowed to express our emotions?

We no longer need to tolerate mistreatment; now that we are big ass adults and not helpless children?

What would happen if we did find fault with our parents in how they treated us?

The whole quote is literally how children respond to abuse.

And, it hasn't stopped the cycle from being passed on. It instead IS how it is passed on.

No one is addressing the person who is doing the hurting.

Ever.

That person is never responsible, or to blame, or at fault.

The victims are held responsible to create a kinder world.

It will not end the cycle.

It has not ever changed a hurting person who is hurting others.  Ever.

 

To me, doing the opposite will make a difference.

Meeting anger with a boundary.

Walking away from those who hurt you.

Ending relationships where contempt is coming at you.

Standing against cruelty, instead of being kind; leaving.

Hurt people will continue to hurt; until you stop allowing it.

Would my father have stopped hurting little girls IF we met his cruelty with kindness?

Really?  Or would my mother grimace less, IF we were more kind?

Would their contempt towards us, have vanished IF we had compassion?

Doesn't this seem upside down and backwards; a dysfunctional response to life?

That paragraph is not the weapon of the future; but the creed of dysfunction.

Love has boundaries.

Love assigns responsibility.

Love knows that hurt people need to find the source of their own pain.  

Love knows it is can't fix the inside of anyone; but themselves.

Love meets cruelty with understanding that the other hasn't healed their own pain.

Love knows contempt is a self reflection.

Love can only come from within.

The weapon of the future is self-exploration and falling in love with yourself.

The hurts inside of you, can only be healed by you.  Not by another smiling at your anger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I often hear others speak about anxiety.  

I am never sure how to respond back.

What is it, and how does it seems so powerful as a voice, when there are choices to be made?

I looked up the definition to see if I have this feeling/emotion and frontman correct in its meaning.

"A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome"

Is it the unknowing that is the culprit OR the fact that we believe we should know, when it is impossible to know?

Or, are we uncomfortable with the uncertainty and its unpredictability and unreliable nature?

What is it that we fear?  

Where does our anxiety truly lie?

Is it the mystery of what is yet to come, or our ability to respond and dance with the unknown?

What I do know, is that this dance with the unknown is often what has folks sitting out the dance.

Do we really really really want to know how things will go before they go?

Would life be very bland, if it was all laid out before us?

And, how can we know, that which we don't know?

How much control do we really have in life.

Getting comfortable with our lack of control IS the key to living a more adventurous life.

The reason I gave up anxiety, is that I thought I was in control and lived a very cautious life and then the worst happened anyway.  So, there is no point in trying to ward off the things that will hurt you.  

What I have learned in life, is while living we will all get hurt.

Disappointed.

Devastated.

Relationships will break and our hearts with them.

But, we will go on.

We can chose to let anxiety be the gate that blocks us from engaging with so many different aspects of life that will bring us new experiences, friends and adventures.  Or, we can stop with the lies anxiety speaks.

It can't know.

And, it isn't in control.

It certainly isn't certain about anything.

Anxiety is the friend who doesn't want to do anything. It for sure doesn't want you to turn away from its lists of all the bad that 'could' happen.  It is at best a bad predictor of what is uncertain.

I still don't know what is the best answer when anxiety speaks as the frontman?

What would be the antidote to anxiety or what can we say to quiet its fake reporting of the future?

Is curiosity be the opposite of anxiety?

 

 

"Anything worthwhile has got to cost us something. And, if it doesn't we are left to question its value." Martin Sheen

 

It does seem impossible that in order to gain awareness and reality, I had to lose so much. 

Yet, I agree that anything worthwhile will cost you something. AND, if it doesn't you have to question the value of that choice.

So, as I watch my brother enter back into the places I have exited, I am left wondering about my choices.  What choices have I made that are off balance? What items did I leave behind, that perhaps I should  have taken forward? And, even what was the impetus that set in motion my journey?  What has changed, that I should revisit a choice?

And, most important, what is the value of what I am doing?

Is there a value to being displaced from the family; from standing outside of the family circle and holding on to the choices I have had made?

Equally, is there a value of remaining inside or rejoining the family?

There is a cost of doing something worthwhile; but what is the worthwhile part of each of our choices?

I know, that for me, what is worthwhile is to try and interrupt the cycle of abuse.

Period.

It will be worthwhile if one child is spared.

If one child sees another way of what love is.

When abuse IS in the family, you have to disrupt the usual family motions to get the cycle to spin differently. 

I know, that I alone can't change my family of origin.

But, I can show another way.

My journey has been worthwhile for I value the idea of a family without abuse.

Imagine.

What stops me each time, is that I would have given up on this idea; that I will lay down my vision, of a family of love.

Love free of abuse.

Another quote from Martin Sheen – "Another word for freedom is responsibility."

I believe, that each of us are responsible for the content of our love.

I decide what my love looks like.

I am responsible for how I love.

My love is free.

My love has truth.

My love is total acceptance of what is.

There certainly is a huge cost to gaining love from dysfunction; but anything worthwhile will come with a cost.  

It cost me the dysfunctional Me.

Me, in denial.

And, all those who lived there.

To enter back in, I would have to un-see and un-know what I know.

I would have to actively and consciously deny what I know in reality.

And, what would be worthwhile about that???

What is the value of denial?

And, more importantly, what would it say about the 12 plus years of my journey so far? Would it all be for naught, to return to whence I began- to reenter into the cycle of dysfunction.

Is that what the journey is for, to keep cycling back?

Is it not like an addict going back to the drug?

Call me mental, but my journey out has no return ticket.

My wellness, awareness and love and peace is in the forward motion.

It is a journey forward; not back.

I do not carry "justified resentments".  

I carry with me truth to power.

Again it is worthwhile to have one child spared sexual abuse at the hands of family.

There is no value for me to go back to where I once belonged.

 

 

 

My biking adventure began at 6:40AM on Friday – I headed out optimistic.  About halfway to Houghton, I called my husband to come and meet me.  My load was too heavy, something had to go.  

I then continued on, mentally dumping things – hiking poles, hat, two extra jackets, nightwear, rubber mallet, to name a few.

I met my leader after I had pedaled about 9 miles. Her load looked light and compact and she was a smooth pedaler. I was in trouble.

I fell into place behind two athletic looking women.  I was out of my element; but holding strong.

We  then met up with a few locals who meet on Fridays for morning coffee – they commute to work daily.  One women was heading out to Wisconsin, she was fully loaded and her body looked strong enough to take on the task!

My anxiousness was made even more so – these bodies and bikes were made for touring – how would me, my mountain bike and burley keep up?

I had worries or concerns prior to the ride.  

The hills – getting across the bridge pulling burley, being able to get in and out of the tent making a successful bathroom experience, going down hills with burley making me speed, to name a few.

Yet each worry was met with success.

OH, and the ladies I was on the adventure with were not familiar to me.  What was I doing, on this ride with ladies who have been riding trails and roads, and going on long out of state adventures?  Nothing like doing your first overnight camp/bike trip with seasoned in shape ladies!  

But, I cycled on.   The hill outside of Lake Linden, I had to push burley and me up.  Just moving that load up the hill was a success!  

Each long incline was met with angst and then achievement.  The miles rolled on.

The first day total was 39 for me.  One of the ladies said, "We round up"….so, let say 40 then.

Here I am with the woman who planned this and was my mentor and guide along the roads.  She slowed way down to keep up with me. She is one of my new role models!  She glided up that steep hill with loaded down bike like she was in her 20's. She is 69!

Arriving at the beach we then went for a walk along the lake.  It was simply a perfect day!!!

Mine is in the front – Big Agnes!  She did her job and kept me dry, even with the small thunderstorm we had on night two.  I hope her and I will go on more adventures!!

Setting up our tents.  There were three of us who slept in tents the first night and two the second.

My new friends are musical, and very inspiring on so many levels.

I love her spirit of just playing and singing….my other new friend is 70 and she is a badass biker girl. And, she brought a nightgown to sleep in!  I loved her energy!! I hope I can spend more time with her!!!  

Happy I made it through the first day!  

The sunrise on day two!  Incredible!!!  

Most of these ladies did 36 miles on day two.

My new friend and I chose to take an easier ride. 

Well, we did have an impromptu picnic first!  

We sat and enjoyed the view…until the clouds rolled in.  We did 12 miles that day and felt it was perfect with the beach picnic.

More music and great conversation on night two!  And, a small thunderstorm in the middle of the night.

Sunrise day two!  I slept much better, it was a bit warmer and perhaps I was just plain tired.  

Lots of new experiences, new friends, lots of great conversations and of course biking!

I am glad I was able to head out despite my fears, worries and concerns.  All of which never arrived. And when each moment happened, I successfully navigated the way forward.

This new friend is a hard core rider.  I kept calling her and her friend "girls"; they appear to be around 30, but are in their early 50's I think.

Here we are at Rice Lake…about 11 miles into my 42 mile day.  Right after this picture, we turned a corner and headed up a few mile incline.  Yes, that is right a few miles of a 'slight' uphill.  I stayed on the bike and pedaled. My new biking friends told me to keep my shoulders loose and let my energy go to my legs. What a helpful hint.  Yet, it was still a climb!

19 miles in we stopped for breakfast.  Once I sat down, I could have been done.  The weather then climbed to 73 and sunny. 

Back on the bikes…we headed towards Hancock.

After my second ride over the bride, pulling the burley, I was back on familiar territory.  OH my god, did it feel good!  I know these trails and they were beautiful!

My leader and I parted ways after the trail and I headed into my last 9 miles alone.

Oh what joy to be back in Chassell!

I could almost feel the relief of getting off the bike!  As I rounded the bend at the end of Chassell, the temps dropped and headwinds picked up.  My last push to our road was hard on weary legs!

Only two miles of gravel and I was home!

The burley and I…did it!

I am so grateful I went.  I loved that I was able to successfully accomplish the goals we had set and to override my fears and worries.  Feeling a little bit more self assured!

I may not look like a badass biker chick; but yeah that's me!

And look at the heavy load I pulled, pedaled and traveled with for 93 miles.

Today, I rode for 42 miles!

Three days of the new and unknown.  Meeting women I had never met before and finding new friends! 

Challenges give you much more than you can ever know prior to heading out.

Thank you to all the women who are role models in being adventurous, you ladies rock!

Feeling tired in the best way ever…going out of my comfort zone and nailing it!

Take that worries; I got this!