Tag: ownership

• The Responsibility lies within you.

  In the past week, I have heard two different ladies tell me that God wants them to be kind to people who are not kind to them…that being kind to unkind people is pleasing to God.

   

  Both say, it isn’t what they would do, but they truly feel this is what God wants them to do.  So to please God they act differently than how they feel.

   

  They put on a God Smilely Face, when inside they are feeling quite the opposite and believe this is what God wants them to do.  God likes them to be fake.

   

  I find this very interesting and quite unsettling that they, when they find themselves in a spot of where their real feelings would have them move away, that they instead put on a smile and blame it on God.  He wants me to do this…

   

  What kind of God is that, I asked?  I am sorry, but the God I know, would not want me to be fake nor have me be with folks who are unkind… For Him.

   

  To which I am met with silence.

   

  Oddly enough by blaming God and ‘acting’ in a manner you assume he appreciates, leaves you without having to make a tough choice.

   

  It leaves you not having to move, nor speaking up or presenting your inner truths.

   

  In fact Martha Beck in this months O Magazine, wrote about the problem with asking “What would Love do”…for many of us have the wrong definition of love.

   

  I would say the same of God.  What would God do, usually is what you feel is your highest option.

   

  And if your highest option is to be fake, I am uncertain who you are.

   

  Again, it leaves me wordless and shaking my head…to hear these adult women having to be false, to be unable to walk their own truths, to present their own feelings and move away.

   

  They stay to please God. 

   

  In fact one lady told me this was the meaning of ‘unconditional love’ to remain kind no matter what.

   

  I told her I have found that this is the meaning of abuse.

   

  That if you are unable to make a choice, to turn around, to leave, to speak your truths …you remain a victim.

   

  And the God I know would not want me to be without free will.

   

  It is easier to blame God and plaster on fake kindness than it is for them to face them and say what they truly feel.

   

  Instead of holding God responsible for your acting inauthentic, the responsibility lies within you.

   

   

  July 15, 2011

  do., fake, God, lies, life, ownership, responsibility, self, what, would

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• How they teetered.

  Being in a marriage is like one long teeter-totter ride, where it takes finesse and decorum to keep it going gently up and down and up and down, a balanced movement.

  Do you remember how you can gain control in two ways on the teeter-totter? By moving your weight you can keep a person up in the air, unable to get down or by getting off he will be slammed into the ground.

  It seems that one person can take over control of the teeter-totter and in doing so gains control over the person on the other end and has the power to restore the momentum or stop it.

  We have many teeter-totter games going with all of our relationships, and we can feel or know when the momentum changes, when they have more power over us than we ourselves, and in that moment we have choices to make.

  In my past co-dependent teeter-totter rides, I was always on the end with no power, either waiting to be slammed into the ground or up in the air unable to move, and the person in charge, wasn’t concerned about me, but rather did what they needed to do, while I was along for the bumpy ride. Somehow it never occurred to me to get off to and not go back.

  We truly are in charge of how we feel in relationships, how their actions affect us on the other end, will it plummet us to the ground and hurt us, or will it leave us powerless.

  Learning how to teeter-totter in a relationship is key to having a beautiful friendship, to even know you have the power to slam them down, but don’t.

  As we teeter up and down, as we ride along with a gentle rhythm, every now and then something lands upon our teeter-totter that throws us off balance.

  A new experience has been added to our routine, and how do we balance ourselves back out?

  What I do know for certain is that a marriage or a friendship isn’t a flat line, a secure steady beam, but an up and down living breathing growing life like organism.

  They are all mysteries whose ending we don’t know.

  We can’t know what will happen to make the other leave, or what will make them use their power to manipulate and control or abuse, or what will make them just sit when it is their turn to push off.

  I am all I can be sure of.

  I know when I will stay on and when I get off.

  I have learned what it feels like to be in the air with out power and slammed down in hurt, and I also know what to do to stop those feelings. I get off.

  What is the old line, “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”!

  It isn’t so much about knowing who to teeter with but knowing when to get off.

  What is very interesting to me is that they banned the teeter-totters from school play grounds, they were too dangerous, and in fact they were great tools in getting to know someone, you could tell how kind they were by how they teetered.

  March 14, 2011

  abusive, individual, marriage, ownership, playgrounds, power, powerless, relationships, teeter-totters, trust

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• How they teetered.

  Being in a marriage is like one long teeter-totter ride, where it takes finesse and decorum to keep it going gently up and down and up and down, a balanced movement.

  Do you remember how you can gain control in two ways on the teeter-totter? By moving your weight you can keep a person up in the air, unable to get down or by getting off he will be slammed into the ground.

  It seems that one person can take over control of the teeter-totter and in doing so gains control over the person on the other end and has the power to restore the momentum or stop it.

  We have many teeter-totter games going with all of our relationships, and we can feel or know when the momentum changes, when they have more power over us than we ourselves, and in that moment we have choices to make.

  In my past co-dependent teeter-totter rides, I was always on the end with no power, either waiting to be slammed into the ground or up in the air unable to move, and the person in charge, wasn’t concerned about me, but rather did what they needed to do, while I was along for the bumpy ride. Somehow it never occurred to me to get off to and not go back.

  We truly are in charge of how we feel in relationships, how their actions affect us on the other end, will it plummet us to the ground and hurt us, or will it leave us powerless.

  Learning how to teeter-totter in a relationship is key to having a beautiful friendship, to even know you have the power to slam them down, but don’t.

  As we teeter up and down, as we ride along with a gentle rhythm, every now and then something lands upon our teeter-totter that throws us off balance.

  A new experience has been added to our routine, and how do we balance ourselves back out?

  What I do know for certain is that a marriage or a friendship isn’t a flat line, a secure steady beam, but an up and down living breathing growing life like organism.

  They are all mysteries whose ending we don’t know.

  We can’t know what will happen to make the other leave, or what will make them use their power to manipulate and control or abuse, or what will make them just sit when it is their turn to push off.

  I am all I can be sure of.

  I know when I will stay on and when I get off.

  I have learned what it feels like to be in the air with out power and slammed down in hurt, and I also know what to do to stop those feelings. I get off.

  What is the old line, “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”!

  It isn’t so much about knowing who to teeter with but knowing when to get off.

  What is very interesting to me is that they banned the teeter-totters from school play grounds, they were too dangerous, and in fact they were great tools in getting to know someone, you could tell how kind they were by how they teetered.

  March 14, 2011

  abusive, individual, marriage, ownership, playgrounds, power, powerless, relationships, teeter-totters, trust

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