I M Perfect lady

Tag: Yoga

  • Good Habits

    “The unfortunate thing about this world is that good habits are so much easier to give up than bad ones.” 

        ~Somerset Maugham

     

    It really is true that the bad habits are much easier to keep doing and the ones that are good for us, our bodies and our souls take effort to keep doing. 

     

    I wonder if this remains true, or does the bad habit finally lay dormant?  Maybe dormant is not the word I want, but dead, done, no more.

     

    For the past 103 days I have been doing yoga and did the double so I could have two days off.

     

    On the two days off, I wasn’t craving yoga or wishing I had yoga, there was no withdrawal.

     

    Yet I don’t feel the desire to be lazy, I am not craving laying in bed or sitting around each morning without yoga.

     

    So, I am in the land between, where one habit seems to be gone, (lazy) and the other hasn’t grown in fully (yoga).

     

    My future view of myself is one where I am doing yoga daily, where I am centered, content and feeling whole in my body, where I am no longer abusing it… where I live in good habits! 

     

     

  • Relaxation Response.

    When I began doing yoga 92 days ago, the view was to make it to 60 days, yet I knew that 60 days of doing yoga and then returning to my old life, wasn’t what I needed.  I needed to add this to my life daily, for it to become a way that I treated my body, a habit, and not just a fleeting experiment in my life. 

     

    I didn’t know how I would endure this 90 minutes of Bikram yoga each day, but I wanted the results. 

     

    The requirement of me is do get to the mat each day, to challenge myself when things are the busiest, when time is crammed full of things to do is when I need this the most. 

     

    Once I begin my focus is on my breath, this pose, this second, and it enables me to then bring the same to my life outside of the yoga mat. 

     

    Below is a great example of why to do yoga daily.  I want to remain out of the flight or fight pattern, and in to the relaxation response!

     

    ”The autonomic nervous system is divided into the sympathetic system, which is often identified with the fight-or-flight response, and the parasympathetic, which is identified with what's been called the relaxation response. 

     

    When you do yoga – the deep breathing, the stretching, the movements that release muscle tension, the relaxed focus on being present in your body – you initiate a process that turns the fight-or-flight system off and the relaxation response on. 

     

    That has a dramatic effect on the body.  The heartbeat slows, respiration decreases, blood pressure decreases.  The body seizes this chance to turn on the healing mechanisms.”  ~Richard Faulds

     

     

     

     

  • ‘Their inner knowing….’

    I decided I was doing my 75th yoga class at 7am this morning, my nosebleed said, “It will be later.”

     

    Last night I went to bed to go to sleep, my mind went to bed to wrestle with other people’s lives, and we were both losers.

     

    The mind likes to be the party planner, the event coordinator, and the one in charge, when it is only the guest.

     

    Yoga means ‘to yoke’ and what I feel it is doing is trying to yoke the mind. 

     

    “To bring your mind back to the body for 20 seconds, which is the hardest thing to do…” Bikram

     

    Bringing the mind back to the body is to bring the mind to reality, to this present moment and your body, not somebody else’s body, to yoke it to your life.

     

    It seems impossible that the mind isn’t with you and for you at all times, but watch. 

     

    Watch and see how often you miss what is in front of you while you are off in another’s land.

     

    And once your mind looks about in their land, you want to decorate, plant, arrange, toss out, add, do many things YOU feel they are lacking.

     

    I am so damn grateful that I won’t allow those foolish ideas to pass my lips, now. 

     

    The old me would have tossed out orders like a drill sergeant to get that persons life in order.

     

    What is equally insane is this mind comes into my world and does the same to me, trying to move me out of my present moment. 

     

    Oh and you know when someone else has lost their yoke (mind), for they will come into your world with great orders of things YOU need to do.

     

    Inside of us is this inner knowing, which doesn’t live in the mind, that will lead us where it is we need to go.

     

    Trust that inner knowing, trust that it will lead the way, for it is always about you, never about another.  It moves you!  It is not our job to move another!

     

    Otherwise it would be called ‘their inner knowing’….

     

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  • This Path of Life.

    “What do you want the book to do for you?” was a question I had asked of someone.

     

    It struck me as an odd question, but I needed to know what the person was seeking.

     

    What are you looking for the book to do for you, what problem will it solve, what part of you will it make better, can it correct a wrong and make you a better person, will it be a map to follow, a way out? 

     

    How much of our well being are we hoping to find in these books?

     

    I am not talking about books for pleasure, we use for escaping reality, but rather the ‘self help’ books, the books claiming to change your life.

     

    Maybe it helps you see yourself from another’s point of view; like seeing your truth written by someone else.

     

    Our body feels the truth as we read it, somewhere a bell rings, the truth of our experience is echoed by someone else, perhaps it is this that we are searching for, to find a like minded spirit, someone who is walking our same path but is much further ahead.

     

    This same concept can pertain to yoga as well, that it helps us all to hear the stories of others, to feel the camaraderie of fellow yogis as we traverse this path of Bikram Yoga.  It is always nice to see and hear of others doing more yoga or better yoga or overcame this obstacle or that and still was able to continue on.

     

    Storytelling is a way to weave the common thread among all people.  We are much more alike than different.

     

    Mostly we are on the same path, just in different places! 

     

    I am here and you are there, I have walked differently my beat was for me; listen to the sound of your life, what it wants from you now.

     

    Express  yourself uniquely on this path of life.

     

  • From Feeling Bad To Feeling Good!

     

     

    I awoke shortly after 6am and in no mood for yoga, the sun was just lightening the horizon, I couldn’t find a reason to begin.

     

    In a place between doing it and not, I think I would have felt perfectly fine just sitting and waiting for the sun to shine in my face, starring mindlessly without having to expend one ounce of energy, suspended in a land where yoga never lived.

     

    After letting my yoga buddies know that I would be taking their energy, down the stairs I went.

     

    I wondered how this would work, me empty but willing to try.

     

    Bikram didn’t know my feelings at all, he began with his full energy and didn’t spare me a bit, and I followed along, perhaps better than ever, just about doing every pose until he said, ‘change’ or ‘enough’.  Incredible!  I didn’t have the energy to protest.

     

    In the Eagle, a thought came in, that without pain what would keep me doing this, what is the purpose for me doing this, if not to alleviate pain?

     

    “Feeling good” landed in my body, to feel good?  Wow. 

     

    It felt odd to acknowledge that I was doing something for me that felt good for me, that I felt good carrying around the rest of the day, and it was also sad, that I haven’t done things simply to feel good.

     

    I am almost positive that I have never done something where the agenda was for ME to Feel Good, only ME! 

     

    Somehow before Eagle I was wondering what it would take to maintain this daily grind, what kind of energy I would need to keep up this regiment.

     

    This regiment is to keep feeling good!

    Isn’t that insane?

     

    I call it a regiment, a hardship, a struggle, when what I am doing each morning is setting the tone, I am working to keep a set point of feeling good!

     

    How in world is this so twisted upside down and backwards, that I am feeling a struggle to maintain a feeling good feeling?

     

    And let me tell you all, I am feeling good, I am feeling a body that has muscles, that is stronger and looks better, clothes fit better, I walk straighter, head held high, and with good energy! 

     

    I have stated, that there is no ill side affects to this yoga.

     

    And here is the deal, yoga makes you feel better, gives you a new body, a new mind and a new life, according to Bikram and I!

     

    Yoga is the counterbalance to feeling bad, it will spring you ahead, not drag you back, even if it feels like you are going against the magnetic pull to begin, that all forces are against you starting, it is then that it is most critical in order to continue to feel good.

     

    My maintenance routine or ‘regiment’ is to keep back the bad feelings, the dragging body, and no energy weighing down my life.

     

    Inside I feel good about my inside and outside body!

    I made it over the line, from feeling bad to feeling good!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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  • Challenge called Daily Yoga.

    I went to the basement today with Carl and Karen’s words of praise and correction front and center, eager to reach the postures to either stand in pride or settle into the pose differently.

     

    The Balancing Stick does make a difference if you look ahead and down, instead of down, and to stretch with your arms and torso forward.

     

    When I came to cobra, I tried hard to do what Carl told me this morning is a reverse push-up. Keeping in mind the compression of the lower back, that that is what our goal is, I even tried to feel the nerves after the release, that Karen talked about.

     

    It way helps to have eyes in our studio, especially eyes of experience yogis.  It is amazing, just show them a picture and they can see where I needed help.

     

    Bikram says in his book, “Look up at the ceiling, raise your head, and, using the strength of your back, lift your torso off the floor. Arch the head and torso back as much as possible; at the same time, press the belly button into the floor.  The belly button and everything below it stays in contact with the floor.”

     

    It is exciting to bring new hints and corrections to the poses, to help you reach your ultimate goal.

     

    Speaking of ultimate goal, it came to me that I completed one goal, 60-day challenge, only to be still in a much larger challenge.

     

    The challenge to continue on, without a short term prize, without a real numbers game to be competing in, instead just doing this in the morning, as part of my day.

     

    Making it become as Carl said, “like taking a shower.”

     

    As I walked Finn outside along the frozen river, as the crystals coated the trees, it occurred to me, we are always looking for the next challenge, the next quick fix, the next thing to complete or compete in, instead of being in the midst of the river of life, we want it to freeze or finish up.

     

    What is wrong with playing in the flow of yoga, to watch your self change daily or sometimes from pose to pose. 

     

    Does there have to be an ending in sight?

    What happens if we are instead in an endless yoga challenge?

     

    An endless challenge called daily yoga.

  • Another Yoga Day is Done!

    When I entered my ‘studio’ today, the heat was there blowing from my roaring fire, very warm, my new long johns, were tighter than my old flimsy worn thin ones, and I felt immediately smothered.

     

    Instead of opening the door or changing clothes, I pushed play, and Bikram’s voice entered my space, and we were off.

     

    The heat helped, whereas the tight clothes felt like I was being strangled, everywhere, ugh.

     

    My tenacity to stay with Bikram no matter how uncomfortable I am amazes me.  I should have stripped naked and continued on, yet instead I was like a hotdog over a flame, ready to pop!

     

    Near the Mirror on the floor lay a sign, “Find your Joy!”  The simple clean letters seemed at odds with the room’s messy clutter, and me.

     

    Find joy in Rabbit when you can’t breathe and the clothes are so constricting, hot air surrounding you, ‘find joy’ sure where!

     

    Joy is found in Dead Body Pose and Bikram is Singing, another yoga day is done!

     

     

  • I Did It!

    It was a photo finish; my 60-day yoga challenge ended about the same time my co-dependent life challenge stopped or was recognized deeply.

     

    I looked up the word co-dependent.

     

    co·de·pen·dent ( kō ' dĭ-pĕn ' dənt ) adj. Mutually dependent. Of or relating to a relationship in which one person is psychologically dependent in an unhealthy way…

     

    Psychologically dependent, is a huge concept that I wasn’t aware of, yet I acted it out daily.

     

    It isn’t like it is my first thought, but it is a humming that goes on in the background, an unease to stand alone without support, hence ‘co-dependent’!

     

    What is even more odd is that if you get support, your mind will tell you that you need ‘everybodies’ support and it picks apart those who don’t support, in word and deed, your latest adventure.

     

    On the eve of this Challenge ending, I say to my husband, “tomorrow is my 60th day of yoga, 60 days in a row,” to which he replies, “oh” and goes back to his reading.

     

    Well, my mind, my little co-dependent mind was given a huge gift in that one little word and no gesture, it ran scenarios for at least an hour, while I tossed and turned trying to calm down to rest.

     

    I finally did yoga breathing in and out, and said to myself, “there will be an answer, let it be,”  in hopes that during the night, or during yoga something would come to me.

     

    My co-dependent mind attacks first the person who it feels should be saying doing and being something for me. 

     

    Yet reality showed me a man calmly reading his magazine, not one who hated me, my yoga, my life etc, just a man calmly enjoying his life.

     

    So, inward my eyes turned, tuning into my feelings, my needs, my cravings, and my desires outside of myself for “good girl”! 

     

    How was it that I and I alone can’t be enough for me?

     

    As I did my yoga today, there was sadness for the girl who isn’t enough by herself for herself, alone.

     

    And ironically, by doing this yoga for 60 days in a row I have been strengthening myself, growing stronger and more balanced alone, I am a whole me, even one who is working to get free of co-dependency.

     

    I also felt the flip side of how I turned on my husband when he didn’t voice a great cheer for me, how instead of love flowing towards him, I had anger.

     

    Anger because HE wasn’t using his voice to cheer me, HIS actions were not supportive enough, he doesn’t see me, etc.

     

    (I was wise enough to keep the words/thoughts to myself, until I had a firm answer.)

     

    Again I had to let him go free, to be a man sitting in a chair reading what IS interesting to HIM.

     

    Imagine!  And guess what, I can freely do my yoga.  He isn’t telling me lift that leg higher, stay in that posture longer and then mad when I can’t or telling me I am not allowed to change and become a yoga lady.

     

    That damn co-dependent mind.  It is that mind that this yoga works the best on, it will take that mind and bring it back to reality.

     

    A boy in a chair reading what he loves, and a girl in the basement doing yoga that she needs in order to set them both free.

     

    Free from the psychological dependency in an unhealthy way.  It is unhealthy and leaves me less than, and leaves him leaving his life to be in mine.

     

    There is only room on the yoga mat for one, me!

    It is a solo dance. 

    I am learning how to live alone.

    You are right Mr. Bikram.

    Yoga makes you you!

     

    My one voice is a cheer enough.

    I did it! 

     

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  • Mind Zero, Spirit 58!

    "When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change." Unknown

     

    As I lay in bed for the 58th day, I still had the urge to just stay right there, resenting or fighting the idea of yoga.

     

    I had many excuses clamoring for my attention; too tired, too early, too chilly, not now…. But with work looming in a few hours, I simply got up and silenced them all.

     

    Somedays it seems just too much to ask of myself, as I look out over my scheduled day, but I vowed to put the challenge first, and for some reason feel I can’t let it down on a whimpy excuse.  If I do stop it will be for the mother of all excuses.

     

    And really to come this far, with just a couple of days to complete it, I must go on, I am almost there!

     

    This numbers game can be tricky for it can wear you out as you look ahead, but it can also spur you on when you look behind and see so many done already or so few left to go.

     

    Counting can make you feel like you are in a life sentence, where you are locked into this silly game all for the numbers.

     

    But is that true? At the end of this journey called 60 days of yoga in 60  days, is that all we have is a pile of 60.

     

    Just a heap of 60, is that all that will be there?

     

    Our minds focus on the numbers, busy adding up and subtracting, figuring out our payoff, tallying up the cost against the benefits, forever calculating efforts verses excuses, mind calculating if 60-day challenge is worth it.

     

    Worth it to who?  The mind?  Really the mind gets to decide?  Not the body, not the feelings, not the residual affects that appear in life, just a calculating mind?

     

    What these 58 days have shown me, is that if I let the calculating mind decide, no yoga would have happened, none, zero, nothing.

     

    For it is in the minds best interest to not do yoga, for then it remains the master of this body, instead of the Spirit of who I am.

     

    Here is the score Ms. Calculating Mind thus far; Mind Zero, Spirit 58!

     

  • Yoga makes it better.

    With a yucky belly I began yoga, like bad breath this sensation lingered during most poses, at times the pose would eclipse the feeling, only to return when I relaxed.

     

    It seemed to replace any resistance, for I was stronger, more balanced and more determined; yet my belly swirled.

     

    Times I felt a black or gray curtain coming in from the sides, like losing consciousness, but it faded back as I breathed deeply and focused.

     

    My body continued to do yoga well, even with this rain cloud present inside. 

     

    I thought for sure the floor postures would stop me, but they actually seemed to really push back the nausea, like squeezing toothpaste from a tube.

     

    My insides felt quivery when I was done. 

     

    You wonder what ‘sickness’ really is, is it our psyche body that is sick, for my muscular body seemed way good.

     

    It feels just like a nervous belly and yoga makes it better.