I M Perfect lady

I have listened.

I had a wise voice talk to me, reminding me of the lay of the land or the overview of us all talking on the blogs, and that there is room for everyone.

Her message struck me as totally on target, and I could see how there are folks who are not ready to say their name, to be ‘out’ here like I am.

That in order to talk to them, I may have to duck back in and speak in the dark, until they feel okay to meet with me ‘out’ here.

I had used the term, “being in the closet” and it does sometimes feel that there are not only abused people hiding in there, too afraid to talk about their abuse, but it seems too that there are abusers hiding there as well.

Meaning under the cloak of secrecy, and for different reasons, they are all hiding who they really are.

What I failed to appreciate is that while I am trying to yank them out here to be with me, I need to meet them half way. 

It is not helpful to be forceful.  Our tug-o-war was getting us nowhere.

While I am yelling louder they are shrinking further back and that isn’t what I wanted this blog to be about.

I do want it to be a place for all.

My fear was speaking to the unknown. But you have reasons I can’t know.  And if I want to hear your side, I must allow you to be in the dark.

The trick here is to speak from our side and not assume the others position.

If we position each sentence or feeling with the word “I”.

With you feeling safer in hiding and me feeling safe in full view, we can figure a way to work together. 

I recall reading in a book about the caterpillar changing into a butterfly, if you force it to leave the cocoon too soon, its wings will be too wet to fly and it will die.

We all fly in our own time.  I apologize for my loudness and empathic words and shouting about my journey…And me not realizing you will open the door on your journey in the right and perfect time for you.

I have been told and I have listened…

 

 

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bjukuri

Responses

  1. Judy Avatar
    Judy

    Beth I do understand where you were coming from tho…With all the vicious comments and the vicious comments that came directly at Jim and I on my blog, it’s hard to take them when there’s no name attached. I also understand too what you say here, it took Jim 20 years to tell his story and now he is.

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  2. I M Perfect Avatar
    I M Perfect

    Judy, I can completely understand the attacks you all got for ‘coming out’ while others didn’t want to.
    And in your shoes, I would have shut down the comments. For it is hard for a butterfly to fly while they are clipping its wings.
    Each of us have to do what we have to to have our voice.
    In my case, it is different than in your case…they were questioning me and my views on religion, not my abuse, but how abuse had anything to do with religion.
    And what mostly I can now see is where they are coming from, where the voices are sitting.
    Even though it is tough out here saying what we need to say, it has to be much harder to sit hiding from who you are or in fear or in doubt. I get that.
    I have to honor their path if I want them to honor mine.
    Now, that is not to say, I will have people’s comments on my blog speaking what I know are untruths. But perhaps learn to be a better moderator on here.
    And to be quite honest Judy, I don’t get the kinds of comments you have gotten…
    you and only you know what you need to do.
    Each blog has its own tone, its own audience and will have an impact differently. We are all speaking to different audiences.
    this post was posted twice and comments on both, so I will leave this up. I guess it needed to be repeated.
    Just remember, You be You and I be Me and we will get along perfectly.
    And just as in life, we don’t have to take all the rubbish people want to say to us, we can decide who we talk to.

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