I M Perfect lady

Category: Current Affairs

  • Asking.

    I see the outcome of the election and can relate that too my own personal upheaval or disruption to my life. 

    When I was clearly defined by my religion and family, I wasn't anchored into a deeper part of Me.  I didn't know who I was, when both of my identifying sources changed…and I was lost.

    Lost, confused, angry, and very scared.

    When after trying to change the outside, I knew that the only one I could have any power with was me.  I wasn't able to sway or convince anyone to see what I saw or to experience what I had.  While I was so adamant about changing their lives, my own life was neglected.

    I wasn't doing me.

    I wasn't with me.

    I wasn't feeling me.

    I wasn't here.

    After losing myself yet again trying to figure them out, I stopped.

    I left them all to fend for themselves; which freed me up to do my own life.

    What I know for sure, is that the things that seem the worst often reveal to us our biggest gifts. 

    I am so completely grateful that I was given the eyes to see the truth, no matter how horrible it was to see.

    For, in doing so, I was able to then change my life completely.

    What I had first blamed on the church and family, actually turned out to be Me.

    I was the cause of all my angst.

    I was the one who was not seeing their truths.

    And, my own.

    I wasn't looking deep enough in my own life, at my own needs, secrets, beliefs, thoughts, prejudices…

    It is so damn easy to ask someone else to change; but try and change your own mind.

    Try and sway your own sense of the world to see a new view.

    What is so disempowering is to try and change other people.

    It completely leaves you powerless.

    What I also think is so telling, is that many hung their hats on someone else being the change they wanted to see in the world.  Yet real lasting change happens at home.  Not only at home; but in your very own life.

    I feel so unaffected by the election.

    Now.

    And, when there are applicable results in my world that will be asking me to respond, I will.

    What I know for certain, is that my peace, love and joy are not held in another's hand.

    I am no longer a codependent upon an outer world to make me feel a certain way.

    The deeper we are rooted in who we are and our understanding of humanity; the more compassionate and at peace we are.

    Upheaval is natural.

    It too has its own feelings. 

    Feel it.

    And find your center in the midst of chaos.

    Ask, what is the chaos showing us?

    What can we learn from this?

    About ourselves.

    What I know, is that throwing words at a mind that is unconvinced only wears you out…and keeps you out of your own life.

    The greatest way we can affect change is to be the change we want to see.

    Do, what you wish they would do.

    My life has prepared me for this.

    To find peace and not be defined by others.

    What I also know, that when I worked so hard to change others, I learned the most about myself.  So, what you think is their lesson, could really be yours.

    What is this here to teach me, is what we should all be asking.

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  • I Didn’t Know

    When two sides can't find common ground, how do you find a foothold?  

    How can we hold on to our own values and morals when others believe in the opposite?

    When ignorance isn't so much that they don't know; but it feels they ignore the truth?

    I believe, we all have to rub up against things that insult our values, in order to strengthen what we believe and to find out who we truly are.

    I listened to NPR yesterday and a man suggested that the Norwegian countries were mostly the same and they didn't have as much conflict; there is no one different than them.

    In America, we are the melting pot.  We have the opportunity to experience diversity and learn about other traditions. And, yet sometimes we act like we live in Finland…and we are all the same; that we come from the same paths, traditions, and we look exactly alike.  

    I also believe, instead of trying to change their minds, it is important we continue growing as a person.  To expand and stretch our own concepts of humanity.  To look inwardly and see our own prejudices.  Even to learn how others see you. 

    What is their experience of you, shows you the other side.

    Recently, I was given a view of me that I had not seen or even contemplated.

    That I am an "UnSafe" person.

    I was shocked and I reeled from this truth for a day.  

    Me, a woman who speaks out loud, who breaks the silence of abuse, IS unsafe?  

    How?  

    It has always been my intention to empower women. To give them a voice and a choice.  

    My journey for myself has been to find peace, love and joy.  

    To be more spiritually connected to the spirit of me. To align my feelings, my truth with my voice and my actions. To live a life of authenticity.  How, then can I ever be unsafe?

    How am I hurtful?

    As the conversation continued, I understood completely how this is so….for some.

    My outspoken, breaking the silence of abuse voice, is a sign that IF an abused women is seen with me, she is thinking or seeking to be like me.  I am a threat to her abuser.  And, it places her in more danger to be seen talking to the "likes" of me.

    What I hadn't considered was the consequences for the abused.

    For those un-empowered.

    How even those who are planning on rising up, cannot show their rise of revolt.

    At first, I shed tears for the added pain I caused.  

    I then shed tears for me, for my aloneness, even from woman who like me, have experienced abuse.  I make their lives worse, not better.  I cannot be their friend.

    After a few days of sitting in this new truth of me, I came to believe that I am a threat.

    And, a promise.

    A hope on the horizon.

    That it is possible to leave the ashes of abuse and rise.

    I am a sign.

    While I have been treated like a leper, it wasn't all about Me.

    It was more directed at their own personal landscapes; I was shunned in order for them to save face.

    To keep their worlds spinning with the least amount of damage.

    The absence I have felt, the silent voices not joining me, were at times a very heavy burden to carry.  To stand often as one, against the many. 

    I felt I had to be stronger, just to carry being me.

    And, I was drawn to other strong women.

    Individuals who were often black sheep, badasses, misfits and rebels.

    Women whose lives gave them obstacles to rise against. 

    Strong women are not born; we are made by what we overcome.

    I can stand stronger today, knowing that I am not only a threat to the abusers; but the horizon of hope.  

    How you see me, depends upon where you stand.

    I am willing to stand alone.

    Willing to be shunned.

    In order for women to know it is possible.

    To escape the legacy of abuse.

    To find the You, you were born to be!

    I am your very loud and visual cheerleader – cheering you on.

    I will now look upon the silences without judgement.

    For, forgive me, I didn't know.

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  • A Stronger Me

    What we are seeing today in the political world, is just another view of what many of us have experienced in our lives.   What I had thought, previous to the outcome, was not to let it define us.  Or, more importantly, hold the power for your well being.

    To find that place inside of you, that goes beyond what others say and do. 

    And, to be okay.

    Well, more than okay.

    Each of us still are who we were yesterday.

    We will each continue forward on the track of our lives.

    Defining who we are by how we act as a response to life and not the triggers.

    I am still married to a very kind hearted man.  Who will define, and be the role model to my son.

    I am still the controversial woman who stands up for her truth and against abuse…and is a role model for my daughters, that you define your own Self.  It isn't how others treat you; but how you treat yourself.  The truth of your own life matters.

    My life holds extreme amounts of things to be grateful for; its peace, love and joy.

    Time will be the true teacher of the meaning of this election.

    Each of us are asked to continue on sowing our truth, finding our love and being even more accountable for our actions.  

    I will lean harder into being a stronger Me.

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  • Imprint upon humanity!

    Today we Vote.

    Each day we vote.

    We vote on the choices we make and why?

    We vote on evolution or progression….

    We vote to try and stop evolution.

    We vote with our voices or our silences.

    We vote for with the friends we make and those we cast aside.

    We vote with our inner feelings.

    Some in fear and some with awareness.

    We vote awake and we vote while under the spell of ignorance.

    Some votes matter more than others.

    Yet each vote we make defines to ourselves who we are and what we stand for.

    What we see as our future or cling to our past.

    Each of us paddle our own canoes…and the directions we seek.

    Each of our voices matter.

    We are a integral part of humanity.

    We do sway its balance.

    Let your voice align with your inner soul of who you are.

    Vote and add your imprint upon humanity!

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  • Deny Nothing

     

    http://windsorstar.com/tag/ben-johnson

    Above are links to the news story about a "fallen hockey player".

    What is amazing to me, is how an act of rape is dealt with – in what is known as the rape culture.

    What is rape culture?

    Perhaps it is more the culture of denial.

    How many, besides the court of Canada, believe that he did indeed rape this barely conscious girl?

    How do we as a society treat these cases?

    Who do we support and why?

    How do we look upon the victim and seek all the ways she was 'asking' to be raped?

    And, how do we also try and find all the good parts of the rapist as to minimize or reject his new label of rapist?

    It appears that we as society, and his family, look for many ways to reduce the crime to nothing.  We seek to make her more worthy of rape and he less capable of doing it. To weaken reality to suit our various needs.

    It isn't about reality, as much as it is about our various needs.

    To me, only those who don't need him to be anything, can see clearer.

    Those supporting his good image have the most to loose and their needs are high.

    He was found guilty and sentenced for raping as Superior Court Justice Kirk Munroe ruled… "the girl was unable to consent because she was “near-comatose.”

    What I know to be true in sexual abuse cases is that the perpetrator is most often not believed, even when there are many who speak out about his abusive behaviors.

    My father was a prime example of rape culture, in that the majority of his family supported him.  Only a few actually treating him like a rapist and not a father.

    These not unusual cases, the 'fallen hockey player' and my father.

    It is the rape culture.

    We as a society, don't often hold them accountable for their behaviors.

    Instead we seek to find ways to support them until the crime all but disappears from their character.

    He, my father, didn't have to lift a finger to change his character.

    His family did it for him.

    His wife.

    So too, is the 'fallen hockey player' able to do nothing…but, show in reality who he is, and have his family rush to deny it for him.

    This rush to deny IS the rape culture.

    The victim then is left alone in reality of just who this man is.

    She sees him as the monster who preys upon "near comatose" women. Or, in my father's case little girls.  

    The rape culture isn't about whether it was rape or not, it is more about how we change our minds about who this person is.  

    Another part of the article that caught my eye, was by his lawyer, "Johnson who is now married, is not a risk to reoffend." 

    How does this even come into whether he will offend again or not?

    I do know, that it was shortly after he was found guilty that he married.

    I thought, he is trying to paint a better image.  A married man.

    My father was a married man too.  

    That did nothing to stop him.

    They speak of him losing his dream to play in the NHL.

    There were many and are many, who had dreams for him.

    And, none of them include him being a rapist.

    Whose dreams refuse to be changed?

    It isn't about the now, but the potential of who he was to become.

    The victim's life is forever changed.

    Her potential is greatly reduced, due to the affects from being raped.

    How has his rape affected her world and who she will now be?

    As we look at this case of someone familiar to us, whether it is because we too were raised in the FALC and know the culture in how men are superior to women, what do we see.  

    Will we see how women in the church are treated.

    How men dominate.

    How sexual abuse is covered up and silenced.

    What are we willing to lose to see the reality of a young man raping?

    My world was completely turned upside down when I fully accepted that my father was a sexual predator. 

    As the 'fallen hockey player' registers as a sex offenders list, will his family then see who he is?

    My father was on a list. 

    It didn't change his status from dad to sexual offender.

    Many acts occurred; but few were seen.

    For if you see them, you have to change your mind about the character of the man you thought you knew.

    Denial is the culture of rape.

    Only the strong will see and be able to change their image of him.

    Very few will.

    However, it doesn't mean that a rape didn't occur or that he is a rapist.

    All it means is that you don't want to see him as a rapist.

    Reality is there.

    You want to deny it.

    For your peace and perhaps a dream you once had.

    You don't want to dream, a dream that is a nightmare.

    Where dad's rape and molest little girls.

    Where hockey players with the potential to play in the NHL rape near comatose girls.

    You want a nicer reality, than what is.

    To accept what is, means you lose your rose colored glasses.

    Denial is a preferred place to live.

    It appears nicer.

    Reality unkind.

    Brutal even.

    I live in reality.

    I find peace there.

    Even when fathers and hockey players fall.

    I won't raise a finger to wipe away their stains.

    I am not responsible for how they act.

    I am only responsible to see what is.

    To hear the broken silence of victims.

    We don't break dreams.

    We live with nightmares.

    Reality holds all.

    The good, the bad and the ugly.

    We deny nothing.

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  • Without Permission.

    It wasn't until the end of the last blog, that I realized the significance of me returning to the little church on Pine Street.  To walk into a place that altered how I viewed myself and the world around me.

    Like the stained glass windows, its preachings colored the way I believed, thought, acted and lived.

    The little child who entered that space didn't have a chance against its teachings.

    I can look back at the young child me, and see how she blindly trusted the things she was told.  It was where she was taught to love and fear God.  Where she discovered she had a sinful body.  Where she lost her sense of self.  

    Imagine, a church that steals innocence!

    She walked in through those doors with nothing to compare their words to. She had no experience, nor the freedom to doubt. For, to doubt their words and preachings, was a sin….too.

    It is no wonder, I was brainwashed, I was too little and had no choice but to follow along.  

    The significance of shutting out TV and the "world" and its contrasting words, was the only way to keep us in the dark.  I also heard today, of how fear is a way to control people.  

    I see my young self too afraid not to follow along.

    Fear of dying in sin and going to hell.

    Fear replaced my sense of curiosity and open-mindedness.

    My world shrank to fit in that narrow minded religion.

    And, I didn't venture out until my world fell apart.

    It is hard to comprehend the magnitude of these strict religions.

    And, not so hard to see, how unmoving they all now are when anything speaks outside of that religion. Words, actions and deeds are not recognized unless they are sanctioned by the church.

    They literally will not move unless told to do so.

    OR, until they too suffer a mind-altering event, where truth shatters this mind controlling religion.  When truth shines so brightly, even the mind can't help but see beyond programmed words.

    I didn't set out to un-program my mind.

    But once I saw the colored glass of its deception, I no longer could pretend to pretend to believe.

    I am not sure I ended up with an open mind, but one that has now experienced being programmed and told what to think and how to act and who to be.

    Given that experience, I am now able to choose to be free.

    Whereas, prior to knowing I was programmed, I was too programmed to know I was programmed. If that makes sense?

    A person unaware doesn't have awareness to see themselves unaware.

    What I felt going back to the little church on Pine Street was MY BRIGHT AWARENESS.  So bright and free and open that there isn't anyone in that little church who could take it away.

    How delightful would it be if churches held each child's innocence and open mind as a thing to protect at all costs, instead of stealing both.

    I can't even be sure most churches are aware of the costs of their religions…

    What made me even more sad today, was that my little girl had nowhere to go that held her innocence as priceless.  In fact, that religion that was preached in that little church on Pine Street, equaled the actions of a dysfunctional home.

    It is no wonder to me, that they match OR that so many homes whose beginnings are formed in this church are steeped in abuse.

    Abuse is what is normal.

    No self.

    No innocence.

    No curiosity and open-mindedness.

    The feelings we were given within that little church of being sinful, unworthy and with a body full of sin, is the same way we are treated as victim of abuse.

    It is our fault.

    We somehow carry forward the shame and guilt.

    Just as the church had us feeling guilt and shame for being sinful.

    I saw that little church and how it worked hand and hand with my incest to keep me miles from myself and seeing my inherent worth.

    Both, to me, hold equal parts of my demise.

    Which is how they fell down almost simultaneously.

    It is my belief, that if you are standing tall with your natural born innocence and intrinsic value you will be repelled from religion.

     

    The circle moment, was for me to enter back into that church under my full power. Nothing could be added to make me more of who I am.  I am complete.

    It was to be complete…to go into 40 years of darkness and to find my way back to the Light.  

    As I stand outside of this cult-like religion – it is I, who is the devil's own, not the church.

    Just as I stand outside of my dysfunctional family as the evil one.

    And, I am a threat to both.

    Free spirit, love of self, sense of worth, open-mindedness, awareness, voice, choice are all threats to keeping their members in the dark and in fear and under control.

    In order for both to work and be seen as value and moral, I must be wrong.

    My experiences of my Self-Worth in both is the true witness.

    Here is my old Art which shows My Lady in her early stages…

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    I loved both of these pieces, and thought how free and flowing they were…

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    And, now my latest work in progress…

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    This says it all.  

     

     

  • Convinced Wrongly

    I wonder about the mass shootings and their correlation to our thoughts. In that, it is the mind who believes that there are superior colors, sex, nationality, sexual preferences, lifestyles, religions etc. We want to quickly ban guns; but nothing is said about the way we as a society have been taught to believe.

    In my old church, I was taught to believe that being gay was wrong.

    This simple wrong belief colored my world.

    It tainted those who were born gay.

    And it whitened me.

    I was special.

    I was better.

    I was right.

    Born correct.

    They were choosing to be born wrong.

    Sadly, I don’t even believe I thought further into my thought processes; but that there was something wrong with them. Period. Dismissed. Off my radar.  AND, I was right!  Being right, I thought no more.

    As I sat in the park the other day, a child who appeared “different” walked by. My mind immediately said, “There is something wrong with her.

    I was shocked in the terminology and the wrongness that I felt.

    For her, it was totally right.

    It was I who had something wrong with me.  I was putting her outside of what I was taught to believe was right.

    This white straight and correct religion feeling of superiority IS the problem.

    Our view of setting us up higher, and better, and chosen is where the annihilation happens.

    Most will look upon the minorities weighing how far from the mark of superiority they are. Not seeing their value as they are; but how they don’t match what we as a society have believed to have more worth.

    Just because we believe this doesn’t make it so.

    I have battled with an abused mind.

    Mine.

    And the collective minds of my old church and family of origin.

    You will be hell bent to change their minds.

    Reality and life has no impact on what they think.

    None.

    Brainwashed in believing what they believe, not only totally, but blindly and without regard to who they have banished to the fringes of society.  

    These God fearing folks are setting the graph where we all rise or fall – in.   No one is equal  outside of their circle.  All within – special, saved, right, chosen, loved by God.

    What they fail to consider ARE the ones they have banned.  It isn't about those banned; but about themselves.  And, what they don't want to discuss is why these folks are banned.  

    The easier route is to ban guns; the much harder route is to change the way we believe.

    “A mind convinced against its will is of the same opinion still.” Albert Einstein

    I see these egregious acts as lessons for us all.

    What are you believing about others who don’t look like you, live like you, believe like you, act like you, love like you, etc?  Be honest. Brutally honest!

    And, where is the line drawn between believing they are wrong and hating? What is fueling these crimes?

    Can the guns really carrying the majority of blame for these hate crimes? Do guns hate?

    How is it that we don’t want to look at ourselves and see our part?

    See what our religion teaches? Who is special and on the right path to heaven and all the others be damned. Who is less and who is more?

    What can we blame for sex crimes?

    Can we ban our sexual organs?

    In order for us to have a real conversation about these crimes of hate, we have to start with what we believe about those who are different than ourselves.

    What would happen to religion IF folks all found out we are all equal? 

    That God didn't make a mistake or people didn't chose wrongly; but that all are perfectly human and equal!

    The mind is the most flexible organ we have.

    It is also the most rigid when beliefs are laced with fear.

    My mind was blown apart when I discovered truths – ugly truths – in my family. Yet my wide open mind was then able to see what else I had falsely believed in.  And, in what ways was I completely insane in my thinking mind?

    Can a closed mind see its own beliefs and see where it has set people on a scale that sees them lower than them?  How many of us want to dissect where our thoughts come from?  Or are you free to tear apart a religion when and if, it can't see humanity as equals?

    We are our beliefs.

    We live according to how we believe.

    In my mind, it wasn’t the gun that killed those folks but the natural conclusion of a mind who believes that not all men are created equal.

    When we ban this way of thinking – guns will be innocent.

    Certainly it is a tool to be used to kill – but without a hateful, confused and insane mind – it is as innocent as a sexual organ.

    When I discovered my own insane mind – I was terrified.  Of how blindly I followed behind the church and family and its teachings or models.  How unquestioning I was.  The lack of personal discernment was beyond shocking.

    I had to look at the world again.

    With an open mind.

    A questioning one.

    I had to experience the sins of the church to find their innocence.  

    And, I had to look closely at what I thought was innocent to find evil.

    These tragedies are great learning opportunities.

    It isn't about taking away the innocent items (guns); but to look at our minds.

    Each of us.

    All I can say is that my mind had collected years worth of incorrect ideas.

    My view of the world was based upon how I was told to see it.

    Only a confused mind would believe that his only option is to kill someone.

    It is easy to look outward for someone or something to blame.  

    Harder to look within to see your own personal scale and how others fit upon it.

    Not only to see your beliefs; but how you feel about others.

    Remember, I was taught by my church community that being Gay was wrong.  An 'innocent church' taught me this. Not a hating organization or so I thought.  

    I wasn't taught to hate them; but I certainly wasn't taught to value them. 

    When we blame guns – the crazed mind goes un-noticed…theirs and ours.

    If everyone could only experience the mental mind.  To find the space to look around what it believes and why.  

    My mind was created by a cult like religion and an abusive family lifestyle.  It is no wonder how I saw the world.  It wasn't until I seen both in the reality, that I was able to see humanities equality.

    It isn't those of us outside of religion that are spreading the messages of inequality. 

    Nor are we teaching others how to think or what to believe in.

    We have no rules, no rights and wrongs. We are simply living our lives based on our own souls desire.   

    Churches are not as innocent as guns.  

    Churches are brainwashing minds.

    Teaching hate and to see someone as wrong – less -not okay.

    What do guns teach – on their own?  

    Laying in a gun case…

    I was born in captivity in a brainwashed community/family.

    My mind was completely convinced wrongly.

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  • Responses Matter to All

    Social Media is a buzz about Brock Turner; the Stanford Rapist and his lenient sentence AND his father's response.

    We all are responding.

    Some are sharing.

    Some are silent.

    Outraged.

    Sickened.

    What is not so shocking to me IS the family response.

    This IS very very typical. 

    Not unusual in the least.

    It is also NOT surprising that the judge looked more closely at how the sentencing will affect the perpetrator compared to the victim.

    In my father's case, he had many more victims and was still released with serving only a few short weeks. The family was part of the sentencing.  The family was willing to house him.  The family was more concerned about him than any of his victims. Their response mattered.  It showed their values and morals.

    What is unusual is another father's response to Brock's father.

    Fathers should be outraged.

    How we respond IS how our children understand where our morals and values lie.

    It is their guideline for moral behavior.

    What does this say about a father who shrugs rape down to 20 minutes of action?

    The strong males in our society should be outraged at this example of fathering.

    They should be speaking out!

    How we teach our children IS our response to bad behavior.

    In my experience, those who sided up to my father or made his crime less than what it was, lost huge moral ground in my eyes. I no longer could trust their moral compass.

    It matters how we respond.

    Know this and own it.

    It doesn't matter who the victim and/or perpetrator is, HOW we respond shows the world who we are.

    And, at the end of the day, our responses are who we are; always.

    I have continued to stand by the side of victims.

    My responses are clear; my actions readable.

    There is no part of me trying to make what my father did okay. All my words, writings, speaking out, speaking up and sharing publicly my sexual abuse by my father IS my response to abuse.

    If each of us were impeccable with our responses our world would change!

    The rapist's father responded like typical family members. They want their old image of the person to remain. The future to be unchanged.  They want nothing to come in the way of their family member. They do not want this one act (or a few) or many to stand in the way of their reputation. God, I wish this was unusual.  Family denial IS the reason sexual abuse is a generational legacy.

    What is unusual is to be willing to stand alone outside of your family.

    It is unusual to not stand by them.

    It is unusual to draw a line in cement and let the chips fall where they may.

    To be willing to support the victim and let the family celebrations die.

    Oh how I wish my response was the majority. 

    Victimizing women and children would start its decline IF we could all take a hard stand no matter who the perpetrator is.  

    Imagine the life of a victim then.

    To be fully supported.

    To have the family turn towards you and away from him!

    Please, don't think that Brock's father is unusual.

    He is only doing what the majority of families do.

    What you do with abusers you know or those who are in your family matter.

    Each time you decline to hold the perpetrator responsible; you turn away from the victims.

    I know it is hard.

    Believe me, I have lived it.

    But harder still is to watch good people do nothing. Good people make poor choices in order to do the easy thing.  To not take action is to actually take action for the abuser.

    The man who I applaud is the father who wrote to Brock's father.

    I would share his words; but I can't get to the website.

    Hopefully its crashed due to high volume.

    We need men to stand and say it is not okay to make light of abuse ever.  

    We need victims to stand in their innocence! 

    We need everyone to be outraged by slight sentences and belittle crimes of abuse.

    Responses matters to all.

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  • Art of Being Me

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    It came to me, that if I am going to do a workshop on Art Therapy, I should look up the definition of therapy….

    "Treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder."

    and then, decided to check out "Art Therapy".

    "a form of psychotherapy involving the encouragement of free self-expression through painting, drawing, or modeling…"

    I love "the encouragement of free self-expression".

    As I have been toying with ideas that I could speak about, I have backed up a bit and really seen what Art and I have done together.

    When I was stripped of all my labels that defined me, I was terrified and horrified to be in the world and not know who I was….and completely liberated.

    The only place I felt free to be no one was with Art.

    Art didn't care about my past or my future…it needed me here now.

    Art had no expectations of me, no judgements or critical looks.  Art and I were able to play together no matter who I didn't know myself to be.  Art was always there in complete and total acceptance of Me.

    Art gently invited me forward.

    Encouraged self-expression.

    Art has no religious preference.

    Art doesn't care if your male or female, young or old, rich or poor, confused or clear headed.  It simply allows you to express yourself.

    The process of choosing color and design engages our feelings in a safe way.

    Leaning towards excitement and happiness….or striving for the depth and solemness when its needed.

    Often I would just arrive, just as I am, and would be amazed at my self expression upon the completion of my work.

    Freedom of self expression was critical for my self awareness.  I had come from a religion that did not foster this.  Nor do families where there are secrets entangled in  with our upbringing.  

    At 46, I was learning through Art how to express my Self.  How to literally get in touch with my Self.

    And playing with Art allowed me to explore her alone…yet not alone.

    It felt like the Universe and I were playing together with art….just art.

    But, in actuality Art was leading me in a dance of self discovery, using me to find me.  It was like going into a workshop to create art and to find out the Art was me.

    I entered into the workshop feeling imperfect, wounded and without knowing who I was and over time emerged a perfect work of art.

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    The contrast and evolution of my art astounds me.  How wonderful to have this gauge in fabric to see me grow.

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    Art doesn't need you to know you, it plays with the part of yourself that is beyond the labels of you.

    I don't believe the labels are secure on me anymore, more loosely fitted and flapping in the breeze.  Yet, I feel a great knowing of the self beneath.

    I can't wait for my workshop; I M Perfect…the art of being Me. 

    (April 9th at 6pm, at Michigan Tech's MUB, Ballroom B)

  • Always Innocent.

    When another sexual assault case is in the paper, (Canadian Paper – link below) it is the battle of he said, she said and witnesses and the 'task' of finding the truth or covering it up.  

    http://blogs.windsorstar.com/2014/06/20/windsor-spitfire-ben-johnson-trapped-woman-in-washroom-stall-sex-assault-trial-hears/

    We all sit on a side.

    We all come to the article with our own experiences.

    We will lean either toward victim or with the 'alleged' perpetrator.

    Until the close of trial, the girls/women are seen as guilty and he innocent.

    I see them on trial more than him. 

    The women having to prove more…explain the unreasonable with reason…and defend their actions…like they put themselves in harms way.

    And his virtue appears more ironclad than theirs…for he is a hockey player.

    And, he stands with his atheletic career and they stand alone.

    Does his career lend more weight and make abuse 'less likely'?  Does this make the job of a victim harder?  Their actions appear to be more easily questioned than his.  

    I am interested in this story on many levels…and will follow its trail.

    The curiosity of the silence and the lack of coverage in our local media is odd.  

    For, you know if it was about his career, they the family would be demanding it.  Now, he is in the big leagues in a legal fight and we are not hearing it.  And, where are the men of the church? Why is there not an outcry for the injustice of women?  Who are they supporting with their silences???

    Funny how the 'alleged' abusers garnish such respect.

    And how victims aren't helped, supported and praised for exposing such behavior…but rather relegated to 'guilty' until he is proven guilty.  He gets the innocent billing until it is proven otherwise.  And, they get to wear the label guilty.

    We as society have agreed with this. There is no allegedly guilty….for the victims…but guilty.

    We stand and carry the weight and shame of this crime until the courts and the lawyers 'weight' things out.  It isn't the truth that is weighed and measured, but rather the skills of the lawyers.  

    Will this be…."He who has the most money wins?"

    Maybe the Canadian Court System has more checks and balances, maybe they lean on the side of the victim and for justice.  Maybe….just maybe the victims are seen as innocent and he the guilty party.

    Imagine the change in our legal systems if this were the case?

    What I know, is that my father was guilty on so many accounts, and only one entered the court room with him. By the time the courts were done with him, he was set free.  

    The truth was not served.

    Yet all knew the truth…and victims had no victory.

    I guess we believe that once the courts of the lands get the perpetrators, it will prosecute them.  

    I have faith in the victims voices, but not in the courts to succeed in taking these guys off the street.  

    We will have to see what the Canadian Courts do with this case.

    My energy goes to the women standing opposite of him.

    Victims are always innocent.

    (He was raised in the FALC)