I M Perfect lady

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  • I left Apathy behind.

    "One of the biggest obstacles of handling and letting go of fear is the fear of fear itself."  David Hawkins, writes in his book, "Healing and Recovery".

    Fear of feeling fear stops us from living life or walking into unchartered territories. But what if you were not afraid to feel fear? You know what fear feels like to you and if you can handle feelings of fear, you are limitless.

    My feelings of fear are those of panic, and unable to escape or control…feelings of being caught doing something wrong, my gut does flip and I feel embarrassed, inept…

    I would bet most of my fear feelings would equal those feelings of learning something new, or going some place unknown….Yet a more heightened state.

    What David suggests is seeing if you can withstand the sensations of fear…that it isn't really the thing you are afraid of but the sensations of fear.

    Becoming familiar and confident in withstanding the sensations of fear, will set you free to do and try many things.

    I got to be pretty friendly with fear as I walked away from my family of origin.  I feared feeling feelings, especially those that were negative and painful.  But what I also learned you don't die from feeling…but are among the living dead when you don't feel.

    Another sentence I read from Mark Nepo's book, "The Book of Awakening, was "We tend to make the thing in the way the way." 

    Reading this sentence gave me a new way to look at why it is that I am uninspired to do yoga.  

    The thing in the way is apathy, laziness…

    It was the way for me.

    But not the way to feeling a strong limber body.  I stood on the path of apathy.

    Today, after reading that sentence, I stepped off of apathy way, and onto the yoga mat.

    There was nothing in the way from me doing yoga but being used to sitting on apathy way.

    Two very popular pathways in my life are fear and apathy.  Perhaps we don't want to feel fear and then become apathetic…for we are unable to move forward.

    When I stood up from my chair, I left apathy behind.

     

  • A Different Intention

    When you look at life from the soul's perspective and from its Karmic path, you will see the perfection in all things.  Each action will get an opposite and equal reaction, have no fear.

    As the Justice System appears to fail, the Universal system is running perfectly behind it.  Even if you are unaware and not interested in the talk of karma and the dynamics of physics, it still operates without a hitch.  I love that it doesn't need your understanding in order to flow.

    In religion there seems to be the assumption, that we have to know and practice in order to be in a relationship with God, when in fact it is impossible not to be.

    Your life, your choices, your awareness, are all speaking to God.  

    In fact there is not a moment you are not.  Nothing is hidden, nothing goes unseen or felt, it is all recorded, but not in a way to punish, but to give you all that you are asking for with your intentions.

    What you intend, you shall have…what you have done, will be returned to you in kind…complete with the exact feelings you have handed out.

    The wheel of cause and effect is turned by you.

    There is no special prayer to be sent to this Universal system, where you will be spared the just return…once you set an action in motion, it is already on its return trip back to you.

    I had to look up the word intention, so I was clear of it proper meaning.

    "A course of action that one intends to follow.  An aim or plan, a purpose. The state of one's mind at the time one carries out an action."

    The state of one's mind…for some reason, I believed intentions to be more about feelings. But I guess, intentions are more about the mind…or a Knowing.

    This makes sense in my experience, for when I had a confused mind, I was sending out confusing messages to the Universe. 

    My mind's definition were wrong, so the Universe could only send back what I had asked for.  

    It didn't know that I didn't know, and gave me exactly what I intended…it cared not, whether I knew what I was asking for or not.

    If I asked for love, and my definition of love was to lose myself in order to please others, I received others to please and not see me.

    I steered clear of people seeing me, for that meant "not Love".

    Not seeing equals love…so blind folks arrived by the bushel.

    You can pray until your blue in the face to the Universe to send you a warm and loving kind of love, which I sought, I just didn't know that my mind had a huge virus and was flipped around.  The Universe wasn't getting it wrong, I was.

    I had to fix my inner Knowing and definitions and send out a different intention…

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Karma

    From the Seat of the Soul, by Gary Zukav

    "To the extent that a person is in touch with spiritual depths, the personality is soothed because the energy of consciousness is focused on its energy core and not on its artificial facade, which is the personality."

    "The personality sometimes appears as a force running rampant in the world with no attachment to the energy of its soul.  This situation can be the origin of what we call an evil human being, and it can be the origin of a schizophrenic human being. It is the result of the personality being unable to find its reference point, or connection, to its mothership, which is its soul.  The conflicts of a human's life are directly proportional to the distance at which an energy of personality exists separately from the soul, and, therefore, as we shall see, in an irresponsible position of creation. When a personality is in full balance, you cannot see where it ends and the soul begins.  That is a whole human being."

    "What is involved in the healing of a soul?"

    "Most of us are accustomed to the idea that we are irresponsible for some of our actions, but not all of them. We consider ourselves responsible, for example, for the good deed that brings our neighbor and us together, or for responding to it positively, but we do not consider ourselves responsible for the argument between us and our neighbor, or responding to it negatively. We consider ourselves responsible for having a safe trip if we take the time to check conditions of the car before starting, but if we speed around a car that, in our opinion, has been traveling too slowly, and almost cause an accident by doing that, we consider the other driver responsible.  If we feed and clothe ourselves through our successful business, we credit ourselves.  If we feed and clothe ourselves by burglarizing apartments, we blame our difficult childhood."

    "For many of us, being held responsible is equal to getting caught.  A friend who returns each year to his native Italy told me, with a twinkly in his eye, of a dinner out with his family. When the bill came, my friend's father, who is fastidious, examined each scribbled item. After some study, he deciphered the last entry and recognized it to be a short expression that translates, roughly, "If it goes, it goes."  He called the waiter and asked, "What is this item?"  The waiter shrugged, "It didn't go."  Many of us feel that if a clerk gives us too much change, and we take it, our life has been affected only to the extent that we have come into an unexpected gain.  In fact, each of our acts affect us in far reaching ways."

    "Every action, thought and feeling is motivated by an intention, and that intention is the cause that exists as one with an effect.  If we participate in the cause, it is not possible for us to not participate in the effect.  In this most profound way, we are held responsible for our every action, thought and feeling, which is to say, our every intention.  We, ourselves, shall parttake of the fruit of our every intention. It is therefore, wise for us to become aware of the many intentions that inform our experience, to sort out which intentions produce which effects, and to choose our intentions according to the effects that we desire to produce."

    "This is the way that we learned about physical reality as children, and that we refine our knowledge of it as adults.  We learn the effect of crying when we are hungry, and we repeat the cause that brings us the effect that we desire. WE learn the effect of putting a finger in the light socket, and we do not repeat the cause that produces that effect."

    "We also learn about intentions and their effects through our experience in physical reality, but learning that intentions produce specific effects, and what those effects are, proceed slowly when our learning must be done solely through the density of physical matter. Anger, for example, causes distance and hostile interactions.  If we must learn this solely through physical experience, we many have to experience ten, or fifty, or one hundred and fifty circumstances of distance from another and hostile interaction before we come to understand that it is the orientation of anger on our part, the intention of hostility and distance, and not this particular action or that, which produces the effect that we do not want.  This is predominantly the way that a five-sensory human learns."

    "The relationship of cause and effect within the domain of physical objects and phenomena reflects a dynamic that is not limited to physical reality.  This the dynamic of karma. Everything in the physical world, including each of us, is a small part of dynamics that are more extensive than a five-sensory human can preceive. The love, fear, compassion, and anger that you experience for example, are only a small part of the love, fear, and compassion, and anger of a larger energy system that you do not see."

    "Within physical reality, the dynamic of karma is reflected by the third lay of motion: "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." In other words, the great law of karma that governs the balancing energy within our evolutionary system is reflected within the domain of physical objects and phenomena by the last of three principles, three laws of motion, that govern the balancing of energy within physical reality."

    "The law of karma is an impersonal energy dynamic. When its effects are personalized, that is, experienced from the point of view of the personality, they are experienced as the reversal in the direction, a coming back to the intender, of the energy of his or her intention.  This is how the personality experiences the impersonal dynamic that is described by the third law as an "equal and opposite reaction."

    "The person who intends hatred for others experiences the intention of hatred from others.  The person who intends love for others experiences the intention of love from others, and so forth."

    "The Golden Rule is a behavioral guide that is based upon the dynamic of karma.  A personalized statement of karma would be, "You receive from the world what you give to the world."

    "Karma is not a moral dynamic.  Morality is a human creation. the Universe does not judge. The law of karma governs the balancing energy within our system of morality and within those of our neighbors.  It serves humanity as an impersonal and Universal teacher of responsibility."

    "Every cause that has not yet produced its effect is an event that has not yet come to completion.  it is an imbalance of energy that is in the process of becoming balanced.  That balancing of energy does not always occur within the span of a single lifetime. The karma of your soul is created and balanced by activities of its many personalities, including you.  Often a personality experiences effect that were created by other of its soul's personalities, and conversely, creates energy imbalances that are not able to right themselves within its own lifetime."

    "Therefore, without knowledge of its soul, reincarnation, and karma, it is not always possible for a personality to understand the significance or the meaning of the events of its life, or to understand the effects of its responses to them."

    "For example, a personality that takes advantage of others creates an imbalance of energy that must be righted by the experience of being taken advantage of by others.  If that cannot be accomplished in the lifetime of this personality, another of its soul's personalities will experience being taken advantage of by other people.  If that personality does not understand that the experience of being taken advantage of by others is the effect of a previous cause, and that this experience is bringing to completion an impersonal process, it will react from a personal view rather than from the point of view of its soul.  It may become angry for example, or vengeful or depressed. It may lash out, or grow cynical or withdraw into sorrow.  Each of these responses creates karma, another imbalance of energy which, in turn, must be balanced. In this way, one karmic debt has been paid, so to speak, but another, or others, has been created."

    "If a child dies early in life, we do not know what agreement was made between that child's soul and the souls of its parents, or what healing was served by that experience.  Although we are sympathetic to the anguish of the parents, we cannot judge this event.  If we or the parents of this child, do not understand the impersonal nature of the dynamic that is in motion, we may react with anger towards the Universe, or towards each other, or with guilt if we feel that our actions were inadequate. All of these reactions create karma, and more lessons for the soul to learn – more karmic debts for the soul to pay – appear."

    "In order to become whole, the soul must balance its energy. It must experience the effects that it has caused. The energy imbalances in the soul are the incomplete parts of the soul that form the personality.  Personalities in interaction are souls that are seeking to heal.  Whether an interaction between souls is healing or not depends upon whether the personality involved can see beyond itself and that of the other personality to the interaction of their souls.  This perception automatically draws forth compassion."

    "Every experience, and every interaction, provides you with an opportunity to look from the point of view of your soul or from the point of your personality."  Gary Zukav, "The Seat of the Soul"

     

  • A darkened well.

    One of the gifts of disassociation in the moment of trauma is that you are kept unaware.  And being unaware, you don't know.  It puts the event in very very very slow motion. Where the body takes the physical injury, but the mind doesn't record it for 40 years, in my case.

    The total event doesn't happen until the mind and body are in perfect harmony with the truth.

    So, it was like I was being raped again, when the mind became aware of it…I was a 46 year-old feeling the trauma of a seven year old being abused.

    I was reverted back to being a very little girl, but had the words to articulate and to put up boundaries.  A very unique position to be in, a 46 year-old child being abused.

    It was as if I was able to witness how a child goes through the motions of abuse and the reactions within the circle of her life.

    I was able to see first hand the reaction of family and friends in how they treat and engage with the victim…and see how it is set up to embrace a wounded child.

    Mostly, I am still waiting for the support team to arrive.

    It is deeply appalling to me and vastly disturbing to know how little there is for an abused child to hold on to.

    Who is there who will listen and to see the child?

    Many will say they are open to hear anything the child has to say….but try speaking against a family and church and see how far you get…see how open that thick wall of resistance is.

    I guess I have been trying to get them to hear a child, to see how hard it is to change their preconceived ideas, and thus far it has failed.

    Mostly this blog has been to use my voice and words to articulate how it is being an abused child within a family that is wrapped in the beliefs of the FALC and dysfunction.

    And mostly, it is like talking to a wall.  This is what a child feels.

    There is no one hearing their cries.

    Just about every spirited comment has been in the defense of the church or family.

    Where is the outrage and injustice towards the abused children, the fear of there being pedophiles still running free inside of the church? 

    Who is out there taking up the cries of the child and doing something?

    I see the abused children sitting in a cold dark well of silence, while above is the singing of voices praising the ones who hurt them.

    Above the well of silence echo words to ward off the truth the children are saying.  They are singing so loudly our cries can't be heard.

    I would not have guessed in a million years the reactions I would be getting.  The level or thickness of the wall of resistance is pretty much impenetrable.  There is simply not a crack a child can wiggle into to be seen.

    There isn't any word you can say that will penetrate the closed mind.

    Walking the walk of an abused child, but in an adult body with a mind that is much more at an advantage than that of a child, has shown me clearly what a dark pathway it is for a child.

    I had thought, that perhaps fancy words, articulation, siting books and authors I would glean some attention, that I could send in an arrow that would peirce the dark, but it hasn't been so.

    Writing and talking for seven years…and the sing song voices continue to sing…and the cries continue to cry.

    The detective asked me, "What would it have taken for you to wake up, prior to the truth that your father was a pedophile?"  And I had no answer. 

    I don't know what would have woke me up any earlier than I did.

    What one thing that will split the darkness wide open.

    That is the answer I am seeking.  

    That is the ball I want to lob at the wall of denial.

    It is the magic word that needs to be spoken from deep within the well.  

    Only a day or two after hearing that my father was a pedophile, I recounted the feelings of being in a well.  And I actually felt like I had crawled to the surface and was left standing out there, muddy and dirty, but free. 

    Perhaps the freedom the children in the well need is to believe their own truth. The truth shall set you free.   The voices above are there to keep you from hooking onto them, and are challenging you to rise on your own…by following your truth, always.

    The only one who truly needs to believe you is you.

    When you are separated from your truth, you live deep within a darkened well.

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    Photograph by Hannah Jukuri 

     

  • Fit into their Framework

     "The Seat of the Soul," by Gary Zukav

    "When a question is asked that cannot be answered within the common frame of reference, it can be classified as nonsensical, or it can be dismissed as a question that is not appropriate, or the person asking the question can expand his or her consciousness to encompass a frame of reference from which the question can be answered.  The first two options are the easy way out of a confrontation with a question that appears to be nonsensical or inappropriate, but the seeker, the true scientist, will allow himself or herself to expand into a frame of reference from which the answers that he or she is seeking can be understood."

    "We, as a species, have been asking the questions, "Is there a God?", "Is there a Divine Intelligence?", and "Is there a purpose to life?", for as long as we have been able to articulate questions.  The time has now come for us to expand into a frame of reference that allows these questions to be answered."

    "The larger the frame of reference of the multisensory human allows an understanding of the experientially meaningful distinction between the personality and the soul.  Your personality is that part of you that was born into, lives within, and will die within time.  To be a human and to have a personality are the same thing.  Your personality, like your body, is the vehicle of your evolution."

    "The decisions that you make and the actions that you take upon the Earth are the means by which you evolve.  At each moment you choose the intention that will shape your experiences and those things upon which you will focus your attention.  These choices affect your evolutionary process.  This is so for each person.  If you choose unconsciously, you evolve unconsciously.  If you choose consciously, you evolve consciously."

    "The fearful and violent emotions that have come to characterize the human existence can be experienced only by the personality.  Only the personality can feel anger, fear, hatred, vengeance, sorrow, shame, regret, indifference, frustration, cynicism and loneliness.  Only the personality can judge, manipulate and exploit.  Only the personality can pursue external power.  The personality can also be loving, compassionate, and wise in its relations with others, but love, compassion and wisdom do not come from the personality. They are the experience of the soul."

    "Your soul is that part of you that is immortal.  Every person has a soul, but a personality that is limited in its perception to the five senses is not aware of its soul, and, therefore, cannot recognize the influences of its soul."

    "As a personality becomes multisensory, its intuitions – it hunches and subtle feelings – become important to it.  It senses things about things about itself, other people, and the situations in which it finds itself that it cannot justify on the basis of the information that its five senses can provide."

    "It comes to recognize intentions, and to respond to them rather than to the actions and words that it encounters.  It can recognize, for example, a warm heart beneath a harsh and angry manner, and a cold heart beneath polished and pleasing words."  Gary Zukav

    In reading about the two different actual types of human beings -those who live secluded in a frame of reference of the five senses, and others with a much broader frame of reference makes all the difference in the world in how you live your life.

    My first 46 years I lived pretty much in a five sense body, and in the framework of the FALC.  All questions asked were brought to this network and answered there or dismissed.  Mostly, in my experience anything that would mar the shiny surface of the FALC, were labeled inappropriate.

    Stepping out of that tiny framework, a whole big world opened up.  It was like leaving a boxed in life…to live free.

    Now, when questions arose, there was nothing stopping me from exploring deeper or being fearless of the answers 'wrecking' or damaging the belief within the small frame.

    Living within in a small frame of reference, allows very limited responses.  And tossing out questions and ideas is much easier than pondering why they can't be answered within your framework.

    The 'simple faith' is to remain in a very small framework.

    The saying to believe like a child doesn't ring true. For children are born frame-less and we build a framework for them to live inside.  I believe that children are naturally curious and inquisitive and are fearless as they seek answers, not caring what side of the framework threatens to collapse based upon what it finds.

    A secondary framework is the family, like a box in a box…where there too are questions we don't ask or label 'inappropriate' in order to keep the framework from collapsing.

    Seeing your life as being framed by family and religion, will allow you to see the setting upon which you stand.  

    I didn't know how blocked in I was, until it all collapsed around me.

    As the framework lay on the ground, I was left standing…the part of me that wasn't tied into the framework, my soul.

    The soul me didn't fear any questions or the truthful answer.  It was a part of me that had been covered up and repressed for years….and blocked out by the framework.

    I know that those who can't explore deeply the questions or follow a gut feeling to its end, have way too much of themselves invested in the framework.

    Their point of reference lies within its walls.

    The answers to the questions depend more upon where you are asking them from, than where the answers are coming from.  In fact, some are not even allowed to ask the questions…or ponder their existence.

    Most strict religions work diligently to put their children in the churches framework, and to keep the child separated from their natural curiosity, frankness and Truth, to separate the child from their Soul.

    A free soul does not fit into their framework.

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    Photograph by Hannah Jukuri

  • Unplugged

    In the confusion between vulnerability and how it felt equal to abuse, I had to look up the definition of abuse.

    "to use wrongly, mistreatment, ill-use, to hurt or injure, improper use, abuse a privilege…"

    And vulnerability was  "exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed either physically or emotionally, susceptible to attack.

    So, it is two sides of the same coin.

    As a child we are innately vulnerable and 'accepted' ill-use and mistreatment due to the lack of alternatives…and even grew to accept this as normal.  Especially when we are treated this way from the folks who 'love' us.  Love then equals mistreatment…we mix love and ill-use of our selves and call it normal.

    We are stuck in the sate of vulnerability with those we 'love'…and those we love feel betrayed when we assert power, for being 'loving' is to be open to attack and ill-treatment.  How dare you shut them out.

    It is a muddled up mess when you believe love hurts and attacks…and in order to gain your power back you must shut the door against those you love.

    The powerless state of vulnerability and being ill-used in this state is that we never know self power.  We are taught to seek power from the powerless. 

    My children had the power to make me mad, etc…and I had to be stronger than them to keep my power…is what I thought.

    However, when I took my power back from my family of origin, I realized that I had been raising children with no power source within themselves.

    What a huge gift it was to give my children their power back and what a relief it was to be free of that power struggle; continual fight and fear of losing power.

    In abusive homes the children are left powerless, taught that love means allowing, acquiescing their rights, their feelings etc, they are always left helpless waiting for the 'powerful' to decide.

    They are lost to their own power source…and learn that power is 'out there' somewhere.  And happiness comes when you find a power source that doesn't hurt you.

    A kind power source…that you can plug into.

    Which is co-dependent.  You are not a self contained power source.

    I literally had a moment in time, where I unplugged everyone from me and me from everyone.  I stood powerless.  I had to find a way to live unplugged.

    It was the beginning of finding my authentic power…which Gary Zukav writes about…read below!

     

  • The Seat of the Soul, By Gary Zukav

    Here is the difference between the two kinds of power…

    "When power is seen as an external, the hierarchies of our social, economic and political structures, as well as the hierarchies of the Universe, appear as indicators of who has power and who does not.  Those at the top appear to have the most power and therefore, to be the most valuable and the least vulnerable.  Those at the bottom appear to be the least powerful, and, therefore, to be the least valuable and the most vulnerable.  From this perception, the general is more valuable than the private, the executive is more valuable than the chauffeur, the doctor is move valuable than the receptionist, the parent is more valuable than the child, the Divine, is more valuable than the worshiper. We fear to transgress our parents, our bosses, and our God. All perceptions of lesser and greater personal value result from the perception of power as external."

    "Competition for external power lies at the heart of all violence.  The secondary gain behind ideological conflicts, such as capitalism versus communism and religious conflicts,  such as Irish Catholic versus Irish Protestant, and geographical conflicts, such as Jew versus Arab, and familial and marital conflicts, is external power."

    "The perception of power as external splinters the psyche whether it is the psyche of the individual, the community, the nation or the world.  There is no difference between acute schizophrenia and a world at war.  There is no difference between the agony of a splintered soul and the agony of a splintered nation.  When a husband and wife compete for power, they engage the same dynamics that humans of one race do when they fear humans of another race."

    "From these dynamics, we have formed our present understanding of evolution as a process of ever-increasing ability to dominate the environment and each other.  This definition reflects the limitations of perceiving the physical world with only five senses. It reflects the competition for external power that is generated by fear."

    "After a millennia of brutality to one another, individual to individual and group to group, it is now clear that the insecurity which underlies the perception of power as external cannot be healed by the accumulation of external power. It is evident for all to see, not only with each newscast and evening paper, but also through each of our countless sufferings as individuals and as a species, that the perception of power as external brings only pain, violence and destruction. This is how we have evolved until now, and this is what we are leaving behind."

    "Our deeper understanding leads us to another kind of power, a power that loves life in every form that it appears,  a power that does not judge what it encounters, a power that perceives meaningfulness and purpose in the smallest details upon the Earth. This is authentic power.  When we align our thoughts, emotions, and actions with the highest part of ourselves, we are filled with enthusiasm, purpose and meaning.  Life is rich and full.  We have no thoughts of bitterness. We have no memory of fear. We ar joyously and intimately engaged with our world. This is the experience of authentic power."

    "Authentic power has its roots in the deepest source of our being.  Authentic power cannot be bought, inherited, or hoarded. An authentically empowered person is incapable of making anyone or anything a victim.  An authentically empowered person is one who is so strong so empowered, that the idea of using force against another is not part of his or her consciousness."

    "No understanding of evolution is adequate that does not have at its core that we are on a journey toward authentic empowerment, and that authentic empowerment is the goal of our evolutionary process and the purpose of our being. We are evolving from species that pursues external power into a species that pursues authentic power. We are leaving behind exploration of the physical world as our sole means of evolution. This means of evolution, and the consciousness that results from an awareness that is limited to the five sensory modality, are no longer adequate to what we must become."

    "We are evolving from five-sensory humans into multi-sensory humans…"  Gary Zukav

     

     

  • I fear being closed up.

    "Anything we fear to lose – a home, a car, an attractive body, an agile mind, a deep belief – is a symbol of external power.  What we fear is an increase in our vulnerability.  This results in seeing power as external."  Gary Zukav, Seat of the Soul.

    The sentence about fearing an increase in our vulnerability really struck me.  Somehow I believe all choices boil down to this sentence.

    It isn't the actual change we fear, but the way it will open ourselves up to being vulnerable once again.  And the more you explore and peel back layers of your self, the more wide open you will feel.

    I had to go and look up the definition of Vulnerable. 

    "Susceptible to physical or emotional injury."  I was shocked to read that.  Are you not more susceptible to physical and emotional injury IN an Absive relationship, then if we were out?

    Yet, we fight or resist being vulnerable and in doing so you are more vulnerable while in those relationships, than working your way out.

    Another meaning was, "Open to attack, damage, assailable, vulnerable to critism, exposed."

    Again, it strikes me as not the meaning of vulnerable.  I thought vulnerable was to be wide open and soft.  Yet this meaning seems to be about opening yourself up for attack.

    No wonder no one wants to be vulnerable.

    I can see the two sides of vulnerablitiy.  However, just because you are wide open and exposed, it doesn't mean you will be attacked. To me, exploring the depths of abuse have made me wise to knowing what is abusive and what is not.

    The definitions of vulnerability also seem to come into play as you are trying to leave dysfunction; attacking and critism of your new ways.

    Very interesting to feel the wide scope of being Vulnerable.

    I feel more vulnerable; open, free and exposed and feel that is my greatest strength.  I no longer fear being vulnerable.  I fear being closed up.

  • It Caught Me.

    David Hawkins, "Healing and Recovery" writes about Catastrophes and Crisis.

    "Acute catastrophes are the times when we make great leaps, when we face them directly and fixedly say, "I will not veer from this spiritual work."  Now we are really confronted with truly spiritual work.  It is not reading some pleasant-sounding phrases in a book or looking at some happy picture.  Instead, we are right in the thick of it, in the teeth of it.  The teeth of spiritual work occur when we are confronted with that which we cannot avoid.  It is the direct confrontation that requires a leap in consciousness."

    "These are the golden opportunities that are priceless if we see them that way, if we are willing to be with them and say, "Okay."  The willingness to go with them, no matter how painful it may be, enables a giant leap in consciousness, a real advance in wisdom and knowledge, and awareness. That which we read about in books then becomes our own inner experience."

    "There is something below the emotionality that is experiencing this energy out for a person.  It is literally being handled by something far greater than one's personal self.  If only the small personal self were present, one would be swamped and obliterated by the energy released during these experiences.  One survives the experience because there is something greater than the personal self that is more capable of handling them."

    "The trick of the mind is to not see that.  It tries to change what goes on "out there", tries to figure it out, and then falls back on the intellect and finds that the intellect is not going to resolve this kind of problem. When we have dropped a big oak log on our foot and broken all the bones across the front of the foot, what is needed at that moment is our readiness and willingness to handle what life presents.  Having the tools and the willingness brings about very rapid healing."

    "There is the awareness in acute overwhelm that we really can handle the experiences.  Part of the panic comes from the realization that what we think we are – our powerless, limited self – is no match for the power of this experience. That is precisely what is going on – the limited individual, personal self cannot handle the overwhelm. this is the precise spiritual value of it.  What do we really want to change about the experience?  We will see that what we want to do is change how we feel about it. What we can know is that the feelings will come and go.  The even is not going to bother us after the feeling state. All that we have to experience through is the acute upsurge and energy of the emotion. The events will take care of themselves."

    The desire to change what occurred and how we feel about it have to be surrendered. The confrontation is there, and all we can do is say yes to experiencing it through, no matter what the nature is, such as a death of a loved one, divorce, separation, an acute emergency, or a catastrophic injury. All bring about a taste of shock that is the same, no matter what is the precipitating event.  The shock is the sudden realization of our powerlessness, the fact that the will has met a brick wall, that we are stoppable and have been stopped, and that the personal will cannot have its way."

    Therefore, the shock and realization of all this is the same in all the experiences, along with the fact that it is unchangeable and permanent. That is the shock.  It is as though we come up full speed against a brick wall, and every time in life when we do this, it releases the same energy field."

    "If you have been through more than one of these experiences in your life, you can look back and realize that this is so, and that each time the state of shock was the same.  The experience and sequence were the same.  There was the experience with the feeling of sudden numbness, the state of disbelief, and then the unleashing of all the negative feelings."

    "When we look at the negative feelings precisely and at some of the experiences we have had, we realize that  we experienced all of this. We experienced the totality of that negative energy field. In the morning it would be present, and in the afternoon it would still be present.  In fact, within a minute's time, we fluctuated back and forth.  It is like a scintillating energy field in which the form of the emotionality is flickering from anger to resentment, to self-pity, to jealousy, to getting even, to revenge, to hate, to hating God, to hating oneself, to blaming the family and society, to blaming the government and laws.  The mind wildly races around in this negative energy field. We can see the diffuseness and formlessness of it. It is like a basketful of negative energy, and we only have to hand the basket, not all the little things that flicker around in it."

    "We only have to handle the 'all' of it.  When we see that it is decompressing the 'all' of it, it moves us rapidly through it and out the other side. We see that it is an inescapable experience, and we must have the willingness to surrender to the work that has to be done now.  How can we tell when that work is finished?  When we suddenly come out into that inner state of peace."

    "We know that years later people continue to have resentment and anger and are still caught in some aspect of that negative energy field because the events are not handled in the first place.  The person was unwilling to sit down and handle them until completed.  People are unwilling to do this because of the pain involved and because they do not know the techniques to use."

    "Every time they go at it, they again start trying to change the events in the world and handle the thoughts.  The intellect and the mind try to figure it out, and the person runs into the same impasse. By not having an effective tool with which to handle events, the work remains incomplete."

    "What happens with the incomplete work and the emotions that were not released? That which is left undone begins to express itself in emotional attitudes and in the body in the form of illness.  The unconscious guilt that was not let go of over the catastrophe that happened many years ago comes forth through the autonomic nervous system and the acupuncture energy system and connects with something from the mind.  The energy field of the intellect of thinkingness is in the 400s. The energy field of guilt, fear, or anger then couples with some belief system in the mind about a particular illness that results in a physical illness.  In psychoanalysis, it would be called psychosomatic, and in this case, the contribution of the psychological element is on the surface and quite visible. The end result of the unresolved emotional healing of a catastrophic experience is often an illness that may occur many years later. the grief that was left undone at the time of the death of some family member twenty years earlier, for example, may now express itself as a heart attack."

    "A thing has been handled when we feel at peace and complete with it.  It no longer recurs or brings up pain when we think about it; we feel satisfied.  There may be regret about having to live through it, but somehow we come out on the other side of it as a different kind of person, and with that knowledge, there is a certain sense of peace that lets us know it has been handled now.  Catastrophic experiences are the seeds, the very essence, of the ultimate spiritual  experience.  Within it and following it to its very center core, totally walking off the cliff in complete abandonment, the full surrender to the experience is the very see and core of that which the spiritual seeker has been searching for all along."

    "With many catastrophic situations in ordinary life, there is an incomplete resolution of the experience, along with a lack of awareness of the jewel-like qualities and opportunities within the events.  We are overwhelmed by the 'whatness' of them and look in the wrong direction. The mind also gets a secret payoff from the negative emotions (e.g., attention, self-pity, drama) plus indulgence and martyrdom, etc."

    "Many times when drugs are introduced, altered states of consciousness occur, and the person is taken to the emergency room.  What could be a crucial spiritual discovery is covered over with a band-aid, and the family tries to distract the person from the spiritual work."

    "The essential aspect of the spiritual benefit comes from running directly into the experience.  There is a saying in Zen to "Walk straight ahead, no matter what," so when this catastrophic experience comes, it is beneficial to center oneself right into the core of it, say "yes" to it and experience it through."

    "There have been catastrophic experiences in my life where band-aids were available, and I refused to accept them because by then I had learned the value of experiencing them through. The band-aids really prevent the experiencing through of what might be called 'hitting bottom'.  The concept of hitting bottom, which is well known in handling many serious problems, such as alcoholism, means to let go completely."

    "In an acute catastrophic situation, the mind tries to cling to that which is familiar.  It tries escapism, distractions, tranquilizers, drugs and alcohol, and various other ways of trying to ameliorate the situation rather than face it directly and work through it."

    "The essence of a catastrophic situation is total surrender to the discovery of that which is greater than the personal self.  The experiencing through completely of the catastrophic brings us into a connection and realization that there is something within ourselves that has the power to sustain, no matter how catastrophic the experience appears to be.  As a result, we come out the other side of it as a greater person with the awareness that there is something within, that there is a Presence, a quality, or an aspect of life within that has the power to sustain us through the most seemingly impossible situations." 

    "If the catastrophic experience is not worked through completely, there are certain residuals. It is like we have only halfway fallen off the cliff.  Some people think they walked off the cliff, but actually we find that they were secretly crossing their fingers and hanging onto some little outcropping or lifeline.  The abandonment to God was not really total, so a doubt remains, and out of that doubt is the residual of, for example, grief or fear of the experience.  If we do not experience something greater than the personal self, when going through the experience, we may end up with a limitation, a certain crippling, and inability to go beyond a certain point, and the willingness to participate becomes limited.  The person who says, "I would rather live a limited life than face that kind of experience again.  I would rather never love again than to love and lose."  The saying is, "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." The experiencing of lovingness puts us in touch with our Self, that which is greater than our own limited, small self."

    "The complete resolution brings us into conscious contact with something that is greater than the personal self. Many people who have tried to attest to the fact that when they surrendered the small self to something greater than themselves, they came into contact with that which they consider to be 'real'. That personal inner experience of spiritual reality takes one from book learning to a profound inner conviction.  Out of this inner conviction comes the willingness to re-enter life again, to participate in it, and to take the risks and chances."

    "What is the inner experience of hitting bottom?  It comes out of the feelings of hopelessness and despair; the person's small self is saying, " I of my own self, cannot handle this."  The person surrenders out of the hopelessness, and from that comes the willingness to let go, the surrender to something greater than oneself.  At the very bottom, in the pits, one realizes and accepts the truth, "I, of myself, my own individual personal self, my own ego-self, am unable to hand this.  I am unable to resolve it."  It is out of this defeat that victory and success arise.  The phoenix rises out of the ashes of despair and hopelessness.  It is not the despair and the hopelessness that are of value, but the letting go and the realization of the limitation of the small self.  In the middle of the catastrophe, the person says, "I give up.  I cannot handle this," and then may consciously or unconsciously as God for help."

    "Due to the law of free will and nature of consciousness being what it is, it is said that the great beings that are willing to help all of us are waiting for us to say "yes."  It is the sudden turning from the bottom of the barrel to the willingness to accept that there is something greater than ourselves that we can turn to. When the person asys, "If there is a God, I ask him to help me," then the great transformative experiences happen that have been recorded throughout history from the very beginning."  David Hawkins.

    Wow.  I know it is long, and if you are still reading….what I can say is this is all true.  When I found myself in the middle of something far too big and I too small, did I then find a Self, I wasn't even aware of. A soul, a connection to God…or I found God.  It was in the midst of pure hopelessness and despair…when I took the free fall over the edge that It caught me.  

      IMG_2958

    Photograph by Hannah Jukuri

  • Agree With the Line.

    I finished listening to the Book "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett while I sewed yesterday afternoon.  

    The CD describes it as such;

    "Three ordinary women are about to take one extraordinary step…

    In 1962 Jackson Mississippi, two African American maids and one white Junior League socialite- seemingly as different from one another as can be, will nonetheless come together for a clandestine project that will put them all at risk. And why?  Because they are suffocating within the lines that define their town and their times. And sometimes lines are made to be crossed."

    "In pitch-perfect voices, Kathryn Stockett creates three memorable women whose determination to start a movement of their own forever changes a town, and the way women – mother's, daughters, caregivers, friends – view one another.  A deeply moving novel filled with poignancy, humor and hope.  "The Help" is a timeless universal story about the lines we abide by and the ones we don't."

    I had read this book, watched the movie and then listened to it…all three times I was drawn to the courage it takes to step over the line.

    Stepping over the line, isn't done lightly or without great personal risks and consequences, and yet if someone doesn't take a chance, speak out and dare show the wrongness, change doesn't happen.

    Towards the end, the white character muses…"I may not have changed their minds… But at least I no longer agree with them." Speaking about her socialite friends.

    She had broken out of a system that had been put into place long before her birth, one she had grown up in…and dared to explore and see it from all angles.  Willing to see the wrongness of her people…

    It came with a personal cost, she lost friends and love, but gained personal strength and courage.

    I totally understand her dilemma…of stepping over the line, knowing you are stepping out of the life you have…into the unknown.

    Stepping over the line is what has allowed us as a species to evolve…if we all stayed behind the line, no change would occur.

    Once one takes a step, another will follow.

    The lines are drawn often with the mindset or understanding at the time, and progress happens when someone dares to argue with the line.

    I see one very entrenched line that is holding its ground and only a few dare to step over it and walk away…and that is the parental line.

    When you cross this line, your life will change.

    Most parents do not want their lines crossed…especially abusive parents.

    The treatment of the children in these homes is similar to the African Americans…for they are not allowed to have a voice, to speak about how the treatment feels on their end.  They are to serve the family in silence, bowing down to the heads of the households…a second class member…They are lower down on the totem pole, only those up higher can have their say, speak their minds and share how it feels…and enforce it.  Disregarding your vote without an election.

    This is the way of it, the line is not to be crossed…it stays firm until their death.  Their feelings are to be considered at all times…and perhaps even posthumously.

    At no point is a child to go against what the parent feels, thinks and believes, or they will be crossing the line…and stepping out of the family.

    I would love to see a revolution within abusive homes.  Of voiceless, choice-less children walking free.  Marching for the right to stand up. Shedding the cloak of secrecy that keeps their parents reputations clean in the social world…while the child remains in the silent darkness of abuse.  A flipping of the tables…

    Fear is what keeps most from stepping up to the line.

    The fear is as palpital as the ones the maids had. They had lived in fear of the white folks for so long, it never crossed their minds to speak up, even anonymously.

    Some may say, they 'respect' their parents too much to speak out…but respect doesn't keep you silent, fear does.

    Fear of stepping over this invisible line that has been there since you were little.  Fear keeps you on your side of the line…as it always has. 

    In life, there are always lines…and you will define yourself by the ones you abide by and the ones you don't.

    You have to wonder about lines and who they serve and why.

    And depending upon which side of the line you are, that line will represent two drastically different views.

    Look at the line of silence in abuse…see clearly how it divides and makes one a victim.  One of lesser value…and one more powerful.

    Abiding the line, you are agreeing with the imbalance.

    What I too truly love, is that I may not be able to change your mind, but I love that I no longer have to agree with the line.

     

     

     

     

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