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  • My Second Childhood.

    I am reading the chapter titled “Basic Tools” in The Artist Way book by Julia Cameron and love her take on both.

    “Logic brain is and was our survival brain. It works on known principles. Anything unknown is perceived as wrong and possibly dangerous. Logic brain likes things to be neat little soldiers marching a straight line. Logic brain is the bran we usually listen to, especially when we are telling ourselves to be sensible.”

    “Logic brain is our Censor, our second (and third and fourth) thoughts. Faced with an original sentence, phrase, paint squiggle, it says, “What the hell is that? That’s not right!”

    “Artist Brain is our inventor, our child, our very own personal absent-minded professor. Artist Brain says “Hey! That is so neat!” It puts odd things together (boat equals wave and walker). It likes calling a speeding GTO a wild animal: “The black howling wolf pulled into the drive-in…”

    “Artist Brain is our creative, holistic brain. It thinks in patters and shadings. It sees a fall forest and thinks: Wow! Leaf bouquet! Pretty! Gold-gilt-shimmery-earthskin-kings-carpet! Artist brain is associative and freewheeling. It makes new connections, yoking together images to invoke meaning; like the norse myths calling a boat a “wave-horse.” In Star Wars, the name skywalker is a lovely artist-brain flash.”

    “Why all this logic-brain/artist-brain talk? Because the morning pages teach logic brain to stand aside and let artist brain play.”

    At the end of that section on Morning Pages, she writes.

    “Often, the students most resistant to morning pages come to love them the best. In fact, hating the morning pages is a very good sign. Loving them is a good sign, too, if you keep writing even when you suddenly don’t. A neutral attitude is the third position, but its really just a defensive strategy that may mask boredom.”

    “Boredom is just “What’s the use?” in disguise. And “what’s the use?” is fear, and fear means you are secretly in despair. So put your fears on the page. Put anything on the page. Put three pages of it on the page.”

    As for the Artist Date, the second main tool, she writes.

    “The other basic tool of The Artist’s Way may strike you as a nontool, a diversion. You may see clearly how morning pages could work yet find yourself highly dubious about something called an Artist Date. I assure you, artist dates work, too.”

    “Think of this combination of tools in terms of a radio receiver and transmitter. It is a two-step, two directional process out and then in. Doing your morning pages , you are sending – notifying yourself and the universe of your dreams, dissatisfactions, hopes. Doing your artist date, you are receiving, opening yourself to insight, inspiration and guidance.”

    “But what exactly is an artist date? An artist date is a block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness, your inner artist. In its most primary form, the artist date is an excursion, a play date that you preplan and defend against all interlopers. You do not take anyone on this artist date but you and your inner artist a.k.a. your creative child. This means no lovers, friends, spouses, children – no taggers of any stripe.”

    “If you think this sounds stupid or that you will never be able to afford the time, identifying that reaction as resistance. You cannot afford not to find time for artist dates…”

    She writes later on to say. “It is frightening to spend quality time with a child or lover, and our artist can be both to us. A weekly artist date is remarkably threatening and remarkably productive.”

    “A date? With my Artist?”

    “Yes. Your artist needs to be taken out, pampered, and listened to. There are many ways to evade this commitment as there days of your life. “I am too broke” is the favored one, although no one said this date need involve elaborate expenses.”

    “Your artist is a child. Time with a parent matters more than monies spent. A visit to a junk store, a solo trip to the beach, an old movie seen along together, a visit to an aquarium or an art gallery – these cost time, not money. Remember, it is a the time commitment that is sacred.”

    “In looking for a parallel, think of a child of divorce who gets to see a beloved parent only on weekends. (During most of the week, your artist is in the custody of a stern, workaday adult.) What that child wants is attention, not expensive outings. What that child does not want is to share the precious parent with someone like a new significant other.”

    “Spending time in solitude with your artist child is essential to self-nurturing. A long country walk, a solitary expedition to the beach for a sunrise or sunset, a sortie out to a strange church to hear gospel music, to an ethnic neighborhood to taste foreign sights and sounds – your artist might enjoy any of these. Or your artist might like bowling.”

    “Commit yourself to a weekly artist’s date, and then watch your killjoy side try and wiggle out of it. Watch how this sacred time gets easily encroached upon. Watch how this sacred time suddenly includes a third party. Learn to guard against these invasions.”

    “Above all, learn to listen to what your artist child has to say on, and about, these joint expeditions. For example, “Oh, I hate this serious stuff,” your artist may exclaim if you persist in taking it only to grown-up places that are culturally edifying and good for it.”

    “Listen to that! It is telling you your art needs more playful inflow. A little fun can go a long way toward making your work feel more like play. We forget that the imagination-at-play is the heart of all good work. And increasing our capacity for good creative work is what this book is about.”

    “You are likely to find yourself avoiding your artist dates. Recognize this resistance as a fear of intimacy –self-intimacy. Often in troubled relationships, we settle into an avoidance pattern with our significant others. We don’t want to hear what they are thinking because it just might hurt. So we avoid them, knowing that, once they get a chance, our significant others will probably blurt out something we do not want to hear. It is possible they will want an answer we do not have and can’t give them. It is possible we might do the same to them and that then the two of us will stare at each other in astonishment, saying, “But I never knew you felt like that!”

    “It is probable that these self-disclosures, frightening though they are, will lead to the building of a real relationship, one in which the participants are free to be who they are and to become who they wish. This possibility is what makes the risks of self-disclosure and true intimacy profitable. In order to have a real relationship with our creativity, we must take the time and care to cultivate it. Our creativity will use this time to confront us, to confide in us, to bond with us, and to plan.”

    “The morning pages acquaint us with what we think and what we think we need. We identify problem areas and concerns. We complain, enumerate, identify, isolate and fret. This is one step, analogous prayer. In the course of the release engendered by our artist date, step two, we begin to hear solutions. Perhaps equally important, we begin to fund the creative reserves we will draw on in fulfilling our artistry.”

    Julia Cameron

    Tomorrow morning is day one of week one. I am excited to begin this process. While I have been writing each morning for 6 ½ years, I will once again return to pencil and paper to see again the process of Morning Pages. As well as follow her suggestions for each week, and planning Artist Dates.

    I look forward to cultivating or seeking to find new and exciting things I like to do. It has been a very long 6-½ years of healing and unraveling; I am looking forward now to actively grow Art, to intentionally play with my child self, to go hand and hand out in the big world and see what is out there.

    It feels like being two or three, but in a big body, with words and able to drive myself place, to be a child without a mom holding me back, warning me or scaring me of unknown things.

    My second childhood.

  • There is a way out.

    While I was learning how to live with my work changes, it came to me, that we can come to peace with things by not doing anything, but perhaps just thinking differently or by looking at someone who has it worse and then sitting back and feeling better, but not actually correcting anything in our own lives.

    That I could actually numb myself to my own life by focusing on someone less fortunate, bypassing my own feelings by being falsely elevated from their lack or worse off situation.

    While it is true, that there are many more lives in worse shape than mine, mine is the only place I live and feel.

    When I talk myself into being okay in my life without making changes, but rather by picking someone who is suffering more, what I am really doing is giving myself the license to not be responsible for my own happiness.

    On one hand I can feel better that someone is worse off and on the other hand, I can ‘blame’ my work for not being able to do this or that.

    I am in a helpless life…and if I keep focusing on what others are doing, the less I focus on what I can do.

    In life things flow in and out, grow and expand as well as shrink and lessen, it is all fluid and if we stand staunchly unchanging, we are victims of life.

    What happens instead is when life changes and we change, we are moving with the flow of life, bending and allowing answering its call.
    Adjustments are needed, not just witnessing of other folks suffering or being in a rougher situation.

    We literally have to make exchanges.

    If you fail to make the exchange, you then allow life to make it for you.

    What is the saying, “when God closes a door he opens a window”…I am thinking we have to find the window; otherwise we sit in a room feeling like there is no way out.

    Knowing that a window is possible, that it will take some creativity and changes on my end, I focus not on the closed door, but turn towards the window.

    The key is to find the window, to turn and look around, seeking answers instead of sitting down helplessly staring at the closed door.

    The closed door will not open and the answers are not to keep banging on the door with angry fists, you have to instead escape through the window rendering the closed door powerless.

    It seems many of us will not change on our own, we need to have doors banged shut in order for us to look for a new insight, or to escape an old routine, to leave old pathways for new adventures, to get out of old jobs where our learning has stopped.

    Some see the closed doors as punishment from the Universe, yet in my experience it was for my own good that the door remained closed and that I had to change in order to move and grow.

    In my experience there are no rooms without windows…for each time a door does close, there is a way out.

  • Keep the Scales Balanced.

    I have watched the future steal my today, the tomorrows weighing heavy upon this now moment, grabbing this energy for its use, sucking out of my life my life.

    I was going along adjusting and accepting the role of a working girl, doing my five days with a sprinkle of unhappiness, but for the most part well adjusted working girl, getting up and going in, doing my deal, and then they changed the rules.

    The job now will require me to give up one more day every other week, and I keep focusing on what I am giving up…and will have to switch and find the gifts this brings, find the place of good change, not just bad.

    It is forcing me to see the weight of the household needs balanced against the time I have, with a counter balance of playtime.

    If I didn’t want or need or enjoy playtime, I am thinking this schedule of work and then house work would be fine. In fact this is a perfect life for those who love to lose themselves in their work. The old me would have been thrilled by this new routine…the perfect martyr life.

    But a new me lives within me now and she is not thrilled by this latest development and is challenged to now be more vocal and demanding.

    What the old me used to do, was to take in new changes and absorb them alone, not letting them impact those around me, like a shock absorber, allowing their rides to continue on a smooth trip while mine was very bumpy.
    It will be up to me to not absorb more work and less play.

    Instead of taking this on alone, my household will feel jostled as I work more.

    I fight the selfish connotations inside of me as wrestle for playtime while turning my back on ‘responsibilities’ within the house, the usual sparing partners vying for my attention.

    Finding this new balance will take some time. And if I allow others to share this new burden, the burden itself will feel lighter.

    It is best for me to give up being a shock absorber and instead be a passenger in a car of six, all going over the same road.

    We will all have to make some concessions and adjustments with this new change. I guess if you don’t go with the flow you get left working against what is.

    This is our new reality…change requires change in behavior.

    It is up to us to hold on tight to our priorities…play in equal balance to work is where my intentions lie…by setting my intentions, I can focus on fitting in enough play…so if one more work day was added, I can see more play has to be as well.

    Instead of gaining 26 days of work a year, I now will have to add 26 days worth of playtime. The harder I work the harder I will have to play to keep the scales balanced.

  • A More Artful Life.

    Here is an interesting view of creativity from The Artist Way, by Julia Cameron.

    “Spiritual Electricity – The Basic Principles.”

    “For most of us, the idea that the creator encourages creativity is a radical thought. We tend to think, or at least fear, that creative dreams are egotistical, something that God wouldn’t approve of for us. After all, our creative artist is an inner youngster and prone to childish thinking. If our mom or dad expressed doubt or disapproval for our creative dreams, we may project that same attitude onto a parental god. This thinking must be undone.”

    “What we are talking about is an induced – or invited spiritual experience. I refer to this process as spiritual chiropractic. We undertake certain spiritual exercises to achieve alignment with the creative energy of the Universe.”

    “If you think of the Universe as a vast electrical sea in which you are immersed and from which you are formed, opening to your creative changes you from something bobbing in that sea to a more fully functioning, more conscious, more cooperative part of that ecosystem.”

    As a teacher, I often sense the presence of something transcendent – a spiritual electricity, if you will – and I have come to rely on it in transcending my own limitations. I take the phrase inspired teacher to be a quite literal compliment. A higher hand than just my own engages us. Christ said, “Where ever two or more are gathered together, there I am in your midst.” The god of creativity seems to feel the same way.”

    “The heart of creativity is an experience of the mystical union; the heart of the mystical union is an experience of creativity. Those who speak in spiritual terms routinely refer to God as the creator but seldom see creator as the literal term for artist. I am suggesting you take the term creator quite literally. You are seeking to forge a creative alliance, artist-to-artist with the Great Creator. Accepting this concept can greatly expand your creative possibilities.”

    “As you work with the tools in this book, as you undertake the weekly tasks, many changes will be set in motion. Chief among these changes will be the triggering of synchronicity: we change and the Universe furthers and expands that change. I have irreverent shorthand for this that I keep taped to my writing desk: “Leap and the net will appear.”

    “It is my experience both as an artist and as a teacher that when we move out on faith into the act of creation, the universe is able to advance. It is a little like opening the gate at the top of a field irrigation system. Once we remove the blocks the flow moves in.”

    “Again, I do not ask you to believe this. In order for this creative emergence to happen, you don’t have to believe in God. I simply ask you to observe and note this process as it unfolds. In effect, you will be midwiving and witnessing your own creative progression.”

    “Creativity is an experience – to my eye, a spiritual experience. It does not matter which way you think of it: creativity leading to spirituality or spirituality leading to creativity. In fact, I do not make the distinction between the two. In the face of such an experience, the whole question of belief is rendered obsolete. As Carl Jung answered the question of belief late in his life, “I don’t believe; I know.”
    Julia Cameron

    What I love the most is that being creative is being your spiritual self…And being your creative self you are dancing with your spirit and dancing with your spirit, your partner is the Universe.

    Julia at one point suggests that we don’t all have to be artists, but we can have a more artful life.

  • The Ten Rules For Being Human.

    You Will Receive A Body
    You may love it or hate it, but it will be yours for the duration of your life on Earth.

    You Will Be Presented With Lessons
    You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called “life.” Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or hate them, but you have designed them as part of your curriculum.

    There Are No Mistakes; Only Lessons
    Growth is a process of experimentation, a series of trials, errors, and occasional victories. The failed experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that work.

    Lessons Are Repeated Until Learned
    Lessons will repeated to you in various forms until you have learned them. When you have learned them, you can then go on to the next lesson.

    Learning Does Not End.
    There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

    “There” Is Not Better Than “Here.”
    When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will look better to you than your present “here.”

    Others Are Only Mirrors Of You.
    You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

    What You Make Of Your Life Is Up To You.
    You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you.

    All The Answers Lie Inside Of You.
    All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

    You Will Forget All Of This At Birth
    You can remember it if you want by unraveling the double helix of inner knowing.

    Summary

    Your time here on Earth is brief. Time passes and things change. You have options and choices in which to make your wishes, dreams, and goals become reality.

    When you ask yourself, ‘Why am I here?’ or ‘Why is this happening to me?’ or ‘What’s it all about?’ turn to your spiritual primer. Ask yourself, ‘What is the lesson?’ If you hear a defensive reaction using the words ‘never’ or ‘always’ in your response, you haven’t yet learned the lesson. Next, go a little deeper and ask, ‘What is there for me to learn from this experience?’

    Each time you view your circumstances as possessing value, regardless of the apparent confusion or hardship, you grow. Your personal evolution will depend on how readily you embrace your lessons and integrate them into your
    life. Remember, the only consequence for resisting lessons, is that they will
    keep repeating themselves until you learn them. When you have learned a lesson, you will always be tested. When the lesson is learned, the test will be easily passed, and you then move on to more complex and challenging ones.

    You can look back on the incidents in your past and see clearly the lessons you have learned, resisted, and are still repeating. ‘Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift, that is why we call it the present.’

    It is more challenging to look at your present situation and see exactly what your lessons are. Looking into the future is the most difficult. Wishing that you had already graduated from the school of life does not accelerate your progress or make the lessons any easier. Examining the situation for the real lesson is the scavenger hunt.

    Remind yourself that you are here to learn lessons. Be present with your process. Pay attention to what you are experiencing. Be diligent with actions which enable you to ‘get’ the lessons presented to you. Ask for answers and
    you shall receive them. Listen with an open heart. Explore all options. See your judgment as a mirror. View each crisis as an opportunity. Trust yourself.

    Believe in yourself. Look within yourself, to your higher self, for guidance on all your choices. Extend compassion to yourself. Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons (Rule Three). Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible!

    From If Life is a Game, These are the Rules, © 1998 by Cherie Carter-Scott,
    published in the UK in 1999 by Hodder & Stoughton

    Seen this on Facebook today….and love it.

  • The Artist Way.

    December 1, 2004, I began writing Morning Pages, a tool in the book, “The Artist Way,” A Course in Discovering and Recovering your Creative Self, by Julia Cameron.

    Here Julia explains the Morning Pages.

    “There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages. These daily meanderings are not meant to be Art. Or even writing. I stress that point to reassure the nonwriters working with this book. Writing is simply one of the tools. Pages are meant to be, simply, the act of moving the hand across the page and writing whatever comes to mind. Nothing is too petty, too silly, too stupid, or too weird to be included.”

    “The Morning Pages are not supposed to sound smart – although sometimes they might. Most times they won’t and nobody will ever know except you. Nobody is allowed to read your morning pages except you. And you shouldn’t even read them yourself for the first eight weeks or so. Just write three pages, and stick them into an envelope. Or write three pages in a spiral notebook and don’t leaf back through. Just write three pages and three more the next day.”

    “Although occasionally colorful, the morning pages are often negative, frequently fragmented, often self-pitying, repetitive, stilted or babyish, angry or bland – even silly sounding. Good!”

    “All that angry, whiny, petty stuff that you write down stands between you and your creativity. Worrying about the job, the laundry, the funny knock in the car, the weird look in your lover’s eye – this stuff eddies through your consciousness and muddies our days. Get it on the page.”
    Julia Cameron

    Six and a half years later I read my first Morning Pages, and she is absolutely correct, they are rambling, fragmented, petty and all over the board, but I recall enjoying them.

    Sitting down with a notepad, a bunch of well sharpened pencils and writing three pages worth. Let me tell you, you do have to scratch and sift to find three pages worth.

    It is amazing what pours out of you once you begin, “Good Morning Pages….”

    I had a problem calling them pages I kept calling them papers. Nonetheless, I wrote. I wrote mindless chitchat for three days, and then it was discovered that my father was a pedophile on Dec 4th and there shows a break of about a week and a half and then I picked up a pencil and wrote again.

    The Morning Pages became journals and the journals changed into a blog, but the writing continued, the exploration and discovery and recovery deepened…

    This tool literally saved me as I walked into deep waters of life, however, I feel I want to go back and pick up where I left off, doing The Artist Way. Reading the book and doing the Twelve Week Exercises.

    As I begin again, I have invited a bunch of Lady Friends to join me…and I am excited I do have a few takers! Anyone can join…there is room for everyone!

    I am excited to begin again, as I was back then, for I felt I was idling along in life on pause or repeat perhaps and was feeling like I needed to open myself up wider…to grow or stretch, to expand my life to include more artist like things, classes or outings etc…and I feel that again.

    I am once again stepping it up a level or kicking it up a notch, expanding my horizons, using this one life and experiencing more that it has to offer, adding to me some new and different things.

    I will go back to handwriting the three pages each morning. I can’t wait to see what happens. I have missed the sharpened pencils and the exercise of writing without a thought…and even more excited to have Lady Friends who will join me on The Artist Way.

    Smug mug pics 992

  • With a body or without!

    Spiritual Education
    “Fortunate is the seeker who has not been led away from the straight and narrow path by diversions and popularized attractions. People spend lifetimes searching for authentic teachings and become sidetracked by the seduction of attractive, glamorized aberrations from truth. These turn out to be fictional or romanticized fantasies that attract the naïve person’s inner child. Spiritual fairy tales abound and impress the credulous for whom anything labeled ‘spiritual’ is imbued with a magical glamour. To go through that stage is routine during initial, uncritical enthusiasm and exploration.”

    “ The primary problem initially is the lack of awareness of the difference between the truly spiritual reality and the astral, paranormal, or supernatural domains. To the naïve, these latter alternatives seem amazing and impressive. This is due to the discovery that there are surprisingly more areas of human experience that the strictly physical, emotional, and mental ones. Consequently, a ‘right-on’ psychic reading is indeed impressive to an erstwhile, naïve seeker or novitiate. It is also easy to become sidetracked by the seemingly astonishing wonder of a whole new dimension of possible realities.”

    “The majority of popular best-selling, supposedly spiritual books is actually fictional, and their average level of truth is a calibrated level 190, as are slick appearing ‘spiritual’ magazines that glamorize fallacious fantasies of ‘other dimensions’, and so on. The paradox is that the appeal is to the naïve seeker who has not yet mastered this dimension, much less other fanciful ones.”

    “There are, of course, other dimensions and ultimate realities that are well represented by adepts, trance readers, channelers, psychics, clairvoyants, shamans, magicians, ‘masters’, deceased celebrities, erstwhile astrologers, throwers of Rune stones, and more. To add to the glamour, many of these diversions have large collections of faithful followers and enthusiasts who are impressed and thereby influenced, as well as seduced, by the magical notion of the unseen paranormal. Also popular are ‘ancient secret mysteries’, UFO religions, primitive rites, magic symbols, crystals, incantations, energy manipulation, and spirits from other realms.”

    “Classical spiritual traditions and integrous scripture do not refute the supernatural/paranormal, but warn “not to go there”. The same advice is also prescribed by all true spiritual masters and enlightened teachers. By conscious calibration research, all such ‘entities’ on the ‘other side’ can be calibrated, as well as ‘fallen gurus’ from other eras who succumbed to the illusory gain of power over others by spiritual seduction. (See Lewis, 2001; Partridge, 2003)”

    “The so-called ‘astral circus’ was at its most influential in ancient Mesopotamia. The expertise of the adepts, many of who are still the same as they were in that era, have perfected their skills over long periods of earthly time. Like an experienced expert salesman, they intuitively pick up on a vulnerability or a weakness, especially proneness to glamorization. If such entities were indeed what they claim to be, they would have long ago evolved on to the celestial realms.”

    “There is no lack of integrous, reliable spiritual truth accessible by ordinary means. Thus, the seeking of the extraordinary is a trap for the unwary. An ego that is ‘out of body’ is actually just the same as an ego in a body, except that it now has the mystification of being physically elusive. Exploration of other dimensions can be facilitated and learned by induced and altered states of consciousness. The primary temptation is one of child-like curiosity. On the other hand, there are some entities on the ‘other side’ that calibrate over 200 but they do not have any information that is not available by ordinary means (e.g., be kind to your neighbor).”

    “Supranormal qualities arise as an experiential reality when consciousness levels reach the high 500s as a consequence of the rising kundalini spiritual energy field. These phenomena, classically termed siddhis, are the normal expression of consciousness levels that are beyond linear. The student is advised to be aware that they are not personal and to merely witness the phenomena. By so doing, it will be evident that the phenomena are qualities specific to the spiritual energy itself; they are not personal because they are not controllable by the person. The phenomena, on the other hand, can be impressive as one witnesses the seemingly miraculous events unfold effortlessly. The reason they appear to be miraculous is because of their being witnessed by the linear mind with is limited perception of cause and effect. The unfolding of the seeming miraculous is merely ‘normal’ from a higher perspective.”

    “These paranormal spiritual phenomena are described by mystics and saints of various religious denominations and have been reported throughout the ages. By calibration, ‘sainthood’ represents level 570 and above. The siddhis are indeed somewhat wondrous to behold, and the spiritual energy field may, of its own, transmit to other people so that healings take place in accord with karmic propensities. The ‘miraculous’ is thus not volitional or controllable, nor is it the consequence of any person; thus, there is no ‘person’ who performs miracles. It is instead the consequence of the healing power of the Self.”

    “The siddhis arise of their own and bring about the capacity for psychomentry, clairvoyance, clairaudience, distant vision, and other telepathic types of faculties. They are also unpredictable and evanescent. Some come and go over variable periods of time that may last from weeks to months to a number of years. With forewarning, the student who witnesses and experiences these phenomena can easily dismiss the temptation of ownership and its implied specialness. Integrity and humility preclude claiming ownership of the phenomena and thus being trapped by an illusion. The siddhis are discussed at some length in “Transcending the Levels of Consciousness.”

    David Hawkins – Discovery of the Presence of God

    What I found so disheartening, is that the naïve seeker can fall for the same foolery from the ‘other side’ as well as they can from this side.

    Now, I have no experience of ‘fallen gurus’ from the other side, but I have witnessed the fallen gurus on this side, preying upon the weak and confused, making them more weak and confused.
    I love the line from the Buddha, who says, “If you see a guru along the way, kill him.” Meaning follow no one but your own inner knowing, your own emotional feelings, to set your own compass, to question all things, to seek to be curious, to ask the questions, to look above and below, to be like a child and accept nothing without a question of Why!!!!

    Isn’t it chilling that there are fallen gurus on the other side looking for egos in bodies to gain power over??? Again, whether this is the ultimate truth, I can’t say from experience, but somehow it feels correct.

    Any guru worth his salt will let you keep your own truth, be he with a body or without!

  • Highest Good of All.

    The Will
    “The Spiritual Will is not like the ego’s understanding of will as ‘will power’, which means emotional force with clenched teeth of exertion and increased emotionality. The ego-driven will takes energy and is taxing. It could actually be understood as a form of aggression. In contrast, invoking the Spiritual Will is like opening floodgates and then standing back. The ego/will contextualizes events in terms of cause and effect in which the personal self-will claims credit or blame because it sees itself as a causal agent. In contrast, the Spiritual Will is not personal but is a quality of consciousness that changes context by surrender to an invitation to the power of the Self. The Spiritual Will calibrates at 850, and the personal will calibrates at only the person’s current level of consciousness.”

    “The Spiritual Will, invited by complete surrender is thus capable of performing the seeming ‘miraculous’, whereas the personal will, paradoxically, often automatically triggers resistances, as anyone knows who has tried personal ‘will power’ to overcome even minor habits.”

    “Surrender of the personal will to the Will (Wisdom of God (or Providence, Higher Power) signifies relinquishment of control. One can expect the ego to resist doing so, and it invents excuses, counterarguments, and multiple fears in order to maintain illusory control. The ego’s positions are reinforced by pride as well as desire for specific results. Thus, to the ego, to step back and invite the intervention of Divinity seems like a loss whereas, to the Spirit, it is definitely a win.”

    “Another limitation to the personal will is that it has no knowledge of karmic propensities or propitious timing, nor does it have the wisdom (omnipotence) to comprehend beneficial sequence. The Self orchestrates with an inner knowingness of capacity. For instance, to try to face a certain conflict prematurely may be unsuccessful, whereas, it would have been more successful after a few layers of the conflict had been resolved.”

    David Hawkins – Discovery of the Presence of God

    Playing God in someone else life is very tricky, especially if you don’t have all the plans and the karmic understanding and the souls purpose.

    What I found, after I exhausted myself, is that there was no way my self was able to change people, convince them against their will. But the will I was trying to bend, was perhaps God’s Will.

    I can’t know why they do what they do or go where they go, but it seems that they are preprogrammed, predestined to head in that direction and have an unshakeable resolve and focus on going there.

    Just as within me something would not allow me to be with my old family, nor stay asleep in the old dysfunction, I was being led forward from the inside out.

    A me inside woke up to a new direction, a new awareness, a new pathway, and I simply could not go against it.

    This experience within me, reminds me when it seems like I am tangling with a bull, that their journey isn’t open to what I am saying.

    It isn’t me, it truly isn’t time for them to know more, be different etc, in fact it is the right time for them to do exactly as they did.

    I am also reminded that I needed folks to be the perfect examples of my old mindset in order for me to see the dark blindness I had been. They stood waving flags of dysfunction to show me that wasn’t the way.

    So, if you know and believe and trust that within you is the blueprint and the plan, that your course is set and all you have to do is follow it by how you feel, you literally can’t do anything wrong.

    My life unfolded according to plan, and there isn’t one thing that happened before its time, nor one thing that could be removed, it is all perfect.

    The folks I met that seemed indifferent, should have been, that was the job they signed up to play in my life, they they did so perfectly.

    I can take each person I met and see a reason and a lesson I learned from them, how they showed me how to be a more self aware me, how to bring all my love, peace and joy and feel it inside, be a complete package of one.

    Perhaps what we call chaos and evil, are just people with roles to play in order for us to become aware of the Self inside of us, the one that dances to the cosmic plan of the Universe.

    By seeing who they are and how they believe, how their minds work and how disconnected they seems from Spirit, allows me to find my way. I hold no grudges or resentments; I have faith in the Universal plan, that it is all choreographed for the highest good of all.

  • Her Shore.

    com·pas·sion (k m-p sh n)
    n.
    Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.

    I didn’t realize that the depth of compassion equals the height of awareness, yet this confirms the way my mother responded to my abuse.

    Who knew that in order to be compassionate, you have to have a higher level of awareness and that you have to be able to see and hear and understand what happened?

    Without this awareness you simply can’t respond in kind…instead you appear indifferent, for you can’t reach the level needed for the scope of pain present.

    And it definitely feels you are uncaring and unkind and unresponsive to our pain, that it simply doesn’t matter enough…all we feel is your lack of awareness.

    I sat in my mother’s home and felt the drastic space between what I was aware of and where she was, the bleeding wound I was drowning in and how she seemed to be resting on the shore…how was it possible to witness my pain in such an unmoving way?

    Her awareness didn’t allow her to wade into the waters and she didn’t hear me from the shore, the distance was too great.

    It is my belief, that if you haven’t gone deep enough into your own pain, if you haven’t gotten your toes wet, it is really hard to have compassion. Or perhaps your level of compassion equals the level of your awareness.

    All I wanted from my mother was her eye to see me drowning, her ear to hear my cries or a hand reaching toward me, and in her unawareness…all she seen was a peaceful water scene, gentle waves and children frolicking in life, filled with love and peace…When in reality the seas were angry, the waves fearful and menacing, we struggled to keep our breath.

    As we looked upon her, she showed no signs of our distress nor made a move to rescue us.

    We were left to fight the ocean of abuse alone…the sea monsters, the brutal crushing waves, the bottomless sea…not able to make it to her shore.

  • Life with no words?

    I listened to Deepak Chopra talk to John Francis who wrote a book called “The Ragged Edge of Silence”. He didn’t speak for 17 years. Yes, 17 years, but he did journal and he also gave up riding in gas vehicles. But what he said about silence is that when you are silent it is impossible to lie or argue.

    Isn’t that interesting?

    He also said that once he stopped talking he felt his authentic self arise and his ‘social’ self disappear.

    Imagine your day or week minus all the chatter?

    How much of your self is only known through what you say and not what you do, how you act or where you go.

    Would you be afraid to live in silence?

    I wondered if he talked to himself at all?

    Perhaps I will have to read this book and see what other insights come when you are silent with all people.

    And you know, I wonder how many people would be comfortable with you being silent, for many are uncomfortable in silences, awkward pauses would be frequent!

    It is interesting to know how you use language is it to share your insights, to reprimand, to command, to demand, to cheer, to delight, to ignite…imagine a life with no words?

April 2026
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I M Perfect, and it is impossible not to be.


Twenty Twenty-Five

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