I often wondered if my clarity was clear enough, if my love was loving enough, if my wisdom was wise enough, if I had healed enough to be in a relationship where I didn’t contaminate the other with my old dysfunctional love.
And in the past few days, I have been given the opportunity to see and feel the affects of who I am and where I was and how much I have changed.
The greatest gift I have to offer my daughter who was abused by this man, is to see her bathed in a sea of Innocence so bright it hurts your eyes.
We had a visit her and I last night, and she tried very hard to get me to see her in a new light, a dimmer light, a dark, guilty blaming shaming light, I simply could not go there.
I tried. I listened and I followed the trail she walked, I looked around and there was no shame, blame or guilt that I could see.
We even tried role reversal where I could be her and she could be me, and still nothing changed within me, instead she even appeared more innocent.
She asked if I would speak to “the Man” and I said I wasn’t really interested, I only cared to speak to her.
She wanted me to see how she carried half of the weight of this encounter, I just couldn’t reach that same percentage, damn, she always came up short.
I tried.
I tried to see her as clear as possible and I tried to see her through her own eyes, and still I came up short.
The scales were simply unbalanced.
He was married, she was not.
He had children, she did not.
He has experience with relationships with the opposite sex, she did not.
He was her boss and her elder, she was not.
So we then tried to see if they matched equally in what they each brought to this new friendship.
She brought a past reputation of killing one chicken when she was near 5 years old when she accidentally dropped a water container on a little chick and he died. And she had written a letter of apology to her father stating her truth and how sorry she was.
She also had stolen a cookie and ate it. A cookie that was for a bake sale, she took and didn’t pay for it. This had her crying uncontrollably on the top bunk she still sleeps on. Those were the two blackest marks on her reputation that we could find.
She said she wasn’t perfect, that she has other things she has done. I said great, give me what you have so we can balance this scale.
I asked if she had a husband I didn’t know about.
Nope, none.
I asked if she had a few kids off to the side somewhere, and nope that wasn’t true.
I asked if she had experience with men that I was unaware of, and nope she had none.
We searched her and I for things to put on the scale to make it more even, so she could carry equal weight, for this to not be so lopsided, and nothing could we drag up besides one dead chick and a stolen cookie.
It just seemed incredible that one young lady of 20 years old had so little to add.
I told her I would give her a few points for each.
And now lets look at what He brought.
She said we didn’t need to do that.
We didn’t.
What is so strikingly stunning is in this case, there literally is a girl with the past of one accidentally killed chick and one ‘stolen’ cookie standing up against a man who cheated on his wife, who single handedly change her from a chicken killing thief to being seen by our little community into a soiled dove.
A dove whose wings were clipped before she even had a chance to use them.
Her Lilly white reputation is laying on the ground in a dirty mess; she simply did not have the experience to match this man.
Nothing in her past prepared her for this.
She unwittingly followed where he led.
It is an unknown as to what would have happened if the wife didn’t find the text he sent to my daughter, asking her if she could talk.
How far would he have gone?
How far would she have followed?
I am so grateful it was stopped when it was.
That now, added to the list of chicken killing cookie thief, we have a girl who listened to a married man.
She listened with compassion, with kindness, with trust, while going against what her inside told her.
And when it was discovered that they were caught, she literally faced the wife, face-to-face, eye-to-eye, woman-to-girl, and said how sorry she was, how she felt, and owned up to her part.
What more could a mother ask for?
She faced in truth and felt the weight of her actions and admitted her part, fully owing that and more.
Being so forthright, so bold to stand in the truth makes her a very poor ‘other woman’.
In her innocence, she felt that by meeting them with openness and admitting her part, that perhaps, they would give her the same courtesy, it was denied.
She didn’t get back once again, what she gave to them.
Instead the wife threw the first ball to smear her reputation, the first glob of mud landed within the hour of my daughter leaving her home.
Ugly accusations were posted on her facebook wall.
No matter how kind, how loving, how remorseful, how sorry, how caring, how trusting she is, they fail to see it, and instead of just the husband soiling her, now the wife has joined his team.
My little girl wanted me to speak to him…oh honey, I have nothing to say to him.
Silence is the only kindness I can offer.
My ears are for her.
My eyes for her.
My hand for her.
All I have to give is for her.
There is no part of me that is interested in what he has to say, what he wants to show me…nothing.
I will stand with innocence.
I will walk with my daughter, head held high while they lob dirt upon us, while they label us, and shout unkind things behind our backs, I will continue to walk forward.
I have no time to give for the reasons they are doing these unkind things, it matters not.
The only thing that matters in all of this is her.
Oh, the easy job I have, to be with her innocence.
How wonderful it is to sit with her and share this spot.
It matters not rats ass, what ‘others’ say about her, no one can change my mind, weaken my stance, shake my firm ground, I know who my daughter is.
She is a chicken killing, cookie stealing girl who listened and followed a married man as he walked her down the trail away from her innocent self.
She has two choices to pick from, a life with him or one without.
We can’t make the choices for her, all we can do is sit back and let her decide, which home, his or ours makes her feel her brightest.
Which man in her life, her father or this man make her feel special and loved?
Which woman, his wife or I, honor her truth?
The choice seems simple on my side, but I understand how you can get flipped upside down and backwards in abuse.
So, I am here to be her clarity as my wise brother suggested I do.
I will listen as she struggles in finding her balance again.
She knows what she lost inside, she knows she has work to do to get it back, and she has the perfect environment to do this.
I no longer question my clarity, my wisdom or my love.
I am way beyond okay!
I M Perfect lady 