I am trying to lay on paper the picture I present to the world; how I am learning about a life I lived unknowingly to me, mourning that life, while living this life today.
The combination is insane at times.
Finding parts of myself that were missing, living them, and then releasing them and mourning their loss, at the same time I am living in the present building a life and feeling this life, a combination of present and past, mourning and living, dying and being born.
My broken past revealing itself and its corrections laid back into the foundation, rebuilding me and who I am.
Like building a new foundation on a fully built house, taking out one brick at a time, without moving the whole structure, yet the whole structure eventually changes.
Being a caterpillar while making a butterfly without a cocoon.
Living naked in the midst of change.
Each broken brick creates a past I tentatively embrace, knowing it changes who I am and how I live today.
Like picking up pieces of a puzzle wondering what the final picture will reveal.
Perhaps the whole change is who I am, that I am the combination of a life of denial, a life of destructing that and rebuilding.
I am the pot, the crack, the broken pot, and the glued backed together one.
A cracked lady that is imperfectly me.
I M Perfect lady 