Tag: Holiday

• I need nothing from Christmas.

  What I haven't realized until it was gone, are the feelings of heaviness and weight of the added stress of holidays…What I had thought was extra work, was actually being slammed by feelings.

  Feelings come alive and merge and meld in multitude of ways during this 'Family' time.

  If you have reconciled all your feelings, trimming the tree is just trimming the tree….there is no hidded wound it has to fill, no making you feel 'overbright'.

  When I hadn't come to terms with all my feelings or felt truthfully all that I had felt, It seemed like I was being scrambled by the holidays, that they were forcing me to do things I didn't want to do or were exposing things I didn't want exposed.  And during this family time, well, we had just damn well better be a family!

  It was trying to bend into the Spirit of the Holiday with feelings that didnt' match.  

   

  I have come to terms with the new me…and feel okay, settled and the Holidays are not asking anything of me…or putting me in a position that brings up feelings that I don't like.  And I have no false expectations of Christmas making a family that isn't already there.

  I am not sure I can put to words the absence of my feelings being pulled and prodded; where hidden in each 'tradition' lay a sword that could split me in two.

  I had three Christmas filled days and nothing bite me.  Nothing felt bad or overburdened and sad, no Blue Christmas….tones floated in.

  I am not sure I have ever had a Christmas minus awkward feelings of something.

  The childhood expectations always were left wanting…when I was young, and I thought I was seeking a better gift, when what I actually sought was to live in a space free of expectations…perhaps expectations that were impossible to deliver.

  Christmas had to deliver to me what the rest of the year failed to do.

  Without expectations, there is zero stress.

  My gifts are just gifts, they expect nothing in return.

  The tree isn't there to bring me happy feelings…with happy feelings I trimmed the tree.

  The difference is like breathing or not breathing.

  Bring a happy person to Christmas is what I could not do before…Christmas was to make me happy, while I struggle and stressed to make it just right, so I could be happy.

  Imagine.

  Now I don't need Christmas to deliver to me that which is impossible to deliver, I need nothing from Christmas.

   

   

  December 12, 2011

  Christmas, dysfunction, expectations, family, feelings, Holiday

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• Christmas Joys

  My Christmas’s of old had a huge agenda to fulfill, they had to bring magic and make belief, and they had to make me feel better. It was like waiting for the elixir or medicine bringing love, peace and joy.

  Waiting for a gift that would change my life or a gift from the least likely person, great changes hung in the air.

  The season of Christmas had the power to make right a life that was way off kilter.

  Or the feverish hope that if I could create the perfect Christmas season, life would fall into place.

  Christmas had a sleigh load of expectations, loaded up by me.

  Yesterday, I felt the absence of this manic desire, it seemed that Christmas had lost its fever.

  It was like my life no longer needed this magic, that Christmas or no Christmas I was way okay.

  I am not in the need of gifts that shout, “I love You,” or trees that must hold the joy of the season, or that the stockings are hung, pleading for attention.

  There doesn’t seem to be anything missing in my life that Christmas can fulfill.

  The Christmas tree stands alone in its glory, smelling delicious with ornaments from years long ago, a bright presence of joy, matching joys I have inside.

  Whether I bake Christmas goodies or not, my home will maintain its steady calm atmosphere, relaxed and homey.

  It was shocking and delightful to know that there wasn’t anything we needed to make this season bright.

  The brightness of the season lives here all year long.

  The contrast between the two Christmases is unreal.

  To add Christmas to life that was so upside down is like adding a bow to confusion and expecting it to unravel like magic.

  What a wonderful feeling to have a Christmas without an agenda, to just be with the Christmas joys…

  December 20, 2010

  agendas, Christmas, expectations, Holiday, joy, love, peace, season, stress

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• My Lady’s Holiday…

  My friend and I spent the past few days on the shores of Lake Superior at a little beach house my In-Laws own. 

   

  Transported away from being a responsible mom and wife, allowing us to just be ourselves with ourselves and with a wonderful friend.

   

  We did yoga on the deck in the sunrise and I then took my chilly bath in the lake, followed by a healthy breakfast of yogurt and fresh berries.

   

  We then sat our chairs facing the water, soaking up rays and sharing our selves with each other, the books we read, the things we know, and the things we don’t know….

   

  From floating on inner tubes to paddling kayaks, our day and evenings slipped by.  By sharing and talking we come away more alike and less alone.

   

  It came to me that I would like to do this with all my Lady friends, all the wonderful woman that I am in contact with, old friends, new friends, young friends and old friends, a Lady’s get together, bringing together many Ladies in one place, all getting to know themselves and each other in a place filled with natures gifts.

   

  While talking to my friend we decided this should be an annual event.

   

  We talked and dreamed and schemed and planted the seeds for a “My Lady’s Holiday”.

   

  A weekend event that all you need to bring is your wonderful spirited lady within, to come and share, to come and meet, to come and play and be.

   

  My Lady’s Holiday has reconnected me to me, and has given me a gift of a deeper friendship.

   

  Take your Lady on a Holiday; take her for paddle on the Lake, a refreshing swim, lay on an inner tube, share an afternoon with a friend, do yoga stretching her body, open her up to the wonderful opportunities of a great friendship.

   

  Expand her horizons, learn new things, meet new people, learn new things about old people, sit and enjoy a lazy afternoon, bring your Lady on a Holiday from being so responsible in life, give her time to play with a friend.

   

  I look forward to many more “My Lady’s Holiday”.

   

   

    

  My buddy….

   

  The wonderful dinner she made…

   

  and me by our Artful Fire Pit…

  Life is good!
   
   
   

  August 5, 2010

  Beach House, deeper, friendship, gathering, Holiday, Inner, lady, Lake Superior, nature, retreats, sharing, small, woman

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