As I look at my self in my life today, I am so much freer than I would have ever dreamed possible.
While I live in the same house, married to the same man, and still have four children with me, I am no longer chained by their behavior…well okay, I still get stuck for a half hour or so, but I can usually set myself free.
Dr. Berman spoke of the triangle affect, where relationships get stuck when couples move from one corner to the next exchanging roles and manipulating feelings.
I lived on that triangle for years and years, and I was the master at being a hero and dabbled in the victim villain roles pretty often as well.
On the triangle you are never in control of your feelings, somebody owns yours and you own anothers, we forever go around making other people feel and feeling how other people make us…never free to feel by yourself.
If your not moving feelings around, there is the spot of hero, where you literally take over the responsibility of another’s life, where you come in and save the day, allowing them to miss a lesson to grow and learn by experience.
This triangle is dysfunction and it leaves you separated from your feelings, where you are forever at the mercy of another.
My past six years have been unlearning the triangle reflexes of blaming the other, and instead look inside to see where I gave up power.
Looking for the power leak, where I lost control of my own power.
Any time I say, “you disappoint me” or “ you make me feel sad” I am back on the triangle as a victim.
Instead if I say, “I am sad or I am hurt” I am in control of my feelings and I get to explore why.
What actions did I do to wind up feeling this way?
What can I do now to make me feel better?
It leaves the other person out of my feelings; it frees them up to be in charge of their own.
The co-dependency triangle leaves you so tangled up and out of control, where you never can be assured that your peace, love and joy will stick around, that soon something or somebody will come along and steal it away.
What I love love love, is that you are the only one who can give that away. It isn’t stolen, you literally hand it over in a victim like drama way with great words and feelings.
When I learned that my love, my joy and my peace were mine and I had right and obligation to protect them, life was much easier, I walked away from the triangle.
Standing authentic with your feelings isn’t always easy, but always empowering.
I no longer disappoint my feelings or cover them up or speak down to them or pretend them to be different than what they are.
I stand up with them no matter what.
My feelings empower me.
The Spirit of me is alive in feelings.
I am as I feel or I feel as I am.
I blame no one for how I feel.
I feel solo.
I M Perfect lady 