When one person in a relationship changes, the relationship changes, for you are asked to adjust yourself. We are like two moving puzzle pieces that keep losing their shapes and we have to move and work to fit back together.
I have felt the nerve of my security and found that it is based on sameness.
It likes looking at the sameness; it likes to see itself in others and is fearful around different views and actions…it gets nervous.
My security nerve feels more secure when the other person acts, thinks and moves like me, it wants a mirror image, it feel secure there.
When a person moves in a different direction, I feel they are hearing differently than I, perhaps tuned into a different radio station, and dancing to a completely different song.
My history on group movement, and being so alike, has made my security nerve accustomed to a bunch of people moving like a flock of birds, and it feels uneasy with independent movement.
This is good to know, that it isn’t that the actions so much that is off, but how I perceive it.
When you are raised to fit into a group and live nestled in that group, it is really odd to separate and live as a single.
A single amongst the many…
An individual doesn’t make you alone; it makes you a single in the bunch of many, a unique expression of humanity.
My security nerve is okay with me being unique, however, it does seem to register changes within others as well.
If the changes are empowering and heading towards whole being, I am okay…and actually feel a lift as I cheer them on…but if the changes are someone losing their power, I feel the drain as well.
My security nerve has to fully separate and become its own, and stop being so co-dependent upon another’s power source.
My wiring seems to get twisted up, it surges or fails when my boundary between self and other get blurred.
Where my sense of self leaves my body and is attached inside of another, in one point two seconds, I am clinging to their feelings to find mine.
When my power of security relies on another, I fail for I am plugged into them and their actions for my peace of mind, and this is insanity.
This is how I know that a part of me is still co-dependent, for I feel unsettled by your actions, I feel my power surging or failing; I feel the pull and ebb as you move.
It is incredible and yet frightening to feel the tail of the dog, and not being the dog.
When I am the tail I have no power, I go where you go and either wag or droop…but can’t steer.
Life is completely different when you are the dog and not the tail…
I M Perfect lady 