Tag: working

• Towing others around.

  Last night I dreamt I was peddling a bike that was pulling a big trailer. On the trailer was my husband a lot of junk. Behind me sharing a seat was an unidentified stranger whose feet kept getting in the way of me peddling, impeding our progress.

  It was sooo frustrating and exacerbating and we stopped and started and started and stopped. The hardest part was getting going again, and I hated stopping.

  I kept my head down watching my peddling feet always alert for those big work boots stopping the pedals.

  It was like that man was unaware of his feet, and I was forever letting him know.

  I am in shock and awe, that I didn’t get off the bike and let the two of them be!

  In another dream a few nights before that I was trying to get my son off the floor, and he was immoveable. The harder I tried the more dead weight he became. And I kept finding him in different places and would try and move him.

  Instead of a rock picker I was forever trying to pick him up and the frustration I felt when I tried to get him to help me, and he cared less! Again, why didn’t I just let him lay?

  The struggles showing up in my dreams seem to carry the energy of me in other’s lives, dragging them around with their un-involvement allowing them to ride my coattails or me totally carrying them.

  It shows me hauling them around, while they sit in a relaxed pose watching the world go by.

  Honest, it was like the two of them were looking for interesting places to stop, and I hated stopping, while I was struggling to keep moving.

  I wonder what this metaphor is all about?

  Am I the big boots getting in the flow?

  Am I dragging others when they could move themselves?

  Am I allowing others to get in my way of doing my life?

  The overview and the feelings of how others can drag you down if you believe you should be dragging them is unreal.

  What an energy zapper!

  And more importantly, how can you live a life of a free spirit while towing others around!

  January 9, 2011

  co-dependency, consciousness, doing, dreams, heavy, life, lifting, lifting others, self, The, working, your

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• Until You Move.

  It is my day off, and immediately two bookkeepers began fighting for my time, each with a set of rules and regulations for what should/could and would be done on my day off.

  There are plenty of choices within each room of my house, and other ideas floated by as potentials to use up my time, and each idea was met with an opposing vote.

  It stuck me to my chair in indecision and time slipped by.

  What to do and what is worthy fought back and forth, paying no mind to my feelings or desires.

  Until I began writing this out, it never occurred to me to fire the bookkeepers, to keep my day off out of their hands and out of their books.

  It matters not in the big scheme of life whether I enjoy the sunshine with a walk or see it from my lazyboy, if I quilt or nap, do yoga or read, wash clothes, bake and do dishes, none of the above will define who I am inside, they are all doings of a human kind.

  If I take away value from each task, each task remains equal to the other, and become its own separated joy, and it can’t steal from another column in a bookkeepers journal.

  Somehow in my mind if I spent an hour cleaning I was stealing from the passion journal, if I slept, I then stole from the physical side, there was always a plus and a minus to all actions.

  I never liked numbers so I am getting rid of the value system, tossing out the worthy and the unworthy, and instead will live with just doings.

  All doings are equal.

  It seems the bookkeepers main tasks were to steal my day, steal my peace, and steal my joy, by putting up an opposing side, no matter what I couldn’t win.

  The bookkeeper was a guilt keeper, a day wrecker, and a nap spoiler lurking near each task with negative remarks.

  Without the bookkeepers narrative on how my day is going I will be free to enjoy whatever it is I am doing.

  The minus and plus columns will remain empty and in their place is a doings column, simply filled with what I do.

  I don’t know what I will be doing, what my energy level will be, what inspirations will come as I move through the day, what desires will arise, but what I know for sure no one is keeping score.

  In fact the more I write about this, the more I feel that I will disband the whole accounting system that used to lie within me, where values interrupted living life in the manner to which it appeared.

  Without values you are then free to do anything and life is much freer, you live from the spot of a pinhead in the moment of now.

  Now I am blogging, who knows what I will do after that, the present is always a surprise, unopened, unplanned, unknown, until you move.

  October 18, 2010

  bookkeepers, days, journals, life, off, passions, present, tasks, unknown, unworthy, working, worthy

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• Puzzle Called Me.

  “The tragedy of life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss.” 

  ~Thomas Carlyle

   

  Putting together our lives is like a puzzle without a picture, we find what goes together and what doesn’t.

   

  Some parts fit easily and others will take practice and consorted effort to work them into place.

   

  271 days have passed since the first of the year, and it was my intention and desire to work with my body each day in yoga to bend it back into shape.

   

  265 days I made it to the mat and struggled against flab, weak muscles, ouchy joints, frozen stiff muscles not to mention a lazy attitude that would rather, snuggle.

   

  Had I not started this journey I would have missed the feelings of muscles, strong flexible muscles and a feeling of wonder taking care of self.

   

  It has rubbed off in other areas, I am more mindful of what I eat and even how much or if I am hungry.

   

  I am so grateful that I have worked to eliminate the suffering my body was heading into and I will not miss knowing what it is like to have a strong body.

  My strong body seems to help with keeping my mind strong as well, that when you get strong in one area, the others tag along.

   

  Each day I am so proud of myself when I take the time and effort, the pain and suffering on the mat, as yoga changes the shape of me, the feel of me, and the overall puzzle called me.

   

   

   

  September 29, 2010

  changes, keeping, life, patterns, puzzle, shape, word, working, Yoga

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